I'm struggling more than I ever have

[IA_Chiefs_fan]

I'm not sure why this has affected me so deeply but it has. I can't post this on FB because it would cause pain for others. I don't really want to talk to people close to me about it.

Almost two months ago my son's on again off again girlfriend passed away in her early twenties. Thankfully they weren't going out at the time but they were talking. She's the only girl he ever loved enough to bring home to meet his parents. We don't know the cause of death. All we know is that it was sudden and unexpected.

My wife and I didn't know the girl super well but my wife was becoming closer to her via social media and text messages. We went to the girl's visitation and funeral where we meet her parents for the first time and something happened. I changed. I hurt. I know it hasn't been that long but feel like my outlook on life has permanently changed. I've dealt with the death of a teenager (cancer) who I was much closer to me and it didn't have this sort of impact on me. Maybe because it was sudden? Maybe because we don't know what happened? I know not knowing what happened is killing my son but perhaps knowing would be even worse.

I can't stop thinking about the pain the girl's parents are feeling. I'm broken hearted for my son as well but my mind keeps going to the parents. Probably because I see my son almost everyday so I can kind of keep an eye on him. The parents will occasionally message my wife and me on FB. Probably because we're good listeners and they also want to talk to someone they aren't close to. They mainly just discuss how bad they miss their daughter. These are wonderful people and I've got love for them.

I'm not really a religious person. I've just always kind of believed that if I live a good life and do good things for people, God will see that if he exists. I understand that most of you will think that's wrong or at least naive. The girl's family is very religious and they KNOW they'll see their daughter in heaven again. I'm sorry if jealous that I don't know that. Furthermore, I'm sad that I didn't instill this in my children because I can see how this helps people accept the loss slightly more easily.

I bought a new supercharged Roush pickup. I went to Las Vegas to watch UFC fights with my son, dad, and brother. I went with friends to watch MMA this past weekend. All things I normally thoroughly enjoy. I have to fake joy now. Everything seems wasteful and pointless. I'm sure time will make things better but I don't understand why this is affecting me like this. I'm typing this with tears occasionally running down my cheeks. I get a lump in my throat while thinking about it daily. **** me. Anybody been there? What helped?

[Chris Meck]

Originally Posted by Demonpenz

You could be shoving your dick into ho's have all the money you ever wanted fame family job or whatever and get depression and lose your will to live and your will to be dead become so strong you will kill yourself. It happens ALOT. Depression is like feeling like your dog died and having the flu together for along period of time. You don't have to fake joy if you don't want to although if you start telling people about your feelings they will tell you some bullshit like "WRITE A GRATITUDE LIST! VISIT POOR PEOPLE! SMILE MORE!" Go to a doctor, go to a social worker or someone that deals with depression, have no expectations. For me depression was easier to handle when I dug in and said ok I may need to go through this for the rest of my life. That is fine lets go. You did the right thing by posting.

the only times in my life when I was "shoving my dick into ho's" I was absolutely suicidal want wanting to die.

[Chris Meck]

I don't know if you'll find this helpful or not, IA-

I too am non-religious. I believe we're more than meat, if you take my meaning, but I don't believe in a man in the clouds with a plan for all 6 billion of us.

I actually found it MORE comforting when my wife got sick with cancer and eventually died that it was just bad luck; a shit hand in life's card game than if it had been some all powerful being's choice.

If it was a choice to take her from me, my rage would be endless. With accepting that it was bad luck, there's no anger. Sadness, of course, and sometimes the well of sadness is deep enough to drown in despair.

I am not angry. I have learned to live with the sadness. I have good memories and bad. I am kinder than I was. I notice the little things. I find joy where I can, and I try not to dwell on the past. If I am less patient with anything, I am less patient with bullshit. Our priorities in modern life are all ****ed up.

Here is a video for a song my wife wrote; you can't tell here, but she was deathy ill, and would be gone in 6 months. But the song is her looking at life and staring her own mortality in the face. I have found it comforting many times since she passed. Maybe it'll translate.

[ModSocks]

Originally Posted by Chris Meck

I don't know if you'll find this helpful or not, IA-

I too am non-religious. I believe we're more than meat, if you take my meaning, but I don't believe in a man in the clouds with a plan for all 6 billion of us.

I actually found it MORE comforting when my wife got sick with cancer and eventually died that it was just bad luck; a shit hand in life's card game than if it had been some all powerful being's choice.

If it was a choice to take her from me, my rage would be endless. With accepting that it was bad luck, there's no anger. Sadness, of course, and sometimes the well of sadness is deep enough to drown in despair.

I am not angry. I have learned to live with the sadness. I have good memories and bad. I am kinder than I was. I notice the little things. I find joy where I can, and I try not to dwell on the past. If I am less patient with anything, I am less patient with bullshit. Our priorities in modern life are all ****ed up.

