Believe it or not, Walter Football isn't hating on the Chiefs right now.

[jjchieffan]

Looks like he disagrees with the Jags being on the rise. Also, I don't agree with how high he has the Raiders, but I guess we'll see. At least he has the Donks 3rd in the division, which is where they will finish. Though they are a little high in the power rankings

32. San Francisco 49ers (5-11) - Previously: 31.
Call me crazy, but I think Communist Kaepernick's national anthem antics might be the best thing to ever happen to the 49ers' front office. As it stands now, all everyone is talking about is Dead-Arm Kaep, leading the conversation away from this horrific roster and coaching staff that Trent Baalke assembled. I seriously think you could put an animal - any species, really - into the general manager chair, and it would've done a better job than Baalke. And no, I'm not joking. I seriously believe that. And that's just sad.

31. Cleveland Browns (3-13) - Previously: 32.
Robert Griffin! Josh McCown! Cody Kessler! Sounds like a recipe for success. And by "success," I mean obtaining the first pick in the 2017 NFL Draft.

Unfortunately, Griffin has looked somewhat OK, and Hue Jackson is a good coach, so the Browns could somehow avoid having the worst record. Say goodbye to Deshaun Watson!

30. New Orleans Saints (7-9) - Previously: 28.
The Saints already sucked. Now, they're without Sheldon Rankings, they cut Keenan Lewis, and they're starting a left tackle who can barely walk. Oh, and depth is a major issue. The Saints' reserves couldn't even stop Landry Jones, a bum quarterback who threw for four interceptions in a single half against the Eagles!

If New Orleans had a quarterback who was half as good as Drew Brees, they'd be a 1-15 squad. Easily. Oh, and speaking of Brees, it's absurd how he's being called a racist because he's defending the flag. Yeah, sure, the guy just donated millions to help rebuild New Orleans, a predominantly black city, but because he disagreed with an ungrateful, self-entitled, delusional, anti-American racist, he must be racist. That makes so much sense.

29. Jacksonville Jaguars (5-11) - Previously: 19.
Everyone keeps saying that it's the Jaguars' year, but doesn't it seem like that's always the case? It's been their year every year the past half-decade! I'm going to need to see growth out of this team before I have any sort of faith in them, and no, garbage touchdowns in blowout losses do not count as growth.

28. Atlanta Falcons (8-8) - Previously: 27.
Cris Collinsworth discussed how Atlanta's red-zone offense was a problem last year. And he's right. But why just last year? The Falcons have been woeful deep in opposing territory for multiple seasons now. In fact, it started all the way back when Tony Gonzalez retired. Perhaps Austin Hooper will be a good player in the future, but it's just mind-boggling that the Falcons haven't been able to replace Gonzalez this whole time.

27. Philadelphia Eagles (7-9) - Previously: 23.
I had the Eagles at 5-11 prior to the Lane Johnson suspension and Sam Bradford trade. My dad was much more optimistic. This was the conversation we had the last time I saw him...

Dad: How do you think the Eagles will do this year?

Me: I have them at 5-11, but...

Dad: 5-11!?!?!?! You're crazy!!!

Me: You think they're going 3-13 like everyone else, then?

Dad: NOOOO!!! THE EAGLES ARE GOING 11-5 AND GOING TO THE PLAYOFFS!!!

Me: Uhh... why... how...?

Dad: SAM BRADFORD IS A GREAT PLAYER AND HE'S HEALTHY AND THEY HAVE KENJON BARBER AND FLETCHER COX AND A NEW COACH AND NEW COORDINATOR JIM SHORTS.

Me: But...

Dad: NO BUTS! YOU HATE THE EAGLES! THEY HAVE A CHANCE TO GO TO THE SUPER BOWL!!!

I called him the day of the Bradford trade...

Me: Still think the Eagles are going to the Super Bowl?

Dad: No! They're going 3-13!

I think my dad might be the biggest Bradford fan of all time based on his win-loss projections.

