Funny Stuff Clean jokes can be funny too! - Page 22

Frankie · 05:17 PM

Or at least good for a chuckle. Here's something completely different (for this BB). This thread is dedicated to ONLY CLEAN JOKES. Please post any clean joke that you find funny or at least amusing. We will not call you "dorks." Not in this thread. Let's see what you've got,... and share them.

Don't worry about repeat jokes. Nobody has time to check all posts.

**Lzen** · 12-11-2006, 03:43 PM

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army.

On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.

On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.

On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap, The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.

Rooster · 12-20-2006, 11:18 AM

Diary Of A Snow Shoveler

December 8
6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window, watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!

December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14
Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.

December 15
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

December 16
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20
Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day; freakin' snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.

December 22
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white crap fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to pee. By the time I got undressed, peed and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think he's lying.

December 23
Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she... nuts??? Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's damn well lying.

December 24
6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a gun who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his cojones. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for the freakin' snowplow.

December 25
Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the @#$%^& slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. G-d I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch It's a Wonderful Life one more time, I'm going to kill her.

December 26
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

December 27
Temperature dropped to below zero and the pipes froze.

December 28
Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. My wife is driving me crazy!!!

December 29
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30
Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars for the bump on his head. The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.

December 31
Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling!

January 8
I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

Joe Seahawk · 12-20-2006, 11:46 AM

Q. How much does it cost for a pirate to have his ears pierced?

Answer. bucaneer!

Rooster · 12-21-2006, 01:54 PM

Let's all be a little more PC sensitive to MOhillbilly.

Because of the climate of political correctness now pervading America, those of us in Arkansas and Missouri will no longer be referred to as HILLBILLIES.

We ask that you now refer to us as OZARK-AMERICANS.

Rooster · 01-09-2007, 10:29 AM

Tennis Balls

One day, a man noticed two tennis balls lying by the side of the road while jogging. He picked the balls up, put them in his pocket, and proceeded on his way.

Waiting at the crosswalk for the light to change, he noticed a beautiful blonde standing next to him smiling.

"What are those big bulges in your running shorts?" she asked.

"Tennis balls," the man said, smiling back. "Wow," said the blonde, looking upset. "That must hurt. I once had tennis elbow, and the pain was unbearable."

Fairplay · 01-09-2007, 10:36 AM

Three nuns die and go to heaven, at the pearly gates they are confronted
by Saint Peter who says "Well girls before you can get into heaven you must
answer a question." Saint Peter asks the first nun, "Who was the first man
on earth?" She says, "Oh that's easy, that was Adam." Birds sing, bells
ring, the gates open up and she goes into heaven.

So Saint Peter asks the second nun "Who was the first woman on earth?" She says "Oh that's easy that was Eve." Same thing happens - birds sing, bells ring, and she goes into heaven.

So Saint Peter says to the third nun "What was the first thing Eve
said to Adam?" She sits and thinks for awhile and says "Boy that's a hard
one." Birds sing, bells ring, the gates open up and she goes into heaven!

Rooster · 01-12-2007, 10:57 AM

A virile, middle aged Italian gentlemen named Guido was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde woman.

Things progressed to the point where he led her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless. After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile, "So, you finish?" She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, "No."

Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed. This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion. The sex finally ends and, again, Guido smiles and asks, "You finish?" Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him and softly says, "No."

Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guido reaches for the woman yet again. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets. Exhausted, Guido falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asked again, "You finish?"

Barely able to speak, the beautiful blonde whispers in his ear, "No, I Norwegian."

Rooster · 01-16-2007, 01:56 PM

Our story begins at the Olympics, specifically the wrestling event. It is narrowed down to the Russian or the American for the gold medal. Before the final match, the American wrestler's trainer came to him and said, "Now don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this "pretzel" hold he has. Whatever you do, don't let him get you in this hold! If he does, you're finished!"

The wrestler nodded in agreement. Now, to the match: The American and the Russian circled each other several times looking for an opening. All of a sudden the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the American and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold!

A sigh of disappointment went up from the crowd, and the trainer buried his face in his hands for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the ending.

Suddenly there was a horrible scream, and a resounding cheer from the crowd. The trainer raised his eye just in time to see the Russian flying up in the air. The Russian's back hit the mat with a thud, and the American weakly collapsed on top of him, getting the pin and winning the match.

The trainer was astounded! When he finally got the American wrestler alone, he asks, "How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!"

The wrestler answered, "Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold, but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of balls right in front of my face. I thought I had nothing to lose, so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could. You'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own balls!"

