Funny Stuff Clean jokes can be funny too! - Page 50

Frankie · 05:17 PM

Or at least good for a chuckle. Here's something completely different (for this BB). This thread is dedicated to ONLY CLEAN JOKES. Please post any clean joke that you find funny or at least amusing. We will not call you "dorks." Not in this thread. Let's see what you've got,... and share them.

Don't worry about repeat jokes. Nobody has time to check all posts.

ROYC75 · 04-04-2012, 08:16 PM

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.

Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well. Until one day he rushed into
a lawyer's office and asked him if he could Arrange a divorce for him.

The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the
circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

L: Have you any grounds?
P: Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.

L: No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
P: It made of concrete.

L: I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?
P: No, we have carport, and not need one.

L: I mean. What are your relations like?
P: All my relations still in Poland .

L: Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
P: We have hi-fidelity
stereo and good DVD player.

L: Does your wife beat you up?
P: No, I always up before her.

L: Is your wife a nagger?
P: No, she white.

L: Why do you want this divorce?
P: She going to kill me.

L: What makes you think that?
P: I got proof.

L: What kind of proof?
P: She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at
drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: Polish Remover'.

ROYC75 · 04-26-2012, 11:01 PM

An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board, but only 4 parachutes.

The first passenger, Sarah Palin, said, "I have my own reality show and I am the smartest woman in American history, so America 's people don't want me to die."

She took the first pack and jumped out of the plane.

The second passenger, John McCain, said, "I'm a Senator, and a decorated war hero from an elite Navy unit from the United States of America ".

So he grabbed the second pack and jumped..

The third passenger, Barack Obama said, "I am the President of the United States and I am the smartest ever in the history of our country, some even call me the Anointed One."

So he grabbed the pack next to him and jumped out.

The fourth passenger, Billy Graham said to the fifth passenger, a 10-year-old schoolgirl, "I have lived a full life, and served my God the best I could. I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."

The little girl said, "That's okay Dr. Graham.

There's a parachute left for you. America 's smartest President took my schoolbag."

Frankie · 06-07-2012, 04:33 PM

There once was a blonde who was very tired of blonde jokes and insults directed at her intelligence.

So, she cut and dyed her hair, got a make-over, got in her car, and began driving around in the country.

Suddenly, she came to a herd of sheep in the road. She stopped her car and went over to the shepherd who was tending to them.

"If I can guess the exact number of sheep here, will you let me have one?" she asked.

The shepherd, thinking this was a pretty safe bet, agreed.

"You have 171 sheep," said the blonde in triumph.

Surprised, the shepherd told her to pick out a sheep of her choice.

She looked around for a while and finally found one that she really liked.

She picked it up and was petting it when the shepherd walked over to her and asked, "if I can guess your real hair color, will you give me my sheep back?"

The blonde thought it was only fair to let him try. "You're a blonde! Now give me back my dog."

Sofa King · 07-13-2012, 10:01 AM

A new Army Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the Afghan Desert .

During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent.

He asked the Sergeant why the camel was kept there.

The nervous sergeant said, 'Sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on the post and no women. Sometimes the men have urges. That's why we have Molly The Camel.

The Captain said, 'I can't say that I condone this, but I can understand about the 'urges', so the camel can stay.'

About a month later, the Captain starts having his own 'urges'.

Crazed with passion, he asked the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent.

Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the ladder, pulls his pants down and makes passionate love to the camel.

When he's done, he asked the Sergeant, 'Is that how the men do it?'

'No sir. They usually just ride the camel into town. That's where the girls are."

Sofa King · 07-13-2012, 10:02 AM

Finally this age-old question is answered: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the Nuts?
Women always say that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.

They are wrong, and here's the proof.

A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."

You NEVER hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."

Case closed.

Dayze · 07-13-2012, 12:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bwana

I would like to share an experience with you about drinking and driving.

As you know over the years some of us have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from social events.

Well, I have done something about it:

A couple of nights ago, I was out for dinner and ended up having a few too many drinks with some friends.

Knowing I may have been over the limit, I did something I've never done before - I took a bus home.

I arrived safely and without incident which was a real surprise since I had never even driven a bus before and am not sure where I got this one.

Please keep this in mind as you enjoy the holiday season.

that's awesome.

Frankie · 08-17-2012, 05:24 PM

Not a joke to tell, but funny nevertheless:

frankotank · 09-06-2012, 12:05 PM

An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board, but only 4 parachutes.

The first passenger, Sarah Palin, said, "I have my own reality show and I am the smartest woman in American history, so America 's people don't want me to die."

She took the first pack and jumped out of the plane.

The second passenger, John McCain, said, "I'm a Senator, and a decorated war hero from an elite Navy unit from the United States of America ".

So he grabbed the second pack and jumped..

The third passenger, Barack Obama said, "I am the President of the United States and I am the smartest ever in the history of our country, some even call me the Anointed One."

