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Old 10-30-2018, 03:56 PM  
rabblerouser rabblerouser is offline
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I'm depressed
So, I'm not really happy...on the surface things seem great, I have a decent job, Chiefs are kicking ass, I have a nice crib in the country, a couple cars, play some music on the weekends...

But I'm absolutely depressed. I miss my daughter, I miss my ex-girlfriend, Brittney...

I want to move to NY, but I have to wait for my job.

So, it seems like I'm stuck here, at least for a bit...

Not much is bringing me pleasure, I was so depressed today at work...I get weird thoughts, not like I want to hurt myself, but just...musings on the pointlessness of going to work every single day, just to pay to exist, just to really pay for the kid that I never see...

I'm actually pretty damn lonely, even in a roomful of people.

It sucks.
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Old 10-30-2018, 05:00 PM   #76
rabblerouser rabblerouser is offline
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Originally Posted by ChiefsFanatic View Post
I have not read all the other comments, but I suffer from depression as well, and I know that everything can appear to be fine, and it doesn't seem like there is a rational reason why you should feel depressed, but the thing is, depression and anxiety aren't rational.

But being able to recognize your depression, and talking about it, are good signs. Never be afraid to reach out.

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Originally Posted by ChiTown View Post
The older I get, the more reflective I become. There's so much good that has happened in my life that I often dismiss it as something common place. Now, I celebrate those things and thank God for them every day.

Take the time to recognize all the really good things in your life (like your daughter), and give yourself a break for the things that aren't going so well. Enjoy every day, and find something positive that you can focus on. Engage in real conversations, with real people - not CP and message board members

Good luck!
Thanks, to everyone who has posted in this thread.

Gonna go take my dog for a walk.
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Old 10-30-2018, 05:04 PM   #77
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Go work out. It will make all the difference in the world.
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Old 10-30-2018, 05:04 PM   #78
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Old 10-30-2018, 05:17 PM   #79
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Old 10-30-2018, 05:22 PM   #80
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Originally Posted by rabblerouser View Post
Been a whole lot of beating myself up for "zigging" when I should have "zagged."

Shit part of it all...she was all about me back when I was making $100/night playing in those sleazy 2 bit dives without a pot to piss in. I never cheated on her or got violent or anything...it just seems like, the more I got my life together, the less interest she's had.

Even when I was banging the crazy bitch, me and Britt were still friends.

Now, now that I realize what I gave up, now that I'm realizing that, hey, I'm going to settle down and provide for the ones I love and be consistent and basically do the things she begged me to do for 7 years...now she has no interest.

Oh, the irony.
I've been where you're at in many respects

Women are very good at moving on, you have to be as well

Cleveland Bronco nailed it, engage yourself with the people around you more
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Old 10-30-2018, 05:22 PM   #81
Rausch Rausch is offline
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Originally Posted by notorious View Post
Go work out. It will make all the difference in the world.
This works better than you would think.

Simple things like getting out in the sun (or taking vitamin D3 supplements,) around 400 mg a day of L-theanine which is an ingredient in green tea, and completely getting off social media while working on your house/car/hobbies/work...
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I wish I always ended up at gay bars.
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Old 10-30-2018, 05:37 PM   #82
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Originally Posted by rabblerouser View Post
This is good advice...a LOT of changes in my life, and I'm extremely doubtful about my abilities. I feel like I don't have control at all, I feel like I'm turning the wheel but the steering column isn't attached to the sway bar while I'm sliding on the ice.

The hard part is regaining some semblence of control, everything looks good from the outside...but on the inside, I'm falling apart.

QUOTE=In58men;13857791]I’ll be your friend!!!!!


The steering column isn't ever connected to the sway bar. You're normal.
Last edited by SAUTO; 10-30-2018 at 05:45 PM..
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Old 10-30-2018, 05:38 PM   #83
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Originally Posted by rabblerouser View Post
Right, I'm sure it's covered by my insurance, too.
Most likely it is.

Sometimes people get beaten down an little bit (I know this very well myself), and yes, I'm sure you want to succeed. But the question I'd like to ask you is, are you really willing to do all of those things that it takes to give yourself a chance to do that? So seeing an therapist, yes, that takes time, effort, and money. But it also allows you to give yourself a chance to succeed.