26. Los Angeles Rams (7-9) - Previously: 29.
The Rams had a great 2016 NFL Draft. They used the 15th-overall pick to shore up their offensive line, taking Ryan Kelly. Then, in the second round, they selected Tyler Boyd, a promising receiver, and then used their other second-rounder to take Dak Prescott, who is having an amazing pre...

Wait, what? This isn't the parallel universe where the Rams have a smart front office? Oh, my bad...

I don't even know what to say regarding Jared Goff. He looks horrible and completely unprepared for the NFL. He has the quarterbacking awareness of a dead racoon. Maybe he'll improve, but there were people actually in the Rams' organization who preferred Carson Wentz. Oh, and by the way, every team we spoke to liked Wentz more. I have absolutely no idea what the Rams saw in Goff. Maybe all they know are stick-figure quarterbacks who get injured, since that's what they dealt with in Sam Bradford for so long.

25. Tennessee Titans (3-13) - Previously: 30.
I'd have more faith in the Titans if their head coach didn't happen to be Mike Mularkey. But they won't be as horrible this year. I love Tajae Sharpe, as Marcus Mariota finally has someone solid to throw to. The running game will be much better as well. The defense is a big worry, but Tennessee has two first-round selections next year in what figures to be a talented class. Check out my 2017 NFL Mock Draft for more.

24. Miami Dolphins (6-10) - Previously: 26.
The Dolphins are a team I'm not sure what to make of. They could totally suck, or they might make a run at the playoffs. I just think Ryan Tannehill is a major question mark. I do think it's promising that Adam Gase is allowing him to actually make audibles for a change. However, the fact that the Dolphins are relying on has-beens like Arian Foster and Mario Williams would make me worry if I were a Dolphin fan. Then again, if I rooted for the Dolphins, I'd seriously think about jumping ship to the Jaguars because they have a pool at their stadium.

23. Indianapolis Colts (8-8) - Previously: 13.
I picked the Colts to win the Super Bowl back in July, but I've quickly realized how stupid that was. Their offensive line looks like trash once again, and that was with the currently injured Jack Mewhort on the field. Their defense, meanwhile, has radically declined in the wake of Vontae Davis' injury. It's nice that Andrew Luck is healthy again, but I feel like Indianapolis could have another rough season, especially with Houston and Tennessee improving.



22. New York Giants (6-10) - Previously: 21.
I still can't get over the remarkable stat that the Giants' starting offensive unit has gone three-and-out or committed a turnover in eight of their 12 possessions this preseason. That's... umm... not good. That's eight out of 12 times they couldn't achieve a single first down. I think if you grabbed a group of random, intoxicated college frat guys, they could have a better percentage than that.

I wouldn't blame Eli Manning or Odell Beckham. The offensive line is the true culprit. It's horrible. Fortunately for the Giants, they have a stellar defensive line and cornerback group to maybe, sort of, hopefully make up for it.

21. New York Jets (10-6) - Previously: 20.
For a smart guy, Ryan Fitzpatrick definitely was pretty stupid when it came to his contract negotiations this offseason. Maybe if he didn't completely suck a** in the finale, he could've expected the front office to meet his demands. But his handling of the offseason was akin to an office worker showing up to a very important business meeting, puking all over the conference table, and then going into the boss' office and asking for a raise.

With that in mind, it was not surprising to see Fitzpatrick struggle in the preseason. The Jets should be a half-decent team, but Fitzpatrick will hold them back.

20. Dallas Cowboys (4-12) - Previously: 17.
Dak Prescott hype! Should the Cowboys be a bit lower? Perhaps. But they have the best offensive line in the NFL, a strong rushing attack, and a secondary that will welcome back its best player, Orlando Scandrick.

Despite the Tony Romo injury, I'd actually like Dallas a lot more if it weren't for all of their suspensions on the defensive line. That said, the Cowboys will be competitive as long as Prescott's preseason wasn't a complete mirage.

