What can I do?

[Fansy the Famous Bard]

I've got 4 children of my own ranging from high school to grade 2nd grade. I'm not wealthy.... but make enough money that i can provide for the family... when things are tight we are paycheck to paycheck. The wife is from a Southern state and grew up in poverty, now lives up here in the KC metro (We've been married for just short of 18 years).

Now the problem: Her brother is worthless. He's been a drug addict living off of others for the majority of his life. We even brought him up here at one point to try and clean him up. Eventually asking him to leave again cause he was abusing pain killers in our household. He went back to Alabama... he's been in and out of jail and rehabs... the kicker is he has 6 children... He's in Jail currently for robbery.. His ex-wife who has "custody" of the kids doesn't even really have the kids. They've been passed back and forth with my wife's family (aunts and uncles) for most of the last 2-3 years. They're currently staying with my Brother-in-Law's girlfriend because the Mother of the children is on the run from the state regarding the oldest being in Juvy and them wanting her to come get the kid and she's strung out on meth. They want her to take a drug test first, etc... anyway she's on the run, strung out, doesn't have her own kids... Can't care for them... The lady that IS caring for them currently can't, she has 4 kids of her own and is in poverty.

My wife just asked me if we could take the 3 youngest children into our house. Ranging from 5 years old to i believe 12. There's also a 14 year old that the lady caring for them wants to keep cause she'll get state benefits for him. These kids have not had a good life. I told my wife that I don't want to leave the oldest down there, we'll just take them all.

How I'm going to do it, I have no clue... Don't know what to do legally or how to go about any of this.. Just know that these children deserve a chance - And I feel a responsibility to help. Any advice? Has anyone had to deal with similar?

[Fansy the Famous Bard]

Got an update for you guys. We've met with lawyers here in Kansas, and a social worker. In the end, it's all Alabama jurisdiction and up to Alabama law what happens to the children. We've been referred to a lawyer down there and are going down to meet the lawyer Monday morning, and then filing the paperwork for an emergency injunction to obtain possession of the kids.. They said it'll take up to a week, and my work is being amazing with accommodating my schedule to make it happen.

Our Kansas City family is about to swell a few in the next week. Thanks you all for the well wishes, prayers, and offers of support. When it comes down to it, ya'll are a great community to be a part of!

I may even post a pic or three for ya'll.

[Pitt Gorilla]

Originally Posted by Zeke

Got an update for you guys. We've met with lawyers here in Kansas, and a social worker. In the end, it's all Alabama jurisdiction and up to Alabama law what happens to the children. We've been referred to a lawyer down there and are going down to meet the lawyer Monday morning, and then filing the paperwork for an emergency injunction to obtain possession of the kids.. They said it'll take up to a week, and my work is being amazing with accommodating my schedule to make it happen.

Our Kansas City family is about to swell a few in the next week. Thanks you all for the well wishes, prayers, and offers of support. When it comes down to it, ya'll are a great community to be a part of!

I may even post a pic or three for ya'll.

Awesome news. Look forward to seeing the happy family.

[Hydrae]

Excellent news and very pleased to hear that you job is working with your schedule to help out. That is not always the case.

Looking forward to pics of the newly enlarged family!

[Demonpenz]

It makes me grateful that I always took care of business when it comes to birth control.

[ROYC75]

Originally Posted by Zeke

I've got 4 children of my own ranging from high school to grade 2nd grade. I'm not wealthy.... but make enough money that i can provide for the family... when things are tight we are paycheck to paycheck. The wife is from a Southern state and grew up in poverty, now lives up here in the KC metro (We've been married for just short of 18 years).

Now the problem: Her brother is worthless. He's been a drug addict living off of others for the majority of his life. We even brought him up here at one point to try and clean him up. Eventually asking him to leave again cause he was abusing pain killers in our household. He went back to Alabama... he's been in and out of jail and rehabs... the kicker is he has 6 children... He's in Jail currently for robbery.. His ex-wife who has "custody" of the kids doesn't even really have the kids. They've been passed back and forth with my wife's family (aunts and uncles) for most of the last 2-3 years. They're currently staying with my Brother-in-Law's girlfriend because the Mother of the children is on the run from the state regarding the oldest being in Juvy and them wanting her to come get the kid and she's strung out on meth. They want her to take a drug test first, etc... anyway she's on the run, strung out, doesn't have her own kids... Can't care for them... The lady that IS caring for them currently can't, she has 4 kids of her own and is in poverty.

My wife just asked me if we could take the 3 youngest children into our house. Ranging from 5 years old to i believe 12. There's also a 14 year old that the lady caring for them wants to keep cause she'll get state benefits for him. These kids have not had a good life. I told my wife that I don't want to leave the oldest down there, we'll just take them all.

How I'm going to do it, I have no clue... Don't know what to do legally or how to go about any of this.. Just know that these children deserve a chance - And I feel a responsibility to help. Any advice? Has anyone had to deal with similar?