Frankie · 02-01-2007, 04:28 PM

I suppose this one is clean enough, the criteria being it could be told to grandma:

A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Unknown to her, her 9-year-old son was hiding in the
closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet.The boy now has company:

Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside."
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "$250."

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are again in the closet together:

Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball glove."
Man: "How much?"
Boy: "$750."
Man: "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball."
The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."
The father asks: "How much did you sell them for?"
The son says, "$1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to church and the father alerts the priest, and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again."

DMAC · 02-01-2007, 04:34 PM

Don't tell Believer that one.

DMAC · 02-01-2007, 04:38 PM

Don't laugh!" said Ed the patient.

"Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said."I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."

"Okay then," Ed said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'whoo-ha' the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been bigger than the size of a AAA battery.

Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, and then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.

"I'm so sorry," said the doctor. "I really am. I don't know what came over me. " On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?"

"It's swollen," Ed replied.

Oregon chief · 02-01-2007, 04:41 PM

Q: Whats the smartest thing ever to come out of a woman's mouth?

A: Einstein's dick

Fairplay · 02-01-2007, 05:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DMAC

Don't laugh!" said Ed the patient.

"Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said."I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."

"Okay then," Ed said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'whoo-ha' the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been bigger than the size of a AAA battery.

Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, and then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.

"I'm so sorry," said the doctor. "I really am. I don't know what came over me. " On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?"

"It's swollen," Ed replied.

I bet you listen to 550 KTRS out of St. Louis.

DMAC · 02-01-2007, 05:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fairplay

I bet you listen to 550 KTRS out of St. Louis.

I do not associate myself with anything that has to do with St. Louis.

Fairplay · 02-01-2007, 05:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DMAC

I do not associate myself with anything that has to do with St. Louis.

The joke was on that radio station yesterday. By coincidence im sure.

09-25-2005, 09:00 AM
Frankie Banned Join Date: Jul 2001 Casino cash: $10004900	Clean jokes can be funny too! Or at least good for a chuckle. Here's something completely different (for this BB). This thread is dedicated to ONLY CLEAN JOKES. Please post any clean joke that you find funny or at least amusing. We will not call you "dorks." Not in this thread. Let's see what you've got,... and share them. Don't worry about repeat jokes. Nobody has time to check all posts. Last edited by Frankie; 07-10-2011 at 05:17 PM..
Posts: 26,959

12-11-2006, 03:43 PM	#316
Lzen Supporter Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Jan Quadrant Vincent 16 Casino cash: $2040692	Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap, The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years. __________________ If at first you don't succeed ...skydiving is not for you.
Posts: 41,431

12-20-2006, 11:18 AM	#317
Rooster Draft a QB Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: JoCo Casino cash: $9961689	Diary Of A Snow Shoveler December 8 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window, watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow! December 9 We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life! December 12 The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad he's our neighbor. December 14 Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so. December 15 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all. December 16 Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel. December 17 Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room. December 20 Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day; freakin' snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying. December 22 Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white crap fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to pee. By the time I got undressed, peed and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think he's lying. December 23 Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she... nuts??? Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's damn well lying. December 24 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a gun who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his cojones. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for the freakin' snowplow. December 25 Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the @#$%^& slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. G-d I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch It's a Wonderful Life one more time, I'm going to kill her. December 26 Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves. December 27 Temperature dropped to below zero and the pipes froze. December 28 Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. My wife is driving me crazy!!! December 29 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am? December 30 Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars for the bump on his head. The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted. December 31 Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling! January 8 I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed? __________________ When Reno Hightower was a prick he was the best damn quarterback in the history of Kern County.
Posts: 5,753

12-20-2006, 11:46 AM	#318
Joe Seahawk This place entertains.. Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Seattle Casino cash: $6724435	Q. How much does it cost for a pirate to have his ears pierced? Answer. bucaneer!
Posts: 5,503

12-21-2006, 01:54 PM	#319
Rooster Draft a QB Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: JoCo Casino cash: $9961689	Let's all be a little more PC sensitive to MOhillbilly. Because of the climate of political correctness now pervading America, those of us in Arkansas and Missouri will no longer be referred to as HILLBILLIES. We ask that you now refer to us as OZARK-AMERICANS. __________________ When Reno Hightower was a prick he was the best damn quarterback in the history of Kern County.
Posts: 5,753

01-09-2007, 10:29 AM	#320
Rooster Draft a QB Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: JoCo Casino cash: $9961689	Tennis Balls One day, a man noticed two tennis balls lying by the side of the road while jogging. He picked the balls up, put them in his pocket, and proceeded on his way. Waiting at the crosswalk for the light to change, he noticed a beautiful blonde standing next to him smiling. "What are those big bulges in your running shorts?" she asked. "Tennis balls," the man said, smiling back. "Wow," said the blonde, looking upset. "That must hurt. I once had tennis elbow, and the pain was unbearable." __________________ When Reno Hightower was a prick he was the best damn quarterback in the history of Kern County.
Posts: 5,753