Sorry to hear about your wife, man. Life just aint fair.

[Tombstone RJ]

Originally Posted by IA_Chiefs_fan

I'm not sure why this has affected me so deeply but it has. I can't post this on FB because it would cause pain for others. I don't really want to talk to people close to me about it.

Almost two months ago my son's on again off again girlfriend passed away in her early twenties. Thankfully they weren't going out at the time but they were talking. She's the only girl he ever loved enough to bring home to meet his parents. We don't know the cause of death. All we know is that it was sudden and unexpected.

My wife and I didn't know the girl super well but my wife was becoming closer to her via social media and text messages. We went to the girl's visitation and funeral where we meet her parents for the first time and something happened. I changed. I hurt. I know it hasn't been that long but feel like my outlook on life has permanently changed. I've dealt with the death of a teenager (cancer) who I was much closer to me and it didn't have this sort of impact on me. Maybe because it was sudden? Maybe because we don't know what happened? I know not knowing what happened is killing my son but perhaps knowing would be even worse.

I can't stop thinking about the pain the girl's parents are feeling. I'm broken hearted for my son as well but my mind keeps going to the parents. Probably because I see my son almost everyday so I can kind of keep an eye on him. The parents will occasionally message my wife and me on FB. Probably because we're good listeners and they also want to talk to someone they aren't close to. They mainly just discuss how bad they miss their daughter. These are wonderful people and I've got love for them.

I'm not really a religious person. I've just always kind of believed that if I live a good life and do good things for people, God will see that if he exists. I understand that most of you will think that's wrong or at least naive. The girl's family is very religious and they KNOW they'll see their daughter in heaven again. I'm sorry if jealous that I don't know that. Furthermore, I'm sad that I didn't instill this in my children because I can see how this helps people accept the loss slightly more easily.

I bought a new supercharged Roush pickup. I went to Las Vegas to watch UFC fights with my son, dad, and brother. I went with friends to watch MMA this past weekend. All things I normally thoroughly enjoy. I have to fake joy now. Everything seems wasteful and pointless. I'm sure time will make things better but I don't understand why this is affecting me like this. I'm typing this with tears occasionally running down my cheeks. I get a lump in my throat while thinking about it daily. **** me. Anybody been there? What helped?

This life is fleeting and passing away, I recommend you put you repent, and put your faith in Jesus Christ, call out to Him, He's the answer. I also recommend you find a Bible believing church where you can learn the Bible, probably a non-denominational church.

Best wishes to you and your family, but seek Christ first.

[ModSocks]

IA, i've avoided your thread for the longest because MY coping mechanism to avoid depression is to, well, avoid everything that would depress me.

But i wanted to chime in real quick as someone had mentioned that you have to fake joy.

To that i say, good. Keep faking joy. Keep trying. Keep placing yourself in situations in which, at the very least, you have to fake it. Eventually you won't be faking it anymore.

Depression snowballs and in my experience, the only way i've found to deal with it was to deny it and continiously place yourself in situations that incite happiness, and avoid everything that doesn't.

Faking it is good imo, because at least you're fighting it. You've started the fight against it. Steadfast.

[Coyote]

IA,
I wish you all the best.
Several years ago, the Army dealt with soldier resilience in a systematic way. As a Marine, I viscerally rebelled, but even so, a couple of their techniques helped a lot of folks. “Hunt the good stuff,” was 1 that I particularly saw help guys. You can google it. Just from your initial post, I see all kinds of good stuff. Btw, I think about different pals, their families and such that I’ve lost, every day.
All the best for you and yours.

[IA_Chiefs_fan]

Originally Posted by Detoxing

IA, i've avoided your thread for the longest because MY coping mechanism to avoid depression is to, well, avoid everything that would depress me.

But i wanted to chime in real quick as someone had mentioned that you have to fake joy.

To that i say, good. Keep faking joy. Keep trying. Keep placing yourself in situations in which, at the very least, you have to fake it. Eventually you won't be faking it anymore.

Depression snowballs and in my experience, the only way i've found to deal with it was to deny it and continiously place yourself in situations that incite happiness, and avoid everything that doesn't.

Faking it is good imo, because at least you're fighting it. You've started the fight against it. Steadfast.

Yes, I'm spending lots of time with friends and family even though I sort of don't feel like it. I'm creating good memories and it is helping. Thank you.

[IA_Chiefs_fan]

Originally Posted by Chris Meck

Beautiful song and lady, my friend. I very much understand where you're coming from with your comments.

[BIG_DADDY]

When the hard stuff hits it makes you really question the relevance and meaning of life. Things that usually bring you joy do not but the same could be said for bad things. It just seems the situation makes you numb in general. What makes me feel better is getting back to my roots and what and who are important in my life. I also need to keep busy.. My 2 cents. Good see you doing better.