Yes, a stand up American! This is the America I use to know and loved for years, people stepping in and helping when there is a need, regardless of the circumstances.

Props to you Zeke! Sorry I got to the party late, but doing the right thing in life concerning children is always rewarding if your heart is in the right place.
Your actions and concerns have proven this, I hope these children will be thrilled and understanding to the sacrifices the 2 of you are making.

Props !

[eDave]

I admire you.

[rocknrolla]

Originally Posted by Zeke

Haha, nah... like i said... we're good there. I have a nice house in OP, my kids might not be happy with the sleeping arrangements but that's the least of the concerns here.

The other issue, that I left out... is that if the junkie mom gets caught up to by the State, these kids are going to end up in the system immediately. So we're kind of on a time crunch.

When the the mom does get caught, doesn't the state state look for someone stable in the family first? I would think you would be compensated for fostering them.

[Buehler445]

Good news. Best of luck bud.

[Buzz]

You have a big heart, we have taken in teenagers that where kicked out by parents. Some call it tuff love, I call it bullshit.

[TimBone]

Originally Posted by Zeke

Got an update for you guys. We've met with lawyers here in Kansas, and a social worker. In the end, it's all Alabama jurisdiction and up to Alabama law what happens to the children. We've been referred to a lawyer down there and are going down to meet the lawyer Monday morning, and then filing the paperwork for an emergency injunction to obtain possession of the kids.. They said it'll take up to a week, and my work is being amazing with accommodating my schedule to make it happen.

Our Kansas City family is about to swell a few in the next week. Thanks you all for the well wishes, prayers, and offers of support. When it comes down to it, ya'll are a great community to be a part of!

I may even post a pic or three for ya'll.

Nice work, man.

[Fansy the Famous Bard]

Back from Bama. Just have to say, my job\work is amazing. They have been unbelievably flexible and understanding in allowing me to take off the past week and half on short notice.

Unfortunately, we came back empty handed. After spending a crap ton of money, time and effort we were unable to return with any of the children. The States work with an interstate organization to essentially transfer custodial ownership between the social sevice organizations within each State. We are told this process takes anywhere from 90 days to 12 months. This is to protect the children, even if it is occurring to blood kin. We have to go through an entire process of "vetting" to ensure we are who we say we are, our home is suitable, etc. Completely understanding and the right thing to do, but it doesn't ease the suffering of the children by drawing it out so long. This is going to be difficult.

We got a lawyer, worked with the courts (had two separate emergency hearings last week and this week), got the children their own lawyer, worked with social services, sat through numerous testimonials, and filled out paperwork till we were blue in the fingers... Was NOT a fun process, but in the end the ball has started rolling. The State of Alabama has claimed legal custody of the Four children we filed for - and they are filing for the remaining three from the mother as well.

Quick funny story while we were there - The step-father (current husband of the mother) went to the Juvenile center to fill out paperwork on the eldest (not of wife's kin). While he was there, the officers asked him to perform a drug test (because of everything going on) that was ordered by the court. He bolted out of court and ran through the security gate and got away. Needless to say, that helped our case.

The worst part of the whole week was listening to the testimonials of the children, family and acquaintances that we brought in to meet with lawyers and Social services. The one that sticks out to me the worst was a mutual friend going to check on the welfare of the children at the mother's trailer. No one was answering the door, but she could hear a baby crying within. She entered the residence, and was horrified. There was a man passed out on the front couch, no idea who he was... He wouldn't wake. There was drug paraphernalia laying all over... Broken beer bottles, cigarette butts, trash and filth. She went back to the back bedroom where the baby was crying and was overwhelmed by the smell. The baby was standing up in a daybed, completely covered from head to foot in her own feces. The crackhead of a mother had left the baby abandoned for days.... kid was about a little over a year old at the time... this was another of her youngest, not one of the ones we were filing for. There are numerous more that i could post about, but won't clutter this up too much.

Now to the children... the 13 year old and the recently turned 6 year old we were able to find and gave to Social Services (DHR). They have the kids in their physical possession. They are being put into a temp foster home while the process goes on. The mother has taken her other children, except for the 15 year old who is living with friends. This includes the 8 and 10 year-olds that we filed for. The State is going after her and her husband at this point. She is a horrible human being for what she has done, i just hope those kids are found and the State gets them under their protection, soon.

My wife and I are thankful to be home, with our own kids. I'm reminded what a beautiful community and place we live in here. Sure there are bad apples and communities here in Kansas City. But it's nothing like there. The best way I can describe it - Mobile is city of bad people\neighborhoods with small pockets of good communities sprinkled within. Kansas City is more of the opposite, where you have good people\neighborhoods all throughout, with a few bad pockets here and there. It's just a different world, altogether.

The Judge told us, had we lived in Alabama, those children would be in our custody that very day, but because it's inter-State that this process would need to take place. So here's to hoping for a State of Kansas Social Services that won't drag their feet during the transition. We can't wait to get the kids up here and safe.