19. Chicago Bears (6-10) - Previously: 16.
So many people are down on the Bears, but did you know that in the 14 full games Jay Cutler played last year, Chicago either tied or had the advantage in terms of yards per play seven times? The Bears were not as bad as their 6-10 record indicated; they were an 8-8, 9-7 team that had some bad luck. Perhaps that'll change with Kevin White and Josh Sitton helping the offense.

Now, I know what you might be thinking... Walt, you're an idiot, the Bears lost Adam Gase. And you would be right. I am an idiot. But these are my power rankings, so you'll just have to deal with it.

18. Detroit Lions (7-9) - Previously: 25.
I think I made too much of the Lions losing Calvin Johnson. Sure, Johnson was a great player, but after re-watching the entire 2015 season this summer, I came to recognize that Megatron simply wasn't that effective last year. It just seemed like his heart wasn't into it, which makes sense because he was already pondering retirement. Thus, I think the Lions will be solid, thanks to Matthew Stafford and the defense, but I am concerned about their offensive line.

17. San Diego Chargers (4-12) - Previously: 24.
The Chargers will be a highly competitive team as long as they don't sustain injuries. Of course, that's like saying Johnny Manziel would be a half-decent quarterback if he could avoid snorting stuff like white powder and Fruity Pebbles.

I do stand by that though. No, not the Fruity Pebbles thing, although that is true. San Diego is a playoff-caliber squad if the majority of its players can stay on the field. Unfortunately for the five people who still root for the Chargers, the players haven't been able to remain healthy.

16. Buffalo Bills (8-8) - Previously: 15.
The Bills would've been higher than this if it weren't for their injuries. It seems like their entire front seven is out, and if that wasn't bad enough, the offense is supposed to carry the team, and Cordy Glenn may not be healthy. Oh, and I haven't even mentioned that there are two Ryan brothers in one city. Two! Like, as in one more than there should be. I'm utterly shocked that the entire city of Buffalo hasn't imploded yet.

15. Baltimore Ravens (5-11) - Previously: 18.
While I was in Vegas this summer, I talked to a couple of people I would consider very knowledgeable in terms of wagering on football. All of them liked the Ravens to bounce back. Baltimore was so awful last year that it's easy to forget all of the injuries they incurred. In fact, if you took the players they had on injured reserve at the end of the season, they probably would've beaten the guys still on the field!

14. Washington Redskins (9-7) - Previously: 12.
I have to say, I'm a bit concerned about Josh Norman's decision to do a pre-game show with FOX Sports. The fact that he didn't ask his coach is troubling, as it undermines Jay Gruden's leadership. That said, it's my only worry about the Redskins, whose defense will be much better than it was last year.

13. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (6-10) - Previously: 22.
Is this too high for the Buccaneers? No. Once again, I spent the entire summer re-watching the 2015 season, and I was amazed at how much horrible luck Tampa had throughout the year. There were so many fumbles, missed field goals and other random things that went against them, including Mike Evans leading the NFL in drops. I then looked at the numbers and was amazed to see that the Buccaneers outgained 13 of their 16 opponents in terms of yards per play. I think this bodes well for their 2016 outlook, and I could see them making a run into the playoffs.

12. Denver Broncos (12-4) - Previously: 14.
So many people are down on the Broncos, citing the quarterback situation. Well, what about last year? It seems crazy to say this, but it's true: Last season, Mark Sanchez was better statistically than Peyton Manning. That's how horrible Manning was. He happened to be the worst starting quarterback to ever win a Super Bowl in his current state. Trevor Siemian is better than Sanchez, so I think Denver will be fine. If there's a concern, it's that the defense lost Malik Jackson and Danny Trevathan, and may not be the same as a result. However, Denver still has a ton of talented players on its stop unit, so a playoff appearance is still a strong possibility.

11. Houston Texans (9-7) - Previously: 10.
The good news: Brock Osweiler was fantastic in the third preseason game. Had Will Fuller not dropped an 84-yard touchdown, Osweiler would've gone 12-of-13 for 240 yards and two touchdowns in less than one half of action, which is disgusting. The bad news: J.J. Watt's back. Will it hold up? There are reports that Watt could be ready for Week 1, but at what capacity? Back injuries are very tricky - trust me, I am a fat man with a bad back - and Watt's back could give out at any moment. It's a shame, as the Texans would be one of the favorites to reach the Super Bowl otherwise.

