There Was Always Crying in Sports. The Kelces Made It Cool. A tear-filled retirement announcement was just the latest instance of Jason and Travis Kelce, two of the toughest guys around, putting their emotions on full display.
As Jason Kelce strode to a dais on Monday to announce his retirement from the N.F.L. after 13 seasons with the Philadelphia Eagles, he appeared to be playing the role of traditional masculinity to perfection.
His face framed by his familiar Bunyan-esque beard, Mr. Kelce wore a cutoff T-shirt, sandals and a gold Rolex. Taking a seat behind a microphone, he thanked everyone for coming. And then he began to cry.
“Oh, man,” he said through tears. “This is going to be long.”
Sure enough, over the next 40 minutes, Mr. Kelce labored with his emotions as he choked out lines from his speech.
Mr. Kelce cried when he talked about his teammates. He cried when he thanked the Eagles’ owner. He cried when he reflected on the smell of “freshly mowed grass.” He even cried when he recalled instances of other people crying — namely, his father, who, according to Mr. Kelce, had “tears streaming down his face” when Mr. Kelce was drafted in 2011.
But it was only when Mr. Kelce spoke about his relationship with his younger brother, Travis, a tight end for the Kansas City Chiefs, that Jason seemed in danger of having a total meltdown. Travis, of course, was sobbing behind sunglasses in the front row. Someone tossed a towel to Jason so he could mop his face.
“This is where it’s going to go off the rails,” he said.
If not exactly taboo, crying in men’s sports was once considered a sign of weakness. Think Jimmy Dugan, the irascible manager from the film “A League of Their Own,” chastising a woman playing for him by bellowing, “There’s no crying in baseball!” Men like Dugan, both real and fictional, were always free to express anger, because anger was masculine. But tears? Those had no place on a ball field.
While in many ways the Kelces could not be bigger jocks — Travis dates Taylor Swift, Jason chugs beer, and they both became famous playing a violent game — they do not hide their feelings. Professional athletes have cried before, of course. But the Kelces seem to cry more voluminously and with greater frequency than their predecessors.
Now that their platform extends to the Swift cosmos, the brothers’ public shows of emotion are notable. With their brand of vulnerability front and center, the message is clear: It is normal and healthy for men to cry.
“You can be a tough, strong guy, and you can also be emotional and connecting,” Dr. Fredric Rabinowitz, a professor of psychology at the University of Redlands, said in a telephone interview. “I think there’s a growing acceptance that our human emotions are natural, rather than something that we need to dam up or that we need to push down.”
Rich Eisen, the sports radio show host, seemed to speak on behalf of his peers when he described Mr. Kelce’s retirement announcement as “beautiful, just beautiful.”
The tears of male athletes were not always so uniformly celebrated. In 2009, Tim Tebow was a star quarterback at the University of Florida when he cried on the bench in the closing moments of a loss. In certain corners of the internet, Mr. Tebow was rebranded as “Tearbow.” It hardly seemed to matter that he had won the Heisman Trophy.
That same year, Michael Jordan was meme-fied as “Crying Jordan” when he broke down during his induction speech at basketball’s Hall of Fame. Granted, Mr. Jordan’s speech was also criticized for his attempts to settle old scores with people who had doubted him. But because he cried, a singular player was reduced to a punchline.
For the Kelce brothers, Monday’s news conference was no fluke.
Last year, after they played against each other in the Super Bowl, Jason Kelce found their mother for a tearful embrace. Travis Kelce later cried during his postgame news conference. And then the brothers cried together during a subsequent podcast.
“Ironically, you lose the Super Bowl, and you’re crying after the game,” Jason Kelce said through tears on an episode of “New Heights.” “And they’re not tears of sadness; they’re tears of joy.”
Emotional vulnerability had, over the last several years, endeared the Kelces to many in the N.F.L. community. But thanks to Travis Kelce’s relationship with Ms. Swift, the brothers have seen their reach transcend football, with them becoming unlikely role models for male behavior among legions of young women.
