Misc A social Commentary by Iowanian - Page 8

**Iowanian** · 04-24-2007, 11:30 AM

I find my first class seat,
Aboard the American Standard Throne.
I Open up this months' Field and Stream
to Enjoy 5 minutes time alone.

I hear the scratching at the door,
I see the handle turn.
This is one of those moments
From which my child should not learn.

"no no!" doesn't do the trick,
and before me she now stands
"Daddy, daddy Whachu Doin?"
this 1 year old Demands.

"Woman get her out of here!"
the Alpha Male now Shouts.
What a lovely family gathering,
Now all of you get out.

In shock and some embarrassment,
Forced to pinch off the angry beast.
What does a man have to do at home,
for time to deficate in peace?

I hear the wife a laughing,
And what else could she do?
The child shouts outside the door,
Daddy! Daddy poopy! peee yeeeeeeeeeew.

kepp · 04-24-2007, 12:06 PM

So...you know how you can catch the flu over the phone? I had to run to the crapper immediately after reading this.

**chasedude** · 04-24-2007, 02:10 PM

Now Iowanian, if you can wipe all that up while only using one square... you'd make Ms. Crow one happy woman!

**Iowanian** · 04-24-2007, 02:13 PM

Funny.

I actually started a final verse on that very subject, but ran out of time and creative spirit.

**Iowanian** · 06-28-2007, 09:39 AM

Sometimes life is funny
In the way our paths will cross.
Two men in adjoining crappers
Only One can be the boss.

Dualing crapping banjos
an orafactory fury they unleash
just then in walk some people
Unprepared for this stink beast.

Awkward shuffles all around
I hear an old man mutter, underneath his breath.
"how'd we get so lucky?,
better check those stalls for death".

**Iowanian** · 12-25-2007, 10:06 PM

3 constipated days of frenzied eating
my friends I cannot lie.
When its time to drop the bricks I'm building
this poster might just die.

2 girls and their cup have nothing
their time is over, they can suck it.
The hottest coming interweb craze?
1 Io-wanian, 1 bucket?

So, good night old Kris Kringle
Another Year until I see ya.
If I've been a good Boy this year
I'll wake up with Diarhea.

**alanm** · 12-25-2007, 11:55 PM

Merry Christmas Iowanian. You are a Poets poet.

**Iowanian** · 01-08-2009, 10:51 PM

Arrowhead toilet has been clogged
for nearly 20 seasons
'The team is almost there'
among too many infuriating reasons.

Now Clark Hunt's hand is on the handle
of the Arrowhead American Standard Throne
He finally flushed our own hot-carl
But he's not quite yet alone.

An unsinking floating cheerio
our desires Herm Edwards Will not heed
Soon a brand new GM
will bring the exlax that we need.

Flustrated as he's swirling
His 3 year streaks left in the bowl
A new hope for Playoff glory
A Chief fans re-inspired Goal.

The Stench of Carl Peterson
wafting through the air
A final spray of glade's new fragrance
Will end This Kansas City fan's dispair.

Cornstock · 01-08-2009, 11:50 PM

As a new guy I hadnt read all of your previous works, but A+ job on those and this new one as well.

**007** · 01-08-2009, 11:52 PM

Geez, back from the grave this thread is.

Chief Henry · 01-09-2009, 08:44 AM

Iowanain,

When you get published (its only a mater of time btw) I want your autograph.
What will your book cover look like ?

**Iowanian** · 11-02-2009, 02:22 PM

forgive me bumping an old thread to share a moment too perfect to not share.

By poorly engineered design, by office bathroom shares a wall with the desk of the adjacent office secretary. I knew it was a bad arrangement during my first day's visit when I could hear her stapling papers.

Today, we're both loners in our respective suites.

Irony? Perfect Timing? Cosmic intervention? You be the judge.

As I take my seat for an emergency evacuation, as I make the necessary adjustments, as quietly as possible, I hear it. She's beginning to hum, then mumble and now breaking out in song. As I'm beginning to do work...it becomes clearer and clearer, louder and louder what she is singing.

pffffffft.
"nanana na...nanana nana hey hey hey....goooooooood byeeeeee"

pfft
"nanana na....nanana na na hey hey hey...gooooood bye"

It varies in tone....from her attempt at Barry White....to what must have been a boy band rendition...ending in an Operaesque crescendo......

It hit the lever for the final "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD BYE"....and it stops.

I think the reality of the irony of this moment has begun to sink in on both sides of the wall.