10. Kansas City Chiefs (11-5) - Previously: 11.
I'd have the Chiefs higher if I knew Justin Houston happened to be OK. Even if he's not, the Chiefs are definitely in playoff contention, though I highly doubt Alex Smith will suddenly become a quarterback who could begin throwing more than 10 yards downfield. Unless Smith decides to inject himself with 716 liters of steroids, there will be plenty of dinks and dunks during the 2016 season.

9. Oakland Raiders (7-9) - Previously: 9.
I love the Raiders this year, but I'm concerned that they'll choke because of high expectations. I'd feel much better about them if everyone figured they'd be the same, old, crappy Raiders. There's also some concern with the players being distracted because of the potential move to Las Vegas.

How dumb is the concept of the Las Vegas Raiders, by the way? I think they'd have the worst homefield advantage in NFL history. Only someone ridiculous enough to have a Captain Kangaroo haircut could think that this is a good idea.

8. New England Patriots (12-4) - Previously: 8.
I've doubted Tom Brady before and have been proven wrong, but he's bound to decline at some point. We saw Peyton Manning at 39. What if Brady suffers a similar regression? Jimmy Garoppolo wasn't very impressive in the preseason, so the Patriots could struggle a bit, especially when considering they've already lost Sebastian Vollmer and Dion Lewis to injury.

7. Arizona Cardinals (13-3) - Previously: 1.
I ranked the Cardinals No. 1 in my previous NFL Power Rankings, but I'm very concerned about Carson Palmer right now. Palmer had a horrific preseason, struggling in all three games. His arm strength looks diminished. Now, maybe he can use whatever serum Tom Brady applied to himself after struggling late August, but if Palmer doesn't resort to nefarious tactics, the Cardinals could underwhelm this season.

6. Seattle Seahawks (10-6) - Previously: 3.
I'm placing the Seahawks at No. 6 with the caveat that I think they're going to begin the year slowly. Like, it wouldn't surprise me at all if they lost to the Dolphins in Week 1. They have Russell Wilson and an amazing defense, but their offensive line is an abomination. However, I believe Seattle will ultimately get that area fixed, just as the team did last year during its bye week. Once that happens, the sky is the limit for this Seattle squad.

5. Minnesota Vikings (11-5) - Previously: 6.
The Vikings, for my money, have the best defense in the NFL, and they also possess a strong running game and improved offensive line. They've obtained more play-makers as well. I had them ranked No. 2, but have decided to drop them three spots in the wake of Teddy Bridgewater's unfortunate injury. I would've placed them in the 8-10 range had they not acquired Sam Bradford.

Speaking of Bradford, does anyone else think it'd be a good idea to sit Bradford until the playoffs? The Vikings can get there without him, but they could make sure Bradford would be healthy for a January run by not using him at all in the meantime.

4. Pittsburgh Steelers (10-6) - Previously: 7.
In my NFL Season Previews, I had the Colts meeting up with the Packers in the Super Bowl. I'd like to revise that prediction, as I'm no longer as high on Indianapolis. I think the Steelers are the AFC team that has a better chance of coming out of the conference. I've ranked the Bengals higher in these NFL Power Rankings, but Andy Dalton's ability to come through in the playoffs is very questionable.

3. Carolina Panthers (15-1) - Previously: 2.
The Panthers lost Josh Norman and still have a very shaky offensive line, so I don't feel comfortable ranking them at the top. Norman's absence is going to have a big impact on that defense. Plus, the Panthers are bound to battle some decent pass-rushers this year, so their crappy tackles will be tested.

