A relationship question.

[Direckshun]

I was talking to my lady the other day about cheating.

I asked her questions about it, pushing the boundaries of what she would consider cheating. For instance, what if I decided to **** another man? Is that cheating? She said it would weird her out greatly and yes, she would consider it cheating.

What if I was ****ing the guy to hurt him? Like, what if I ****ed a dude for some overzealous hazing for a fraternity I'd theoretically be in?

She thought about that one a long time. I suppose because romance was not involved, it made her question the nature of cheating.

Cheating, she eventually concluded. Also, very clearly, a sex crime.

Alright, how about an animal? What if I ****ed a cow?

She gave it a hard think, and said that THAT TOO is cheating. Also, beastiality. But I would be cheating on her with a horse. Or whatever it was.

Alright. How about a tree? It's a living organism, but it's not an animal with a vagina or anus.

Finally, paydirt. She discerned that ****ing a tree is extremely disturbing for her to even think about, however in her eyes I wouldn't be cheating if I did it.

So my question to you guys is:

Do you know any hot trees you guys can hook me up with?

I'm looking for slutty trees, too. Trees that are just ****ing asking for it.

And before you ask, yes: I do like some junk in the trunk.