Hypothetical: Enter the witness protection program here.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by kysirsoze

Take me away from all this...

We're going to kill two birds with one stone (metaphorically - physically it's the opposite). We're moving you to the Pacific Northwest with orders to save the Spotted Owl.

Male name: ANDREW
Female name: REBEKAH
Surname: BLOOD
Location: Clallam County, Washington
Male occupation: Forest Fire Inspectors and Prevention Specialists
Annual Salary: $33,300
Female occupation: Environmental Science Teachers, Postsecondary
Annual Salary: $49,200
Your Main Hobby: Ice skating
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Beach Volleyball

[BWillie]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

State your interest and I will assign you a new life, along with that of your real or hypothetical spouse.

Here's mine:

Male name: BRYON
Female name: PAMELA
Surname: BARLOW
Location: Winnebago County, Iowa
Male occupation: Audio-Visual and Multimedia Collections Specialists
Annual Salary: $39,500
Female occupation: Tellers
Annual Salary: $31,700
Your Main Hobby: Astrology
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Skiing

I wish they had assigned me a first name with a standard spelling, but my new job sounds okay. Kind of a cold place to live, though.

Do me do me!

Winnebago, by Sioux City Iowa. I know all about that place.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by BWillie

Do me do me!

Winnebago, by Sioux City Iowa. I know all about that place.

Laramie is a nice place. You might enjoy it. But then again, your new hobby may indicate that you don't appreciate a good challenge.

Male name: AVERY
Female name: SELENA
Surname: SOMMERVILLE
Location: Albany County, Wyoming
Male occupation: Hotel, Motel, and Resort Desk Clerks
Annual Salary: $24,300
Female occupation: Chemists
Annual Salary: $42,600
Your Main Hobby: Coloring
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Wikipedia editing*

[BWillie]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

Laramie is a nice place. You might enjoy it. But then again, your new hobby may indicate that you don't appreciate a good challenge.

Male name: AVERY
Female name: SELENA
Surname: SOMMERVILLE
Location: Albany County, Wyoming
Male occupation: Hotel, Motel, and Resort Desk Clerks
Annual Salary: $24,300
Female occupation: Chemists
Annual Salary: $42,600
Your Main Hobby: Coloring
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Wikipedia editing*

24K a year and "coloring". FML. If I see a murder, I ain't snitchin now.

[Otter]

I made a plea bargain with the feds to keep my outa the pen. Had to stoolie on the wiseguys to save my family.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by Otter

I made a plea bargain with the feds to keep my outa the pen. Had to stoolie on the wiseguys to save my family.

Get your flu shots, because you're going to be working in a germ factory. But satellite watching is a great cover story for moving to that part of Nebraska. I bet there are no lights on after 8 p.m.

Male name: CARY
Female name: BRIDGET
Surname: BARCLAY
Location: Dundy County, Nebraska
Male occupation: Pediatricians, General
Annual Salary: $111,500
Female occupation: Labor Relations Specialists
Annual Salary: $39,900
Your Main Hobby: Satellite watching
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Tai chi

[Hog's Gone Fishin]

How come nobody gets a job jerking animals ?

[Spott]

Originally Posted by Hog Farmer

How come nobody gets a job jerking animals ?

Because that job is already taken.

[lewdog]

I had a run-in with some Mexicans near Trump's wall. Need out of Dodge....and quick!

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by lewdog

I had a run-in with some Mexicans near Trump's wall. Need out of Dodge....and quick!

We're going to get you out of there and to a much kinder and gentler place. Maybe some place near Pittsburgh.

Try saying "Juana Woodruff" quickly three times.

Male name: SCOTTIE
Female name: JUANA
Surname: WOODRUFF
Location: Washington County, Pennsylvania
Male occupation: Surgical Technologists
Annual Salary: $52,300
Female occupation: Chemical Technicians
Annual Salary: $55,700
Your Main Hobby: Archery
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Watching movies

[lewdog]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

We're going to get you out of there and to a much kinder and gentler place. Maybe some place near Pittsburgh.

Try saying "Juana Woodruff" quickly three times.

Male name: SCOTTIE
Female name: JUANA
Surname: WOODRUFF
Location: Washington County, Pennsylvania
Male occupation: Surgical Technologists
Annual Salary: $52,300
Female occupation: Chemical Technicians
Annual Salary: $55,700
Your Main Hobby: Archery
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Watching movies

You gave us decent jobs.

Thank you very much. I am humbled.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by lewdog

You gave us decent jobs.

Thank you very much. I am humbled.

Juana Woodruff Juana Woodruff Juana Woodruff.

That's really hard.

[big nasty kcnut]

I'm in.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by big nasty kcnut

I'm in.

You will become a car stereo installer outside Dayton, and your wife will be the person who changes the light bulbs atop radio antennas. That's a fun life.

However, you two should really find more productive hobbies.

Male name: SAUL
Female name: ELNORA
Surname: CLINKSCALES
Location: Clark County, Ohio
Male occupation: Electronic Equipment Installers and Repairers, Motor Vehicles
Annual Salary: $23,700
Female occupation: Radio, Cellular, and Tower Equipment Installers and Repairers
Annual Salary: $39,000
Your Main Hobby: Watching television
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Driving

[big nasty kcnut]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

You will become a car stereo installer outside Dayton, and your wife will be the person who changes the light bulbs atop radio antennas. That's a fun life.

However, you two should really find more productive hobbies.

Male name: SAUL
Female name: ELNORA
Surname: CLINKSCALES
Location: Clark County, Ohio
Male occupation: Electronic Equipment Installers and Repairers, Motor Vehicles
Annual Salary: $23,700
Female occupation: Radio, Cellular, and Tower Equipment Installers and Repairers
Annual Salary: $39,000
Your Main Hobby: Watching television
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Driving

I learn how not to be seen. So the capo don'tkill me.