Clean jokes can be funny too!

[Frankie]

While in prison, Hank and Jim, two convicts thought long and hard about their criminal life. As a result Hank started studying to become a lawyer. But Jim,.... he decided to go straight.

[chiefqueen]

This one will get this thread kicked into the D.C. forum but here it goes:

HILLARY'S FIRST NIGHT AS PRESIDENT in January 2008 Hillary Clinton gets elected President and is spending her first night in the White House. She has waited so long.......... The ghost of George Washington appears, and Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?" Washington says, "Never tell a lie." "Ouch!" Says Hillary, "I don't know about that." The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears... Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?" Jefferson says, "Listen to the people." "Ohhh! I really don't want to do that." On the third night, the ghost of Abe Lincoln appears... Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?" Lincoln says, "Go to the theater!"

[C-Mac]

An traveler was stumbling through the desert, desperate for water, then he saw something, far off in the distance.
Hoping to find water, he walked towards the image, only to find a little old peddler sitting at a card table with a bunch of neckties laid out.
The parched wanderer asked, "Please, I'm dying of thirst, can I have some water?"
The man replied "I don't have any water, but why don't you buy a tie? Here's one that goes nicely with your clothes."
The desperate man shouted, "I don't want a tie, you idiot, I need water!"
"OK, don't buy a tie. But to show you what a nice guy I am, I'll tell you that over that hill there, about 5 miles, is a nice restaurant. Walk that way, they'll give you all the water you want."
The man thanked the peddler and walked away towards the hill and eventually disappeared out of sight.
Three hours later he returned.
The man at the card table asked, "I told you, about 5 miles over that hill. Couldn't you find it?"
"I found it all right. They wouldn't let me in without a tie."

[memyselfI]

Originally Posted by chiefqueen

This one will get this thread kicked into the D.C. forum but here it goes:

HILLARY'S FIRST NIGHT AS PRESIDENT in January 2008 Hillary Clinton gets elected President and is spending her first night in the White House. She has waited so long.......... The ghost of George Washington appears, and Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?" Washington says, "Never tell a lie." "Ouch!" Says Hillary, "I don't know about that." The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears... Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?" Jefferson says, "Listen to the people." "Ohhh! I really don't want to do that." On the third night, the ghost of Abe Lincoln appears... Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?" Lincoln says, "Go to the theater!"

Here is the second:

Reporter: President Bush, what do you think of Roe vs. Wade?

W: I don't care how people get out of New Orleans just as long as they get out.

[Frankie]

Originally Posted by memyselfI

Here is the second:

Reporter: President Bush, what do you think of Roe vs. Wade?

W: I don't care how people get out of New Orleans just as long as they get out.

BTW, this reminds me. Can anyone post the link to the DC (political) jokes thread?

[greg63]

Originally Posted by memyselfI

Here is the second:

Reporter: President Bush, what do you think of Roe vs. Wade?

W: I don't care how people get out of New Orleans just as long as they get out.

Classic!

[RealSNR]

Classic Robin Williams:

A buddhist walks up to a hotdog stand and says, "make me one with everything."

[RealSNR]

Q: What do you call a dehydrated Frenchman?

A: Pierre






(For the slow ones... pee air... get it?)

[greg63]

Originally Posted by SNR

Classic Robin Williams:

A buddhist walks up to a hotdog stand and says, "make me one with everything."

Is that one of those Buddhist that has taken a vow of celibacy like his father and his father before him???

[Hydrae]

Did you hear about the Indian who went to the tea party?


He went home afterwards and had a tea pee.

[kcirnamffoh]

Originally Posted by Hydrae

Did you hear about the Indian who went to the tea party?


He went home afterwards and had a tea pee.

This crazy guy went running into his counselor’s office screaming, “I’m a teapee, I’m a teapee!!”

The counselor trying to calm him down replied, “Relax already, you’re just too tense”.

[Frankie]

Originally Posted by kcirnamffoh

This crazy guy went running into his counselor’s office screaming, “I’m a teapee, I’m a teapee!!”

The counselor trying to calm him down replied, “Relax already, you’re just too tense”.

The version I've heard:

Patient-
Doc, I'm going crazy. Every night I dream I'm a teepee. Then I wake up screaming and go back to sleep only to dream I'm a wigwam.

Doctor-
Don't worry. You're just "two tents!"

[Hydrae]

Hickory dickory dock
Three mice ran up the clock
The clock struck one
The other two escaped with minor injuries

[greg63]

Bill Clinton was coming back to the white house one day after vacationing in Arkansas with two baby pigs under each arm. He greeted the guard at the door and said proudly: "How do you like my pigs, I got this one for Hillary and this one I got for Chelsea". The guard replied: "Good trade sir."

[greg63]

A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of the younger doctors. After about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was and she told him her story. After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the young doctor was writing on his clipboard. "What's the matter with you?" the older doctor demanded. "Mrs. Reid is 62 years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren and you told her she was pregnant?" The younger doctor continued writing and without looking up said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"