So he grabbed the pack next to him and jumped out.

The fourth passenger, Billy Graham said to the fifth passenger, a 10-year-old schoolgirl, "I have lived a full life, and served my God the best I could. I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."

The little girl said, "That's okay Dr. Graham.

There's a parachute left for you. America 's smartest President took my schoolbag."

frankotank · 09-06-2012, 12:15 PM

there's a decent joke in here....
from the greatest werewolf movie ever made. if you've not seen it, I highly recommend it!

ThaVirus · 09-06-2012, 12:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ROYC75

An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board, but only 4 parachutes.

The first passenger, Sarah Palin, said, "I have my own reality show and I am the smartest woman in American history, so America 's people don't want me to die."

She took the first pack and jumped out of the plane.

The second passenger, John McCain, said, "I'm a Senator, and a decorated war hero from an elite Navy unit from the United States of America ".

So he grabbed the second pack and jumped..

The third passenger, Barack Obama said, "I am the President of the United States and I am the smartest ever in the history of our country, some even call me the Anointed One."

So he grabbed the pack next to him and jumped out.

The fourth passenger, Billy Graham said to the fifth passenger, a 10-year-old schoolgirl, "I have lived a full life, and served my God the best I could. I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."

The little girl said, "That's okay Dr. Graham.

There's a parachute left for you. America 's smartest President took my schoolbag."

Quote:

Originally Posted by frankotank

An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board, but only 4 parachutes.

The first passenger, Sarah Palin, said, "I have my own reality show and I am the smartest woman in American history, so America 's people don't want me to die."

She took the first pack and jumped out of the plane.

The second passenger, John McCain, said, "I'm a Senator, and a decorated war hero from an elite Navy unit from the United States of America ".

So he grabbed the second pack and jumped..

The third passenger, Barack Obama said, "I am the President of the United States and I am the smartest ever in the history of our country, some even call me the Anointed One."

So he grabbed the pack next to him and jumped out.

The fourth passenger, Billy Graham said to the fifth passenger, a 10-year-old schoolgirl, "I have lived a full life, and served my God the best I could. I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."

The little girl said, "That's okay Dr. Graham.

There's a parachute left for you. America 's smartest President took my schoolbag."

Q, bitch.

frankotank · 09-06-2012, 12:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ThaVirus

Q, bitch.

virus walks into a bar.
bartender says....get the funk outta here!

(kept it clean)

ThaVirus · 09-06-2012, 01:19 PM

Virus walks into a bar.
Bartender says....get the funk outta here!

He heads back to his place with every bitch in the place, leaving Frank alone for hot schweaty man-sex with the pissed off biker gang.

(Frank wasn't very clean by the end of the night)

frankotank · 09-06-2012, 02:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ThaVirus

Virus walks into a bar.
Bartender says....get the funk outta here!

He heads back to his place with every bitch in the place, leaving Frank alone for hot schweaty man-sex with the pissed off biker gang.

(Frank wasn't very clean by the end of the night)

you must frequent the add three words thread.
gay....

KChiefer · 09-06-2012, 04:53 PM

Q: What does an Amish woman pray for before bedtime?

A: Two Mennonite.

Planetman · 09-06-2012, 06:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KChiefer

Q: What does an Amish woman pray for before bedtime?

A: Two Mennonite.

Q: What do you call an Amish man who has his arm shoved half way up a horse's butt?

A: A mechanic.

09-25-2005, 09:00 AM
Frankie Banned Join Date: Jul 2001 Casino cash: $10004900	Clean jokes can be funny too! Or at least good for a chuckle. Here's something completely different (for this BB). This thread is dedicated to ONLY CLEAN JOKES. Please post any clean joke that you find funny or at least amusing. We will not call you "dorks." Not in this thread. Let's see what you've got,... and share them. Don't worry about repeat jokes. Nobody has time to check all posts. Last edited by Frankie; 07-10-2011 at 05:17 PM..
Posts: 26,959

04-04-2012, 08:16 PM	#736
ROYC75 Time For Your Wake Up Call !!! Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Barn Yard Casino cash: $5689400	A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well. Until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could Arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions: L: Have you any grounds? P: Yes, an acre and half and nice little home. L: No, I mean what is the foundation of this case? P: It made of concrete. L: I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge? P: No, we have carport, and not need one. L: I mean. What are your relations like? P: All my relations still in Poland . L: Is there any infidelity in your marriage? P: We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player. L: Does your wife beat you up? P: No, I always up before her. L: Is your wife a nagger? P: No, she white. L: Why do you want this divorce? P: She going to kill me. L: What makes you think that? P: I got proof. L: What kind of proof? P: She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: Polish Remover'.
Posts: 36,984

