Funny Stuff Clean jokes can be funny too! - Page 17

Frankie · 05:17 PM

Or at least good for a chuckle. Here's something completely different (for this BB). This thread is dedicated to ONLY CLEAN JOKES. Please post any clean joke that you find funny or at least amusing. We will not call you "dorks." Not in this thread. Let's see what you've got,... and share them.

Don't worry about repeat jokes. Nobody has time to check all posts.

DMAC · 03-29-2006, 02:00 PM

Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here.

DMAC · 03-29-2006, 02:03 PM

I'm sure everyone has heard this one,

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That’s not surprising," the elders say. "You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here.

yunghungwell · 03-29-2006, 03:20 PM

What happened to the Friday goof off post thread? Did it get deleted while I was absent from the "Planet" these past months?

**HemiEd** · 03-29-2006, 04:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yunghungwell

What happened to the Friday goof off post thread? Did it get deleted while I was absent from the "Planet" these past months?

It is not Friday.

**HemiEd** · 03-29-2006, 04:42 PM

Only in Minnesota

rad · 03-29-2006, 04:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DMAC

A Polock walks into a bar with a pile of steamy crap in his hands and says "Hey everyone, look what I almost stepped in!!"

Frankie · 03-30-2006, 09:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yunghungwell

What happened to the Friday goof off post thread? Did it get deleted while I was absent from the "Planet" these past months?

I've been wondering about that too.

Mods... can you bring it back?

**Skip Towne** · 03-30-2006, 10:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ROYC75

Somebody ( a KSU fan ) claimed Huggins will run a clean program at KSU.............

Har har har! Good one, Roy!!

**HemiEd** · 03-30-2006, 12:36 PM

kc hopeful · 03-30-2006, 09:36 PM

TO BE 6 AGAIN

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed,
observing his wife turning back and forth, looking at herself in the mirror.

Since her birthday was not far off, he asked
what she'd like to have for her Birthday.

I'd like to be six again, she replied, still
looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early,
made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day ! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster... everything there was. Five hours Later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

He then took her to a McDonald's where he
ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop,
andher favorite candy,M&M's. What a fabulous adventure ! Finally she wobbled home with her
husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and
lovingly asked, Well Dear, what was it like being six again ??

Her eyes slowly opened and her ___expression
suddenly changed.

I meant my Dress Size, you idiot !!

The moral of the story: Even when a man is
listening, he is going to get it wrong.

DMAC · 03-30-2006, 09:48 PM

Good joke until the moral part.

greg63 · 03-31-2006, 01:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kc hopeful

TO BE 6 AGAIN

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed,
observing his wife turning back and forth, looking at herself in the mirror.

Since her birthday was not far off, he asked
what she'd like to have for her Birthday.

I'd like to be six again, she replied, still
looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early,
made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day ! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster... everything there was. Five hours Later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

He then took her to a McDonald's where he
ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop,
andher favorite candy,M&M's. What a fabulous adventure ! Finally she wobbled home with her
husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and
lovingly asked, Well Dear, what was it like being six again ??

Her eyes slowly opened and her ___expression
suddenly changed.

I meant my Dress Size, you idiot !!

The moral of the story: Even when a man is
listening, he is going to get it wrong.

Yup, we men are just wrong by virtue of being men.

yunghungwell · 03-31-2006, 10:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Frankie

I've been wondering about that too.

Mods... can you bring it back?

Yeah, I had a joke ready for that thread because it was a little too dirty for this one. I searched for quite some time without finding it. Frusterating!

sedated · 03-31-2006, 10:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Delano

Joke

Ralph arrived at his Internal Revenue Service audit accompanied by another man. The IRS guy assumed the other man was Ralph's attorney.

Going over his records, the IRS official said, "Well, sir, it appears that you live at a much higher level than your reported employment income. How do you explain that?"

Ralph replied, "I love to gamble and I usually win."

The skeptical official gave him a disbelieving look.

"I can prove it," said Ralph. "How about a demonstration?"

The official thought a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."

Ralph said, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."