Bunit · 11-02-2009, 03:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Iowanian

In a meeting, Up in front,
A gurgle happens in my gut.
Sensation growing, moving down
Please Oh Please, no Noise of Brown.

Pinching cheeks with all my might
Hope to God the Seals' tight.
If it happens, and my Crack gets tacky
I'm so fooked...My pants, light khaki.

Presentation, finish quick
The smell escapes, makes people sick.
No I can't take any questions
Must go deal with Indigestion.

Throwing People out of my way,
they'll be sorry if I stay.
Run for bathroom Doing fine,
Grab A stall, thank God no Line.

Explosion Happens, volume triples
Did Crapnel chunks just hit my nipple?
I made it through, and tamed this beast
Hold my Breath and Sigh Relief.

Into room They come,
as Toilet Drains,
As I proudly walk, the walk of Shame.

gracias dude, dat be some funny ass shit right there

**Iowanian** · 07-06-2011, 03:04 PM

A young man with special needs
visits me on friday mornings.
But his last 3 trips to see me
should have come with a warning.

We talk about life and women,
and share a couple jokes.
but lately that boy's farting
makes me gag and choke.

The crapper in my office
is about 10 feet away
and lately when he's leaving
he decides to drop in to play.

I must admire his effort
as he talks himself through the trial,
but then he doesn't flush and leaves
and man that crap is vile.

I'm not sure what gets me more;
the devils tower of duke,
or leaving the bathroom door open
that makes me want to puke.

His visits make me happy
I relearn topics I've forgotten
but glade doesnt' make a fragrance
to tame that feller's rotten.

**Rausch** · 07-06-2011, 03:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Iowanian

A young man with special needs
visits me on friday mornings.
But his last 3 trips to see me
should have come with a warning.

We talk about life and women,
and share a couple jokes.
but lately that boy's farting
makes me gag and choke.

The crapper in my office
is about 10 feet away
and lately when he's leaving
he decides to drop in to play.

I must admire his effort
as he talks himself through the trial,
but then he doesn't flush and leaves
and man that crap is vile.

I'm not sure what gets me more;
the devils tower of duke,
or leaving the bathroom door open
that makes me want to puke.

His visits make me happy
I relearn topics I've forgotten
but glade doesnt' make a fragrance
to tame that feller's rotten.

Be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them in the late morn when
the planet deems their words are due...

04-24-2007, 11:30 AM	#1
Iowanian Supporter Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Utopia Casino cash: $4608454	I find my first class seat, Aboard the American Standard Throne. I Open up this months' Field and Stream to Enjoy 5 minutes time alone. I hear the scratching at the door, I see the handle turn. This is one of those moments From which my child should not learn. "no no!" doesn't do the trick, and before me she now stands "Daddy, daddy Whachu Doin?" this 1 year old Demands. "Woman get her out of here!" the Alpha Male now Shouts. What a lovely family gathering, Now all of you get out. In shock and some embarrassment, Forced to pinch off the angry beast. What does a man have to do at home, for time to deficate in peace? I hear the wife a laughing, And what else could she do? The child shouts outside the door, Daddy! Daddy poopy! peee yeeeeeeeeeew.
Posts: 61,559

04-24-2007, 12:06 PM	#2
kepp MVP Join Date: Aug 2005 Casino cash: $5169212	So...you know how you can catch the flu over the phone? I had to run to the crapper immediately after reading this.
Posts: 14,511

04-24-2007, 02:10 PM	#3
chasedude Supporter Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: St. Joe Casino cash: $10004900	Now Iowanian, if you can wipe all that up while only using one square... you'd make Ms. Crow one happy woman!
Posts: 36,287

04-24-2007, 02:13 PM	#4
Iowanian Supporter Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Utopia Casino cash: $4608454	Funny. I actually started a final verse on that very subject, but ran out of time and creative spirit.
Posts: 61,559

06-28-2007, 09:39 AM	#5
Iowanian Supporter Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Utopia Casino cash: $4608454	Sometimes life is funny In the way our paths will cross. Two men in adjoining crappers Only One can be the boss. Dualing crapping banjos an orafactory fury they unleash just then in walk some people Unprepared for this stink beast. Awkward shuffles all around I hear an old man mutter, underneath his breath. "how'd we get so lucky?, better check those stalls for death".
Posts: 61,559

