Late night bullshit: Direckshun is a slut bucket.

[RealSNR]

29. Direckshun



Welcome to the LNBS Lounge, where tonight Direckshun is the guest of honor.

These threads usually go one of two ways depending on the topic. If it's a football thread, Direckshun will lay out a detailed and well-considered blueprint or opinion that begins with something reasonable like, "The Chiefs need to get better secondary help" and will devolve into crazy bullshit such as, "Kurt Coleman is going to be the key to a successful playoff run at the playoffs." If it's a non-football topic, he'll project his real life cosplay interests into the discussion parameters. For example, he'll pretend to be a bartender who listens to your problems. Or he'll be the engineer of a magical train that will take you back to any moment in your life that you'd most like to re-live.

Tonight we're not doing either of those things. We're going to skip his stupid folksy-nouveau way of conversing, where you call a random stranger "my brother" or say "swing and a miss" when people say something that doesn't line up.

Tonight we're going to rape Direckshun. He seems like a nice person, but he frustrates us all in so many special and varied ways. I'd like us to share those Direckshun moments with each other, whatever they may be.

Since I'm supposed to be roasting him, I'll go first. Feel free to share as much or as little as you want.

1. Direckshun talks like a ****ing weirdo

Usually shows up as a symptom when involved in a political conversation with a surly opponent. He talks to the guy like he's a character from a Homestar Runner cartoon who is physically in the same room as the person he's talking to. "Pete. Pete. Listen to me. Stop saying words." He's also awful at insults, even just as playful jabs. I think he once said, "SNR eats whale dung." That's weird.

2. Direckshun never fights back

Direckshun is great for this forum in many ways because he generates content and conversation, especially in football matters. He's like a bad-tasting oral laxative when CP is having trouble passing football topics onto the front page. But he's got his share of dumb ideas, and he has plenty of people like Clay who will mercilessly tear into him even when it's not warranted. Milkman calls him a dumbass. How does Direckshun respond? "Hoho, you're probably right. I CAN get carried away with my mocks, can't I? I'll take your advise and shut the **** up next time!" He won't defend his idea politely or even leave a nice little "Blow me."

3. From the tone of his posts, you can tell that he's a stupid hipster

I've never read a Direckshun post where I couldn't smell the PBR stench in the wifi that transmitted it to my computer screen. Every time he writes something, it's got that shitty subtley ironic tone. The dolphin wearing a helmet thread? I actually like that thread. I love comedic false outrage threads. But when Direckshun does it, he somehow makes it... trendy. I could see him and his shitty beard (come on, you just KNOW he ****ing has one) trying to start some Rob Schneider catch phrase around the office or wherever the **** he works. "Because we're the Chiefs." It's even worse now because he's got all of YOU ****ing saying it. Now whenever he posts some awful shitty prediction, as long as it's glass-half-empty, he can say "Because we're the Chiefs" to justify it, and everybody will go along with it.

That's all I got for now. When I think of more, I'll post them and update this OP, because that's something easy and quick that I can do for any person who might enjoy this thread.

[Mennonite]

[Simply Red]

Big fan here!

[rico]

Originally Posted by SNR

That explains why Mr. Bucket wants you to put your balls into him. He must be Direckshun's uncle.

I forgot all about that.

[Direckshun]

Holy shit, I did too. That's ****ing wonderful.

[Simply Red]

Did you enjoy the game?

[Simply Red]

BTW - how in the hell did you miss the game anyways? SNR and I and some of the other guys have a pretty good time in 'CP Chat' during the games - Wish you'd join us sometime. SNR is a great chat person too, let me tell you; It's beautiful!

[RealSNR]

Simply Red doesn't lie. It's a great time. There are enough serious posters like milkman and -King- to keep the chat focused, and there's enough inane silliness with me, Simply Red, and TribalElder to make it fun and lively

You also get to know some of the dudes that aren't around as much like eDave. The CP chat is THE place to be on gameday.

[TimBone]

Holy ****. If SNR does not have spot #1 locked down, then this whole project has been worthless. Brilliant.

[RealSNR]

Originally Posted by SNR

Simply Red doesn't lie. It's a great time. There are enough serious posters like milkman and -King- to keep the chat focused, and there's enough inane silliness with me, Simply Red, and TribalElder to make it fun and lively

You also get to know some of the dudes that aren't around as much like eDave. The CP chat is THE place to be on gameday.

Discuss Thrower, too. He's down with whatever shit I say. ****, I was talking about Dana Carvey in the new Hans and Franz State Farm commercial, and he dropped a Master of Disguise reference.

[Simply Red]

Originally Posted by SNR

Simply Red doesn't lie. It's a great time. There are enough serious posters like milkman and -King- to keep the chat focused, and there's enough inane silliness with me, Simply Red, and TribalElder to make it fun and lively

You also get to know some of the dudes that aren't around as much like eDave. The CP chat is THE place to be on gameday.

GE Steve is amazing!

[Direckshun]

Originally Posted by SNR

Discuss Thrower, too. He's down with whatever shit I say. ****, I was talking about Dana Carvey in the new Hans and Franz State Farm commercial, and he dropped a Master of Disguise reference.

A Master of Disguise reference is actually worth a few demerits.

[Direckshun]

Originally Posted by Simply Red

Did you enjoy the game?

Game was fun and full of merriment. I started a gigantic thread about it a day ago, I believe.

Edit: voila.

[Simply Red]

Originally Posted by Direckshun

Game was fun and full of merriment. I started a gigantic thread about it a day ago, I believe.

Edit: voila.

Yeah - I really enjoyed that one!

[Simply Red]

"* I adored the 4th down playcall, with the jumbo lineup. All three tight ends, Linkenbach as fullback, Sherman in motion, and we pulled Zach Fulton, and barreled him into the line with reckless abandon, plowing a great hole for Knile Davis." <<-- The broadcaster said we were bringing in our beefed-up package (of something like that) -- all of us on chat just laughed - then Jeff did his thing, I like Jeff Linkenbach, I think.

[Direckshun]

Originally Posted by Simply Red

BTW - how in the hell did you miss the game anyways? SNR and I and some of the other guys have a pretty good time in 'CP Chat' during the games - Wish you'd join us sometime. SNR is a great chat person too, let me tell you; It's beautiful!

Originally Posted by SNR

Simply Red doesn't lie. It's a great time. There are enough serious posters like milkman and -King- to keep the chat focused, and there's enough inane silliness with me, Simply Red, and TribalElder to make it fun and lively

You also get to know some of the dudes that aren't around as much like eDave. The CP chat is THE place to be on gameday.

That sounds like a genuinely pleasurable time.

Oddly enough, I slept through the game. The previous week worked me pretty hard, so I could ill afford to miss a 5-hour slumber on Sunday afternoon before my schedule picked up again. I was so busy, as you know, I didn't get to see the game until Tuesday morning.

I also come from a huge football family, where oddly none of us have ever played the sport. But we're obsessed with it, so Chiefs games are miniature family reunions most weeks, which is why I'm almost never on CP during games.

I'll be unavailable this MNF for that very reason. However, I'm totally taking you up on that first opportunity I get to watch a game solo.

Here's my question: SNR, Simply Red, several of the guys you mention are all very enjoyable personalities. I would imagine you have many friends, so it's strange to me that you guys catch the games solo. But not that strange.