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Old 08-05-2014, 07:47 PM  
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is offline
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My boyfriend of 4 years doesn't want to get married because of reddit
http://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromoso...t_want_to_get/

Quote:
For all of my life I always thought I would get married one day and have children. When I met my boyfriend I was sure that he was the guy I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Things between us were great we moved in together after 6 months of dating and things were great. My boyfriend compared to other guys I dated had the best clean up habits, and we never argued about chores or any of that stuff.

We started making wedding plans however, every time we would set a time frame or so he would back off. I talked to my friends and family they told me to just give him space and that things will sort themselves out. I took a more hands off approach however, that didn't work either. I eventually confronted him if we are ever going to get married and he told me it will be a couple months after his younger sister's wedding.

I was ecstatic, and I started making plans on who would be my bridesmaids, where it would be, all the little details. However, when time started to roll around he told me that he is up for getting married he just doesn't want the legal trouble. He told me that he is okay with having a wedding ceremony, but we would not be getting a marriage contract.

I fought with him a lot on this, we argued and basically his fears are that he will end up like spreadsheet husband, or I would divorce him and ruin him financially. I asked him if he would accept getting a prenup, but he told me no, that those can be thrown out. He never had these fears of marriage until reddit. He has read a lot of the men's rights sections and they have convinced him that marriage is horrible.

I don't know what to do now, had I known this was his position earlier I would never have stayed with him. I don't want to be someone's girlfriend when I am 40,50. I want to have the respect of being his wife. I want to know that he will give me and our future family the commitment of marriage. As of now, my options are rather bleak.

a). Go along with his deal, have a wedding but no marriage. and hope for the best.

b). Look to try to find someone new in my 30s and get married and have kids in an extremely short and rushed time line.

c). Try to find someone, end up alone and never get to experience motherhood.

If you ladies have any tips for me please share.
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Old 08-05-2014, 08:43 PM   #31
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Didn't read.

Maybe he's just smart.
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Old 08-05-2014, 08:45 PM   #32
Katipan Katipan is offline
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Originally Posted by Count Zarth View Post
Yeah man it would suck if you locked down a quality woman.
I love the stars in your eyes but marriage doesn't lock anything to you.
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Old 08-05-2014, 08:45 PM   #33
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Old 08-05-2014, 08:47 PM   #34
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Originally Posted by Anyong Bluth View Post
So she posts on what she believes was the source of her problem with him reading too much crap on reddit.

I got no sympathy. You can't force or pressure someone into marriage, and if that's a problem, then walk away and find someone who wants what you do.
He clearly made her believe that he would eventually marry her for years. So, she has a very legitimate reason to be pissed, if this nut didn't want to get married, then he needed to make it clear as soon as she started to ask.
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Old 08-05-2014, 08:49 PM   #35
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Originally Posted by Katipan View Post
I love the stars in your eyes but marriage doesn't lock anything to you.
It certainly increases a woman's commitment to you. At least it should.
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Old 08-05-2014, 08:57 PM   #36
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The misandrists who masquerade as feminists are just as bad.
These misandrists aren't just as bad. For one reason: they are fewer in number. For another reason: they aren't preserving the systemic patriarchy that we all (men included) suffer under.
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Old 08-05-2014, 08:57 PM   #37
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Originally Posted by saphojunkie View Post
I know. It's also super hard being white.
What in the **** does race have to do with this conversation?
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Old 08-05-2014, 09:00 PM   #38
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Originally Posted by Bacon Cheeseburger View Post
What in the **** does race have to do with this conversation?
He was likening the idea that man-hating women (who have no power relative to men) are out to get men to the idea that white-hating minorities (who have no power relative to white people) are out to get white people. It has to do with the conversation because they are similar examples of not seeing a power structure for what it is.
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Old 08-05-2014, 09:01 PM   #39
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Originally Posted by Bacon Cheeseburger View Post
What in the **** does race have to do with this conversation?
See what I mean? World's just out to get you.
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Old 08-05-2014, 09:04 PM   #40
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Originally Posted by saphojunkie View Post
See what I mean? World's just out to get you.
No it's not, I do quite fine. It's probably because I'm white though.
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Old 08-05-2014, 09:15 PM   #41
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To get back on track...

This girl doesn't have a leg to stand on. We are all allowed to change our points of view and the boyfriend doesn't owe her a thing.

She wants motherhood so badly, she can get inseminated. She can marry someone she doesn't love or isn't attracted to. If she loves this guy above all, then she can stay with him.

If the guy doesn't want to get married, bully for him. I'm married but who's to say my lifestyle is right for everyone? Certainly I won't.
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Old 08-05-2014, 09:25 PM
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Old 08-05-2014, 09:35 PM   #42
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Old 08-05-2014, 09:58 PM   #43
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Discuss is prime example of why you don't take life advice from ****ing reddit
Reddit dating advice conists of the following:

Be attractive
Don't be unattractive
A woman never owes a man anything.

The narrative is all self improvement. Dress better. Lose weight. Develop a passion for something or a hobby. Enjoy doing things that are social. Be confident above all.

Surely that's not off base.
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Old 08-05-2014, 11:18 PM   #44
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Old 08-05-2014, 11:26 PM   #45
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Originally Posted by saphojunkie View Post
To get back on track...

This girl doesn't have a leg to stand on. We are all allowed to change our points of view and the boyfriend doesn't owe her a thing.

She wants motherhood so badly, she can get inseminated. She can marry someone she doesn't love or isn't attracted to. If she loves this guy above all, then she can stay with him.

If the guy doesn't want to get married, bully for him. I'm married but who's to say my lifestyle is right for everyone? Certainly I won't.
This isn't a damned courtroom. The question is does she have a right to be pissed, and the answer is, obviously, yes
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