Life Death and Old Age

**Rain Man** · 08-04-2014, 05:54 PM

I just got back from my cousin's funeral.

He was eight years older than me, and the first person in my generation of family to die. I didn't know him extremely well, because we generally saw each other only on holidays, and even then only during my childhood. But he nonetheless had a notable impact on me.

Whenever we would visit his house, I had two things on my agenda. The first was to go to the bathroom and rinse the vomit out of my mouth, because they lived along some winding country roads that had the perfect harmonic pattern to make me carsick. But the second was to go check out my cousin's bolo tie collection. He was a big collector of bolo ties and always had interesting ones to look at.

The coolest bolo tie to an eight year old was one that had a small dead scorpion encased in lucite or some such thing. I'd see that, and I'd think, "Daayyyummmm, how cool are you when you're wearing a bolo tie with a scorpion in it?"

When I was 8 he was driving, and when I was 10 he was married, so we were always in a different life stage. In that way, he wasn't part of the pack, but it was good to have an older cousin because he was the leader of our generation. My parents and aunts and uncles were all adults, and I knew I'd never be an adult, but this guy was one of us. He was a cousin, and yet he had it all put together. He had a car. He had a girl. He wore cool bolo ties with scorpions. If he could do it, maybe the little dweebie kids like me could do it.

So I went to his funeral this weekend. It was a catholic funeral and I had forgotten that he was raised a catholic. Whether it was tradition or a compromise of physical space, they caught me by surprise with the his coffin. I walked in, signed the guest register, turned, and "Whoa! Dead person right behind me!" Are catholics big on funeral practical jokes?

Anyway, I'd never been to a catholic funeral, and it was good exercise. I stood and I sat and I stood and I sat. It went on a while, and at some point the priest even stopped and had a snack. Then he invited the other catholics to come up for a snack but he didn't invite the non-Catholics, and I understood a little better why northern Ireland has had those hostilities. Rather than fomenting armed conflict, I used that opportunity to head to the bathroom and then came back the next time everyone sat down and stood up.

I haven't been to a funeral in years, and remembered that I don't enjoy them. You've got family crying and friends crying and cousins trying not to cry, and the whole process seems like it's designed to make you cry. I don't like crying in public, and it generally only happens during funerals and playoff losses. That's not my gig.

My cousin's father is still alive, and he seems pretty sharp mentally though he's in a wheelchair now and he looks really old. We went to the grave service after the funeral and I saw him sitting there, and I thought, "Wow. That's a bad day for you when you're burying your only son." The guy also buried his wife three months ago after more than 60 years of marriage, and now he's got to move to an assisted living facility since he lost most of his family this year and can't really take care of himself at this point.

Then we went to the post-funeral dinner, and I have to say that the catholics shined here. The church members whip up a dinner, and while the vegetables were pretty sparse and overcooked they sure had a lot of desserts.

My elderly diabetic parents loaded up on the desserts, insisting that they're "usually pretty good about watching their sugars". They had six types of cookies on the kitchen counter when I went to their house to spend the weekend, but they're usually pretty good about watching their sugars. They ate dessert at every meal and made cinnamon rolls in the morning, so the smart bet is on diabetes to win in the long term.

So I'm sitting there, and my uncle is in his wheelchair thinking about his move and my cousin is gone. My elderly parents are gnoshing on cheesecake and my other aunt and uncle are talking about selling their rural house because they need better access to healthcare. And about this point I realize that Time is about to swing a very large scythe through my personal history. The next ten years is going to be a rough ride.

I've always declared that I will be the world's oldest human being. I love this little blue planet and I love my life. But man, I'm looking around and there's not a good end game. You either go out like my cousin and get cheated out of twenty or twenty-five years, or you go out like my uncle where you're in a room with four walls and no one knows you exist other than the Social Security Office. And I see once-omnipotent relatives getting more hunched and more forgetful and counting every penny because retirement is hard, or hobbling to work because retirement is not possible, and I'm just not seeing what I want to see. And when I don't shave my beard stubble looks really silver.

I don't know about this whole thing. Those financial ads show retired people on yachts with nautical captain hats and powder blue sweaters tied around their necks. But I don't know anybody with a yacht and I don't know that many people with powder blue sweaters, and I don't think that's really how it ends, anyway.

I'm in conflict. I absolutely don't want to go early like my cousin did, because he got cheated. But I'm not really liking how it ends for the older ones, too. We all got put onto this ride and right now we're laughing and screaming and holding our hands up in the air, but I don't think we're going to be collecting our belongings and exiting to the right when it's over. And I don't really like that. Maybe I'll start looking more into the Walt Disney disembodied head option.

