Funny Stuff Clean jokes can be funny too! - Page 12

Frankie · 05:17 PM

Or at least good for a chuckle. Here's something completely different (for this BB). This thread is dedicated to ONLY CLEAN JOKES. Please post any clean joke that you find funny or at least amusing. We will not call you "dorks." Not in this thread. Let's see what you've got,... and share them.

Don't worry about repeat jokes. Nobody has time to check all posts.

Frankie · 10-25-2005, 01:10 PM

This fellow had owned this large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back forty, had it fixed up nice, picnic tables, horse shoe courts, basketball court, etc.

The pond was fixed for swimming when it was built. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond as he hadn't been there for a while and look it over.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim or get out of the pond, I only came to feed my alligators."

**Saul Good** · 10-25-2005, 01:25 PM

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

Frankie · 10-25-2005, 01:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Saul Good

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

Lame but funny.

**Saul Good** · 10-25-2005, 02:00 PM

A man was driving down a winding road in a convertible while smoking a cigar. A woman in a convertible drove by the other direction and yelled "Pig!" The man yelled back "Bitch!" The man then drove around the corner and crashed into a pig.

**Saul Good** · 10-25-2005, 02:05 PM

A man was standing in his front yard when he saw a hearse drive slowly by. Then another hearse drove by. Behind that hearse was a man walking a dog. 100 men were walking single-file behind that man.
The man in his yard asked the man with the dog, "What's going on here?" The man with the dog replied, "You see that first hearse? That's my wife."

"I'm so sorry. What happened?"

"She started yelling at me for always drinking and watching sports. Next thing you know, my dog here attacked and killed her."

"Wow. What about the other hearse?"

"Well, that's my mother in law. When she found out what happened, she started screaming and yelling at me and the dog attacked her too."

"Really?"

"Yep"

"Can I borrow the dog?"

"Get in line."

greg63 · 10-25-2005, 11:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Saul Good

A man was driving down a winding road in a convertible while smoking a cigar. A woman in a convertible drove by the other direction and yelled "Pig!" The man yelled back "Bitch!" The man then drove around the corner and crashed into a pig.

Too funny!

Frankie · 11-10-2005, 11:55 AM

A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl said.

"Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mommy.

The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!"

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

"Yes, it's because you're blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" lifting her tank top to reveal a wonderful pair of C-cuppers.

"Errm, very good, dear," said her embarrassed mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"

"No Honey, it's because you're 24...."

Lin Elliot · 11-10-2005, 12:27 PM

We could have beat the Colts in that playoff game if our defense would have been better.

Frankie · 11-10-2005, 06:23 PM

When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God appeared and said, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St Peter."

Soon, the women were gone and there were two lines of men. The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.

God said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you to be the head of your household. You have been disobedient and not fulfilled your purpose. I told you to be the spiritual leader in your family. Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him. Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

The man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here.

greg63 · 11-10-2005, 11:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Frankie

When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God appeared and said, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St Peter."

Soon, the women were gone and there were two lines of men. The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.

God said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you to be the head of your household. You have been disobedient and not fulfilled your purpose. I told you to be the spiritual leader in your family. Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him. Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

The man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here.

Frankie · 11-13-2005, 09:12 AM

True bravery is arriving home late after a boys' night out, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and still having the guts to ask, "Are you cleaning, or were you flying somewhere?"

**Lzen** · 11-15-2005, 09:59 AM

A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his wife's birthday. His wife

told him "Alright buster, tomorrow there had better be something in the

driveway for me that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds flat or you're in for

it!"

The next morning the wife awoke early and looking out her bedroom window,

spotted a small package in the driveway. She was a little perturbed as this

wasn't what she was expecting. She went out and retrieved the package, and

upon opening it, found a handsome, brand new bathroom scale!

Funeral arrangements for the husband are set for this Saturday.

ROYC75 · 11-15-2005, 11:51 AM

A indian man walks into a cafe one early morning and noticed that he was the only dark skinned man there. As he sat down, he noticed a white man behind him.

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here."

The indian man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen
sir....when I was born I was Brown," "When I grew up I was Brown," "When I'm sick I'm Brown," "When I go in the sun I'm Brown," "When I'm cold I'm Brown," "When I die I'll be Brown."

"But you sir." "When you're born you're pink," "When you grow up you're white," "When you're sick, you're green," "When you go in the sun you turn red," "When you're cold you turn blue," "And when you die you turn purple." "And you have the nerve to call me colored?"

The indian man then sat back down and the white man walked away...

greg63 · 11-16-2005, 12:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lzen

A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his wife's birthday. ...

...Just too funny to ignore!

Rep!

Frankie · 11-18-2005, 06:35 PM

Helen, the church gossip and self-appointed supervisor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business.

Several members were unappreciative of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused Fred, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his pickup truck parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.

She commented to Fred and others that everyone seeing it there would know for certain that he was an alcoholic. Fred, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just walked away. He said nothing.

Later that evening, Fred, quietly parked his pickup in front of Helen's house...............

AND he left it there all night.