Some have taken even themselves by surprise with their embrace of Jason Kelce, a grizzled offensive linemen. “One random day Travis Kelce decided to make a friendship bracelet for Taylor Swift and now I’m sobbing over Jason Kelce’s retirement announcement,” said a young woman on TikTok, echoing the sentiment of many.
Dr. Rabinowitz, the author of “Deepening Group Psychotherapy with Men,” cautioned that work remains.
“Athletes get a pass because they have the masculinity chops,” Dr. Rabinowitz said. “But for the average guy, there is still, I think, this sense of shame around crying.”
Perhaps that is beginning to change. Dr. Rabinowitz recalled watching Jason Kelce’s retirement announcement on television.
“And I’m crying watching it,” he said.
And if you want to read what some rando on Facebook said about it, here's that part:
Spoiler!
Masculinity, in and of itself, is not toxic. Toxic people apply their version of what they BELIEVE to be masculine (which is generally controlling, narcissistic behavior), and use that to create chaos wherever they go, in the name of "Being a man." And I'm here to tell you, that's just a load of horse shit.
REAL masculinity is healthy, it is emotional. It is crying at times (I gotta tell you, I don't think I cried in my entire adult life until I had a daughter and now I am basically always in tears because of her lol).
REAL masculinity, the healthy kind, can be tough. It can be dangerous when it needs to be. But it also has to be soft at times, it has to be tender and it HAS to have a healthy, vulnerable emotional component or its just chauvinism in tight pants.
The Kelce brothers, for all the faults, show a picture of REAL, healthy, honest masculinity. They are undoubtedly "picturesque, quintessential" male-archetypes: Big, strong, athletic, successful, bearded, beer-drinking, trash talking party dudes. They are the guys that other guys want to be like. But instead of going some narcissistic, Andrew Tate-like direction with all that fame and attention and money and platform, they instead are real. They're raw.
Seeing Jason Kelce shirtless and hugging fans of the team playing AGAINST his brother's; seeing Travis show up at concerts and dance and clap to his girlfriend's songs, and hearing them open up and share emotional situations, is exactly what we need to hear, as a nation of men who oftentimes get it wrong.
During Jason Kelce's retirement, he poured out his soul on national television. He was funny and sweet and humble. He wept at times, and told jokes. But when it came down to talk about his wife and kids and finally, his brother, he sobbed.
This giant, powerful, famous, popular, rich man who by all standards is a "man's man," demonstrated that not only is true masculinity ACCEPTING of vulnerability, it really cannot be TRUE, REAL masculinity, if it doesn't. His brother, Travis, poured out the tears sitting in the front row of the press conference.
As important as its been for America to see two successful, famous, wealthy people court in an old-fashioned, most unbelievably adorable manner (Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift), it has been equally beautiful and important for young women and little girls to see a powerful woman who treats people with respect and dignity, who uses her power and wealth to improve people's lives, who stands alone just fine but CHOOSES to chase after love...and in return, actual, TRUE, REAL, and HEALTHY masculinity is displayed for them to see, as she has been courted in a way that makes me, as the father of a daughter, have hopes that this behavior continues and shows up more and more, due to this very public example.
The way Jason talks about his wife, even now, is like a man who has just met and fallen in love with the girl of his dreams, after a decade together. He is deferential and sweet and romantic and silly and goofy--and is also an excellent provider and protector; without ever showing even the slightest indication that he perceivers himself as more important or valuable or worth more than his wife and kids.
TRUE masculinity is about sacrifice; REAL masculinity is about doing what a man is needed to do, and just getting it done in a way that allows for the most growth and health and safety of those who depend on you.
The Kelce brothers are the "man's men" that this country needs a LOT more of. I have so much respect and admiration for what they do and who they are. I really hope that THIS is a trend that catches on.
03-12-2024, 04:27 PM
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There Was Always Crying in Sports. The Kelces Made It Cool.
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