This Week's Important Florida News!

[gblowfish]

Two Boffo Stories:

Story One: Man arrested for giving wicked wedgies, or snuggies, or melvyns, or whatever you call pulling the underwear over a nerd's head.

Story Two: Fifty Year Old School Teacher Gets Tanked on Cheap Wine, wrecks her van, offers to blow the cop if he lets her go.

Florida, I love you. You're just so fun!

Story #1:
Charles Ross is known for orchestrating outrageous pranks and posting them to Youtube. But this time, the 18-year-old prankster may have gone a step too far.

Ross was arrested for battery Sunday night after he allegedly gave a series of wedgies to moviegoers outside the Carmike Royal Palm 20 in Bradenton, Fla., while a friend filmed the prank, the Bradenton Herald reports.

The underwear prank, which Gawker calls a "wedgie spree," ended badly for Ross when a 20-year-old male victim reported to authorities that Ross grabbed him "by the back of his pants and pulled them up hard," according to the Smoking Gun. Although other victims of the schoolyard prank also came forward, the 20-year-old is the only one seeking charges.

On his Youtube channel, Ross has uploaded video footage of him performing a variety of pranks -- from doing handstands over people to trying out pick-up lines -- but the latest in his compilation is by far one of his most hands-on public displays.

According to the police report obtained by the Smoking Gun, Ross challenged the male victim following the wedgie, "asking if he wanted to hit him."

The Mantee County Sheriff's Office arrested Ross and detained him overnight. He was released on $750 bail, records show, and his court date is set for Feb. 14.

Though Ross' wedgie spree was meant in jest, this is not the first time someone has been arrested for doling out the uncomfortable underwear gag. In 2006, an Albany, N.Y., teacher was arrested for endangering the welfare of a child after allegedly giving a 10-year-old student a wedgie during summer school.

http://www.manateesheriff.com/Public...px?ID=10125392

Story #2:
'A' for effort?
Middle school math teacher Mary Maloney allegedly offered oral sex to a police officer after being nabbed for a hit-and-run in Palm Beach County, Fla.

Maloney, 53, was arrested Sunday after she crashed her van into a pickup truck around 8:35 p.m., then took off, according to an arrest report obtained by the Sun Sentinel. A witness to the crash tracked Maloney's car to a parking spot and then called police.

The arresting officer said he found an empty gallon jug of wine behind Maloney's driver's seat and "immediately smelled the strong odor of an alcoholic beverage emitting from her person," according to WPTV. The report states that her eyes were glassy, bloodshot, and partially closed.
The officer that drove Maloney to the police station noted that she asked him "How much do I need to pay you to just let me go? Don't you understand I am a school teacher?"

She then allegedly offered to perform oral sex on him and allow him to fondle her breasts.

Maloney was charged with driving under the influence, leaving the scene of a crash with damage, resisting an officer without violence, driving with a suspended license and attempted bribery of a public servant.

[crazycoffey]

Dealt with my first bath salt smoker the other day, why the **** do people do that shit again?

[gblowfish]

Dude needed to work on his flexibility....

If police have their way, the next pose this suspect does will be for a mugshot.

A Florida man is accused of pleasuring himself during a visit to yoga class, authorities say.

The Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office identified the suspect as Joseph Jordan, 42, following the incident at Power Yoga studio in San Marco around 9:30 a.m., Sunday.

According to a JSO report five minutes after the class started the instructor ... looks and sees the suspect with his hands in his pants. The report said he was masturbating and they confronted him, gave him a refund and escorted him out of the building.

The report said Joseph Jordan was wearing jean shorts and a white t-shirt.

Authorities say that Jordan, a registered sex offender, used his real name when signing up the the class.

"He filled out the form with a lot of his specific information," said Jacksonville Sheriff's Office spokeswoman Melissa Bujeda, according to News4Jax. "Maybe couldn't control himself once he was in there ... He wasn't trying to hide, which causes us more concern."

Hours later, Jordan was seen near a woman's bathroom on the University of North Florida campus. Authorities escorted away, not knowing about the earlier incident. A warrant for Jordan's arrest was not filed until Monday, according to WOKV.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/0...ushpmg00000022

[notorious]

He was wearing "Jorts" and still managed to FAP?


Creepy yet impressive.

[Garcia Bronco]

Omg...if someone gave me a wegie like that....they wouldn't live to tell the tale.

[gblowfish]

Take THAT Grandpa!!!

