I'm depressed

[rabblerouser]

So, I'm not really happy...on the surface things seem great, I have a decent job, Chiefs are kicking ass, I have a nice crib in the country, a couple cars, play some music on the weekends...

But I'm absolutely depressed. I miss my daughter, I miss my ex-girlfriend, Brittney...

I want to move to NY, but I have to wait for my job.

So, it seems like I'm stuck here, at least for a bit...

Not much is bringing me pleasure, I was so depressed today at work...I get weird thoughts, not like I want to hurt myself, but just...musings on the pointlessness of going to work every single day, just to pay to exist, just to really pay for the kid that I never see...

I'm actually pretty damn lonely, even in a roomful of people.

It sucks.

[eDave]

Is the pain in your heart or your head?

[Why Not?]

Originally Posted by rabblerouser

eDave is my bro. Gotta have his back.

For some reason I read his post and your response as occurring on 5/1 instead of 9/1...2019! I’ve interacted with him on the board several times since then and it’s been business as usual. Doesn’t change the point of my response to him but it does in my response to you. You could’ve called me the worst names in the book 8 months ago and I would’ve long since not GAF, so we good. Hope you keep on keepin on and hanging in there.

[eDave]

Originally Posted by Why Not?

For some reason I read his post and your response as occurring on 5/1 instead of 9/1...2019! I’ve interacted with him on the board several times since then and it’s been business as usual. Doesn’t change the point of my response to him but it does in my response to you. You could’ve called me the worst names in the book 8 months ago and I would’ve long since not GAF, so we good. Hope you keep on keepin on and hanging in there.

I'm sending Billay over for a visit.

[BigBeauford]

Originally Posted by Mecca

How would shaving your head make you not depressed?

Its more about changing your routine somehow. It could just be a new haircut. Main point is changing something up to get out of the old mindset.

[Why Not?]

Originally Posted by eDave

I'm sending Billay over for a visit.

LOL!

[Yosef_Malkovitch]

Depression sucks, brother. I know firsthand.

The best advice I can give you is to realize that there is no shame in getting medication for it, if that's the route you need to take. Sometimes the chemistry in your brain is off, and fixing it might require meds. Talk to a professional about it.

There is no shame in taking medication for other issues (high blood pressure, etc.) Mental health is the same way. Our society tends to frown on those who struggle with mental health issues, but it's no different than having some other sort of health issue.

Talk to a professional. It could really change things for you.

[Chieftain]

Originally Posted by crispystl420

I would NOT recommend this. I've dealt with anxiety, depression and alcohol for years and the latter exacerbates the former by a great deal. You end up in a cycle where you drink because you're depressed then when the booze wears off you have anxiety from the withdrawals, so you drink again which makes you depressed which.....and over and over and over...

Interesting.
One thing to keep in mind is that all of us feel down and depressed at certain points in our lives. So it should be encouraging to know that you are not alone. Half the staff at my job take depression medicine on a daily basis. Medicine helps so take it when you need to. Being out with nature and breathing that fresh oxygen is a big help. I don't have depression but I do feel down and uninspired at times. It passes though after a good night sleep. So make sure you get the necessary rest. Drink lots of water. Listen to podcasts. Mix it with some music. I enjoy hawaiian music. It really calms me down.

[TLO]

Originally Posted by olout

Depression it’s one of the most common mental illnesses. There are many effective treatments available that can help manage depression symptoms. Certain lifestyle changes can help manage your depression. Eating well and being physically active can help feel better all around. Exercising regularly can increase endorphins and relieve depression. Depression medications are a common part of treatment. Some people use these medications for a short time, while others use them long term. And this is normal. I myself took such drugs Fetzima (ordered at the Canadian Pharmacy). They helped me a lot.

This is either a really sophisticated bot or... Idk

[rabblerouser]

Aaaaaaaaaaaand now we spiral and crash.

**** this.

[RunKC]

Originally Posted by rabblerouser

So, I'm not really happy...on the surface things seem great, I have a decent job, Chiefs are kicking ass, I have a nice crib in the country, a couple cars, play some music on the weekends...

But I'm absolutely depressed. I miss my daughter, I miss my ex-girlfriend, Brittney...