On a lighter note, we did get to have a Crayfish Boil, we went to a Mardi Gras parade Sunday night, went to the Senior Bowl Saturday, and also hit the boats in Biloxi. Sorry for the rambling and incoherence. Still lagging as we just drove through the night Tuesday Night and got home yesterday at lunchtime.

[Pitt Gorilla]

Originally Posted by Zeke

Back from Bama. Just have to say, my job\work is amazing. They have been unbelievably flexible and understanding in allowing me to take off the past week and half on short notice.

Unfortunately, we came back empty handed. After spending a crap ton of money, time and effort we were unable to return with any of the children. The States work with an interstate organization to essentially transfer custodial ownership between the social sevice organizations within each State. We are told this process takes anywhere from 90 days to 12 months. This is to protect the children, even if it is occurring to blood kin. We have to go through an entire process of "vetting" to ensure we are who we say we are, our home is suitable, etc. Completely understanding and the right thing to do, but it doesn't ease the suffering of the children by drawing it out so long. This is going to be difficult.

We got a lawyer, worked with the courts (had two separate emergency hearings last week and this week), got the children their own lawyer, worked with social services, sat through numerous testimonials, and filled out paperwork till we were blue in the fingers... Was NOT a fun process, but in the end the ball has started rolling. The State of Alabama has claimed legal custody of the Four children we filed for - and they are filing for the remaining three from the mother as well.

Quick funny story while we were there - The step-father (current husband of the mother) went to the Juvenile center to fill out paperwork on the eldest (not of wife's kin). While he was there, the officers asked him to perform a drug test (because of everything going on) that was ordered by the court. He bolted out of court and ran through the security gate and got away. Needless to say, that helped our case.

The worst part of the whole week was listening to the testimonials of the children, family and acquaintances that we brought in to meet with lawyers and Social services. The one that sticks out to me the worst was a mutual friend going to check on the welfare of the children at the mother's trailer. No one was answering the door, but she could hear a baby crying within. She entered the residence, and was horrified. There was a man passed out on the front couch, no idea who he was... He wouldn't wake. There was drug paraphernalia laying all over... Broken beer bottles, cigarette butts, trash and filth. She went back to the back bedroom where the baby was crying and was overwhelmed by the smell. The baby was standing up in a daybed, completely covered from head to foot in her own feces. The crackhead of a mother had left the baby abandoned for days.... kid was about a little over a year old at the time... this was another of her youngest, not one of the ones we were filing for. There are numerous more that i could post about, but won't clutter this up too much.

Now to the children... the 13 year old and the recently turned 6 year old we were able to find and gave to Social Services (DHR). They have the kids in their physical possession. They are being put into a temp foster home while the process goes on. The mother has taken her other children, except for the 15 year old who is living with friends. This includes the 8 and 10 year-olds that we filed for. The State is going after her and her husband at this point. She is a horrible human being for what she has done, i just hope those kids are found and the State gets them under their protection, soon.

My wife and I are thankful to be home, with our own kids. I'm reminded what a beautiful community and place we live in here. Sure there are bad apples and communities here in Kansas City. But it's nothing like there. The best way I can describe it - Mobile is city of bad people\neighborhoods with small pockets of good communities sprinkled within. Kansas City is more of the opposite, where you have good people\neighborhoods all throughout, with a few bad pockets here and there. It's just a different world, altogether.

The Judge told us, had we lived in Alabama, those children would be in our custody that very day, but because it's inter-State that this process would need to take place. So here's to hoping for a State of Kansas Social Services that won't drag their feet during the transition. We can't wait to get the kids up here and safe.

On a lighter note, we did get to have a Crayfish Boil, we went to a Mardi Gras parade Sunday night, went to the Senior Bowl Saturday, and also hit the boats in Biloxi. Sorry for the rambling and incoherence. I'm still lagging as we just drove through the night Tuesday Night and got home yesterday at lunchtime.

Man, I hope they can get moving on this. Your story of the little girl really hurts, though. Hopefully, the system can work for her.

[Buehler445]

People suck man. Here's hoping the government doesn't suck.

[Fansy the Famous Bard]

Originally Posted by Pitt Gorilla

Man, I hope they can get moving on this. Your story of the little girl really hurts, though. Hopefully, the system can work for her.

The thing that bothers me the worst is Social Services had a case open for the past year and had recently closed it. They apparently have too many cases and just close the difficult ones if the offending parties simply hide until it goes away. It took us going down there and getting legal assistance to even get them to re-open the case and get something done. At first, DHR wouldn't even talk to us and we had to basically fight the system to get anything accomplished. Now that it has opened up in court and Judges are hearing what's going on, DHR is FINALLY following through and taking action.

[Sully]

Anything I can type will sound cliche and trite. But I really mean this...

God bless you, man. You are doing God's work in the world, and it's inspiring and I pray for you.