Food and Drink THE 43 WORST PEOPLE YOU SEE IN EVERY BAR - Page 5

scho63 · 10-29-2014, 10:51 AM

I laughed my balls off at this!

http://www.thrillist.com/drink/natio...ple-in-the-bar

One of the best things about bars is also one of the worst: you never know who you're going to meet. For every Cute Girl Who Seems to Legitimately Laugh at All Your Jokes (who may or may not be the grown-up equivalent of the Summer camp gf from Canada), there are plenty of people the bar could do without: the ones who ruin everything from the simple ordering of a drink, to your entire night.

So you should peruse this comprehensive list of every watering hole's worst inhabitants, realize you know every single one of them already, then make sure you're not The Lurker.

The Guy Looking For a Fight
Yes, I did bump into you. I'm sorry, but there are 300 people jockeying for space. No, I don’t want to take this outside, I just genuinely think that Affliction shirt is stylish.

The Drink Over-Orderer
"Complex syrup" isn't even a thing.

The Guy Reading an Extremely Thick Paperback Novel Who Is Seemingly Surprised Other People Are Talking Near Him
Everyone is extremely impressed that you can keep re-reading Ken Follett's surprisingly graphic sex scenes.

The Match.com Date
The awkwardness is palpable.

The OK Cupid Date
The awkwardness is palpable but they’re probably gonna have sex anyway.

The Girl Waiting for Her Tinder Date
The awkwardness is about to be palpable any minute once this dude gets done with his other Tinder date. Definitely having sex though.

The Bachelor Party
Why aren’t you in Vegas, you poors?

The Bachelorette Party
Why aren't you in Vegas, you... whoa, did that girl just show her boobs?

The Juke Box Overuser
Stop pumping in $20s just to play Jars of Clay's entire discography.

The Lurker
Is he even here with anyone? He hasn’t spoken in 45mins. Check his shoes for skirt mirrors.

The Girl Who Insists on Ordering Mojitos in an Extremely Crowded Beer Bar
Also, it's January, honey.

The Guy Who Hits on Every Girl at the Bar Strictly Because, Statistically Speaking, Eventually the Odds Will Start to Favor One of Them Saying Yes
Even if he usually doesn't get past, "Hey, girl".

The Hot Girl Who Thinks She's Always Better than Any Bar
Why do you want to leave so badly? You will just hate the next bar too, remember?!?

The Coked-Out Guy
WhoSERIOUSLYhasthisideathat’sgoingtoBLOWYOURMINDsolistenupgoodwhoaDOUG’SHERE&%$@YEAH!DOUG’STHEBEST

The Guy Who Insists on Drinking Whiskey Even Though He’s Terrible at It
Maybe a nice domestic, light beer is more your speed, sir.

Terrifyingly-Sober-Despite-Drinking-All-Night Guy
The opposite of the terrible whiskey drinker. Possibly a replicant.

The Couple With a Baby
Sitters cost $10 an hour, and generally don't even spill beer on your baby.

The Weirdly Available Married Girl
How many "business trips" can one husband go on?

The “Cougar” Who's Actually Just a Sad Old Lady in a Tank Top
She's generally the one using the term “cougar”.

The Quoter
You are not Rick James, bitch.

Headphones Guy
Are they even playing anything? Can he hear us making fun of him? Wait. Is that Jars Of Clay?

The Drink Critic
It’s nice that you have a taste for craft beer. That doesn’t mean other people don't like Red Dog. Also, where did this bar get all this Red Dog?

Guy Who Pretends He Knows the Bartender When He Actually Just Kinda Met Her Once
She has no idea what "the usual" is.

Secret-Boyfriend Girl
Maybe you could've mentioned him in the previous 45mins of close-quarters grinding to "Ignition (Remix)".

The Guy with a Sandwich in a Bar with No Kitchen
Holy crap, that looks good. Is that a rueben? F%&! you, sandwich guy.

The Bartender Fangirl
We know what you did to get those free drinks.

Jägerbomb Guy
He’s clearly uncomfortable with human interaction on anything less than a liter of Red Bull. Often friends with Guy Looking For A Fight.

Ironic Outfit Guy
Someone didn’t get enough attention as a child/teenager/college student/adult.

Barely-Holding-It-Together Emotional-Breakup Girl
No, don't freak out. We just asked if you were using that chair. HOW DOES THAT REMIND YOU OF HIM?!?!?