04-26-2012, 11:01 PM	#737
ROYC75 Time For Your Wake Up Call !!! Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Barn Yard Casino cash: $5689400	An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board, but only 4 parachutes. The first passenger, Sarah Palin, said, "I have my own reality show and I am the smartest woman in American history, so America 's people don't want me to die." She took the first pack and jumped out of the plane. The second passenger, John McCain, said, "I'm a Senator, and a decorated war hero from an elite Navy unit from the United States of America ". So he grabbed the second pack and jumped.. The third passenger, Barack Obama said, "I am the President of the United States and I am the smartest ever in the history of our country, some even call me the Anointed One." So he grabbed the pack next to him and jumped out. The fourth passenger, Billy Graham said to the fifth passenger, a 10-year-old schoolgirl, "I have lived a full life, and served my God the best I could. I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute." The little girl said, "That's okay Dr. Graham. There's a parachute left for you. America 's smartest President took my schoolbag."
Posts: 36,984

06-07-2012, 04:33 PM	#738
Frankie Banned Join Date: Jul 2001 Casino cash: $10004900	There once was a blonde who was very tired of blonde jokes and insults directed at her intelligence. So, she cut and dyed her hair, got a make-over, got in her car, and began driving around in the country. Suddenly, she came to a herd of sheep in the road. She stopped her car and went over to the shepherd who was tending to them. "If I can guess the exact number of sheep here, will you let me have one?" she asked. The shepherd, thinking this was a pretty safe bet, agreed. "You have 171 sheep," said the blonde in triumph. Surprised, the shepherd told her to pick out a sheep of her choice. She looked around for a while and finally found one that she really liked. She picked it up and was petting it when the shepherd walked over to her and asked, "if I can guess your real hair color, will you give me my sheep back?" The blonde thought it was only fair to let him try. "You're a blonde! Now give me back my dog."
Posts: 26,959

07-13-2012, 10:01 AM	#739
Sofa King Hello Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: South Dakota Casino cash: $1082096 VARSITY	A new Army Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the Afghan Desert . During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asked the Sergeant why the camel was kept there. The nervous sergeant said, 'Sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on the post and no women. Sometimes the men have urges. That's why we have Molly The Camel. The Captain said, 'I can't say that I condone this, but I can understand about the 'urges', so the camel can stay.' About a month later, the Captain starts having his own 'urges'. Crazed with passion, he asked the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent. Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the ladder, pulls his pants down and makes passionate love to the camel. When he's done, he asked the Sergeant, 'Is that how the men do it?' 'No sir. They usually just ride the camel into town. That's where the girls are."
Posts: 23,217

07-13-2012, 10:02 AM	#740
Sofa King Hello Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: South Dakota Casino cash: $1082096 VARSITY	Finally this age-old question is answered: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the Nuts? Women always say that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts. They are wrong, and here's the proof. A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child." You NEVER hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts." Case closed.
Posts: 23,217

08-17-2012, 05:24 PM	#742
Frankie Banned Join Date: Jul 2001 Casino cash: $10004900	Not a joke to tell, but funny nevertheless:
Posts: 26,959

09-06-2012, 12:05 PM	#743
frankotank I like 'em mustard & biscuits Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: The Hill Casino cash: $10011076	An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board, but only 4 parachutes. The first passenger, Sarah Palin, said, "I have my own reality show and I am the smartest woman in American history, so America 's people don't want me to die." She took the first pack and jumped out of the plane. The second passenger, John McCain, said, "I'm a Senator, and a decorated war hero from an elite Navy unit from the United States of America ". So he grabbed the second pack and jumped.. The third passenger, Barack Obama said, "I am the President of the United States and I am the smartest ever in the history of our country, some even call me the Anointed One." So he grabbed the pack next to him and jumped out. The fourth passenger, Billy Graham said to the fifth passenger, a 10-year-old schoolgirl, "I have lived a full life, and served my God the best I could. I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute." The little girl said, "That's okay Dr. Graham. There's a parachute left for you. America 's smartest President took my schoolbag." __________________ A naked American man stole my balloons.
Posts: 6,787

09-06-2012, 12:15 PM	#744
frankotank I like 'em mustard & biscuits Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: The Hill Casino cash: $10011076	there's a decent joke in here.... from the greatest werewolf movie ever made. if you've not seen it, I highly recommend it! __________________ A naked American man stole my balloons.
Posts: 6,787

09-06-2012, 01:19 PM	#747
ThaVirus Settle this once and forever Join Date: Sep 2007 Casino cash: $2092369	Virus walks into a bar. Bartender says....get the funk outta here! He heads back to his place with every bitch in the place, leaving Frank alone for hot schweaty man-sex with the pissed off biker gang. (Frank wasn't very clean by the end of the night)
Posts: 44,259

09-06-2012, 04:53 PM	#749
KChiefer Fantastic Planeteer Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Champaign, IL Casino cash: $10006721	Q: What does an Amish woman pray for before bedtime? A: Two Mennonite.
Posts: 4,943