01-09-2007, 10:36 AM	#321
Fairplay A certain set of skills Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: texas Casino cash: $10026683 VARSITY	Three nuns die and go to heaven, at the pearly gates they are confronted by Saint Peter who says "Well girls before you can get into heaven you must answer a question." Saint Peter asks the first nun, "Who was the first man on earth?" She says, "Oh that's easy, that was Adam." Birds sing, bells ring, the gates open up and she goes into heaven. So Saint Peter asks the second nun "Who was the first woman on earth?" She says "Oh that's easy that was Eve." Same thing happens - birds sing, bells ring, and she goes into heaven. So Saint Peter says to the third nun "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" She sits and thinks for awhile and says "Boy that's a hard one." Birds sing, bells ring, the gates open up and she goes into heaven!
Posts: 25,265

01-12-2007, 10:57 AM	#322
Rooster Draft a QB Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: JoCo Casino cash: $9961689	A virile, middle aged Italian gentlemen named Guido was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde woman. Things progressed to the point where he led her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless. After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile, "So, you finish?" She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, "No." Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed. This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion. The sex finally ends and, again, Guido smiles and asks, "You finish?" Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him and softly says, "No." Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guido reaches for the woman yet again. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets. Exhausted, Guido falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asked again, "You finish?" Barely able to speak, the beautiful blonde whispers in his ear, "No, I Norwegian." __________________ When Reno Hightower was a prick he was the best damn quarterback in the history of Kern County.
Posts: 5,753

01-16-2007, 01:56 PM	#323
Rooster Draft a QB Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: JoCo Casino cash: $9961689	Our story begins at the Olympics, specifically the wrestling event. It is narrowed down to the Russian or the American for the gold medal. Before the final match, the American wrestler's trainer came to him and said, "Now don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this "pretzel" hold he has. Whatever you do, don't let him get you in this hold! If he does, you're finished!" The wrestler nodded in agreement. Now, to the match: The American and the Russian circled each other several times looking for an opening. All of a sudden the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the American and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold! A sigh of disappointment went up from the crowd, and the trainer buried his face in his hands for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the ending. Suddenly there was a horrible scream, and a resounding cheer from the crowd. The trainer raised his eye just in time to see the Russian flying up in the air. The Russian's back hit the mat with a thud, and the American weakly collapsed on top of him, getting the pin and winning the match. The trainer was astounded! When he finally got the American wrestler alone, he asks, "How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!" The wrestler answered, "Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold, but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of balls right in front of my face. I thought I had nothing to lose, so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could. You'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own balls!" __________________ When Reno Hightower was a prick he was the best damn quarterback in the history of Kern County.
Posts: 5,753

02-01-2007, 04:28 PM	#324
Frankie Banned Join Date: Jul 2001 Casino cash: $10004900	I suppose this one is clean enough, the criteria being it could be told to grandma: A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Unknown to her, her 9-year-old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet.The boy now has company: Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes it is." Boy: "I have a baseball." Man: "That's nice." Boy: "Want to buy it?" Man: "No, thanks." Boy: "My dad's outside." Man: "OK, how much?" Boy: "$250." In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are again in the closet together: Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes, it is." Boy: "I have a baseball glove." Man: "How much?" Boy: "$750." Man: "Fine." A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball." The boy says, "I can't. I sold them." The father asks: "How much did you sell them for?" The son says, "$1,000." The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess." They go to church and the father alerts the priest, and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door. The boy says, "Dark in here." The priest says, "Don't start that shit again."
Posts: 26,959

02-01-2007, 04:34 PM	#325
DMAC MVP Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Springfield, MO Casino cash: $10008735	Don't tell Believer that one.
Posts: 11,651

02-01-2007, 04:38 PM	#326
DMAC MVP Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Springfield, MO Casino cash: $10008735	Don't laugh!" said Ed the patient. "Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said."I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient." "Okay then," Ed said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'whoo-ha' the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been bigger than the size of a AAA battery. Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, and then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure. "I'm so sorry," said the doctor. "I really am. I don't know what came over me. " On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?" "It's swollen," Ed replied.
Posts: 11,651

02-01-2007, 04:41 PM	#327
Oregon chief Sideline Join Date: Sep 2003 Casino cash: $9932131	Q: Whats the smartest thing ever to come out of a woman's mouth? A: Einstein's dick
Posts: 493