Should my bro leave his girl?

[TripleThreat]

Thanks for the answers bros. Just wanted some quick little feedback and got it. Thanks for that!

[luv]

Originally Posted by Dayze

for some people it's cost prohibitive to split up.
not sure what his financial situation is like, but over the last 5 years probably 4 or 5 of my friends have divorced....each seemingly more ****ed over than the last. One pays 2400/mo in alimony and child support, and his ex doesn't work (because she didn't work when they were together).

another split and pays nearly $1k in child support and he can't afford to live on his own. 42 years old and has been living with his parents for the past 3 years and will be for teh foreseable future.

I can't even imagine having to shell out that much coin per month.

What's the visitation situation? Typically, the less time a parent has with a child, the more they pay financially.

[allen_kcCard]

Didn't read all the replies, but personally, I'd live with my worst enemy in the entire world and do it with a grin if it meant I didn't have to be without my child for even 1 second just because someone else told me I couldn't be with them at that time.

[Canofbier]

Originally Posted by JakeLV

I'm probably going to be in the minority here.

If you're talking about being unhappy to folks other than the person you're unhappy with, then you're doing it wrong.

Communication is absolutely the key. If "your brother" feels beat down by the girlfriend, she likely feels beat down by things he does as well (and this is likely true, even if she's batshit crazy).

Women and men don't communicate the same way either, so meet in the middle. Don't tell her what she's doing wrong (because it instantly makes folks defensive), but tell how the things she does and says makes you FEEL.

If you can establish that line of communication, and you can air out your grievances and get it all out there in the light, only THEN are you really at a place where you can make a decision about whether you want to move on. Right now? You're miserable. You're tired of getting beat up. You're tired of the fighting. So stop fighting and start talking. If you can do that, you can decide whether what you once had is worth working toward, or if there is too much pain and anger between you two to bridge the gap.

As far as kids go, I wouldn't advocate staying together just for her. Kids want parents who love each other and give them that strong foundation. If you can't do it (and you really need to look at whether you CAN put in the work), then move on.

Good luck.

I'm not someone with a lot of experience with this sort of thing, but Jake's response seems reasonable to me. Only thing I'll add is that marriage/relationship counseling exists largely for this sort of situation. Honest communication between two people about something this sensitive is hard, and a professional third party may be able to help work things out. Once the couple has a mutual understanding of the things that aren't working for them, they can either work it out or part a little more amicably knowing that it's best for them both in the long run.

[Dayze]

Originally Posted by luv

What's the visitation situation? Typically, the less time a parent has with a child, the more they pay financially.

hmm. that's a good point.
come to think of it, the guy that pays through the nose is like Wednesdays and over other weekend.

the guy that's $1k/mo is something like 5 days on, 5 days off or something very similar to that.

[Dayze]

just to clarify, my 'cost prohibitive' statement. I have two friends where they (their wives and themselves) basically don't like each other any longer, but they both realize they would be screwed financially if they were to split up.

that's where I was going with that statement.

[Predarat]

[RobBlake]

Originally Posted by JakeLV

I'm probably going to be in the minority here.

If you're talking about being unhappy to folks other than the person you're unhappy with, then you're doing it wrong.

Communication is absolutely the key. If "your brother" feels beat down by the girlfriend, she likely feels beat down by things he does as well (and this is likely true, even if she's batshit crazy).

Women and men don't communicate the same way either, so meet in the middle. Don't tell her what she's doing wrong (because it instantly makes folks defensive), but tell how the things she does and says makes you FEEL.

If you can establish that line of communication, and you can air out your grievances and get it all out there in the light, only THEN are you really at a place where you can make a decision about whether you want to move on. Right now? You're miserable. You're tired of getting beat up. You're tired of the fighting. So stop fighting and start talking. If you can do that, you can decide whether what you once had is worth working toward, or if there is too much pain and anger between you two to bridge the gap.

As far as kids go, I wouldn't advocate staying together just for her. Kids want parents who love each other and give them that strong foundation. If you can't do it (and you really need to look at whether you CAN put in the work), then move on.

Good luck.

yep, first thing I learned in Comm class in college was never start or engage in a disagreement by using the words YOU AWLAYS.. or YOU DON'T.. etc. Always put the weight on yourself and how you're experiencing things emotionally and it will sound less aggressive and more open to communication

[RINGLEADER]

Does he like her/does she make him happy?

Does she want to split?

I've never understood people who fight to try to stay with someone who doesn't like them or work at relationships that make them unhappy. Just makes zero sense.

[lewdog]

Can your dick touch your butthole?

[notorious]

Originally Posted by RobBlake

yep, first thing I learned in Comm class in college was never start or engage in a disagreement by using the words YOU AWLAYS.. or YOU DON'T.. etc. Always put the weight on yourself and how you're experiencing things emotionally and it will sound less aggressive and more open to communication

Only a Sith Lord deals in absolutes.


My wife is a Sith Lord.

[38yrsfan]

Originally Posted by allen_kcCard

Didn't read all the replies, but personally, I'd live with my worst enemy in the entire world and do it with a grin if it meant I didn't have to be without my child for even 1 second just because someone else told me I couldn't be with them at that time.

Agree completely.

Luv - Been there done that but came away with a different perspective. The sacrifice of both for the child. That is an exceptional level of love.

[factortobe]

Originally Posted by threebag02

Has he given consideration to pimping her out?

[Beef Supreme]

If he would quit hoeing and wait on God, he could live the life he always wanted.

[seclark]

billay and lewdog
sec

[ThaVirus]

Originally Posted by Dayze

just to clarify, my 'cost prohibitive' statement. I have two friends where they (their wives and themselves) basically don't like each other any longer, but they both realize they would be screwed financially if they were to split up.

that's where I was going with that statement.

In my 20s and I already know a few couples like that.