Science Hypothetical: Serving as a Prison Proxy - Page 2

**Rain Man** · 06-11-2015, 08:16 AM

In the Civil War, a rich person who was drafted into the Army could pay someone else to serve for him as a "substitute". One would think that this was a popular program among wealthy people.

In a hypothetical situation, assume that a scandal occurs in Congress of epic proportions. It appears that 52 Senators are about to go to prison for selling their votes to fund a new program to build a hypersonic stagecoach.

In a late-night voting session, the Senate and House approve a bill that allows people to pay someone else to serve time for them in prison. The final Senate vote was 52 to 48 to approve it.

You are approached by a wealthy business owner from your state by the name of Hiram Higginbotham. Mr. Higginbotham is willing to pay you to serve a one-year prison term that he got due to inciting a brawl in a wine and cheese bar.

You don't know the exact prison you'd be going to, but you can generally assume that it is a state prison with the following attributes:

1. You'll share a cell with one random prisoner.

2. 10 percent of prisoners are violent criminals, 10 percent are gang members, and 80 percent are nonviolent.

3. You'll be in your cell for 14 hours a day, working for 6, in a big group room for another 2, then 1 hour for meals and 1 hour outside.

4. You will have "wake up" and "lights out" at specified times.

5. Your work will likely involve cleaning stuff, working in the prison laundry, working in the prison cafeteria, or work of a similar nature. You'll earn roughly 28 cents an hour that will go into your prison commissary account.

6. You can be visited by your immediate family (spouse, kids, parents, etc.) and by an attorney or other advocate.

7. The cost of your room and board is, of course, provided by the state.

You will be allowed to tell anyone you wish - inside or outside prison - that you are there as a "substitute" and it will not appear on your criminal record. Assume that society views serving as a "substitute" to be a relatively low-class activity, but recognizes that it's not like being a felon or anything.

What's the lowest amount that you would take to serve Mr. Higginbotham's sentence?

Otter · 06-11-2015, 10:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pestilence

I wonder if I could pull off possibly bribing my cell mate or one of the guards.

That's a viable option I didn't consider. Since you can make it common knowledge of the compensation you may be able to set yourself up Goodfellas style.

Still, what if someone in your family was diagnosed with a year to live or you were diagnosed in prison. The only way I could imagine this is if I was fresh out of college and broke. I'd set myself up to take the bar, professional engineer cert or something along those lines when I came out.

88TG88 · 06-11-2015, 10:09 AM

I think I would do it for 1 mil, maybe a little less if prison food is somewhat good.

Jerok · 06-11-2015, 10:19 AM

In these conjugal visits, you can have sex with women? OK I'll do it.

**Rain Man** · 06-11-2015, 10:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Otter

That's a viable option I didn't consider. Since you can make it common knowledge of the compensation you may be able to set yourself up Goodfellas style.

Still, what if someone in your family was diagnosed with a year to live or you were diagnosed in prison. The only way I could imagine this is if I was fresh out of college and broke. I'd set myself up to take the bar, professional engineer cert or something along those lines when I came out.

I think that's a recipe for trouble.

"Hey, everyone! The guy in Cell 3A is getting paid a million bucks for being here! I wonder how much he'll pay to not get a visit from our gang every evening."

Now that I think about it, you probably wouldn't want anyone in prison to know that you're a paid substitute, or you'd be at risk of paying it all out over the course of the year.

KurtCobain · 06-11-2015, 10:49 AM

I was just released from Missouri doc. if you're only doing a year you're not going anywhere with that little of yard time, you are much more likely to be in an open bay than in a Cell and there is no rape. too many babies in those types of camps for anyone to need to rape anyone.

Otter · 06-11-2015, 10:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KurtCobain

I was just released from Missouri doc. if you're only doing a year you're not going anywhere with that little of yard time, you are much more likely to be in an open bay than in a Cell and there is no rape. too many babies in those types of camps for anyone to need to rape anyone.

Do your farts still make noise? What are babies? I'm assuming you're not speaking literally.

