Life I'm struggling more than I ever have - Page 2

**IA_Chiefs_fan** · 07-24-2019, 08:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stevieray

Sounds like your soul got a wake up call.

If God IS something that you are curious about, reaching out to the parents of the girl would be a good way to go.

Thanks for sharing. If you need an ear, reach out.

Thank you.

**Nzoner** · 07-24-2019, 10:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stevieray

Sounds like your heart & soul got a wake up call.

If God IS something that you are curious about, reaching out to the parents of the girl would be a good way to go.

Thanks for sharing. If you need an ear, reach out.

I would echo this and share the following

John 11
25Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; 26and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”

jerryaldini · 07-24-2019, 08:23 PM

Sorry this happened to you. A different perspective on grief and religion. I don't want to offend anyone, but sometimes the religious struggle with not being able to grieve fully because they must hope for a reunion. A non believer accepts the finality and has no reservations about mourning the tragedy of the loss.

It sounds like, despite the pain, this is changing you in a good way. I lost my father at a young age and was a much more empathetic person as a result. These are consolations to bear in mind, while acknowledging that as highly conscious beings we do and will suffer great loss as we age. Best wishes.

jimidollar · 07-24-2019, 08:05 PM

Sorry to hear about the loss of this young woman and the effect it's had on you. I believe that time is the most important factor when it comes to healing these wounds.

As far as religion and your son, I wouldn't worry about that. I'm not religious at all. I don't pretend to know what happens when we die. However, that didn't stop me from dealing the deaths of loved ones. People handle death in their own way and you will find a way to move on. Peace.

**Iowanian** · 07-24-2019, 08:12 PM

Check your pm.

KOOKS 1 · 07-24-2019, 08:44 PM

Having worked in EMS and had my own share of tragic deaths, there is no way to understand why.

The lesson I have came away with is no one is guaranteed a tomorrow and we all need to understand every day is a gift.

The best thing you can do is appreciate and find worth in every day.

**lewdog** · 07-24-2019, 08:23 PM

I am not religious either, but very much value human life and our meaning here on Earth.

That is still a recent passing. Still feeling sadness is pretty normal. It doesn't necessarily mean you're depressed. I would find time to talk to your son about it too, he could have similar feelings in which you two could help each other.

Use this to remind yourself to give more of yourself (your time/experience, not material items) and expect less of others (being a more patient parent). Placing value on every day life and the people around you can improve your quality of life more than anything.

rtmike · 07-24-2019, 08:24 PM

I don’t know what it is or why it happens.

Years back, a friend of a friend of mine was walking downtown with his wife. They were out on date night. They had like 4-5 kids, all under 8.
Well, there was a shoot out next block over and an errant bullet struck him in the head killing him. That took me down.

It’s strange how some things or people that are so distant can have such a profound affect on us.
Ia Chief, all that and I have no advice,smh. Back then it was just another excuse for me to drink, smh.
I imagine this helps otherwise you wouldn’t have posted. You obviously have a big heart and I’m sorry it’s aching right now. Time...time heals.

Personally, I don’t care for shrinks, etc. cause with me it seems they always wanted to talk about and blame my parents for everything, lol.

You know back in my bachelor days my beliefes were deep. I thought I was doing everything right but that didn’t stop lots of bad stuff from happening.
And it’s been non stop, even after I was paralyzed as I’ve cheated death a couple more times, smh. That should have never stopped me from being a good Christian, lol, but I have a major beef with HIM.

Naptown Chief · 07-24-2019, 08:30 PM

When I was 24 an incredibly good friend of mine died at 22. She was arguably my best friend at the time. Her name was Jessica. 11 years later I still think of her a lot.

All our friends knew I thought more of her than just a friend (for years) and that she felt the same. It's weird and hard to explain, as I was never shy, but neither of us made a move. We were always there for each other through our various shitty relationships. She crashed at my place all the time and I at her parents'. Our families loved each other. Again, it's like we were meant for each other but it was never the right time. As selfish as it might sound, I still say to myself "thank God we weren't dating," as if that somehow lessens the blow.

So, when she was 20 she had a seizure at work. She was working at a California Pizza Kitchen at the time, and was walking an order to a table when she suddenly dropped and started seizing. Obviously she was taken to ER, where she was met by family and friends (myself included). They found a brain tumor. She had emergency surgery and began the long road towards recovery. Again, I was spending nearly all my free time with her. I actually broke up with a girlfriend at the time when she began getting upset with and then jealous of my doing so. She didn't understand our relationship.