Edit: And the others suggestions about working out and taking some healthy vitamins can be helpful as well.
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Old 10-30-2018, 05:50 PM   #84
Rausch Rausch is offline
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But the question I'd like to ask you is, are you really willing to do all of those things that it takes to give yourself a chance to do that? So seeing an therapist, yes, that takes time, effort, and money. But it also allows you to give yourself a chance to succeed.
There's the big boy pants.

Can you pull 'em up?

We're all hard-asses that eat nails and shit lightning until the day we aren't.

That next day is decision day.

You get up or you don't. Step one is getting back up. Step 2 is having one and doing that.
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"He had no teeth, and he was slobbering all over himself. I'm thinking, 'You can have your money back, just get me out of here. Let me go be an accountant." I can't tell you how badly I wanted out of there."
Denver rookie QB John Elway, on Jack Lambert, after Lambert and the Steelers knocked Elway out of his first game as a pro (1983).
Quote:
Originally Posted by rico
I wish I always ended up at gay bars.
Last edited by Rausch; 10-30-2018 at 06:30 PM..
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Old 10-30-2018, 06:11 PM   #85
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Sounds like people makes you happier. Maybe joining a club of people of similar interests would help
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Old 10-30-2018, 06:21 PM   #86
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rabblerouser View Post
So, I'm not really happy...on the surface things seem great, I have a decent job, Chiefs are kicking ass, I have a nice crib in the country, a couple cars, play some music on the weekends...

But I'm absolutely depressed. I miss my daughter, I miss my ex-girlfriend, Brittney...

I want to move to NY, but I have to wait for my job.

So, it seems like I'm stuck here, at least for a bit...

Not much is bringing me pleasure, I was so depressed today at work...I get weird thoughts, not like I want to hurt myself, but just...musings on the pointlessness of going to work every single day, just to pay to exist, just to really pay for the kid that I never see...

I'm actually pretty damn lonely, even in a roomful of people.

It sucks.

Where do you live?
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Old 10-30-2018, 06:30 PM   #87
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whatever you do dont read the trade deadline thread at 3 pm and after cst. I worry for Hitismaqe and Mecca just to name a few.
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Old 10-30-2018, 06:32 PM   #88
Rausch Rausch is offline
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Originally Posted by BWillie View Post
Sounds like people makes you happier. Maybe joining a club of people of similar interests would help
But he's not good at meeting people or feeling comfortable in social settings.

AaaaaaaaaAAAAAH. There's something we can work on...
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"He had no teeth, and he was slobbering all over himself. I'm thinking, 'You can have your money back, just get me out of here. Let me go be an accountant." I can't tell you how badly I wanted out of there."
Denver rookie QB John Elway, on Jack Lambert, after Lambert and the Steelers knocked Elway out of his first game as a pro (1983).
Quote:
Originally Posted by rico
I wish I always ended up at gay bars.
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Old 10-30-2018, 06:46 PM   #89
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I'm sorry to hear that, my friend.

I've battled through major depression throughout my entire life. As many have said in this thread, helping others, in any way which way you can, will help bring you happiness.
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Old 10-30-2018, 07:02 PM   #90
Rausch Rausch is offline
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I'm sorry to hear that, my friend.

I've battled through major depression throughout my entire life. As many have said in this thread, helping others, in any way which way you can, will help bring you happiness.
That was my biggest thing.

When my dad died I talked to the people at an "old folk's" home near me and went back to the hospital (1 block away) and ate breakfast there for months.

I WANTED to remember what it was like to have to be there. To feel that way. To depend on others.

I wanted to "step down" from suck the same way you'd step-down from anything addictive. After 4 years of being on call, changing adult diapers, feeding someone else EVERY, SINGLE, DAY, you can't just cold break from that.

It was hard. My wife wondered why I was spending time elsewhere when I didn't have to. She accused me of cheating on her.
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"He had no teeth, and he was slobbering all over himself. I'm thinking, 'You can have your money back, just get me out of here. Let me go be an accountant." I can't tell you how badly I wanted out of there."
Denver rookie QB John Elway, on Jack Lambert, after Lambert and the Steelers knocked Elway out of his first game as a pro (1983).
Quote:
Originally Posted by rico
I wish I always ended up at gay bars.
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