KurtCobain · 06-11-2015, 11:23 AM

Babies are prison pillowbiters. sometimes they are caught up in politics(owned by gangs) but often they are just there looking for a true love. I've been to a wedding on the yard, it was a very nice ceremony there was cake and punch. It was lil d and roscoe getting married, they gave each other rings made out of their own hair.

Otter · 06-11-2015, 11:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KurtCobain

Babies are prison pillowbiters. sometimes they are caught up in politics(owned by gangs) but often they are just there looking for a true love. I've been to a wedding on the yard, it was a very nice ceremony there was cake and punch. It was lil d and roscoe getting married, they gave each other rings made out of their own hair.

You need to make a thread about prison life. Do's and Don'ts. Stories. How to survive etc.

**Bugeater** · 06-11-2015, 11:31 AM

It would have to be life changing money so I went with $2M+ and even then I'd have a lot of reservations about doing it.

**Rain Man** · 06-11-2015, 11:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Otter

You need to make a thread about prison life. Do's and Don'ts. Stories. How to survive etc.

Definitely. I have a lot of questions.

Ebolapox · 06-11-2015, 11:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Otter

You need to make a thread about prison life. Do's and Don'ts. Stories. How to survive etc.

I feel that we need to do a reddit-version AMA for kurt.

**Predarat** · 06-11-2015, 03:34 PM

Hell with what I hear about prisons nowdays it might not be to terrible.

ThaVirus · 06-11-2015, 03:51 PM

I'd do it for $1,000,000.

I'm working a dead end job with no future currently anyway. I'm good friends with the owner/GM so I could probably just put on my resume that I was still working there for the past year while serving the time. Combine that with the fact that my record stays clean and I'd really be no worse for wear by doing a bid.

I don't have kids or a wife.

As far as doing the time, I could have some issues. I'm a bit on the small side and I've been called "pretty" before. At the same time I'm not a bitch and I do lift. No one's touching my sweet ass without losing some teeth or an eyeball or something.

Truthfully, my biggest issue with being locked up would probably be the boredom/lack of freedom. I'm moody and my mind state is easily affected by weather/surroundings. 23 hours of being surrounded by concrete walls every day for 365 days would wreck my spirit.

Still, $1M tax free after all's said and done would be a huge boost. I could buy a house and my retirement fund would essentially be taken care of. I could also go back to school and get a more useful degree while not having to work and focusing more on internships and networking.

BucEyedPea · 06-11-2015, 04:22 PM

Will I have internet access? If so cool. I can post here all day!

But due to bodily risk $2 million.

KurtCobain · 06-11-2015, 04:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Baconeater

It would have to be life changing money so I went with $2M+ and even then I'd have a lot of reservations about doing it.

You would do well in prison.

View Poll Results: What's the lowest payment you would accept to be a 1-year prison proxy?
Room and board provided? I'd do it for free.	0	0%
$1,000	0	0%
$5,000	0	0%
$10,000	0	0%
$25,000	0	0%
$50,000	0	0%
$75,000	0	0%
$100,000	0	0%
$200,000	1	2.22%
$300,000	3	6.67%
$400,000	0	0%
$500,000	6	13.33%
$1 million	10	22.22%
$2 million or more	16	35.56%
I wouldn't do it for any price. Life Free Or Die.	9	20.00%
I'm already in prison.	0	0%
I would need to interview Mr. Higginbotham first to learn more about him.	0	0%
Voters: 45. You may not vote on this poll