There needs to be a rewind button or something.

**mdchiefsfan** · 08-04-2014, 06:01 PM

Depressing realization. This is why it would be bad to know the future. The mystery of it coming for you makes life worthwhile. Make the most of it and have no regrets, so that it won't matter if you go early or are posted up in a nursing home.

**mdchiefsfan** · 08-04-2014, 06:02 PM

To ad: this thought process will now be stuck with me forever. I hope I can shake it. Thanks Rainman.

**Rain Man** · 08-04-2014, 06:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mdchiefsfan

To ad: this thought process will now be stuck with me forever. I hope I can shake it. Thanks Rainman.

I've always tried to avoid this realization, but man - this was a rough trip home. It was like living inside that Mickey Rourke wrestling movie or that recent Nebraska movie, but without the music.

**mdchiefsfan** · 08-04-2014, 06:11 PM

I'll just be happy if I don't die from Ebola. That will shake it (hopefully)!

**LoneWolf** · 08-04-2014, 06:15 PM

Thanks for the giant serving of depression with a large cup of self-awareness. If nobody sees me post in the next 48 hours, can someone alert the authorities in Wichita to let them know there is a Chiefs fan hanging in a closet on the west side of town.

Hog's Gone Fishin · 08-04-2014, 06:24 PM

Wow! I think I'll put on my night vision and go looking for strays tonight.

shitgoose · 08-04-2014, 06:25 PM

Can you quit with this depressing BS rainman?

I'm trying to watch my sugars

**Buzz** · 08-04-2014, 06:26 PM

Me, I'm just running the race.

Katipan · 08-04-2014, 06:32 PM

Live a full enough life that your end game is of little consequence to you.

I have a batty 90 year old grandmother still living on her own. I suppose on the outside her life doesn't seem too exciting. She's certainly lost a lot of loved ones. But she's still the happiest person I know.

It's all about how you want to approach it.

**Gadzooks** · 08-04-2014, 06:33 PM

Doesn't this dawn on most people in their early adolescence?
I recall seeing my Grandparents, Great Aunts and Uncles deteriorating every time I saw them. My teens were often interrupted for my services as a pall-bearer.

I've had a hard time deciding whether to live my life on the straight and narrow with the hopes of living to to a ripe old age/ or / to indulge in the things that give my life pleasure.(it's unfortunate they can't be one in the same).

I've opted for the latter and have made every effort to leave behind everything I can for those left in my wake.

My family has a history of Alzheimer Disease, Cancer, Heart Disease. I've watched it cut down older relatives with no support. I don't plan on going out like that. My death will be a pensive moment. It may sting at first, but those left behind will be stronger for it.

**Bugeater** · 08-04-2014, 06:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rain Man

I've always tried to avoid this realization, but man - this was a rough trip home. It was like living inside that Mickey Rourke wrestling movie or that recent Nebraska movie, but without the music.

There's a movie about Nebraska? Is it just 90 minutes of nothing?

**BigRedChief** · 08-04-2014, 06:38 PM

This is why you don't **** around and live life. It ain't no dress rehearsal. Regrets have to be the worst possible last feeling you can possibly have.

**Rain Man** · 08-04-2014, 06:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bacon Cheeseburger

There's a movie about Nebraska? Is it just 90 minutes of nothing?

There are a couple of funny parts, but otherwise, yeah.

irocdave · 08-04-2014, 06:42 PM

Life sucks sometimes. Just remember you can only control what you can control, which isn't a lot sometimes but you keep trying. We are all much more fortunate than most in this world, being in the US, having family that pretty much controls there situation in life as we also have. The will to live should be strong, no matter the circumstances as that's what makes all beings strong. It sucks seeing people get old and loose their cognitive ability but they made it to that stage, most human beings don't.

When bad things happen in life you wonder why are we here. The reason ( don't need a religious sermon) is because we are and we need to make the most of it. Worship Christ, Buddha, Islam, whatever. The will to survive is not religious based, it's the most characteristic of the life forms on this planet. Do your best while your here and let your maker judge you when your not.

Keep your chin up, what doesn't kill you will make you stronger and that's the truth to the life we live.

