Clean jokes can be funny too!

[Frankie]

Or at least good for a chuckle. Here's something completely different (for this BB). This thread is dedicated to ONLY CLEAN JOKES. Please post any clean joke that you find funny or at least amusing. We will not call you "dorks." Not in this thread. Let's see what you've got,... and share them.

Don't worry about repeat jokes. Nobody has time to check all posts.

[Inspector]

Originally Posted by Ultra Peanut

It has been speculated that these stations operate as a simple and foolproof method for government agencies to communicate with spies "in the field". According to this theory, the messages are encrypted with a one-time pad, to avoid any risk of decryption by the enemy. As evidence, numbers stations have changed details of their broadcasts or produced "special", non-scheduled broadcasts in response to extraordinary political events, such as the Russian constitutional crisis of 1993. Others speculate that some of these stations may be related to illegal drug smuggling operations. Although no broadcaster or government will acknowledge or give a reason for their existence, a 1998 article in The Daily Telegraph quoted a spokesperson for the Department of Trade and Industry (the government agency that regulates radio broadcasting in the United Kingdom) as saying, "These [numbers stations] are what you suppose they are. People shouldn't be mystified by them. They are not for, shall we say, public consumption."

Numbers stations are often given nicknames by enthusiasts. These nicknames often reflect some distinctive element of the station. For example, "Lincolnshire Poacher", one of the best known numbers stations, supposed by many to be run by MI6, plays the first two bars of the folk song of that name before each string of numbers. "Magnetic Fields" plays music from French electronic musician Jean Michel Jarre before and after each set of numbers. The "Atención" station begins its transmission with the Spanish phrase "¡Atención! ¡Atención!"

Errors at the transmission site, radio direction-finding, and a knowledge of shortwave radio propagation have also provided clues to number station locations. For example, the "Atención" station is presumed to be from Cuba, as a supposed error allowed Radio Habana Cuba to be carried on the frequency.

On some stations, tones can be heard in the background. It has been suggested that in such cases the voice may be an aid to tuning to the correct frequency, with the coded message being sent by modulating the tones, perhaps using a technology such as burst transmission.

Oh man, that's some funny shit!!



















But......I don't get it.

[greg63]

Originally Posted by rad

A man at a bar one night drank too much and wound up vomiting down the front of his shirt. "crap, my wifes gonna flip, I promised her I'd quit drinking". The guy next to him picks up the poor man's $20 that was in front of him and slips it into his breast pocket. "There. When you get home tell her you stayed late at the office and some slob sitting next to you on the bus puked on you and gave you that to cover the dry cleaning". "That's brilliant, thanks brother", as her stumbled out of the bar on his way home.

Upon arriving home, his agitated wife demands an explanation. As the poor slob recites the story, he produces the money from his pocket. "See, here's the $20 he gave me". His wife takes it and says "there's $40 dollars here"................

"Oh yeah" the man says "he crapped in my pants too."

[HemiEd]

AMISH ELEVATOR

An Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost
everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that
could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked,
"What is this Father?" The father (never having seen an elevator)
responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I
don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat, old
lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a
button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small
room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small
circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued
to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to
light in the rever se order. Finally the walls opened up again and a
gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out.

The father said quietly to his son....."Go get your mother."

[StcChief]

:rolf a good one.

[Frankie]

Walking through San Francisco's Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, "Moishe Plotnik's Chinese Laundry."

"Moishe Plotnik?" he muses. "How the heck does that fit in here?" So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter.

The tourist asks, "How did this place get a name like "Moishe Plotnik's Chinese Laundry?"

The old man answers, "Is name of owner."

The tourist asks, "Well, who and where is the owner?"

"Me, is right here," replies the old man.

"You? How did you ever get a name like Moishe Plotnik?"

"Is simple," says the old man. "Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front is Jewish gentleman from Poland. Lady look at him and go, 'What your name?'
He say, 'Moishe Plotnik.'
Then she look at me and go, 'What your name?'
I say, 'Sem Ting.'"

[ROYC75]

Somebody ( a KSU fan ) claimed Huggins will run a clean program at KSU.............

[4th and Long]

A young blond woman in Kansas City, Missouri was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the Missouri River. She went down to the river and was about to leap into the frigid water, when a handsome young man saw her tottering on the edge of the bridge, crying.

He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to live for. I'm a sailor, and will be leaving off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm round her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy." The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning.

That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.

Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain. "What are you doing here?" the captain asked. "I have an arrangement with one of your sailors," she explained. "I get food and a trip to Europe, and he's screwing me."

"He certainly is." the captain said. "This is Harrah's Casino and we never leave North Kansas City."

[HemiEd]

That may be pushing the envelope for "clean joke."

[007]

Originally Posted by 4th and Long

A young blond woman in Kansas City, Missouri was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the Missouri River. She went down to the river and was about to leap into the frigid water, when a handsome young man saw her tottering on the edge of the bridge, crying.

He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to live for. I'm a sailor, and will be leaving off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm round her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy." The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning.

That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.

Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain. "What are you doing here?" the captain asked. "I have an arrangement with one of your sailors," she explained. "I get food and a trip to Europe, and he's screwing me."

"He certainly is." the captain said. "This is Harrah's Casino and we never leave North Kansas City."

[Frankie]

Originally Posted by HemiEd

That may be pushing the envelope for "clean joke."

My thoughts too. But a funny joke, nevertheless.

[DMAC]

A Polock walks into a bar with a pile of steamy crap in his hands and says "Hey everyone, look what I almost stepped in!!"

[Gonzo]

So, a bear walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me a beer!" The bartenders says,"Sorry..we don't serve bears in here." So the bear looks around and sees a skanky old maid at the end of the bar and says to the bartender, "You see that old bitch at the end of the bar?" "Yes" said the bartender. "Well, you either give me a beer or I will go to the end of the bar and eat that sad old bitch." The bartender still refuses to serve the bear a beer. So, infuriated, the bear walks to the end of the bar, picks up the old hag and in one fail swoop eats her up. Smiling, the bear walks back to the bartender and says, "Now then, give me a beer right now!" The bartender looks at the bear and says, "Sorry, we don't serve drug users in this bar." The bear agrily yells at the bartender, "I have NEVER used drugs in my life!!!" The bartender leans to the bear and says, "What about that Bar-Bitch you ate?"

[yunghungwell]

Originally Posted by Cochise

Two molecules were walking down the street and accidentally bumped into each other. The first molecule says, "I'm sorry, are you all right?" and the second one says "No, I lost an electron!" The first one says "Well, are you sure?" so the second one replies, "Yes, I'm positive."

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When he pulls out his wallet to pay the bartender, the bartender says, "Whoa, whoa, its ok. For you NO CHARGE!"

[DMAC]

Originally Posted by yunghungwell

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When he pulls out his wallet to pay the bartender, the bartender says, "Whoa, whoa, its ok. For you NO CHARGE!"

[DMAC]

A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells "You should have been here at 8:30!" he replies: "Why? What happened at 8:30?"