The Bartender Brown-Noser
He’s not impressed by your small-batch bourbon knowledge. He’s trapped in a small space and works for tips.

The Couple Both on Their Phones
They just favorited each others’ tweets. Totes adorbs. #doublehomicide

Disheveled-Suit Guy
Sometimes taking care of business means changing clothes.

The Minor Local Celebrity
Just because you’re occasionally on TV to tell us there's a tractor trailer jackknifed on the [insert local major thoroughfare here] doesn’t mean I’m gonna buy you a Scotch you can't pronounce.

The Real-Estate Novelist
Only exists in Billy Joel songs.

The Acoustic Guitarist No One Asked for
If we wanted to hear "Your Body Is A Wonderland (Acoustic)", we would've just bought the car our college girlfriend owned in 2002.

The Gay Guy Who Grabs All the Girls' Boobs Just Because He Can
Look, he's running a goddamn comparison test!

The Girl Who Really Wants to Dance on the Bar When It’s Not That Kind of Bar
Please don't. You just knocked ov... oh man. You're really doing it, huh?

The Guy Who Really Shouldn’t Be Dancing
No matter what it seems like, people aren’t clearing out and giving you room to encourage you. And yes, we have seen "The Sprinkler" before.

The Weed-Vaporizer Guy Who Thinks He's Playing It Mad Low-Key
Aren't you supposed to be paranoid or something?

Cigarette-Bumming Girl
She only smokes when she drinks. Which is six nights a week, starting at 5p.

The Guy Who Knows Everything, But Doesn’t
He was even worse before smartphones were invented.

The Out-of-Place Old Couple
Wait. Mom? Uncle Steve?!

The Freelance Writer
We see you scribbling in your notepad. Your “great American novel” is probably just going to end up being a random observational post for some men’s interest website. Wait...

MOhillbilly · 10-29-2014, 02:00 PM

I've been in a billion bar fights.

KC native · 10-29-2014, 02:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chocolate Hog

Nah if I was I'd hang out with you.

Negative. I'm not friends with soulless, fat, GED holding gingers.

Titty Meat · 10-29-2014, 02:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KC native

Negative. I'm not friends with soulless, fat, GED holding gingers.

Yeah only metheads

KC native · 10-29-2014, 02:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MOhillbilly

I've been in a billion bar fights.

As long as you didn't start them for no reason then that is perfectly acceptable.

KC native · 10-29-2014, 02:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chocolate Hog

Yeah only metheads

pathetic ginger is wrong again. When people start ****ing with meth, I cut them out of my life. I grew up around too many cooks and addicts to have any patience for that shit.

**Rausch** · 10-29-2014, 02:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KC native

Negative. I'm not friends with soulless, fat, GED holding gingers.

Why you gotta' hate on fat people?...

KC native · 10-29-2014, 02:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rausch

Why you gotta' hate on fat people?...

Bcuz they mad when walmart labels their costumes correctly.

Titty Meat · 10-29-2014, 02:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rausch

You should know pretty quick if that's going to work out.

Just don't be Mr. Jealous.

Hell, play it in your favor. If you're a decent guy she's free advertising for you. Be a decent guy and that friend might hook you up one day...

Meh I just keep it movin

**Rausch** · 10-29-2014, 02:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KC native

Bcuz they mad when walmart labels their costumes correctly.

Unless they moved the costumes in front of the beer isle, no...

Marcellus · 10-29-2014, 04:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dayze

Weekly House band that plays as loud as they would if they were to play at Sprint center, while at a bar the size of a kitchen pantry. Oh, and we like your covers and don't care about your "original" stuff.

Seen that band, probably been in that band when younger. But that's the bars fault, not the bands. Its the bar's responisbility to monitor and police their band's volume and set IMO.

If they suck don't book em.

**LoneWolf** · 10-29-2014, 04:22 PM

At one of the local bars I frequent there is "braggadocious rich guy". He is always trying to impress people by buying drinks and talking about how much money he has.

**Bob Dole** · 10-29-2014, 04:26 PM

Bob Dole is sitting alone in a bar, hasn't spoken a word since he walked in, just drank a jaeger bomb and is reading Chiefsplanet. Is that on the list?

InChiefsHeaven · 10-29-2014, 04:31 PM

Guy who got kidnapped by a bunch of younger dudes and sips on one beer wishing like hell he could just go...

