Life Hypothetical: A New Homestead Act - Page 3

**Rain Man** · 02:23 PM

Assume that the U.S. government starts a new Homestead Act in a foreign territory that is experiencing a void of power. The government formally makes the place a territory a la Puerto Rico or Guam, so there'll likely be a long-term American presence there.

With a goal of cementing American power in the region, the government offers homesteads to Americans such as yourself. The following conditions exist:

1. You will get an area large enough to support yourself via farming, with some income crops to let you acquire basic things you can't make yourself. Let's call it 640 acres.

2. You will get basic farming equipment to accomplish the above. It's not fully automated, but you're not out there with an oxen team. It's hard work, but not hardscrabble. You will receive some initial farming training if you need it, and a homestead extension officer will visit once a month to advise you as needed.

3. The government will provide a shipping container home for your use, along with four outbuildings along the same lines for equipment, storage, chickens, etc. You'll have to assemble everything.

4. You will get enough livestock to be self-sufficient per the above, and a seed stock and other stuff that you need to get started.

5. There are some native folks who are not happy at all about you being given their land. You don't really like their culture, and they don't like yours. They've been herded onto a territory a day's drive from your farm, but are mobile. They aren't violent, but they don't mind a fight at all and aren't above the occasional raid on one or two farms per year. However, the army will be running patrols that will include a welfare check on your property once per week.

6. There are enough Americans doing this that your farm will be surrounded by other farms of similar size. There will be 1,000 or so farms in your area.

7. There will be a town with a general store approximately one day's drive from your farm. It will have one cafe and a small hotel, and a small health clinic. The nearest big city with a hospital, college, movie theater, Long John Silver's, etc., is a four-day drive.

8. This area is isolated and a long way from the U.S. It'll cost you at least $10,000 to make a trip to the U.S., so you're not going to go back regularly at all.

9. You're on your own for schooling and child-raising and anything social.

10. You'll have solar power, access to a good well, and free satellite wifi.

11. You will own the land as long as you reside on the land. You can't get the land and then move back to the U.S. and lease it to the angry locals or some such thing. No loopholes.

Do you homestead, or do you keep your life the way it is now?

scorpio · 08-21-2013, 03:03 PM

Saw the title and immediately knew it was a Rain Man post.

**Rain Man** · 08-21-2013, 03:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MTG#10

How do these indigenous folks feel about the raping of their women?

They're against it unless you give them a pig, and pigs are hard to come by. But if you rape the youngest daughter when there's an unmarried older one, a mob will come with the intent of burning you in your home.

MTG#10 · 08-21-2013, 03:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rain Man

They're against it unless you give them a pig, and pigs are hard to come by. But if you rape the youngest daughter when there's an unmarried older one, a mob will come with the intent of burning you in your home.

I'll have to get back with you on this.

DJ's left nut · 08-21-2013, 03:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rain Man

They're against it unless you give them a pig, and pigs are hard to come by. But if you rape the youngest daughter when there's an unmarried older one, a mob will come with the intent of burning you in your home.

Is ignorance a defense to the family roasting?

I mean c'mon, am I really supposed to ask for a family tree before I commence raping natives?

Dayze · 08-21-2013, 03:13 PM

how far is the nearest Chipotle?

**Rain Man** · 08-21-2013, 03:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DJ's left nut

Is ignorance a defense to the family roasting?

I mean c'mon, am I really supposed to ask for a family tree before I commence raping natives?

The natives are very serious about this. A pig will smooth things down if you don't shame the unmarried older daughter, but if you shame her by raping her younger sister then bad things happen.

The natives also make very attractive pottery but ask too high a price for it.

**Rain Man** · 08-21-2013, 03:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dayze

how far is the nearest Chipotle?

Four days. And due to local growing seasons, they only have black beans during the summer months.

Dayze · 08-21-2013, 03:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rain Man

Four days. And due to local growing seasons, they only have black beans during the summer months.

4 days doesn't seem too bad.

MTG#10 · 08-21-2013, 03:20 PM

A follow up to my previous question...this will make or break my decision - how to the indigenous people feel about PIIHB? Would that require two pigs?

**Rain Man** · 08-21-2013, 03:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MTG#10

A follow up to my previous question...this will make or break my decision - how to the indigenous people feel about PIIHB? Would that require two pigs?

This is not covered in the homesteading brochures, but the rumors among the homesteaders are that two pigs will buy you pretty much anything, as long as it's not the younger sister of an unmarried woman. If you PIIHB and she's the younger sister of an unmarried woman, they will come en masse with torches and a local device called noothookas. You do not want to experience noothookas.

tooge · 08-21-2013, 03:35 PM

whats the local justice system. Say for example there is a rapist mother****er in the area. One that likes to rape the native women for example. Can I go over there, **** him up, take his shit, and rent his land out to the natives, thereby creating my own little Earldom?