The auditor thought a moment and said, "No way! It's a bet!"

Ralph removed his glass eye and bit it.

The official's jaw dropped. Ralph said, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."

The official could tell Ralph wasn't blind, so he took the bet.

Ralph then removed his dentures and bit his good eye.

The stunned official was now three grand in the hole

"Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asked. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on your desk and piss into that wastebasket by the door over there and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, was cautious now, but there's no way this guy could manage that stunt, so he agreed again!

Ralph climbed up on the auditor's desk, missed the wastebasket completely, and pretty much peed all over the desk.

The official grinned. He had just turned a huge loss into a huge win! But then he noticed that Ralph's friend looked ashen and was visibly shaking.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

The man replied, "Not really. Before we arrived, Ralph bet me twenty thousand dollars he'd piss on your desk and you'd be happy about it!"

I take it you've seen Desperado, too

Frankie · 03-31-2006, 01:15 PM

At school, a boy is told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, I know the whole truth -- even when you don't know anything. The boy decides to go home and try it out. As he is greeted by his mother at the front door he says, I know the whole truth. His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, Just don't tell your father.
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, I know the whole truth. The father promptly hands him $40 and says, Please don't say a word to your mother.
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, I know the whole truth.
The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms and says, Then come give your dad a big hug.

09-25-2005, 09:00 AM
Frankie Banned Join Date: Jul 2001 Casino cash: $10004900	Clean jokes can be funny too! Or at least good for a chuckle. Here's something completely different (for this BB). This thread is dedicated to ONLY CLEAN JOKES. Please post any clean joke that you find funny or at least amusing. We will not call you "dorks." Not in this thread. Let's see what you've got,... and share them. Don't worry about repeat jokes. Nobody has time to check all posts. Last edited by Frankie; 07-10-2011 at 05:17 PM..
Posts: 26,959

03-29-2006, 02:00 PM	#241
DMAC MVP Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Springfield, MO Casino cash: $10008735	Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here.
Posts: 11,651

03-29-2006, 02:03 PM	#242
DMAC MVP Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Springfield, MO Casino cash: $10008735	I'm sure everyone has heard this one, A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That’s not surprising," the elders say. "You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here.
Posts: 11,651

03-29-2006, 03:20 PM	#243
yunghungwell Whip it, whip it good. Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: In a rusty cage. Casino cash: $10004900	What happened to the Friday goof off post thread? Did it get deleted while I was absent from the "Planet" these past months?
Posts: 436

03-29-2006, 04:42 PM	#245
HemiEd Supporter Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Ozarks Casino cash: $3050564	Only in Minnesota Attached Thumbnails
Posts: 33,476

03-30-2006, 12:36 PM	#249
HemiEd Supporter Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Ozarks Casino cash: $3050564	. Attached Thumbnails
Posts: 33,476

03-30-2006, 09:36 PM	#250
kc hopeful Starter Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: The Texas Pothandle Casino cash: $10005020	TO BE 6 AGAIN A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife turning back and forth, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off, he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday. I'd like to be six again, she replied, still looking in the mirror. On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day ! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster... everything there was. Five hours Later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, andher favorite candy,M&M's. What a fabulous adventure ! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, Well Dear, what was it like being six again ?? Her eyes slowly opened and her ___expression suddenly changed. I meant my Dress Size, you idiot !! The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is going to get it wrong.
Posts: 471

03-30-2006, 09:48 PM	#251
DMAC MVP Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Springfield, MO Casino cash: $10008735	Good joke until the moral part.
Posts: 11,651

03-31-2006, 01:15 PM	#255
Frankie Banned Join Date: Jul 2001 Casino cash: $10004900	At school, a boy is told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, I know the whole truth -- even when you don't know anything. The boy decides to go home and try it out. As he is greeted by his mother at the front door he says, I know the whole truth. His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, Just don't tell your father. Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, I know the whole truth. The father promptly hands him $40 and says, Please don't say a word to your mother. Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, I know the whole truth. The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms and says, Then come give your dad a big hug.
Posts: 26,959