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Old 04-16-2021, 01:03 PM  
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Men Demand Reparations From Women Due To Eve Eating The Apple
Damn straight. That bitch ruined EVERYTHING!

Men Demand Reparations From Women Due To Eve Eating The Apple



Quote:
WORLD—The men of the world are demanding reparations from the women of the world after realizing all their problems stem from Eve taking a bite of the fruit from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil over 5,999 years ago.

"Eve, the ancestor of all women, ruined everything for us," said Carl McGuinness of Provo, Utah, at a press conference Friday. "We demand payment for the sin and death that rained down upon the human race after the first woman went ahead and took a bite of the forbidden fruit."

"This is merely leveling the playing field from all the inequity that women have caused through their ancestor less than 6,001 years ago."

After calculating the damages stemming from Eve's bite out of the fruit, men have determined they are owed some $593,000,000,000,000,000. As they realize this will take some time to pay back, they have stated they are graciously willing to take payment in the form of sandwiches for the time being.

At publishing time, men had withdrawn their request since women pointed out that if Adam had been there to lead his wife as the head of the household, Satan probably wouldn't have been able to trick her.
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Old 04-16-2021, 01:13 PM   #2
Chiefspants Chiefspants is offline
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Gonna go ahead and guess this is some Babylon Bee “humor”.

Besides, in the Bible God already granted men reparations in that women were in subjugation of their husbands in the society they’d come to form.

I’ll see myself out.
Last edited by Chiefspants; 04-16-2021 at 06:31 PM..
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Old 04-16-2021, 01:15 PM   #3
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Old 04-16-2021, 01:15 PM   #4
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I’d be willing to take 593,000,000,000,000,000 Blow Jobs instead..
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Old 04-16-2021, 01:17 PM   #5
ThyKingdomCome15 ThyKingdomCome15 is offline
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ThyKingdomCome15 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliThyKingdomCome15 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliThyKingdomCome15 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliThyKingdomCome15 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliThyKingdomCome15 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliThyKingdomCome15 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliThyKingdomCome15 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliThyKingdomCome15 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliThyKingdomCome15 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliThyKingdomCome15 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliThyKingdomCome15 's adopt a chief was Sabby Piscitelli
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Old 04-16-2021, 01:19 PM   #6
KCUnited KCUnited is offline
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Old 04-16-2021, 01:20 PM   #7
Katipan Katipan is offline
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We literally let you run the world. Eat a dick.
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Old 04-16-2021, 01:24 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Katipan View Post
We literally let you run the world. Eat a dick.
From which tree shall we pick these dicks?
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Old 04-16-2021, 01:27 PM   #9
lcarus lcarus is offline
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Originally Posted by Kman34 View Post
I’d be willing to take 593,000,000,000,000,000 Blow Jobs instead..
That's like 238 million blowjobs per second if you live the average lifespan.
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Old 04-16-2021, 01:27 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Katipan View Post
We literally let you run the world. Eat a dick.
No, and give me my rib back, helper.
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Old 04-16-2021, 01:29 PM   #11
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Katipan View Post
We literally let you run the world. Eat a dick.
WE HAD TO - you ****ed it all up so bad, there's no WAY we were letting you run shit ever again.

Every wonder why there's never been a GIRL President?

THAT'S WHY
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Old 04-16-2021, 01:29 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by Bearcat View Post
From which tree shall we pick these dicks?
Duh:



In the middle ages there existed a recurrent theme that appeared in media ranging from frescos to literature to carvings. It was of the Phalus Tree, also known as the Dong Tree, the Dick Tree, or the Tree of Dicks.
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Old 04-16-2021, 01:30 PM   #13
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is online now
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I eat ass
Will jelly or syrup?
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Old 04-16-2021, 01:39 PM   #14
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Old 04-16-2021, 01:46 PM   #15
lawrenceRaider lawrenceRaider is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Donger View Post
Duh:



In the middle ages there existed a recurrent theme that appeared in media ranging from frescos to literature to carvings. It was of the Phalus Tree, also known as the Dong Tree, the Dick Tree, or the Tree of Dicks.
The tree from which Donger fell.
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