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11-26-2014, 01:51 PM | #91 | |
Resident Glue Sniffer
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Quote:
"I know I'm not the best or anything, but why would you waste perfectly good meat"
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Life is 99% inspiration, 1% Perspiration, and 1% Attention to Detial. RIP & Godspeed: Saccoppo Lonewolf Ed Fire Me Boy |
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11-26-2014, 01:53 PM | #92 |
In BB I trust
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Boston, Mass.
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"I love signature blocks on the Internet. I get to put whatever the hell I want in quotes, pick a pretend author, and bang, it's like he really said it." George Washington |
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11-26-2014, 01:54 PM | #93 |
Woman should only make babies
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Apartment "G UNIT!"
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I am from St. Joseph. I have a Bi-Polar alcoholic uncle that always comes in to the party and tries to pick a fight with my dad. My dad is a northside guy and everyone else is a southside guy. So it is an uphill battle already. My aunts and uncles all sneak drinks while at the table and probably smoke joints and pound popov vodka before even getting to the dinner tray.The same aunt and uncle will proudly show their sobriety coins from Alcholics Annonymous. The sounds of thanksgiving to Demonpenz sounds an awful lot like dry heaving from alcohol detox mixed with the rattling sounds of unprescribed narcotics stolen from various houses. I have several residents that clean houses for a living which means they go through the cabinents of old people looking for high grade pain killers. There will be at-least 2 people that piss and shit their pants through the day although sometimes they do well enough to hide it. My dad will sneak off to balance his check book or post on St. Joseph facebook about how Johnny Fry didn't really ride the pony express or some other convoluted bullshit that he manages to stir up online. We will watch the Lions get their ass kicked and people will talk about how awesome barry sanders was even though he always seemed to lose 10 yards and never could pick up a 3rd and 1 when that needed to be done, but hey he juke some guys on NFL FILMS and put up nice numbers in techmo bowl. My cousins will be there if they are not in jail or if they are on the run. Various phone calls will be made by probation officers and most people will ask if this is their red,green, yellow day which means that they don't have to take a piss this day for probie officer. couple of the cousins or aunts will show off their anklets were could be for house arrest or check your pours for signs of alcohol. One of my aunts will ask me or my dad to blow into her 1994 ford tempo to unlock the breathalalyzer so she can get to work at speedys. Mom will say jokes about how I failed another relation ship and how she should have never breastfed me so long. She will then talk about Michael And Martin Rucker. My uncle will talk to me about saving money and getting a 401 k as he gets into is Datson truck that her purposesly slams on the breaks for to get hit from behind and collect money. My grandparents are dead from depression and alchohol so they will probably be haunting people from stonecrest. My dad will eat too much and he is diabetic so there will be issues there. My sister my pee her pants because it's traditions. I will eat so much and try to throw up to avoid the "Full" feeling but then go back to eating once the loose meat sandwhiches get passed around. One person will tell me to tell jokes since I do comedy and then the jokes are squarely about the alcoholic "Fat ass" that asked me to do jokes and the guy will say "Demonpenz aint funny, Jeff Dunham is funny" Into the night will go with various arguements everyone vowing to not see each other again until next year. Someone will die around easter if liver disease or gunshot wound and they will vow to get together more often and thats were thanksgiving 2015 in st joe will start.
I will go to the Hi-Ho or whatever place is open and visit with the alcoholics that will bullshit me in how well they are doing when I can see the grey in their hair and I can smell the bullshit story is not true and they are doing just enough not to get kicked out of their shit one breadroom apartment. That is if they don't live with their parents. Several people I know will say they moved in with their parents because "You know mom is getting older" and swear it's not because "I have 3 dui's" I will look around and it will be smoking even though there is not supposed to be smoking in bars. There will be woman who think they are hot when they aren't hot by st. joseph standards yet serveral guys will come inside her that week probably stretching her vagina out even more over the next coming years. There will be the 50 year old divorcee out on the prowl that thinks she can still work it and wants to hear margaritaville on the jukebox.
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Last edited by Demonpenz; 11-26-2014 at 02:04 PM.. |
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11-26-2014, 01:57 PM | #94 |
Resident Glue Sniffer
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Casino cash: $4849358
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Life is 99% inspiration, 1% Perspiration, and 1% Attention to Detial. RIP & Godspeed: Saccoppo Lonewolf Ed Fire Me Boy |
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11-26-2014, 02:03 PM | #95 |
Bono & Grbac wasn't enough
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Sioux City, IA
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11-26-2014, 02:04 PM | #96 |
Ultrabanned
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Penz, I went to a Jackyl concert in St. Joseph last weekend. Sure I saw some of your family there.
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11-26-2014, 02:07 PM | #97 |
Woman should only make babies
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Apartment "G UNIT!"
Casino cash: $2852136
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Where Jesse James was killed.
And Jesse James Depree rocked
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11-26-2014, 02:09 PM | #98 |
Ultrabanned
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I probably saw a dozen people I knew; but made sure not to go up to them and chat or anything.
I don't want to die in a car wreck sometime soon, and have one of them come to my visitation and announce to everyone that the last time they saw me I was shit-faced pounding Busch Light and jamming to "She Loves My Cock". |
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11-26-2014, 02:10 PM | #99 | |
You Sweetie!
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VARSITY
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Quote:
nsfw |
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11-26-2014, 02:11 PM | #100 |
Woman should only make babies
Join Date: Nov 2003
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...My uncle died and he had a dream Catcher made of cherekee feathers laid on his chest.
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11-26-2014, 02:12 PM | #101 |
MVP
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My Dad and his wife refuse to put football on and expect everyone to sit around and talk. They also refuse to clean a damn dish. Needless to say, we don't stay long.
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11-26-2014, 02:16 PM | #102 |
Supporter
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We got holiday dinner down. Everything from scratch and to perfection. Nothing outlandish, but nothing left to be desired.
Used to be a schism between sports and non-sports people regarding TV control, but converts and additions to the extended family tilted the balance to t-day fb, even if it means putting up with cowboy fan 'interlopers.'
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11-26-2014, 02:18 PM | #103 | |
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Quote:
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2017 Adopt-A-Chief:TYREEK HILL |
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11-26-2014, 02:34 PM | #104 | |
Ultrabanned
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Quote:
You know what I'm talking about, your grandma probably had one in her house when you were a kid too. They had such proud and prominent cultural icons like Roderick Sign and Country Kitchen Buffet on there. I chuckled and enjoyed the time we spent shortly after dinner looking at all the good stuff that was sitting outside of Dan's New and Used and would most likely be stolen by morning time. Back to Thanksgiving, do you all feel like Deviled Eggs are a staple? For some reason, we have deviled eggs at two of my Thanksgiving dinners and Christmas as well. Is that abnormal? |
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11-26-2014, 02:43 PM | #105 |
SuperChiefs
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Location: Florida
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My mother in law makes the shittiest version of mac and cheese in the history of mac and cheese. It has the consistency and taste of burnt drywall mud. Her husband loves the shit and so she makes it every ****ing year. That and there is never any alcohol at any of the inlaws makes for a rough day
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