Why do British people talk like idiots?

[RealSNR]

Yes, I know standard American English isn't perfect. And by "talk like idiots" I'm not talking about stupid people who speak English. I'm talking about how normally intelligent British people CHOOSE to talk like idiots.

For example, here's what one of my Facebook friends from London said in a status: "Gods, tonight's 'Doctor Who' was patchy twaddle."

Patchy twaddle, eh? I'm pretty sure you just made that crap up, as if there aren't hundreds of words you could use to mean "bad." It's the words they choose, as well. They seem to fancy themselves as a literary culture, so they choose words that sound fun. All the baby talk crap we use in Standard American English like "wibbly-wobbly" and "bibbity-boppity" had to have come from the brains of these ****ing weirdos.

And yes, I'm aware that Shakespeare invented hundreds of words used by all speakers of English to this very day. But I don't think he went around using all the new words he invented on the street. They were adapted into the daily use over time.

They didn't zoomy-woomy so quackadilly that before they could say "Bob's your uncle!" that people couldn't bloody cochleante a blimey word they was articulating!