I want to move to NY, but I have to wait for my job.

So, it seems like I'm stuck here, at least for a bit...

Not much is bringing me pleasure, I was so depressed today at work...I get weird thoughts, not like I want to hurt myself, but just...musings on the pointlessness of going to work every single day, just to pay to exist, just to really pay for the kid that I never see...

I'm actually pretty damn lonely, even in a roomful of people.

It sucks.

My wife is a licensed therapist. I told her to read this and this is what she has to say:

-You need to forgive yourself for everything that happened. Your daughter, your ex, anything else that you’re beating yourself up for.
-Realize that everything you did was in the past. When you start to dwell on them, stop and understand that you can’t change the past. What’s done is done. You’re letting your past dictate your present and future.
-Control what you can control. Try to stop worrying about things you can’t bc it will only hurt you.
-Do little things that build your esteem. Make your bed every day, cook a meal, go for a walk. Anything. Do something that makes you feel good.
-You didn’t clarify this, but if you do ever get to see your daughter, then when you see your daughter put your phone down unless it’s to take pictures. Use that time you truly connect with her. You’ll be thank each other for that years from now.
-Understand that life isn’t over. This is a very difficult thing to accomplish, but you should try to be thankful and grateful for even the smallest simplest things in life. Clean water, a roof over your head. I know it sounds trivial but it will help your mind rethink things.

Finally, go see a therapist if you haven’t already. Everybody needs someone they can talk to in a secure environment where you can be vulnerable. Cost is not an issue. If it is go to a local university or practice and ask them them if you can get scheduled with an intern. At her practice and the local university, it’s $15-30 per session. That’s affordable and money well spent.

Best of luck

[rabblerouser]

Originally Posted by RunKC

My wife is a licensed therapist. I told her to read this and this is what she has to say:

-You need to forgive yourself for everything that happened. Your daughter, your ex, anything else that you’re beating yourself up for.
-Realize that everything you did was in the past. When you start to dwell on them, stop and understand that you can’t change the past. What’s done is done. You’re letting your past dictate your present and future.
-Control what you can control. Try to stop worrying about things you can’t bc it will only hurt you.
-Do little things that build your esteem. Make your bed every day, cook a meal, go for a walk. Anything. Do something that makes you feel good.
-You didn’t clarify this, but if you do ever get to see your daughter, then when you see your daughter put your phone down unless it’s to take pictures. Use that time you truly connect with her. You’ll be thank each other for that years from now.
-Understand that life isn’t over. This is a very difficult thing to accomplish, but you should try to be thankful and grateful for even the smallest simplest things in life. Clean water, a roof over your head. I know it sounds trivial but it will help your mind rethink things.

Finally, go see a therapist if you haven’t already. Everybody needs someone they can talk to in a secure environment where you can be vulnerable. Cost is not an issue. If it is go to a local university or practice and ask them them if you can get scheduled with an intern. At her practice and the local university, it’s $15-30 per session. That’s affordable and money well spent.

Best of luck

Well, that was 4 years ago. We're now post-covid...I do see my daughter. She's awesome, and that's probably the best relationship I have in my life. Easily the least complicated. She'll be 14 this year, and she's into boys and music that I don't understand...which is about on schedule, I assume.

I still love Brittney, but that's over. Probably in love with the one I call "Funbags" on here...but we'll never admit to each other that's the case...so that's probably over. And that's probably for the best. I'm working full-time and a full-time student and in 2 bands...so I'm usually too busy to get too caught up in the depression part of things...a lot of anger over the past 2 years, still over shit I can't change. And I have to forgive some others, AND myself. Which is easy to SAY...and easy to KNOW...but hard to implement. To put into action. I've worked on being mindful, in the moment...not getting caught up in the past, not worried about the future...but again, cognitively, I know this. I understand also, emotions are fleeting and sometimes not 100% rational. This situation is fluid, not static...this too shall pass.

But there's a lot of anger built up over what's happened over the past 2 years. And while "fault" and "blame" are weird words to use...I feel like I kind of got shafted. Got fleeced. And that seems to be the general consensus. Even amongst all involved. But that doesn't change a ****ing thing.