A Florida man faces a battery charge after allegedly punching an 80-year-old man who asked him to stop cursing in an Applebee's.

Mikie Sawyer, 26, was arrested Sunday night after allegedly attacking Harry Sander, 80, at the Port Orange franchise of the chain restaurant.

Sander told police that he heard Sawyer "talking obscenities" at the bar, according to the Smoking Gun.

The alleged victim said he politely asked the suspect "If he could please stop using the ‘F’ word and stop talking so loud about ‘titties and ass,’” according to the police report.

Sander then leaned in close to Sawyer and said, “In my Germany you don’t speak in such a manner.”

Sawyer allegedly responded to Sander by saying, “I don’t care where you are from, whether it be Russia or Dutch,” the Daytona Beach News-Journal reports.

Sawyer then told Sander to go back to the other side of the bar, but Sander didn't move.

That's when the suspect allegedly punched the octogenarian in the face and pushed him backward so that the victim hit a table and then the floor, according to the newspaper.

Witnesses supposedly backed up Sander's claim.

Sawyer left the restaurant before police arrived but was pulled over a short time later.

Although Sawyer told police that Sander actually punched him, the police report noted that the suspect had no bruising on his face. He did have discolored and bruised knuckles and fingers, according to ClickOrlando.com.

Sawyer was charged with battery on a person over 65 years of age and disorderly conduct and booked at the Volusia County Branch Jail. He was later released on a $2,500 bond.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/1...&ir=Weird+News

[ThaVirus]

Originally Posted by gblowfish

The alleged victim said he politely asked the suspect "If he could please stop using the ‘F’ word and stop talking so loud about ‘titties and ass,’” according to the police report.

The ****? I'd have knocked his old ass out too. You don't ask someone to stop talking about tits and ass. That's just not American.

[ILChief]

http://www.cnn.com/2014/10/04/us/oce...l?c=homepage-t

[notorious]

He should have floated his idea to others before running off into the deep end.

[Eleazar]

Originally Posted by gblowfish

A Port Orange, Florida woman attacked and burglarized her own grandmother to get money for a hotel room, police say.

Brigitte Matzke, 25, and her husband, 26-year-old Alex Caldwell, were arrested Monday shortly after the alleged attack, according to the Daytona Beach News-Journal. Police responded to a 911 call reporting screaming and banging coming from the house. They found the 84-year-old alleged victim, Aida Matzke sitting on her stoop crying.

Investigators say that at about 9:40 p.m., Brigitte Matzke and her husband went to her grandmother's home and demanded $80 to spend the night at a hotel. Matzke allegedly grabbed her grandma, ripped off her bra, twisted her wrists and stole jewelryafter her grandmother refused to give her money, WPTV reports.

When Aida Matzke tried to call 911, her granddaughter ripped the landline phone out of the wall and threw it at her.

The suspects fled with $1,900 in stolen items including jewelry and a cellphone.

Shortly after midnight, a local deputy spotted the pair's car at a gas station in South Daytona. Caldwell was removed from the vehicle and arrested. Matzke was located hiding in the men's bathroom of the gas station.

They were both charged with assault and battery, false imprisonment, grand theft, possession of methamphetamine and threatening a witness.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/0...&ir=Weird+News

This woman was in the daily mail.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...mother-80.html

[GloryDayz]

This thread may need to die, our awesome fans from Fla almost have me convinced to move there...

[gblowfish]

Tammy Hiser doesn't like being ignored.

Her boyfriend, Andrew Whitaker, found that out Monday night when she threatened him with an ax, because he wouldn't talk to her, according to the Associated Press.

The incident began when Whitaker, 28, picked up the 34-year-old Hiser at Biggins, the Daytona Beach strip club where she works.

Hiser reportedly tried to talk with her boyfriend, but Whitaker ignored her because he was mad she was intoxicated.

“She is an entertainer, a dancer,” Whitaker told the Daytona Beach News-Journal. “And that is where the problem is because she drinks and drinks at work.”

Whitaker told police that Hiser's drinking was so bad that it got the couple kicked out of his mom's home, forcing them to stay in a hotel.

Hiser was allegedly so angry by Whitaker's silent treatment that she allegedly punched him repeatedly in the face until they got to the hotel where they were staying.

When the couple got to the hotel, Whitaker ran up to the room.

Hiser showed up there a few minutes later holding an ax. She allegedly told the victim that she would hit him with the ax if he called police, the Orlando Sentinel reports.