...I've been that guy. In Kansas City, as a matter of fact. Went to a game years ago with the younger dudes next door (I was 30, they were like 24-26, all single). Watched them get shot down all night and felt old and out of place. But they drove, so...

InChiefsHeaven · 10-29-2014, 04:34 PM

Drunk dude that wants to sit in on a song with the band...I've dealt with that guy...many times...

He also wants you to play Def Lepard, and wants to look at your rig so he can tell you how much better his is...

**LoneWolf** · 10-29-2014, 04:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by InChiefsHell

Drunk dude that wants to sit in on a song with the band...I've dealt with that guy...many times...

He also wants you to play Def Lepard, and wants to look at your rig so he can tell you how much better his is...

Ever run into "Play some Skynyrd" guy?

10-29-2014, 10:51 AM
scho63 Politically Incorrect Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Scottsdale, AZ Casino cash: $2651110	THE 43 WORST PEOPLE YOU SEE IN EVERY BAR I laughed my balls off at this! http://www.thrillist.com/drink/natio...ple-in-the-bar One of the best things about bars is also one of the worst: you never know who you're going to meet. For every Cute Girl Who Seems to Legitimately Laugh at All Your Jokes (who may or may not be the grown-up equivalent of the Summer camp gf from Canada), there are plenty of people the bar could do without: the ones who ruin everything from the simple ordering of a drink, to your entire night. So you should peruse this comprehensive list of every watering hole's worst inhabitants, realize you know every single one of them already, then make sure you're not The Lurker. The Guy Looking For a Fight Yes, I did bump into you. I'm sorry, but there are 300 people jockeying for space. No, I don’t want to take this outside, I just genuinely think that Affliction shirt is stylish. The Drink Over-Orderer "Complex syrup" isn't even a thing. The Guy Reading an Extremely Thick Paperback Novel Who Is Seemingly Surprised Other People Are Talking Near Him Everyone is extremely impressed that you can keep re-reading Ken Follett's surprisingly graphic sex scenes. The Match.com Date The awkwardness is palpable. The OK Cupid Date The awkwardness is palpable but they’re probably gonna have sex anyway. The Girl Waiting for Her Tinder Date The awkwardness is about to be palpable any minute once this dude gets done with his other Tinder date. Definitely having sex though. The Bachelor Party Why aren’t you in Vegas, you poors? The Bachelorette Party Why aren't you in Vegas, you... whoa, did that girl just show her boobs? The Juke Box Overuser Stop pumping in $20s just to play Jars of Clay's entire discography. The Lurker Is he even here with anyone? He hasn’t spoken in 45mins. Check his shoes for skirt mirrors. The Girl Who Insists on Ordering Mojitos in an Extremely Crowded Beer Bar Also, it's January, honey. The Guy Who Hits on Every Girl at the Bar Strictly Because, Statistically Speaking, Eventually the Odds Will Start to Favor One of Them Saying Yes Even if he usually doesn't get past, "Hey, girl". The Hot Girl Who Thinks She's Always Better than Any Bar Why do you want to leave so badly? You will just hate the next bar too, remember?!? The Coked-Out Guy WhoSERIOUSLYhasthisideathat’sgoingtoBLOWYOURMINDsolistenupgoodwhoaDOUG’SHERE&%$@YEAH!DOUG’STHEBEST The Guy Who Insists on Drinking Whiskey Even Though He’s Terrible at It Maybe a nice domestic, light beer is more your speed, sir. Terrifyingly-Sober-Despite-Drinking-All-Night Guy The opposite of the terrible whiskey drinker. Possibly a replicant. The Couple With a Baby Sitters cost $10 an hour, and generally don't even spill beer on your baby. The Weirdly Available Married Girl How many "business trips" can one husband go on? The “Cougar” Who's Actually Just a Sad Old Lady in a Tank Top She's generally the one using the term “cougar”. The Quoter You are not Rick James, bitch. Headphones Guy Are they even playing anything? Can he hear us making fun of him? Wait. Is that Jars Of Clay? The Drink Critic It’s nice that you have a taste for craft beer. That doesn’t mean other people don't like Red Dog. Also, where did this bar get all this Red Dog? Guy Who Pretends He Knows the Bartender When He Actually Just Kinda Met Her Once She has no idea what "the usual" is. Secret-Boyfriend Girl Maybe you could've mentioned him in the previous 45mins of close-quarters grinding to "Ignition (Remix)". The Guy with a Sandwich in a Bar with No Kitchen Holy crap, that looks good. Is that a rueben? F%&! you, sandwich guy. The Bartender Fangirl We know what you did to get those free drinks. Jägerbomb Guy He’s clearly uncomfortable with human interaction on anything less than a liter of Red Bull. Often friends with Guy Looking For A Fight. Ironic Outfit Guy Someone didn’t get enough attention as a child/teenager/college student/adult. Barely-Holding-It-Together Emotional-Breakup Girl No, don't freak out. We just asked if you were using that chair. HOW DOES THAT REMIND YOU OF HIM?!?!? The Bartender Brown-Noser He’s not impressed by your small-batch bourbon knowledge. He’s trapped in a small space and works for tips. The Couple Both on Their Phones They just favorited each others’ tweets. Totes adorbs. #doublehomicide Disheveled-Suit Guy Sometimes taking care of business means changing clothes. The Minor Local Celebrity Just because you’re occasionally on TV to tell us there's a tractor trailer jackknifed on the [insert local major thoroughfare here] doesn’t mean I’m gonna buy you a Scotch you can't pronounce. The Real-Estate Novelist Only exists in Billy Joel songs. The Acoustic Guitarist No One Asked for If we wanted to hear "Your Body Is A Wonderland (Acoustic)", we would've just bought the car our college girlfriend owned in 2002. The Gay Guy Who Grabs All the Girls' Boobs Just Because He Can Look, he's running a goddamn comparison test! The Girl Who Really Wants to Dance on the Bar When It’s Not That Kind of Bar Please don't. You just knocked ov... oh man. You're really doing it, huh? The Guy Who Really Shouldn’t Be Dancing No matter what it seems like, people aren’t clearing out and giving you room to encourage you. And yes, we have seen "The Sprinkler" before. The Weed-Vaporizer Guy Who Thinks He's Playing It Mad Low-Key Aren't you supposed to be paranoid or something? Cigarette-Bumming Girl She only smokes when she drinks. Which is six nights a week, starting at 5p. The Guy Who Knows Everything, But Doesn’t He was even worse before smartphones were invented. The Out-of-Place Old Couple Wait. Mom? Uncle Steve?! The Freelance Writer We see you scribbling in your notepad. Your “great American novel” is probably just going to end up being a random observational post for some men’s interest website. Wait...
Posts: 50,600