08-04-2014, 05:54 PM
Rain Man NFL's #1 Ermines Fan Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: My house Casino cash: $3298491 VARSITY	Death and Old Age I just got back from my cousin's funeral. He was eight years older than me, and the first person in my generation of family to die. I didn't know him extremely well, because we generally saw each other only on holidays, and even then only during my childhood. But he nonetheless had a notable impact on me. Whenever we would visit his house, I had two things on my agenda. The first was to go to the bathroom and rinse the vomit out of my mouth, because they lived along some winding country roads that had the perfect harmonic pattern to make me carsick. But the second was to go check out my cousin's bolo tie collection. He was a big collector of bolo ties and always had interesting ones to look at. The coolest bolo tie to an eight year old was one that had a small dead scorpion encased in lucite or some such thing. I'd see that, and I'd think, "Daayyyummmm, how cool are you when you're wearing a bolo tie with a scorpion in it?" When I was 8 he was driving, and when I was 10 he was married, so we were always in a different life stage. In that way, he wasn't part of the pack, but it was good to have an older cousin because he was the leader of our generation. My parents and aunts and uncles were all adults, and I knew I'd never be an adult, but this guy was one of us. He was a cousin, and yet he had it all put together. He had a car. He had a girl. He wore cool bolo ties with scorpions. If he could do it, maybe the little dweebie kids like me could do it. So I went to his funeral this weekend. It was a catholic funeral and I had forgotten that he was raised a catholic. Whether it was tradition or a compromise of physical space, they caught me by surprise with the his coffin. I walked in, signed the guest register, turned, and "Whoa! Dead person right behind me!" Are catholics big on funeral practical jokes? Anyway, I'd never been to a catholic funeral, and it was good exercise. I stood and I sat and I stood and I sat. It went on a while, and at some point the priest even stopped and had a snack. Then he invited the other catholics to come up for a snack but he didn't invite the non-Catholics, and I understood a little better why northern Ireland has had those hostilities. Rather than fomenting armed conflict, I used that opportunity to head to the bathroom and then came back the next time everyone sat down and stood up. I haven't been to a funeral in years, and remembered that I don't enjoy them. You've got family crying and friends crying and cousins trying not to cry, and the whole process seems like it's designed to make you cry. I don't like crying in public, and it generally only happens during funerals and playoff losses. That's not my gig. My cousin's father is still alive, and he seems pretty sharp mentally though he's in a wheelchair now and he looks really old. We went to the grave service after the funeral and I saw him sitting there, and I thought, "Wow. That's a bad day for you when you're burying your only son." The guy also buried his wife three months ago after more than 60 years of marriage, and now he's got to move to an assisted living facility since he lost most of his family this year and can't really take care of himself at this point. Then we went to the post-funeral dinner, and I have to say that the catholics shined here. The church members whip up a dinner, and while the vegetables were pretty sparse and overcooked they sure had a lot of desserts. My elderly diabetic parents loaded up on the desserts, insisting that they're "usually pretty good about watching their sugars". They had six types of cookies on the kitchen counter when I went to their house to spend the weekend, but they're usually pretty good about watching their sugars. They ate dessert at every meal and made cinnamon rolls in the morning, so the smart bet is on diabetes to win in the long term. So I'm sitting there, and my uncle is in his wheelchair thinking about his move and my cousin is gone. My elderly parents are gnoshing on cheesecake and my other aunt and uncle are talking about selling their rural house because they need better access to healthcare. And about this point I realize that Time is about to swing a very large scythe through my personal history. The next ten years is going to be a rough ride. I've always declared that I will be the world's oldest human being. I love this little blue planet and I love my life. But man, I'm looking around and there's not a good end game. You either go out like my cousin and get cheated out of twenty or twenty-five years, or you go out like my uncle where you're in a room with four walls and no one knows you exist other than the Social Security Office. And I see once-omnipotent relatives getting more hunched and more forgetful and counting every penny because retirement is hard, or hobbling to work because retirement is not possible, and I'm just not seeing what I want to see. And when I don't shave my beard stubble looks really silver. I don't know about this whole thing. Those financial ads show retired people on yachts with nautical captain hats and powder blue sweaters tied around their necks. But I don't know anybody with a yacht and I don't know that many people with powder blue sweaters, and I don't think that's really how it ends, anyway. I'm in conflict. I absolutely don't want to go early like my cousin did, because he got cheated. But I'm not really liking how it ends for the older ones, too. We all got put onto this ride and right now we're laughing and screaming and holding our hands up in the air, but I don't think we're going to be collecting our belongings and exiting to the right when it's over. And I don't really like that. Maybe I'll start looking more into the Walt Disney disembodied head option. There needs to be a rewind button or something.
Posts: 141,448

