Funny Stuff Clean jokes can be funny too! - Page 48

Frankie · 05:17 PM

Or at least good for a chuckle. Here's something completely different (for this BB). This thread is dedicated to ONLY CLEAN JOKES. Please post any clean joke that you find funny or at least amusing. We will not call you "dorks." Not in this thread. Let's see what you've got,... and share them.

Don't worry about repeat jokes. Nobody has time to check all posts.

Frankie · 07-10-2011, 05:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Frankie

This has been covered in the topic.

No it wasn't. Heh, heh.

It is now though.

4th and Long · 07-18-2011, 02:17 PM

Wise old man

A guy is 86 years old and loves to fish.

He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say,

"Pick me up."

He looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again,

"Pick me up." He looked in the water and there, floating on the top was a frog.

The man said, "Are you talking to me?"

The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up.

Then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.

I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because you will have me as your bride."

The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.

Then the frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said?

I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride."

He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,

"Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog.

Frankie · 07-18-2011, 04:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 4th and Long

Wise old man

A guy is 86 years old and loves to fish.

He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say,

"Pick me up."

He looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again,

"Pick me up." He looked in the water and there, floating on the top was a frog.

The man said, "Are you talking to me?"

The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up.

Then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.

I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because you will have me as your bride."

The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.

Then the frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said?

I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride."

He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,

"Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog.

frankotank · 07-20-2011, 09:30 AM

talking frog joke....very nice.

How Dry Is It In Texas?

A buddy out of Longview Tx. said he'd killed a mosquito that was carrying a canteen.

A man in Dime Box Tx. said the chicken farmers were giving the chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.

In Lake Palestine Tx. , they caught a 20 lb catfish that had ticks on it!

But just this week, in Bryan Tx., a fire hydrant was seen bribing a dog.

It's so dry in Texas that the Baptists are starting to baptize by sprinkling, the Methodists are using wet-wipes, the Presbyterians are giving out rain-checks, and the Catholics are praying for the wine to turn back into water.

Bump · 08-03-2011, 12:05 AM

An Oklahoma fan, a Kansas fan, and a Mizzou fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves their team the most. The Oklahoma fan insists that he is the most loyal. ''BOOMER SOONER'' he yells, and jumps off the mountain. Not to be outdone, the Kansas fan is next to profess his love for his… team. He yells, "ROCK CHALK JAYHAWK" and pushes the Mizzou fan off the mountain.

Jenson71 · 08-03-2011, 02:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frankotank

A guy is walking down the street and as he approaches a fence her hears people chanting…….”13, 13, 13, 13”. Curious, he wants to know what’s up, but the fence is too high to see over. A sign on the fence discloses that there’s an insane asylum on the other side and that only piques his curiosity further. As he’s walking down the fence line listening to the chanting he spots a hole in the fence. So he bends over to take a peek at what’s going on over there when all of a sudden……BOINK! Somebody pokes him in the eye with a stick.

“14, 14, 14, 14”

Man, I do not understand this joke.

KurtCobain · 08-03-2011, 03:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jenson71

Man, I do not understand this joke.

You're kidding right.

Jenson71 · 08-03-2011, 09:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KurtCobain

You're kidding right.

My only guess is that the insane people are counting how many people they've poked in the eye. And that would be a disappointing joke.

**Dave Lane** · 08-03-2011, 11:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jenson71

My only guess is that the insane people are counting how many people they've poked in the eye. And that would be a disappointing joke.

On the ironic funny scale I give it a 3.42 out of 10, but yes you are correct.

Holladay · 08-03-2011, 12:00 PM

My kids loved that joke. Guess that shows the demographics in humor.

Frankie · 11-16-2011, 10:51 AM

Employee: Excuse me sir, may I talk to you?

Boss: Sure, come on in. What can I do for you?

Employee: Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this prestigious Firm for over ten years.

Boss: Yes.

Employee: I won't beat around the bush. Sir, I would like a raise. I currently have four companies after me and so I decided to talk to you first.

Boss: A raise? I would love to give you a raise, but this is just not the right time.

Employee: I understand your position, and I know that the current economic down turn has had a negative impact on sales, but you must also take into consideration my hard work, pro- activeness and loyalty to this company for over a decade.

Boss: Taking into account these factors, and considering I don't want to start a brain drain, I'm willing to offer you a ten percent raise and an extra five days of vacation time. How does that sound?

Employee: Great! It's a deal! Thank you, sir!

Boss: Before you go, just out of curiosity, what companies were after you?

Employee: Oh, the Electric Company, Gas Company, Water Company And the Mortgage Company!

Frankie · 11-16-2011, 10:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jenson71

Man, I do not understand this joke.

I had heard that actually in my childhood back in the old country. Thought it was a Persian joke and a few times I have tried to translate it to English with not much success in terms of funny.

I think it's funny.

Frankie · 12-08-2011, 11:42 PM

A father put his three-year-old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers, which she ended by saying.

"God bless Mommy, God bless daddy, and God bless grandma and good-bye grandpa."

The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?"

The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the right thing to do."

