Clean jokes can be funny too!

[Frankie]

Or at least good for a chuckle. Here's something completely different (for this BB). This thread is dedicated to ONLY CLEAN JOKES. Please post any clean joke that you find funny or at least amusing. We will not call you "dorks." Not in this thread. Let's see what you've got,... and share them.

Don't worry about repeat jokes. Nobody has time to check all posts.

[Bwana]

Originally Posted by Frankie

This is the funniest Bwana has been on this bb.

Heh!

[OgTheCaveman]

[BucEyedPea]

[milkman]

One night, after little Johnny is all tucked in for the night, and starting to fall to sleep, he is awakened by a pecking sound at his window.

When he goes to check it out, there's raven there, and it speaks.

"Little Johnny", it says, "your grandpa is going to die tomorrow."

Little Johnny is frightened, so he runs to his parents room and tell them what happened.

They settle him down, and convince him it was just a dream.

Next day, grandpa dies.

Several weeks later, the raven comes back, and tells little Johnny, "Little Johnny, you auntie is going to die tomorrow."

Little Johnny runs to his parents, and again they calm him down, convince him that grandpa's death and his "dream" were just coincidence.

Next day, little Johnny's aunt dies.

Several weeks later, the raven appears again, and tells little Johnny, "Tomorrow, your father will die".

Little Johnny runs to his parent crying, and they calm him this time by promising him that dad will be extra cautious.
But they are all worried.

Next day, Johnny's dad goes to work, and takes extreme care in everything he does, and watches for anything that could be dangeruos.

He gets home that evening, runs into the kitchen, and proclams "I made it. I'm OK!"

Then he notices his wife is sitting at the table, head in hands sobbing.

"Honey" he asks, "What is it. What's wrong?"

She looks up, and between sobs says,

"The milkman died today".

[Lzen]

Originally Posted by milkman

She looks up, and between sobs says,

"The milkman died today".

If you're dead, who typed this post?

[Lzen]

.

[milkman]

Originally Posted by Lzen

If you're dead, who typed this post?

The afterlife has internet access.

[KC Jones]

Bwana's joke reminded me of a very similar one:

A man is out riding a hot air balloon when he gets lost. Spotting someone out fishing next to a stream he lowers his balloon and asks him if he knows where he is.

The fisherman says "Sure, you're about 20 feet off the ground heading North East at 5 knots". The man in the balloon snorts at this and retorts, "Well, you're no use - You must be an engineer". The fisherman replies, "Why yes, how did you know?"

The man in the balloon says, "Because I asked you a perfectly reasonable question and you have given an answer that while technically correct is absolutely no use to anyone."

The engineer replies, "I see, you must be in management." The man in the balloon says, "why yes, how did you know that." The engineer says, "because you don't know where you are or where you're going, and even though I've given you all the information you asked for, somehow it's still my fault."

[Lzen]

Deer Sir,

I waunt to apply for the secritary job what I saw in the paper. I can Type real quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting.

I think I am good on the phone and no I am a pepole person, Pepole really seam to respond to me well.

I´m lookin for a Jobb as a secritary but it musent be to complicaited.

I no my spelling is not to good but find that I Offen can get a job thru my persinalety. My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to pay me and wat you think that I am werth,

I can start imeditely. Thank you in advanse fore yore anser.

hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.


Sinseerly,

Peggy May Starlings


PS : Because my resimay is a bit short - below is a pickture of me taken at my last jobb.

[Lzen]

Employer's response:......


Dear Peggy May,

It's OK honey, we've got spell check.

____________________________________

[greg63]

Originally Posted by Frankie

The train was quite crowded, so the U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well-dressed middle-aged French woman's poodle.

The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?"
The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat."
The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog. "Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired."
She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!"
This time the Marine didn't say a word, he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down.
The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honour! Put this American in his place!"
An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, "Sir, you Americans often seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road.
And now, sir,... you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window."

[greg63]

errrrrr! eeeeech! errrrrr! eeeeeech!

A blond going through a flashing red light.

[007]

Originally Posted by greg63

errrrrr! eeeeech! errrrrr! eeeeeech!

A blond going through a flashing red light.

something tells me you know of this through experience.

[greg63]

Originally Posted by kcchiefsguru

something tells me you know of this through experience.

Yeah, the wife drives as best she can.

[007]

Originally Posted by greg63

Yeah, the wife drives as best she can.