When Whitaker walked towards Hiser, she allegedly swung the ax at him, but he was able to take it away from her before he was hit.

"Her coordination was terrible so she was just slushing around," he said in the police report.

Whitaker called police, who arrested Hiser on charges of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and battery causing bodily harm.

As of Wednesday, she's behind bars on $3,000 bail.

Hiser was also arrested for battery on Sept. 18 for allegedly beating Whitaker after he said he'd break up with her if she didn't stop drinking.

Despite that fight, Whitaker told the Orlando Sentinel he is trying to get the felony charge dropped.

He told the paper: "I see spending the rest of my life with her."

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/1...&ir=Weird+News

[Bufkin]

I'm so glad this thread is still alive. My radio segment "this week's important Florida news" was absolutely a ripoff from this thread.

[scho63]

Originally Posted by gblowfish

Tammy Hiser doesn't like being ignored.

Her boyfriend, Andrew Whitaker, found that out Monday night when she threatened him with an ax, because he wouldn't talk to her, according to the Associated Press.

The incident began when Whitaker, 28, picked up the 34-year-old Hiser at Biggins, the Daytona Beach strip club where she works.

Hiser reportedly tried to talk with her boyfriend, but Whitaker ignored her because he was mad she was intoxicated.

“She is an entertainer, a dancer,” Whitaker told the Daytona Beach News-Journal. “And that is where the problem is because she drinks and drinks at work.”

Whitaker told police that Hiser's drinking was so bad that it got the couple kicked out of his mom's home, forcing them to stay in a hotel.

Hiser was allegedly so angry by Whitaker's silent treatment that she allegedly punched him repeatedly in the face until they got to the hotel where they were staying.

When the couple got to the hotel, Whitaker ran up to the room.

Hiser showed up there a few minutes later holding an ax. She allegedly told the victim that she would hit him with the ax if he called police, the Orlando Sentinel reports.

When Whitaker walked towards Hiser, she allegedly swung the ax at him, but he was able to take it away from her before he was hit.

"Her coordination was terrible so she was just slushing around," he said in the police report.

Whitaker called police, who arrested Hiser on charges of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and battery causing bodily harm.

As of Wednesday, she's behind bars on $3,000 bail.

Hiser was also arrested for battery on Sept. 18 for allegedly beating Whitaker after he said he'd break up with her if she didn't stop drinking.

Despite that fight, Whitaker told the Orlando Sentinel he is trying to get the felony charge dropped.

He told the paper: "I see spending the rest of my life with her."

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/1...&ir=Weird+News

And there you go.........

[gblowfish]

Thieves steal 36,000 pounds of Crisco....could be planning the world's largest Crisco Twister party....

Update Oct. 14, 11:13 a.m.: The St. Petersburg Police Department says the stolen tractor-trailer was located in Hialeah. There’s no word on whether the Hialeah Police Department also found that missing 36,000 pounds of Crisco.

Earlier:

Some slick auto thieves cooked up some trouble in St. Petersburg over the weekend when police say they stole a tractor-trailer containing about 36,000 pounds of Crisco sticks.

The truck was swiped early Sunday morning from Coastal Towing, 2390 118th Ave. N., according to an email to media from the police department. The Crisco was meant for delivery to the Publix supermarkets distribution center in Lakeland, police said.

http://patch.com/florida/stpete/thie...r#.VD1My-euXWZ

[BigRedChief]

Originally Posted by gblowfish

Thieves steal 36,000 pounds of Crisco....could be planning the world's largest Crisco Twister party....

Update Oct. 14, 11:13 a.m.: The St. Petersburg Police Department says the stolen tractor-trailer was located in Hialeah. There’s no word on whether the Hialeah Police Department also found that missing 36,000 pounds of Crisco.

Earlier:

Some slick auto thieves cooked up some trouble in St. Petersburg over the weekend when police say they stole a tractor-trailer containing about 36,000 pounds of Crisco sticks.

The truck was swiped early Sunday morning from Coastal Towing, 2390 118th Ave. N., according to an email to media from the police department. The Crisco was meant for delivery to the Publix supermarkets distribution center in Lakeland, police said.

http://patch.com/florida/stpete/thie...r#.VD1My-euXWZ

This could just be idiots or something worse. There is an explosive that you can make from Crisco but you need very large amounts of it to make a good sized bomb.