We all thought everything was fine until 2 years later it wasn't. She had been in remission, but one day just dropped dead instantly. Apparently the tumor had returned, undetected, attaching itself to an artery IIRC. I was inconsolable. I still think about her all the time, and how I was an idiot for never saying what was always on the tip of my tongue. I loved that woman, and I know with all of my being that she loved me too.

I feel for your son man, and I feel for you. Life is way too short (as cliche as that is).

Edit- dang, she was actually 22. After some thinking I realized my timeline was off... Also broke down a little, but that's one of those things (like losing my father) that will likely never stop hurting

TRR · 07-24-2019, 08:35 PM

Hang in there! I live in Colorado now but am an Iowa boy myself (Quad Cities). Things ALWAYS get better with time.

Kman34 · 07-24-2019, 08:37 PM

"I've dealt with the death of a teenager (cancer) who I was much closer to me and it didn't have this sort of impact on me"

This is a key part of your post... Maybe this new loss has triggered something you had emotionally hidden away... I hope you find peace.. You deserve to be happy.. Everyone does.. Prayers sent...

threebag · 07-24-2019, 08:43 PM

IA I hope you get what you need to get through this. The best part is you are reaching out. It’s hard to find help or even just a ear or shoulder when others don’t know. You could start by talking to your primary care physician or go to a church and talk to a pastor about your feeling or questions. Grief hits people but there is nothing wrong with feeling human because EVERYTHING can affect anyone differently.

**IA_Chiefs_fan** · 07-24-2019, 08:46 PM

Thanks all. A Planeteer is on his way over to go cruising around country roads while I drink a couple.

Naptown Chief · 07-24-2019, 08:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IA_Chiefs_fan

Thanks all. A Planeteer is on his way over to go cruising around country roads while I drink a couple.

Awesome.

threebag · 07-24-2019, 08:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IA_Chiefs_fan

Thanks all. A Planeteer is on his way over to go cruising around country roads while I drink a couple.

Good Luck Brah. Enjoy them cold ones

07-24-2019, 08:23 PM	#3
jerryaldini MVP Join Date: Dec 2018 Casino cash: $4400400	Sorry this happened to you. A different perspective on grief and religion. I don't want to offend anyone, but sometimes the religious struggle with not being able to grieve fully because they must hope for a reunion. A non believer accepts the finality and has no reservations about mourning the tragedy of the loss. It sounds like, despite the pain, this is changing you in a good way. I lost my father at a young age and was a much more empathetic person as a result. These are consolations to bear in mind, while acknowledging that as highly conscious beings we do and will suffer great loss as we age. Best wishes.
Posts: 7,362

07-24-2019, 08:05 PM	#4
jimidollar MVP Join Date: Jul 2014 Location: Texas Casino cash: $10021632	Sorry to hear about the loss of this young woman and the effect it's had on you. I believe that time is the most important factor when it comes to healing these wounds. As far as religion and your son, I wouldn't worry about that. I'm not religious at all. I don't pretend to know what happens when we die. However, that didn't stop me from dealing the deaths of loved ones. People handle death in their own way and you will find a way to move on. Peace. __________________ -------------------- "I will have my glory day in the hot sun."- Nacho
Posts: 5,705	1 0

07-24-2019, 08:12 PM	#5
Iowanian Supporter Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Utopia Casino cash: $4658454	Check your pm.
Posts: 61,552	2 0

07-24-2019, 08:44 PM	#6
KOOKS 1 Rookie Join Date: Mar 2018 Casino cash: $10000400	Every day is a gift Having worked in EMS and had my own share of tragic deaths, there is no way to understand why. The lesson I have came away with is no one is guaranteed a tomorrow and we all need to understand every day is a gift. The best thing you can do is appreciate and find worth in every day.
Posts: 7	2 0

07-24-2019, 08:23 PM	#7
lewdog Mod Team Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Valley of the hot as **** Casino cash: $1691900	I am not religious either, but very much value human life and our meaning here on Earth. That is still a recent passing. Still feeling sadness is pretty normal. It doesn't necessarily mean you're depressed. I would find time to talk to your son about it too, he could have similar feelings in which you two could help each other. Use this to remind yourself to give more of yourself (your time/experience, not material items) and expect less of others (being a more patient parent). Placing value on every day life and the people around you can improve your quality of life more than anything.
Posts: 45,642	2 0

