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Old 02-25-2017, 11:56 PM  
Rain Man Rain Man is offline
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Hypothetical: Enter the witness protection program here.
State your interest and I will assign you a new life, along with that of your real or hypothetical spouse.

Here's mine:

Male name: BRYON
Female name: PAMELA
Surname: BARLOW
Location: Winnebago County, Iowa
Male occupation: Audio-Visual and Multimedia Collections Specialists
Annual Salary: $39,500
Female occupation: Tellers
Annual Salary: $31,700
Your Main Hobby: Astrology
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Skiing

I wish they had assigned me a first name with a standard spelling, but my new job sounds okay. Kind of a cold place to live, though.
Last edited by Rain Man; 02-26-2017 at 12:02 AM..
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Old 02-26-2017, 12:58 AM   #16
Rain Man Rain Man is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 'Hamas' Jenkins View Post
Do you guys remember Wright Thompson's feature about Helmet Man, the Egyptian National who emigrated to the US, became a witness for the first WTC bombing, and was then eventually relocated to KC, where he became a Chiefs Superfan? Eventually, the FO found out his identity, and after other legal and financial dustups, they took away his season tickets.

Additional layer of irony: the two main guys he testified against were in Leavenworth and Springfield, and they plopped him down basically right between the two of them.
I don't remember them, but I also don't know what metal pickling is. You'll have a pretty quiet new life in northern Nebraska.

Male name: WILBURN
Female name: ELIZA
Surname: RISLEY
Location: Keya Paha County, Nebraska
Male occupation: Pump Operators, Except Wellhead Pumpers
Annual Salary: $49,900
Female occupation: Cleaning, Washing, and Metal Pickling Equipment Operators and Tenders
Annual Salary: $20,700
Your Main Hobby: Philately
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Skimboarding
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Old 02-26-2017, 01:43 AM   #17
patteeu patteeu is offline
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I need to a new life so AARP can't keep tracking me down with these solicitations.
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Old 02-26-2017, 01:48 AM   #18
Ming the Merciless Ming the Merciless is offline
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Old 02-26-2017, 01:48 AM   #19
dlphg9 dlphg9 is offline
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dlphg9 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.dlphg9 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.dlphg9 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.dlphg9 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.dlphg9 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.dlphg9 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.dlphg9 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.dlphg9 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.dlphg9 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.dlphg9 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.dlphg9 's phone was tapped by Scott Pioli.
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Old 02-26-2017, 02:00 AM   #20
TimBone TimBone is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rain Man View Post
You get an alliterative name and a new home in the heartland, along with a nimble wife.


Male name:MARC
Female name:JACQUELYN
Surname:MARTZ
Location:Warrick County, Indiana
Male occupation:Meeting, Convention, and Event Planners
Annual Salary:$44,200
Female occupation:Media and Communication Equipment Workers, All Other
Annual Salary:$96,300
Your Main Hobby:Fantasy Sports
Your Spouse's Main Hobby:Parkour
My salary compared to hers, though.
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Old 02-26-2017, 02:00 AM   #21
TimBone TimBone is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rain Man View Post
I don't remember them, but I also don't know what metal pickling is. You'll have a pretty quiet new life in northern Nebraska.

Male name:WILBURN
Female name:ELIZA
Surname:RISLEY
Location:Keya Paha County, Nebraska
Male occupation:Pump Operators, Except Wellhead Pumpers
Annual Salary:$49,900
Female occupation:Cleaning, Washing, and Metal Pickling Equipment Operators and Tenders
Annual Salary:$20,700
Your Main Hobby:Philately
Your Spouse's Main Hobby:Skimboarding
What in the hell is his hobby?

That sounds sexual.

Like he's blowing dudes.
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Old 02-26-2017, 06:16 AM   #22
Sorce Sorce is offline
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I put provel on spam and need to disappear before FMB finds me.
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Old 02-26-2017, 07:39 AM   #23
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Originally Posted by Sorce View Post
I put provel on spam and need to disappear before FMB finds me.
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patteeu is obviously part of the inner Circle.patteeu is obviously part of the inner Circle.patteeu is obviously part of the inner Circle.patteeu is obviously part of the inner Circle.patteeu is obviously part of the inner Circle.patteeu is obviously part of the inner Circle.patteeu is obviously part of the inner Circle.patteeu is obviously part of the inner Circle.patteeu is obviously part of the inner Circle.patteeu is obviously part of the inner Circle.patteeu is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 02-26-2017, 07:41 AM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sorce View Post
I put provel on spam and need to disappear before FMB finds me.


I hope witness protection makes you my neighbor. I don't want to travel far to hunt you down.
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Old 02-26-2017, 08:21 AM   #25
stumppy stumppy is online now
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Old 02-26-2017, 08:33 AM   #26
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Point Roberts, WA has an estimated 5% of its population made up of people in witness protection.
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Old 02-26-2017, 08:44 AM   #27
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Read an interesting article a while back on Linkedin about faking your own death, which is a little different but basically ends up with you trying to anonymously live a brand new life.

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/so-yo...beth-greenwood
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Old 02-26-2017, 09:03 AM   #28
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Old 02-26-2017, 09:10 AM   #29
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Anyone see Rocco Ravioli?
How about Sal Salami?
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Matty Manicotti?
Petey Prosciutto?
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Old 02-26-2017, 09:11 AM   #30
stumppy stumppy is online now
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Originally Posted by Spott View Post
Read an interesting article a while back on Linkedin about faking your own death, which is a little different but basically ends up with you trying to anonymously live a brand new life.

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/so-yo...beth-greenwood
Wonder how you would go about faking someone else's death ? Asking for a friend.
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stumppy is obviously part of the inner Circle.stumppy is obviously part of the inner Circle.stumppy is obviously part of the inner Circle.stumppy is obviously part of the inner Circle.stumppy is obviously part of the inner Circle.stumppy is obviously part of the inner Circle.stumppy is obviously part of the inner Circle.stumppy is obviously part of the inner Circle.stumppy is obviously part of the inner Circle.stumppy is obviously part of the inner Circle.stumppy is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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