**Rain Man** · 08-21-2013, 03:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tooge

whats the local justice system. Say for example there is a rapist mother****er in the area. One that likes to rape the native women for example. Can I go over there, **** him up, take his shit, and rent his land out to the natives, thereby creating my own little Earldom?

See Post 30.

You are under no obligation to help protect a native raper's homestead from fire, but if he gets burned up then the land will go to a new homesteader. You are not allowed to pursue lebensraum and must remain within your allotted 640 acres, even if the neighbors are Polish or Austrian.

DJ's left nut · 08-21-2013, 03:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tooge

whats the local justice system. Say for example there is a rapist mother****er in the area. One that likes to rape the native women for example. Can I go over there, **** him up, take his shit, and rent his land out to the natives, thereby creating my own little Earldom?

You can try, asshole...

tooge · 08-21-2013, 03:44 PM

dammit!

DJ's left nut · 08-21-2013, 03:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tooge

dammit!

It's probably for the best.

I'd hate for the areas only dentist to not have any teeth left in his head...

View Poll Results: Do you homestead or stay?
Homestead. That sounds like a pretty good life.	15	30.61%
Stay. I don't need the 640 acres and the peace and quiet that bad.	31	63.27%
I can't answer until I learn more about our local football franchise.	3	6.12%
Voters: 49. You may not vote on this poll

08-21-2013, 02:14 PM
Rain Man NFL's #1 Ermines Fan Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: My house Casino cash: $3088491 VARSITY	Hypothetical: A New Homestead Act Assume that the U.S. government starts a new Homestead Act in a foreign territory that is experiencing a void of power. The government formally makes the place a territory a la Puerto Rico or Guam, so there'll likely be a long-term American presence there. With a goal of cementing American power in the region, the government offers homesteads to Americans such as yourself. The following conditions exist: 1. You will get an area large enough to support yourself via farming, with some income crops to let you acquire basic things you can't make yourself. Let's call it 640 acres. 2. You will get basic farming equipment to accomplish the above. It's not fully automated, but you're not out there with an oxen team. It's hard work, but not hardscrabble. You will receive some initial farming training if you need it, and a homestead extension officer will visit once a month to advise you as needed. 3. The government will provide a shipping container home for your use, along with four outbuildings along the same lines for equipment, storage, chickens, etc. You'll have to assemble everything. 4. You will get enough livestock to be self-sufficient per the above, and a seed stock and other stuff that you need to get started. 5. There are some native folks who are not happy at all about you being given their land. You don't really like their culture, and they don't like yours. They've been herded onto a territory a day's drive from your farm, but are mobile. They aren't violent, but they don't mind a fight at all and aren't above the occasional raid on one or two farms per year. However, the army will be running patrols that will include a welfare check on your property once per week. 6. There are enough Americans doing this that your farm will be surrounded by other farms of similar size. There will be 1,000 or so farms in your area. 7. There will be a town with a general store approximately one day's drive from your farm. It will have one cafe and a small hotel, and a small health clinic. The nearest big city with a hospital, college, movie theater, Long John Silver's, etc., is a four-day drive. 8. This area is isolated and a long way from the U.S. It'll cost you at least $10,000 to make a trip to the U.S., so you're not going to go back regularly at all. 9. You're on your own for schooling and child-raising and anything social. 10. You'll have solar power, access to a good well, and free satellite wifi. 11. You will own the land as long as you reside on the land. You can't get the land and then move back to the U.S. and lease it to the angry locals or some such thing. No loopholes. Do you homestead, or do you keep your life the way it is now? Last edited by Rain Man; 08-21-2013 at 02:23 PM..
Posts: 141,617

08-21-2013, 03:03 PM	#31
scorpio Veteran Join Date: Apr 2006 Casino cash: $9498509	Saw the title and immediately knew it was a Rain Man post.
Posts: 1,109

08-21-2013, 03:13 PM	#35
Dayze Resident Glue Sniffer Join Date: Nov 2003 Casino cash: $4979358	how far is the nearest Chipotle? __________________ Life is 99% inspiration, 1% Perspiration, and 1% Attention to Detial. RIP & Godspeed: Saccoppo Lonewolf Ed Fire Me Boy
Posts: 37,374

08-21-2013, 03:20 PM	#39
MTG#10 Mammoth penis Join Date: May 2006 Location: Springfield Casino cash: $7424386	A follow up to my previous question...this will make or break my decision - how to the indigenous people feel about PIIHB? Would that require two pigs?
Posts: 11,432

08-21-2013, 03:35 PM	#41
tooge MVP Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Liberty, MO Casino cash: $3764112	whats the local justice system. Say for example there is a rapist mother**er in the area. One that likes to rape the native women for example. Can I go over there, ** him up, take his shit, and rent his land out to the natives, thereby creating my own little Earldom?
Posts: 15,105

08-21-2013, 03:44 PM	#44
tooge MVP Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Liberty, MO Casino cash: $3764112	dammit!
Posts: 15,105