07-24-2019, 08:24 PM	#8
rtmike union paraplegic organizer Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: western Kansas Casino cash: $9094600	I don’t know what it is or why it happens. Years back, a friend of a friend of mine was walking downtown with his wife. They were out on date night. They had like 4-5 kids, all under 8. Well, there was a shoot out next block over and an errant bullet struck him in the head killing him. That took me down. It’s strange how some things or people that are so distant can have such a profound affect on us. Ia Chief, all that and I have no advice,smh. Back then it was just another excuse for me to drink, smh. I imagine this helps otherwise you wouldn’t have posted. You obviously have a big heart and I’m sorry it’s aching right now. Time...time heals. Personally, I don’t care for shrinks, etc. cause with me it seems they always wanted to talk about and blame my parents for everything, lol. You know back in my bachelor days my beliefes were deep. I thought I was doing everything right but that didn’t stop lots of bad stuff from happening. And it’s been non stop, even after I was paralyzed as I’ve cheated death a couple more times, smh. That should have never stopped me from being a good Christian, lol, but I have a major beef with HIM. __________________ I like to sleep For I'm walking in my dreams. Live life like every DAY is your last!
Posts: 3,097

07-24-2019, 08:30 PM	#9
Naptown Chief Banned Join Date: Apr 2018 Location: Annapolis, MD Casino cash: $10002400	When I was 24 an incredibly good friend of mine died at 22. She was arguably my best friend at the time. Her name was Jessica. 11 years later I still think of her a lot. All our friends knew I thought more of her than just a friend (for years) and that she felt the same. It's weird and hard to explain, as I was never shy, but neither of us made a move. We were always there for each other through our various shitty relationships. She crashed at my place all the time and I at her parents'. Our families loved each other. Again, it's like we were meant for each other but it was never the right time. As selfish as it might sound, I still say to myself "thank God we weren't dating," as if that somehow lessens the blow. So, when she was 20 she had a seizure at work. She was working at a California Pizza Kitchen at the time, and was walking an order to a table when she suddenly dropped and started seizing. Obviously she was taken to ER, where she was met by family and friends (myself included). They found a brain tumor. She had emergency surgery and began the long road towards recovery. Again, I was spending nearly all my free time with her. I actually broke up with a girlfriend at the time when she began getting upset with and then jealous of my doing so. She didn't understand our relationship. We all thought everything was fine until 2 years later it wasn't. She had been in remission, but one day just dropped dead instantly. Apparently the tumor had returned, undetected, attaching itself to an artery IIRC. I was inconsolable. I still think about her all the time, and how I was an idiot for never saying what was always on the tip of my tongue. I loved that woman, and I know with all of my being that she loved me too. I feel for your son man, and I feel for you. Life is way too short (as cliche as that is). Edit- dang, she was actually 22. After some thinking I realized my timeline was off... Also broke down a little, but that's one of those things (like losing my father) that will likely never stop hurting Last edited by Naptown Chief; 07-24-2019 at 08:43 PM..
Posts: 6,583

07-24-2019, 08:35 PM	#10
TRR The Priest and I Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: CO Casino cash: $9870185	Hang in there! I live in Colorado now but am an Iowa boy myself (Quad Cities). Things ALWAYS get better with time.
Posts: 7,261

07-24-2019, 08:37 PM	#11
Kman34 My Mamma Says Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: Glass Cage Of Emotion Casino cash: $1761786 VARSITY	"I've dealt with the death of a teenager (cancer) who I was much closer to me and it didn't have this sort of impact on me" This is a key part of your post... Maybe this new loss has triggered something you had emotionally hidden away... I hope you find peace.. You deserve to be happy.. Everyone does.. Prayers sent... __________________ SFC... Stay ****ing Calm..
Posts: 13,945

07-24-2019, 08:43 PM	#12
threebag Snacks Are Under My Apron Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: The Edge Casino cash: $2871660	IA I hope you get what you need to get through this. The best part is you are reaching out. It’s hard to find help or even just a ear or shoulder when others don’t know. You could start by talking to your primary care physician or go to a church and talk to a pastor about your feeling or questions. Grief hits people but there is nothing wrong with feeling human because EVERYTHING can affect anyone differently. __________________ Free DeBerg HayWire Greatest Almost Mod Ever In big nasty kcnut we trust
Posts: 23,900

07-24-2019, 08:46 PM	#13
IA_Chiefs_fan Supporter Join Date: Jun 2002 Casino cash: $2199714	Thanks all. A Planeteer is on his way over to go cruising around country roads while I drink a couple.
Posts: 2,033	6 0