09-25-2005, 09:00 AM
Frankie Banned Join Date: Jul 2001 Casino cash: $10004900	Clean jokes can be funny too! Or at least good for a chuckle. Here's something completely different (for this BB). This thread is dedicated to ONLY CLEAN JOKES. Please post any clean joke that you find funny or at least amusing. We will not call you "dorks." Not in this thread. Let's see what you've got,... and share them. Don't worry about repeat jokes. Nobody has time to check all posts. Last edited by Frankie; 07-10-2011 at 05:17 PM..
Posts: 26,959

10-25-2005, 01:10 PM	#166
Frankie Banned Join Date: Jul 2001 Casino cash: $10004900	This fellow had owned this large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back forty, had it fixed up nice, picnic tables, horse shoe courts, basketball court, etc. The pond was fixed for swimming when it was built. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond as he hadn't been there for a while and look it over. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim or get out of the pond, I only came to feed my alligators."
Posts: 26,959

10-25-2005, 01:25 PM	#167
Saul Good Quit your bullshit Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Bored of winning Casino cash: $10052799	A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?" __________________ Today is not a good day to be a pussy.
Posts: 41,870

10-25-2005, 02:00 PM	#169
Saul Good Quit your bullshit Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Bored of winning Casino cash: $10052799	A man was driving down a winding road in a convertible while smoking a cigar. A woman in a convertible drove by the other direction and yelled "Pig!" The man yelled back "Bitch!" The man then drove around the corner and crashed into a pig. __________________ Today is not a good day to be a pussy.
Posts: 41,870

10-25-2005, 02:05 PM	#170
Saul Good Quit your bullshit Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Bored of winning Casino cash: $10052799	A man was standing in his front yard when he saw a hearse drive slowly by. Then another hearse drove by. Behind that hearse was a man walking a dog. 100 men were walking single-file behind that man. The man in his yard asked the man with the dog, "What's going on here?" The man with the dog replied, "You see that first hearse? That's my wife." "I'm so sorry. What happened?" "She started yelling at me for always drinking and watching sports. Next thing you know, my dog here attacked and killed her." "Wow. What about the other hearse?" "Well, that's my mother in law. When she found out what happened, she started screaming and yelling at me and the dog attacked her too." "Really?" "Yep" "Can I borrow the dog?" "Get in line." __________________ Today is not a good day to be a pussy.
Posts: 41,870

11-10-2005, 11:55 AM	#172
Frankie Banned Join Date: Jul 2001 Casino cash: $10004900	A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl said. "Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mommy. The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, it's because you're blonde." The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" lifting her tank top to reveal a wonderful pair of C-cuppers. "Errm, very good, dear," said her embarrassed mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?" "No Honey, it's because you're 24...."
Posts: 26,959

11-10-2005, 12:27 PM	#173
Lin Elliot Starter Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: KC Casino cash: $10010288	We could have beat the Colts in that playoff game if our defense would have been better. __________________ Sure, a woman can fake an orgasm, but it takes a man to fake a whole relationship.
Posts: 141

11-10-2005, 06:23 PM	#174
Frankie Banned Join Date: Jul 2001 Casino cash: $10004900	When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God appeared and said, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St Peter." Soon, the women were gone and there were two lines of men. The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man. God said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you to be the head of your household. You have been disobedient and not fulfilled your purpose. I told you to be the spiritual leader in your family. Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him. Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?" The man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here.
Posts: 26,959

11-13-2005, 09:12 AM	#176
Frankie Banned Join Date: Jul 2001 Casino cash: $10004900	True bravery is arriving home late after a boys' night out, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and still having the guts to ask, "Are you cleaning, or were you flying somewhere?"
Posts: 26,959

11-15-2005, 09:59 AM	#177
Lzen Supporter Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Jan Quadrant Vincent 16 Casino cash: $2240692	A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his wife's birthday. His wife told him "Alright buster, tomorrow there had better be something in the driveway for me that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds flat or you're in for it!" The next morning the wife awoke early and looking out her bedroom window, spotted a small package in the driveway. She was a little perturbed as this wasn't what she was expecting. She went out and retrieved the package, and upon opening it, found a handsome, brand new bathroom scale! Funeral arrangements for the husband are set for this Saturday. __________________ If at first you don't succeed ...skydiving is not for you.
Posts: 41,343

11-15-2005, 11:51 AM	#178
ROYC75 Time For Your Wake Up Call !!! Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Barn Yard Casino cash: $5699400	A indian man walks into a cafe one early morning and noticed that he was the only dark skinned man there. As he sat down, he noticed a white man behind him. The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The indian man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir....when I was born I was Brown," "When I grew up I was Brown," "When I'm sick I'm Brown," "When I go in the sun I'm Brown," "When I'm cold I'm Brown," "When I die I'll be Brown." "But you sir." "When you're born you're pink," "When you grow up you're white," "When you're sick, you're green," "When you go in the sun you turn red," "When you're cold you turn blue," "And when you die you turn purple." "And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The indian man then sat back down and the white man walked away... __________________ Our society is run by insane people for insane objectives. I think we're being run by maniacs for maniacal ends and I think I'm liable to be put away as insane for expressing that. That's what's insane about it. John Lennon
Posts: 36,982

11-18-2005, 06:35 PM	#180
Frankie Banned Join Date: Jul 2001 Casino cash: $10004900	Helen, the church gossip and self-appointed supervisor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members were unappreciative of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused Fred, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his pickup truck parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She commented to Fred and others that everyone seeing it there would know for certain that he was an alcoholic. Fred, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just walked away. He said nothing. Later that evening, Fred, quietly parked his pickup in front of Helen's house............... AND he left it there all night. Last edited by Frankie; 11-18-2005 at 09:27 PM..
Posts: 26,959