06-11-2015, 08:16 AM
Rain Man NFL's #1 Ermines Fan Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: My house Casino cash: $3168491 VARSITY	Hypothetical: Serving as a Prison Proxy In the Civil War, a rich person who was drafted into the Army could pay someone else to serve for him as a "substitute". One would think that this was a popular program among wealthy people. In a hypothetical situation, assume that a scandal occurs in Congress of epic proportions. It appears that 52 Senators are about to go to prison for selling their votes to fund a new program to build a hypersonic stagecoach. In a late-night voting session, the Senate and House approve a bill that allows people to pay someone else to serve time for them in prison. The final Senate vote was 52 to 48 to approve it. You are approached by a wealthy business owner from your state by the name of Hiram Higginbotham. Mr. Higginbotham is willing to pay you to serve a one-year prison term that he got due to inciting a brawl in a wine and cheese bar. You don't know the exact prison you'd be going to, but you can generally assume that it is a state prison with the following attributes: 1. You'll share a cell with one random prisoner. 2. 10 percent of prisoners are violent criminals, 10 percent are gang members, and 80 percent are nonviolent. 3. You'll be in your cell for 14 hours a day, working for 6, in a big group room for another 2, then 1 hour for meals and 1 hour outside. 4. You will have "wake up" and "lights out" at specified times. 5. Your work will likely involve cleaning stuff, working in the prison laundry, working in the prison cafeteria, or work of a similar nature. You'll earn roughly 28 cents an hour that will go into your prison commissary account. 6. You can be visited by your immediate family (spouse, kids, parents, etc.) and by an attorney or other advocate. 7. The cost of your room and board is, of course, provided by the state. You will be allowed to tell anyone you wish - inside or outside prison - that you are there as a "substitute" and it will not appear on your criminal record. Assume that society views serving as a "substitute" to be a relatively low-class activity, but recognizes that it's not like being a felon or anything. What's the lowest amount that you would take to serve Mr. Higginbotham's sentence?
Posts: 141,577

06-11-2015, 10:09 AM	#17
88TG88 don't tell me about collage Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Los Angeles Casino cash: $10009184	I think I would do it for 1 mil, maybe a little less if prison food is somewhat good.
Posts: 6,274

06-11-2015, 10:19 AM	#18
Jerok Veteran Join Date: Sep 2013 Casino cash: $4924092	In these conjugal visits, you can have sex with women? OK I'll do it.
Posts: 2,410

06-11-2015, 10:49 AM	#20
KurtCobain legend Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Independence, MO Casino cash: $-1667903	I was just released from Missouri doc. if you're only doing a year you're not going anywhere with that little of yard time, you are much more likely to be in an open bay than in a Cell and there is no rape. too many babies in those types of camps for anyone to need to rape anyone.
Posts: 28,380

06-11-2015, 11:23 AM	#22
KurtCobain legend Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Independence, MO Casino cash: $-1667903	Babies are prison pillowbiters. sometimes they are caught up in politics(owned by gangs) but often they are just there looking for a true love. I've been to a wedding on the yard, it was a very nice ceremony there was cake and punch. It was lil d and roscoe getting married, they gave each other rings made out of their own hair.
Posts: 28,380

06-11-2015, 11:31 AM	#24
Bugeater The Maintenance Guy Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Renovated Bugeater Estate Casino cash: $6242680	It would have to be life changing money so I went with $2M+ and even then I'd have a lot of reservations about doing it.
Posts: 70,443

06-11-2015, 03:34 PM	#27
Predarat Run Chiefs fans, run!! Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Nashville, TN Casino cash: $9973863	Hell with what I hear about prisons nowdays it might not be to terrible.
Posts: 10,776

06-11-2015, 03:51 PM	#28
ThaVirus You gotta kill a few people Join Date: Sep 2007 Casino cash: $1932369	I'd do it for $1,000,000. I'm working a dead end job with no future currently anyway. I'm good friends with the owner/GM so I could probably just put on my resume that I was still working there for the past year while serving the time. Combine that with the fact that my record stays clean and I'd really be no worse for wear by doing a bid. I don't have kids or a wife. As far as doing the time, I could have some issues. I'm a bit on the small side and I've been called "pretty" before. At the same time I'm not a bitch and I do lift. No one's touching my sweet ass without losing some teeth or an eyeball or something. Truthfully, my biggest issue with being locked up would probably be the boredom/lack of freedom. I'm moody and my mind state is easily affected by weather/surroundings. 23 hours of being surrounded by concrete walls every day for 365 days would wreck my spirit. Still, $1M tax free after all's said and done would be a huge boost. I could buy a house and my retirement fund would essentially be taken care of. I could also go back to school and get a more useful degree while not having to work and focusing more on internships and networking.
Posts: 44,388

06-11-2015, 04:22 PM	#29
BucEyedPea Gimme My Berries Back! Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: None of your business Casino cash: $3319963	Will I have internet access? If so cool. I can post here all day! But due to bodily risk $2 million.
Posts: 161,924