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Old 05-03-2016, 10:10 PM  
bevischief bevischief is offline
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Getting divorce what do I need to know?
No kids just a dog and stuff to decide over.
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Old 05-04-2016, 07:18 AM   #31
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Originally Posted by bevischief View Post
No kids just a dog and stuff to decide over.

No kids is tremendously helpful. The next question is whether either or both of you have significant assets. Do you own a house? Have you decided what to do with it? Sell and split any profit is a good way to go. Do you have any other significant assets?

If the answer is "no, we have a dog, some furniture, and not much cash", then don't bother with a lawyer unless something odd is going on. Try to have a discussion with her about a fair split. By "fair", generally 50/50 is fine, even if one of you made more money or whatever during the marriage. If someone came into the marriage with specific assets well in excess of the other person, then it could be a bit more complicated.

THE KEY IS TO AVOID ALIMONY OR SUPPORT PAYMENTS OF ANY KIND.

It is far, far better to give up some specific amount now, even if you think you deserve it, than to give her a crowbar granting permanent access to your wallet.

If you can do it amicably, then the lawyer is unnecessary. If you can't, lawyer up fast. Like yesterday.


Sorry to hear.

Oh, and standard caveat -- I'm a lawyer, but I'm not a divorce/family lawyer, I don't practice in your state, I know absolutely nothing about your situation, and my advice is worth what you paid for it -- nothing.
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Old 05-04-2016, 07:19 AM   #32
Amnorix Amnorix is offline
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Play divorce like you play Texas Hold Em': Without Emotion

Yes.

Emotion is what turns divorces into bitter wars completely divorced from the importance of what is being fought over. I hear about this, but also see it in "business divorces", where partners (sometimes family members) are fighting over control of a company, or selling, or whatever.

Emotion rules all, and logic goes out the window.
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Old 05-04-2016, 07:21 AM   #33
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Old 05-04-2016, 07:21 AM   #34
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It seems as if 1/2 my friends have gotten divorced the last 5 years. There is a word of advice every single one of them agreed on:


End it as quickly and painlessly as possible.

A lot of them also said that stuff isn't as important as you think it is when you are arguing over it.


Play divorce like you play Texas Hold Em': Without Emotion
Since you don't have kids, it should be pretty simple. It sucks, but cut bait and go on with your life. The more you fight over stuff, the more money your lawyers make and the less stuff you actually get to keep.
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Old 05-04-2016, 07:23 AM   #35
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Originally Posted by Amnorix View Post
Yes.

Emotion is what turns divorces into bitter wars completely divorced from the importance of what is being fought over. I hear about this, but also see it in "business divorces", where partners (sometimes family members) are fighting over control of a company, or selling, or whatever.

Emotion rules all, and logic goes out the window.
It also doesn't fuel the opponent.
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Old 05-04-2016, 07:25 AM   #36
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What are the circumstances? Is it a mutual decision or is one person forcing the issue over the other's objection? Is marital wrongdoing involved? Do you both have relatively similar incomes or does one person make the majority of the family income? How long have you been married? Have either of you retained a lawyer?

PS Are the two of you able to talk and remain civil or is it more like a civil war now? Is it more important to you to achieve a fair and honorable divorce or do you hate her and want to achieve as total a victory as possible?
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Old 05-04-2016, 07:26 AM   #37
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Originally Posted by luv View Post
I love reading men's takes on this.
Lone's cracked me up the most.

My advice? Stuff isnt important. Get the dog and don't ever get married again.
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Old 05-04-2016, 07:34 AM   #38
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Originally Posted by notorious View Post
It seems as if 1/2 my friends have gotten divorced the last 5 years. There is a word of advice every single one of them agreed on:


End it as quickly and painlessly as possible.

A lot of them also said that stuff isn't as important as you think it is when you are arguing over it.


Play divorce like you play Texas Hold Em': Without Emotion

I am a lawyer. I do divorces on the side, although it's not my main area of focus.

This right here is great advice, judging from what I've seen many of my clients go through. They start bickering over small stuff, things get more and more contentious, and then the whole case falls apart and they have to spend a ton more cash to get it over and done with.

One thing I will add: Don't go out and buy a sporty new car to celebrate your independence until the papers are signed and it's over (really over, as in you have the judge's signature). You do that, and you could make her mad, and she just may decide to try to fight it out and take you for all you're worth.

I've seen that happen. More than once.

PM me if you want to talk more in-depth.
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Old 05-04-2016, 07:54 AM   #39
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Lone's cracked me up the most.

My advice? Stuff isnt important. Get the dog and don't ever get married again.
That's the main post I had in mind when responding. And, yeah, with no kids, it shouldn't be too complicated. Stand your ground, but don't be a dick. Stuff is just stuff.
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Old 05-04-2016, 07:58 AM   #40
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Never been divorced so this is just colloquial, but all my friends who started with an amicable one ended up with an ugly one. The longer it drags out, the chances it turns into a war approach 1. For some the woman started amicable but then talked to a lawyer who started laying out all they could try to take the husband for and it was downhill from there.
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Old 05-04-2016, 08:01 AM   #41
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Never been divorced so this is just colloquial, but all my friends who started with an amicable one ended up with an ugly one. The longer it drags out, the chances it turns into a war approach 1. For some the woman started amicable but then talked to a lawyer who started laying out all they could try to take the husband for and it was downhill from there.
I've seen this time and time again. Women are legally "entitled" to more than they know most of the time. While it's the attorney's ethical obligation to make sure their client understands this, it doesn't mean the woman has to be a bitch about things. If she was happy with what she was getting before, then why be so upset after?
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Old 05-04-2016, 08:06 AM   #42
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Originally Posted by Cochise View Post
Never been divorced so this is just colloquial, but all my friends who started with an amicable one ended up with an ugly one. The longer it drags out, the chances it turns into a war approach 1. For some the woman started amicable but then talked to a lawyer who started laying out all they could try to take the husband for and it was downhill from there.
I just went through one that took almost two years. We agreed early on that we would use a mediator and that neither of us would see a private lawyer outside of the mediation process. We also agreed not to base "fair" on what the courts would likely decide if our case became contested. It was hard. There were times when it seemed like our deal was about to fall apart. But in the end, it worked out and we were able to remain mostly amicable. Our situation was probably an outlier though.
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Old 05-04-2016, 08:09 AM   #43
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I've seen this time and time again. Women are legally "entitled" to more than they know most of the time. While it's the attorney's ethical obligation to make sure their client understands this, it doesn't mean the woman has to be a bitch about things. If she was happy with what she was getting before, then why be so upset after?
Because sometimes you're happy with what you were getting before because you expected to get more in the future that you no longer have.

Imagine the person who gives up any personal career ambitions to be a homemaker or to take a support job to help get their spouse through med school and established as a doctor only to have the doc meet a cute nurse and leave wife 1 just as he's coming into money. It's easy to see that wife 1 sacrificed her potential future for their combined future. She may or may not be able to get back on track, but even if she can, she'll never get back the years that she invested into her husband's career.
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Old 05-04-2016, 08:18 AM   #44
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Lawyer up by finding the highest rated divorce lawyer in your area (search lawyer ratings)

Tell her no need for lawyers

Contact all the other lawyers except the shitty rated ones and create a conflict of interest

Profit
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Old 05-04-2016, 08:28 AM   #45
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At least there isn't any 18 year monthly pay days involved (I'm referring to kids in case that went over anyones head). I've seen women use this tactic as a second income.
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