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View Poll Results: Who wins?
Mizzou_8541 28 36.36%
Gadzooks 49 63.64%
Voters: 77. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 06-21-2018, 11:19 AM  
Rain Man Rain Man is offline
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Gladiator 2018 - Round 1, Match 1 - Mizzou_8541 vs Gadzooks

Vote for the person that you think would win this match in a battle to death or submission. As background, assume that prior to the tournament you received 10 minutes of training on every weapon. The time listed is the amount of time before the match where you learn what the weaponry and venue is.

Venue - On opposing gondolas in the canals of Venice (gondoliers steer as you wish but don't fight)
Starting Distance - 74 feet

Mizzou_8541

Main Weapon - 20 sharp small ninja stars
Backup Weapon - 20 sharp small ninja stars

Prep Time - 11 Minutes
Special Factors - None


Gadzooks

Main Weapon - Klingon batleth
Backup Weapon - None

Prep Time - 33 seconds
Special Factors - None
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Old 06-21-2018, 02:37 PM   #31
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Indian Chief Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Indian Chief Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Indian Chief Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Indian Chief Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Indian Chief Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Indian Chief Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Indian Chief Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Indian Chief Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Indian Chief Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Indian Chief Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.Indian Chief Forgot to Remove His Claytex and Got Toxic Shock Syndrome.
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Old 06-21-2018, 02:42 PM   #32
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Beef Supreme View Post
Assuming equal skill of the gondaliers, Mizzou could maintain distance indefinitely.
He's still got finite ammo. Plus, at a certain point he's just running away/forfeiting.

Quote:
Originally Posted by wazu View Post
Nope. The Batleth can be used as an additional oar.
Well done.
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Old 06-21-2018, 02:48 PM   #33
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You guys underestimate the power of the mullet and goatee. Mizzou throws the first star from 74 ft and it rips through Gadzook's melon head. Then the gondolier steers him towards his Caddy as AIDS oozes from Gadzooks dome
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Old 06-21-2018, 03:05 PM   #34
Iowanian Iowanian is offline
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Gadzooks was driving for the win, but Rivers throws an interception to Mizzou which is returned for a pick 6, to seal the victory.
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Old 06-21-2018, 03:17 PM   #35
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Iowanian View Post
Gadzooks was driving for the win, but Rivers throws an interception to Mizzou which is returned for a pick 6, to seal the victory.
Or maybe Gadzooks pins Mizzou at the bottom of the gondola, picks up the batleth to finish him off, but then bobbles it and drops it overboard. Gadzooks is then seen muttering to himself, "Worst gladiatorial day ever".
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Old 06-21-2018, 04:11 PM   #36
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I figure Mizzou will use his 11 minutes of prep to practice flinging stars as hard and as far as he can, losing all of them, in which case he'll literally throw away his chance to win. Gadz easily scores multiple kill shots on defenseless Mizzou to walk away as victor.
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Old 06-21-2018, 04:13 PM   #37
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Those ninja stars are a trash weapon. Hit him in the calf with the star wars axe and then it's off with his head. You just have to hope he wears himself out thrashing at you with that thing if you're mizzou and you can hit him in the eye with your soup can lid.
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Old 06-21-2018, 05:50 PM   #38
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Old 06-21-2018, 08:14 PM   #39
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Gad wades through the stars and kills Mizzou with 3 chops.... kind of like how Carl killed Dwight Yoakum in Sling Blade...
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Old 06-21-2018, 08:31 PM   #40
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Otter View Post
Ninja stars are a great weapon for taking out a toddler or a paraplegic, blind midget. That's about it. I guess you can rub poop on the scratches and hope for infection.

Gadzooks
Yeah, I trained with them for awhile and the "right out of the store" ones are a bit of a joke. Now the bigger ones properly sharpened are another story. Even the smaller ones if properly sharpened can cause some damage, but I assume the ones Rainman is handing out are store bought with no extra prep. Unless Miz connects with a carotid artery, an eye or manages to stick one in the Gadzooks nut bag, I would have to give the edge to Gadzooks in this one.
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Old 06-21-2018, 08:38 PM   #41
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batleth is a heavy sword so welding it will be hard on a boat. plus his balance will be off. mizzou win this.
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Old 06-21-2018, 08:58 PM   #42
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I'm thinking this one is Ovah
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Old 06-21-2018, 09:53 PM   #43
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I would shield myself in the back of my gondola with the Klingon Bat'leth as I approach. Mizzou_6493 would panic trying to hit me or sink my gondola, wasting most of his ammo, missing wildly, as I get in closer for the kill.
It would inevitably end up in a close combat situation where Mizzou_8317 is carrying a handful of "small ninja stars" as I lop his head off with my Bat'leth.
40 lawn darts would have stood a better chance compared some piddly erratic ninja stars.
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Old 06-21-2018, 11:10 PM   #44
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How the hell is Gadzooks winning this? 40 throwing stars vs a batleth on the water? My money is on Mizzou.

And you will never hear me say THAT again.
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Old 06-21-2018, 11:26 PM   #45
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 007 View Post
How the hell is Gadzooks winning this? 40 throwing stars vs a batleth on the water? My money is on Mizzou.

And you will never hear me say THAT again.
"Small" throwing stars. How could he win? They'd never pierce the thickness of a gondola let alone my robust nutsack. They're nothing more than an mild annoyance on my way to the kill.
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