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Old 01-23-2014, 09:52 PM  
Direckshun Direckshun is online now
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Late night bullshit: Ask me anything.
I am having a really, really shitty week. It has left me pretty shaken personally, and I'm not sure what my immediate or long-term future holds.

Because I've had such a bad pair of days (and the last eight months in general have really ****ed me up the ass), I need you guys to cheer me up.

Ask me anything. I promise you I will answer. (Unless I decide not to -- but I will really, really try not to do that.)

Everything's in bounds, with one exception: please don't ask me anything about why I've had a rough go of it, recently. Though I've already posted about one of the things that's happened, minor as it may be in the grand scheme of things.

I just need to be distracted with the alternatingly pleasant, weird, ball-busting, shit-shooting essense of ChiefsPlanet.

I started one of these threads a few years ago when things were pretty dark back then, and CP lifted my spirits. I once again am facing some pretty dark times. So let's make this one less direct and as assinine as we usually are.
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Old 01-23-2014, 09:53 PM   #2
penguinz penguinz is offline
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Would you **** a goat if you knew no one would ever find out?
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Old 01-23-2014, 09:56 PM   #3
Simply Red Simply Red is offline
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Hi Direckshun,

Please describe your best personal soccer goal/score - or - save.

Thanks!
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Old 01-23-2014, 09:56 PM   #4
Direckshun Direckshun is online now
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Would you **** a goat if you knew no one would ever find out?
I never got why people **** goats.

I assume it's because they're out in the ****ing middle of nowhere, and live in cultures that force them to repress themselves sexually to the nth degree.

Interesting thing I read in Sebastian Junger's War: in Afghanistan, it's relatively common for older men in Afghani mountain villages to have little boys they keep as sidekicks they can **** with impunity. The culture generally allows it.

Why? Because they have an insanely repressive culture interacting between men and women, but society's sex drive will find a way. Even if that way is the very essence of cognitive dissonance.
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Old 01-23-2014, 09:57 PM   #5
Simply Red Simply Red is offline
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Also, are you attracted to soul sisters? (African American women)
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Old 01-23-2014, 09:57 PM   #6
MAYHEM MAYHEM is offline
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Old 01-23-2014, 09:58 PM   #7
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Old 01-23-2014, 09:59 PM   #8
Direckshun Direckshun is online now
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Originally Posted by Simply Red View Post
Hi Direckshun,

Please describe your best personal soccer goal/score - or - save.

Thanks!
I actually had my best save ever a few weeks ago -- our very own DMAC was there to witness it.

I play defense, and the keeper unwisely left the goal. So I did what I've done like 100 times -- retreat to the goal and just stand there, hoping to knock a ball away with a legal part of my body when it inevitably bypasses the keeper.

I've never been able to, until a few weeks ago. AND we won by 1. HA.

Best goal I ever scored was in indoor soccer. I was darting down the far side of the field in a 2 on 2 with a defender draped all over me while my teammate had the ball. Like Peyton Manning, he made a back-shoulder pass that I slowed down to receive. With two touches, I dragged the ball underneathe me, and, feeling the keeper leaving the goal, toe-poked the ball past him as the ball hit the near bar and dribbled in.

Easily most satisfying goal I've ever scored.
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Old 01-23-2014, 10:01 PM   #9
Direckshun Direckshun is online now
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Also, are you attracted to soul sisters? (African American women)
Absolutely.

Living in Springfield, though... it's been slim pickings.

I was just talking about this last week with a friend. I've only made out with one black woman my entire life. Genuinely didn't like it, though obviously that was more because of our lack of chemistry than it was her race.

I just remember being really, really attracted to her dreds. Then when we started getting it on, I touched them for the first time -- they felt like strands of hemp. I have a virtual fetish for soft, flowing hair, and that was just a deal-killer.
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Old 01-23-2014, 10:02 PM   #10
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If you found yourself on a ghost ship full of cannibal rats, would you ...

a) Steer the ship toward Ireland and ultimately escape.
b) Become a pirate with a cannibal rat crew
c) Integrate yourself into cannibal rat society
d) Other (please specify).
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Old 01-23-2014, 10:02 PM   #11
Direckshun Direckshun is online now
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Should I make myself a burrito or a bag of popcorn? - Limited options I have
The question is: taste or expedience.

Your answer to that question lies the answer to your question therein.

Edit: Added "therein."
Last edited by Direckshun; 01-23-2014 at 11:07 PM..
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Old 01-23-2014, 10:03 PM   #12
Direckshun Direckshun is online now
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Are you frazod?
Thank god, no.

I don't know fraz personally, but life seems too short to be a dick on a message board.
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Old 01-23-2014, 10:04 PM   #13
Saul Good Saul Good is offline
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Old 01-23-2014, 10:04 PM   #14
Direckshun Direckshun is online now
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Originally Posted by Rain Man View Post
If you found yourself on a ghost ship full of cannibal rats, would you ...

a) Steer the ship toward Ireland and ultimately escape.
b) Become a pirate with a cannibal rat crew
c) Integrate yourself into cannibal rat society
d) Other (please specify).
The problem is, once I'm on the ship, it's no longer a ghost ship.

I figure the best strategy would be to establish myself as the alpha rat.

I've watched enough Ceasar Milan to pull that off, I think. Rats are like dogs, right?
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Old 01-23-2014, 10:08 PM   #15
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