My anxiety is through the roof. I have PTSD from all of this on top of the C-PTSD I already had from childhood. I am probably clinically depressed. Or maybe bi-polar, with the manic/spiral/crash cycles...but with that kind of co-morbidity (and let's be honest, dual-diagnosis, probably...but I don't know if I'm an addict or just drug dependent), who cares? I just need to get therapy. And cost isn't the issue right now - it's the time. I've actually talked to someone at Compass and all I have to so is schedule an assessment...but I'm tired, and like anyone, ultimately just want to go home and go to bed

[Sassy Squatch]

I'd say take something up that's physically taxing to drain some anger but you've got a pretty ****ing full plate already. Not necessarily a bad thing to have something to force you up and out of bed though. Seems like you're doing better than you were in 2018

[rabblerouser]

Originally Posted by Superturtle

I'd say take something up that's physically taxing to drain some anger but you've got a pretty ****ing full plate already. Not necessarily a bad thing to have something to force you up and out of bed though. Seems like you're doing better than you were in 2018

I am, totally better than 2018. But...not great. Was better in summer 2020.

Funbags ****ing wrecked my shit, not gonna lie. Stupid to let a girl in 20s do some shit like that, but...it ain't the same out here, either.

I've been going to Hot Yoga a couple times a week. Looking good, feeling...okay. Also looking like I'm going to have to quit drinking alcohol, maybe permanently. So...yeah...

[Rasputin]

Originally Posted by rabblerouser

Well, that was 4 years ago. We're now post-covid...I do see my daughter. She's awesome, and that's probably the best relationship I have in my life. Easily the least complicated. She'll be 14 this year, and she's into boys and music that I don't understand...which is about on schedule, I assume.

I still love Brittney, but that's over. Probably in love with the one I call "Funbags" on here...but we'll never admit to each other that's the case...so that's probably over. And that's probably for the best. I'm working full-time and a full-time student and in 2 bands...so I'm usually too busy to get too caught up in the depression part of things...a lot of anger over the past 2 years, still over shit I can't change. And I have to forgive some others, AND myself. Which is easy to SAY...and easy to KNOW...but hard to implement. To put into action. I've worked on being mindful, in the moment...not getting caught up in the past, not worried about the future...but again, cognitively, I know this. I understand also, emotions are fleeting and sometimes not 100% rational. This situation is fluid, not static...this too shall pass.

But there's a lot of anger built up over what's happened over the past 2 years. And while "fault" and "blame" are weird words to use...I feel like I kind of got shafted. Got fleeced. And that seems to be the general consensus. Even amongst all involved. But that doesn't change a ****ing thing.

My anxiety is through the roof. I have PTSD from all of this on top of the C-PTSD I already had from childhood. I am probably clinically depressed. Or maybe bi-polar, with the manic/spiral/crash cycles...but with that kind of co-morbidity (and let's be honest, dual-diagnosis, probably...but I don't know if I'm an addict or just drug dependent), who cares? I just need to get therapy. And cost isn't the issue right now - it's the time. I've actually talked to someone at Compass and all I have to so is schedule an assessment...but I'm tired, and like anyone, ultimately just want to go home and go to bed

This gets me a lot. Even though my kids are adults when they were young my wife kidnapped them to Ohio with this jackass she met online. Lot of things happened to me as a child and in my adult years and past creeps up worst times when I'm stressed. Nightmares & alcohol and I've been called bi-polar but never diagnosed, I have been diagnosed with severe depression and Suicide Ideology with several attempts including 3 since August 2021. Shame comes with depression and after the fact shame doesn't go away. Therapist is having me do a time line of my life and it brings shit up when I was little till I was shot at July 30 about 4:50am getting away from my GF over zealous husband.

It's not that I hate life I love my kids and family and GF and fishing and my favorite football team the Kansas City Chiefs may have heard of them idk.
I hate myself for no reason or reasons I don't understand but I tend to cycle and overdose and wake up in the hospital because someone calls the cops to check on me. People have it worse than me and I work with patients that are stuck in the mental hospital till they die. I'm afraid of ending up like that.

I probably shared too much but this is also therapeutic for me and if it helps a friend out or anyone then I'm glad to share.

[Skyy God]

Y’all a bunch of crazy MFers.