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Old 10-09-2013, 03:01 PM  
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North Korea Finds Ancient Unicorn Lair
Lair of King Tongmyong's Unicorn Reconfirmed in DPRK


Pyongyang, November 29 (KCNA) -- Archaeologists of the History Institute of the DPRK Academy of Social Sciences have recently reconfirmed a lair of the unicorn rode by King Tongmyong, founder of the Koguryo Kingdom (B.C. 277-A.D. 668).
The lair is located 200 meters from the Yongmyong Temple in Moran Hill in Pyongyang City. A rectangular rock carved with words "Unicorn Lair" stands in front of the lair. The carved words are believed to date back to the period of Koryo Kingdom (918-1392).

Jo Hui Sung, director of the Institute, told KCNA:

"Korea's history books deal with the unicorn, considered to be ridden by King Tongmyong, and its lair.

The Sogyong (Pyongyang) chapter of the old book 'Koryo History' (geographical book), said: Ulmil Pavilion is on the top of Mt. Kumsu, with Yongmyong Temple, one of Pyongyang's eight scenic spots, beneath it. The temple served as a relief palace for King Tongmyong, in which there is the lair of his unicorn.

The old book 'Sinjungdonggukyojisungnam' (Revised Handbook of Korean Geography) complied in the 16th century wrote that there is a lair west of Pubyok Pavilion in Mt. Kumsu.

The discovery of the unicorn lair, associated with legend about King Tongmyong, proves that Pyongyang was a capital city of Ancient Korea as well as Koguryo Kingdom."
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Old 10-09-2013, 03:46 PM   #31
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No way they believe any of the bullshit. It's like "5 hole in one's in a row" our whatever it was. Better to just smile and waive when faced with torture and death.
I thought it was 18 holes in one on his first time playing?

How about the fences around the beaches are there to protect from American divers coming up and planting bombs on livestock and children?

No?
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Old 10-09-2013, 03:47 PM   #32
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I thought it was 18 holes in one on his first time playing?

How about the fences around the beaches are there to protect from American divers coming up and planting bombs on livestock and children?

No?
It's that what it was? Even better. Dear Leader.
And we don't need divers if we want to bomb...
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Old 10-09-2013, 03:52 PM   #33
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How about the fences around the beaches are there to protect from American divers coming up and planting bombs on livestock and children?
Wow. I hadn't heard that one.
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Old 10-09-2013, 04:03 PM   #34
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The world would be more fun if North Korea was actually telling the truth.

Seriously, what if Kim Jong Il really did shoot an 38 under in his first round of golf and then quite the sport forever? That wouldn't make an awesome 30 for 30? What if the 6 operas he wrote really were the greatest of all time? What if the hamburger he created was actually some superior version of the hamburger that we just don't realize?

And now? Unicorns.

North Korea has this !@#$ figured out...
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Old 10-09-2013, 04:08 PM   #35
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Wow. I hadn't heard that one.
It's a sad day for our nation when special forces can't afford wire cutters...
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Old 10-09-2013, 04:09 PM   #36
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Originally Posted by DJ's left nut View Post
The world would be more fun if North Korea was actually telling the truth.

Seriously, what if Kim Jong Il really did shoot an 38 under in his first round of golf and then quite the sport forever? That wouldn't make an awesome 30 for 30? What if the 6 operas he wrote really were the greatest of all time? What if the hamburger he created was actually some superior version of the hamburger that we just don't realize?

And now? Unicorns.

North Korea has this !@#$ figured out...
What do you mean "if" comrade? Please step this way. We'd like to ask you a few questions. No, these machine guns are for your safety.
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Old 10-09-2013, 04:09 PM   #37
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It's a sad day for our nation when special forces can't afford wire cutters...
Damn government shut down.
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Old 10-09-2013, 04:09 PM   #38
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It's a sad day for our nation when special forces can't afford wire cutters...
Right? Like they'd hold us out if we wanted in?
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Old 10-09-2013, 04:13 PM   #39
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I thought it was 18 holes in one on his first time playing?

How about the fences around the beaches are there to protect from American divers coming up and planting bombs on livestock and children?

No?
11 holes in one.

38 under on a standard course is going to be a 33. So on his other 7 holes, he shot a 22? Must've all been Par 5s and maybe someone took a photo during his backswing a couple of those shots as well.

But see what I mean? A world where American divers place bombs on children and sheep!

Korean World sounds friggen awesome.
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Old 10-09-2013, 04:15 PM   #40
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Right? Like they'd hold us out if we wanted in?
Of course they would.

Kim Jong Il invented the hamburger, built the worlds largest (empty) building. He is revered by every nation in the country who sing songs and celebrate his virgin birth, which at the same time created a new star in the heavens. He who does not have the need to go number one OR number two! This is the same man who coached his soccer team with invisible phones, he who injects himself with the blood of virgins so that he can live forever. And he who controls the very weather itself!

HE CANNOT STOP AMERICANS? BLASPHEMY!
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Old 10-09-2013, 04:17 PM   #41
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Tom Clancy dies and North Korea reveals they found Unicorns. COINCIDENCE??
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Old 10-09-2013, 04:36 PM   #42
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Old 10-09-2013, 05:39 PM   #43
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I'm surprised they did to find this when Kim-Jong was still around.
They probably did when he golfed a world-record 38 under par, and but he didn't want this story to steal the press.
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Old 10-09-2013, 06:25 PM   #44
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Originally Posted by DJ's left nut View Post
The world would be more fun if North Korea was actually telling the truth.

Seriously, what if Kim Jong Il really did shoot an 38 under in his first round of golf and then quite the sport forever? That wouldn't make an awesome 30 for 30? What if the 6 operas he wrote really were the greatest of all time? What if the hamburger he created was actually some superior version of the hamburger that we just don't realize?

And now? Unicorns.

North Korea has this !@#$ figured out...
Sometimes I wonder about that. What if North Korea is really a wonderland where they're jetting around in flying cars and wearing silver jumpsuits and dining on zero-calorie pizza, and our government doesn't want us to know? It's not like any of us have been to North Korea.
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Old 10-09-2013, 06:25 PM   #45
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And for some reason I thought that Sinjungdonggukyojisungnam was written by Ernest Hemingway. Did he have another book with a similar title?
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