10-29-2014, 02:00 PM	#61
MOhillbilly Mama Tried Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Missouri Casino cash: $9949903	I've been in a billion bar fights. __________________ True Son of Liberty
Posts: 23,371

10-29-2014, 04:22 PM	#71
LoneWolf Constable of Untruths Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Wichita Casino cash: $1611084	At one of the local bars I frequent there is "braggadocious rich guy". He is always trying to impress people by buying drinks and talking about how much money he has.
Posts: 15,015

10-29-2014, 04:26 PM	#72
Bob Dole King Shit of **** Mountain Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Texarkana, Texas Casino cash: $2464497	Bob Dole is sitting alone in a bar, hasn't spoken a word since he walked in, just drank a jaeger bomb and is reading Chiefsplanet. Is that on the list?
Posts: 48,605

10-29-2014, 04:31 PM	#73
InChiefsHeaven Rockin' yer FACE OFF! Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Omaha, Nebraska Casino cash: $3764937	Guy who got kidnapped by a bunch of younger dudes and sips on one beer wishing like hell he could just go... ...I've been that guy. In Kansas City, as a matter of fact. Went to a game years ago with the younger dudes next door (I was 30, they were like 24-26, all single). Watched them get shot down all night and felt old and out of place. But they drove, so... __________________ We have a million reasons for failure, but not one excuse... Die Donks, DIE!! Holy Crap fellas!!! We did it!!! THREE TIMES!!!
Posts: 25,749

10-29-2014, 04:34 PM	#74
InChiefsHeaven Rockin' yer FACE OFF! Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Omaha, Nebraska Casino cash: $3764937	Drunk dude that wants to sit in on a song with the band...I've dealt with that guy...many times... He also wants you to play Def Lepard, and wants to look at your rig so he can tell you how much better his is... __________________ We have a million reasons for failure, but not one excuse... Die Donks, DIE!! Holy Crap fellas!!! We did it!!! THREE TIMES!!!
Posts: 25,749