12-25-2007, 10:06 PM	#6
Iowanian Supporter Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Utopia Casino cash: $4608454	3 constipated days of frenzied eating my friends I cannot lie. When its time to drop the bricks I'm building this poster might just die. 2 girls and their cup have nothing their time is over, they can suck it. The hottest coming interweb craze? 1 Io-wanian, 1 bucket? So, good night old Kris Kringle Another Year until I see ya. If I've been a good Boy this year I'll wake up with Diarhea. Last edited by Iowanian; 12-25-2007 at 10:12 PM..
Posts: 61,559

12-25-2007, 11:55 PM	#7
alanm Feeling Victorian Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Nebraska/Wyoming/Colorado Casino cash: $1376436	Merry Christmas Iowanian. You are a Poets poet. __________________ It bears repeating, ** Herm, Pioli, Haley, and Crennel for ing up my franchise for a goddamn decade. Buehler 445**
Posts: 33,703

01-08-2009, 10:51 PM	#8
Iowanian Supporter Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Utopia Casino cash: $4608454	Arrowhead toilet has been clogged for nearly 20 seasons 'The team is almost there' among too many infuriating reasons. Now Clark Hunt's hand is on the handle of the Arrowhead American Standard Throne He finally flushed our own hot-carl But he's not quite yet alone. An unsinking floating cheerio our desires Herm Edwards Will not heed Soon a brand new GM will bring the exlax that we need. Flustrated as he's swirling His 3 year streaks left in the bowl A new hope for Playoff glory A Chief fans re-inspired Goal. The Stench of Carl Peterson wafting through the air A final spray of glade's new fragrance Will end This Kansas City fan's dispair.
Posts: 61,559

01-08-2009, 11:50 PM	#9
Cornstock Veteran Join Date: Oct 2008 Casino cash: $9986835	As a new guy I hadnt read all of your previous works, but A+ job on those and this new one as well.
Posts: 1,606

01-08-2009, 11:52 PM	#10
007 Shaken. Not stirred. Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: London Casino cash: $13870126 VARSITY	Geez, back from the grave this thread is. __________________ My dear girl, there are some things that just aren’t done. Such as, drinking Dom Perignon ’53 above the temperature of 38 degrees Fahrenheit. That’s just as bad as listening to the Beatles without earmuffs.
Posts: 65,558

01-09-2009, 08:44 AM	#11
Chief Henry MVP Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: IOWA Casino cash: $10005088	Iowanain, When you get published (its only a mater of time btw) I want your autograph. What will your book cover look like ? __________________ Patrick Mahomes...The only QB to ever play in the NFL with at least 5,000 passing yards in a single season and 5,000 passing yards in a single college season.
Posts: 8,361

11-02-2009, 02:22 PM	#12
Iowanian Supporter Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Utopia Casino cash: $4608454	forgive me bumping an old thread to share a moment too perfect to not share. By poorly engineered design, by office bathroom shares a wall with the desk of the adjacent office secretary. I knew it was a bad arrangement during my first day's visit when I could hear her stapling papers. Today, we're both loners in our respective suites. Irony? Perfect Timing? Cosmic intervention? You be the judge. As I take my seat for an emergency evacuation, as I make the necessary adjustments, as quietly as possible, I hear it. She's beginning to hum, then mumble and now breaking out in song. As I'm beginning to do work...it becomes clearer and clearer, louder and louder what she is singing. pffffffft. "nanana na...nanana nana hey hey hey....goooooooood byeeeeee" pfft "nanana na....nanana na na hey hey hey...gooooood bye" It varies in tone....from her attempt at Barry White....to what must have been a boy band rendition...ending in an Operaesque crescendo...... It hit the lever for the final "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD BYE"....and it stops. I think the reality of the irony of this moment has begun to sink in on both sides of the wall.
Posts: 61,559

07-06-2011, 03:04 PM	#14
Iowanian Supporter Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Utopia Casino cash: $4608454	A young man with special needs visits me on friday mornings. But his last 3 trips to see me should have come with a warning. We talk about life and women, and share a couple jokes. but lately that boy's farting makes me gag and choke. The crapper in my office is about 10 feet away and lately when he's leaving he decides to drop in to play. I must admire his effort as he talks himself through the trial, but then he doesn't flush and leaves and man that crap is vile. I'm not sure what gets me more; the devils tower of duke, or leaving the bathroom door open that makes me want to puke. His visits make me happy I relearn topics I've forgotten but glade doesnt' make a fragrance to tame that feller's rotten.
Posts: 61,559