If there's a silver lining regarding the Panthers, it's that Cam Newton is still there, and he's great. Newton even agreed to stop dabbing, which is the best news Carolina fans could hope for. I have feeling that 200 years from now, humans will look back at dabbing, scratch their heads, and ask, "So, why did our idiot ancestors pretend to rest their foreheads on their forearms? Was there any significance to this?"

2. Cincinnati Bengals (12-4) - Previously: 5.
Making fun of Andy Dalton would be so much better if he were some sort of douche bag. Like, if he were to, I don't know, sit down when an important song was playing, we could all laugh as we reference how he's choked down the stretch and in the playoffs all these years. Alas, we cannot. Well, I can, because I don't care, but most others don't. And that's OK, as I'm sure the Bengals will begin the year with an 11-1 record once again, giving their fans a false sense of hope.

1. Green Bay Packers (10-6) - Previously: 4.
I'm moving the Packers up to the top spot. After re-watching the entire 2015 season, I remembered how much bad luck they had. Aaron Rodgers was banged up. Randall Cobb's shoulder was barely staying on. Jordy Nelson was out. The offensive linemen were hurt, as some of them could barely walk. Eddie Lacy gained 500 pounds. And worse of all, there was the great cheese shortage of 2015. What, you don't remember that? Well, I can't say I'm surprised, as only fat men with bad backs like me were aware of that.

[staylor26]

Ehhh. He still has the Raiders ahead of us, and clearly has no clue how much better our offense and Smith will be.

Idiot.

[Kiimo]

God that guy has the worst opinions ever. The Las Vegas Raiders is a fantastic idea. You want to know a bad idea? Oakland.

[ModSocks]

**** them.

[Hammock Parties]

give it time

[alpha_omega]

I enjoyed the humor throughout the piece. Especially the part about Sandy Eggo's 5 fans.

[NJChiefsFan]

Is it really just my proximity to the Jets that has me thinking they are going to be good this year? Fantastic DL, good OL, 2 WR that have chemistry with the QB, and what seems like a smart HC. Also have talent elsewhere. IDK. Maybe because I hate them so much I just am afraid they will be good.

[KChiefs1]

#10 is a great spot.

Respected but still under the radar.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[notorious]

The Jets had a very easy schedule last year. They played 3 teams with a winning record and beat one of them in OT. I don't think their coach is worth a ****, either.

They will fall apart.

[NJChiefsFan]

Originally Posted by notorious

The Jets has a very easy schedule last year. They played 3 teams with a winning record and beat one of them in OT. I don't think their coach is worth a ****, either.

They will fall apart.

I can't tell you how much I hope you are right. Jets fans are miles more obnoxious than Giant fans. I've been talking shit to my students since I saw when this game was scheduled for week 3, so it's going to be a tough time if KC loses week 3.

[notorious]

Oh yeah, 4 of their first 6 are on the road, and the 2 at home are vs. Cincy and Seattle.

@Bills, @Chiefs, @Pittsburgh, @Arizona


They might start 0-6, and you can shit all over your students at that point.

[Why Not?]

Originally Posted by Kiimosabi

God that guy has the worst opinions ever. The Las Vegas Raiders is a fantastic idea. You want to know a bad idea? Oakland.

It IS a fantastic idea! For everybody but the Raiders. Which makes me like it even more. Also the Captain Kangaroo haircut line was funny

[BlackOp]

Why does anyone care about some fat dude with a site...anyone with a bar stool and a laptop can make "Walter Football".

[NJChiefsFan]

Originally Posted by notorious

Oh yeah, 4 of their first 6 are on the road, and the 2 at home are vs. Cincy and Seattle.

@Bills, @Chiefs, @Pittsburgh, @Arizona


They might start 0-6, and you can shit all over your students at that point.

I have been to a number of stadiums, and especially considering their actual history, Jets fans are about as bad as they come. Amazes me how Giant fans, from the same region, can be so different. IDK if they have a younger fanbase, but the 20 somethings are unbearable. The older group has the proper level of negativity. I actually had one making fun of me at a game because the Chiefs hadn't won a SB since SBIV.

[Simply Red]

I still have no idea who Walter football is.