The next day grandpa died.

The father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this:

"God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma."

The next day the grandma died.

Oh my god, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.

Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say, "God bless Mommy and good-bye daddy."

He practically went into shock.

He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office.

He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock.

He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.

He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally, when midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.

When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?"

He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."

She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened HERE.

He asked "What?”

She said "This morning our neighbor Tom had a sudden heart attack and died."

Holladay · 12-09-2011, 02:56 AM

ba-da boom....hhehehe

Holladay · 12-09-2011, 02:58 AM

someone needs to do the "Best" of these things. I print them out and on road trips read them to the kids.

09-25-2005, 09:00 AM
Frankie Banned Join Date: Jul 2001 Casino cash: $10004900	Clean jokes can be funny too! Or at least good for a chuckle. Here's something completely different (for this BB). This thread is dedicated to ONLY CLEAN JOKES. Please post any clean joke that you find funny or at least amusing. We will not call you "dorks." Not in this thread. Let's see what you've got,... and share them. Don't worry about repeat jokes. Nobody has time to check all posts. Last edited by Frankie; 07-10-2011 at 05:17 PM..
Posts: 26,959

07-18-2011, 02:17 PM	#707
4th and Long Wheeeeee!!! Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: In a house Casino cash: $9264925	Wise old man A guy is 86 years old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up." He looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, "Pick me up." He looked in the water and there, floating on the top was a frog. The man said, "Are you talking to me?" The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up. Then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because you will have me as your bride." The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket. Then the frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride." He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, "Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog. __________________
Posts: 19,792

07-20-2011, 09:30 AM	#709
frankotank I like 'em mustard & biscuits Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: The Hill Casino cash: $10011076	talking frog joke....very nice. How Dry Is It In Texas? A buddy out of Longview Tx. said he'd killed a mosquito that was carrying a canteen. A man in Dime Box Tx. said the chicken farmers were giving the chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs. In Lake Palestine Tx. , they caught a 20 lb catfish that had ticks on it! But just this week, in Bryan Tx., a fire hydrant was seen bribing a dog. It's so dry in Texas that the Baptists are starting to baptize by sprinkling, the Methodists are using wet-wipes, the Presbyterians are giving out rain-checks, and the Catholics are praying for the wine to turn back into water. __________________ A naked American man stole my balloons.
Posts: 6,787

08-03-2011, 12:05 AM	#710
Bump YOU take YOUR seat Join Date: Nov 2007 Casino cash: $2105105	An Oklahoma fan, a Kansas fan, and a Mizzou fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves their team the most. The Oklahoma fan insists that he is the most loyal. ''BOOMER SOONER'' he yells, and jumps off the mountain. Not to be outdone, the Kansas fan is next to profess his love for his… team. He yells, "ROCK CHALK JAYHAWK" and pushes the Mizzou fan off the mountain. __________________
Posts: 32,296

08-03-2011, 12:00 PM	#715
Holladay Veteran Join Date: Sep 2000 Casino cash: $2519480	My kids loved that joke. Guess that shows the demographics in humor.
Posts: 3,586

11-16-2011, 10:51 AM	#716
Frankie Banned Join Date: Jul 2001 Casino cash: $10004900	Employee: Excuse me sir, may I talk to you? Boss: Sure, come on in. What can I do for you? Employee: Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this prestigious Firm for over ten years. Boss: Yes. Employee: I won't beat around the bush. Sir, I would like a raise. I currently have four companies after me and so I decided to talk to you first. Boss: A raise? I would love to give you a raise, but this is just not the right time. Employee: I understand your position, and I know that the current economic down turn has had a negative impact on sales, but you must also take into consideration my hard work, pro- activeness and loyalty to this company for over a decade. Boss: Taking into account these factors, and considering I don't want to start a brain drain, I'm willing to offer you a ten percent raise and an extra five days of vacation time. How does that sound? Employee: Great! It's a deal! Thank you, sir! Boss: Before you go, just out of curiosity, what companies were after you? Employee: Oh, the Electric Company, Gas Company, Water Company And the Mortgage Company!
Posts: 26,959

12-08-2011, 11:42 PM	#718
Frankie Banned Join Date: Jul 2001 Casino cash: $10004900	A father put his three-year-old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers, which she ended by saying. "God bless Mommy, God bless daddy, and God bless grandma and good-bye grandpa." The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?" The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the right thing to do." The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this: "God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma." The next day the grandma died. Oh my god, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side. Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say, "God bless Mommy and good-bye daddy." He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally, when midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home. When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?" He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life." She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened HERE. He asked "What?” She said "This morning our neighbor Tom had a sudden heart attack and died."
Posts: 26,959

12-09-2011, 02:56 AM	#719
Holladay Veteran Join Date: Sep 2000 Casino cash: $2519480	ba-da boom....hhehehe
Posts: 3,586

12-09-2011, 02:58 AM	#720
Holladay Veteran Join Date: Sep 2000 Casino cash: $2519480	someone needs to do the "Best" of these things. I print them out and on road trips read them to the kids.
Posts: 3,586