08-04-2014, 06:01 PM	#2
mdchiefsfan Supporter Join Date: Dec 2009 Casino cash: $3443904	Depressing realization. This is why it would be bad to know the future. The mystery of it coming for you makes life worthwhile. Make the most of it and have no regrets, so that it won't matter if you go early or are posted up in a nursing home. __________________ 2017 Adopt-A-Chief:TYREEK HILL
Posts: 10,760

08-04-2014, 06:02 PM	#3
mdchiefsfan Supporter Join Date: Dec 2009 Casino cash: $3443904	To ad: this thought process will now be stuck with me forever. I hope I can shake it. Thanks Rainman. __________________ 2017 Adopt-A-Chief:TYREEK HILL
Posts: 10,760

08-04-2014, 06:11 PM	#5
mdchiefsfan Supporter Join Date: Dec 2009 Casino cash: $3443904	I'll just be happy if I don't die from Ebola. That will shake it (hopefully)! __________________ 2017 Adopt-A-Chief:TYREEK HILL
Posts: 10,760

08-04-2014, 06:15 PM	#6
LoneWolf Constable of Untruths Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Wichita Casino cash: $1711084	Thanks for the giant serving of depression with a large cup of self-awareness. If nobody sees me post in the next 48 hours, can someone alert the authorities in Wichita to let them know there is a Chiefs fan hanging in a closet on the west side of town.
Posts: 14,997

08-04-2014, 06:24 PM	#7
Hog's Gone Fishin Fish are scared of me Join Date: Nov 2001 Casino cash: $1680477	Wow! I think I'll put on my night vision and go looking for strays tonight.
Posts: 40,361

08-04-2014, 06:25 PM	#8
shitgoose Veteran Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Wichita Casino cash: $4242833	Can you quit with this depressing BS rainman? I'm trying to watch my sugars __________________
Posts: 1,640

08-04-2014, 06:26 PM	#9
Buzz I like Pie! Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: In my garage Casino cash: $10016623	Me, I'm just running the race.
Posts: 5,383

08-04-2014, 06:32 PM	#10
Katipan MER Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Colorado Casino cash: $2740351	Live a full enough life that your end game is of little consequence to you. I have a batty 90 year old grandmother still living on her own. I suppose on the outside her life doesn't seem too exciting. She's certainly lost a lot of loved ones. But she's still the happiest person I know. It's all about how you want to approach it. __________________ "Loving him is red."
Posts: 22,634

08-04-2014, 06:33 PM	#11
Gadzooks MFIC Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Tromsø, Norway Casino cash: $3859219	Doesn't this dawn on most people in their early adolescence? I recall seeing my Grandparents, Great Aunts and Uncles deteriorating every time I saw them. My teens were often interrupted for my services as a pall-bearer. I've had a hard time deciding whether to live my life on the straight and narrow with the hopes of living to to a ripe old age/ or / to indulge in the things that give my life pleasure.(it's unfortunate they can't be one in the same). I've opted for the latter and have made every effort to leave behind everything I can for those left in my wake. My family has a history of Alzheimer Disease, Cancer, Heart Disease. I've watched it cut down older relatives with no support. I don't plan on going out like that. My death will be a pensive moment. It may sting at first, but those left behind will be stronger for it.
Posts: 7,771

08-04-2014, 06:38 PM	#13
BigRedChief Has a particular set of skills Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: On the water Casino cash: $3119627 VARSITY	This is why you don't **** around and live life. It ain't no dress rehearsal. Regrets have to be the worst possible last feeling you can possibly have. __________________ Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering. -YODA
Posts: 79,035

08-04-2014, 06:42 PM	#15
irocdave Starter Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: Snohomish WA Casino cash: $10005247	Life sucks sometimes. Just remember you can only control what you can control, which isn't a lot sometimes but you keep trying. We are all much more fortunate than most in this world, being in the US, having family that pretty much controls there situation in life as we also have. The will to live should be strong, no matter the circumstances as that's what makes all beings strong. It sucks seeing people get old and loose their cognitive ability but they made it to that stage, most human beings don't. When bad things happen in life you wonder why are we here. The reason ( don't need a religious sermon) is because we are and we need to make the most of it. Worship Christ, Buddha, Islam, whatever. The will to survive is not religious based, it's the most characteristic of the life forms on this planet. Do your best while your here and let your maker judge you when your not. Keep your chin up, what doesn't kill you will make you stronger and that's the truth to the life we live.
Posts: 31