I'm depressed

[rabblerouser]

So, I'm not really happy...on the surface things seem great, I have a decent job, Chiefs are kicking ass, I have a nice crib in the country, a couple cars, play some music on the weekends...

But I'm absolutely depressed. I miss my daughter, I miss my ex-girlfriend, Brittney...

I want to move to NY, but I have to wait for my job.

So, it seems like I'm stuck here, at least for a bit...

Not much is bringing me pleasure, I was so depressed today at work...I get weird thoughts, not like I want to hurt myself, but just...musings on the pointlessness of going to work every single day, just to pay to exist, just to really pay for the kid that I never see...

I'm actually pretty damn lonely, even in a roomful of people.

It sucks.

[scho63]

Originally Posted by rabblerouser

Almost every day. On Mondays, I see a therapist, Wednesdays I see a counselor, Fridays I have group therapy, then I go to support group on Tuesdays and Saturdays.

And none of your counselors or therapists told you CP was the problem?

[rabblerouser]

Originally Posted by notorious

You will be back and better than ever before you know it Rabs. Keep your chin up.

Thanks, brother. I sure hope you're right...

[rabblerouser]

Originally Posted by scho63

And none of your counselors or therapists told you CP was the problem?

There's 2 things that can get you a psychiatric hold :

1. Threats of hurting yourself or someone else

2. Admission of chronic CP use.

Of course, if I copped to my CP addiction, they might go "Antifreeze is the answer to all your problems today."

[rabblerouser]

Originally Posted by Fire Me Boy!

I see a therapist on Tuesdays for anxiety. I had a panic attack in the hospital and that was the breaking point for me. But then one doctor prescribed Valium and another doctor prescribe something else for anxiety and they didn't tell me not to take them at the same time and now I have a badd reaction to the medicine and was really confused yesterday. I'm better today but I'm still pretty loopy.

Wish I could take some Valium...

[rabblerouser]

Just another day where I feel like kill myself before 5:30am...

The dreams hurt.

[Sweet Daddy Hate]

Originally Posted by rabblerouser

Just another day where I feel like kill myself before 5:30am...

The dreams hurt.

When I first cleaned up, I used to have those in overdrive. They fade in time.

[rabblerouser]

Originally Posted by Sweet Daddy Hate

When I first cleaned up, I used to have those in overdrive. They fade in time.

I ****ing hate myself.

[Sweet Daddy Hate]

Originally Posted by rabblerouser

I ****ing hate myself.

Aren't you taking medication for depression? if you're still experiencing feelings of that nature, it might be a good idea to ask about getting a different product.

[ClevelandBronco]

Originally Posted by rabblerouser

... Of course, if I copped to my CP addiction, they might go "Antifreeze is the answer to all your problems today."

Is that a page 417 reference or am I just seeing an unintended reflection of something in the choice and order of your words?

[rabblerouser]

Originally Posted by ClevelandBronco

Is that a page 417 reference or am I just seeing an unintended reflection of something in the choice and order of your words?

You caught that?

Total CP recovery humor.

Originally Posted by Sweet Daddy Hate

Aren't you taking medication for depression? if you're still experiencing feelings of that nature, it might be a good idea to ask about getting a different product.

I don't know if they have anything that fixes "hey, you've ruined your entire life, broski."

No pill can fix this.

[patteeu]

Originally Posted by rabblerouser

You caught that?

Total CP recovery humor.



I don't know if they have anything that fixes "hey, you've ruined your entire life, broski."

No pill can fix this.

You're too young to have ruined your life at this point. Keep trying to make your life what you want it to be. Start a new plan!

[ClevelandBronco]

Recovery is often a all-out war between what we know (forces of the mind) and what we feel (forces of the brain). Please know as absolute truth in your mind that what you feel—though sometimes seemingly overwhelming—is temporary. Brain healing is a long process, and the brain itself tries to sabotage the long-term healing as it seeks short-term relief. For most of us in early recovery, the spiritual, emotional and physical pain inflicted on us by this war is too much to bear. Our brains scream out for a short-term cease-fire (usually a return to self-medication) while our minds know that continuing the battle step by step, day by day, moment by moment is the only way to a lasting peace.

Given enough time, your mind will always win this war. Your brain is the weaker force. It will surrender.

You must do everything you can do to force your brain to surrender to a benevolent conqueror: your mind and its allies—the people who love you, the professionals who care for you, and above all the Power that can restore you to sanity. You must do this because we need you. When the peace that passes all understanding takes hold in your life and your wounds are healed, your scars will bear a witness of hope to those who are living through the seeming hopelessness of their own war.

[rabblerouser]

Originally Posted by patteeu

You're too young to have ruined your life at this point. Keep trying to make your life what you want it to be. Start a new plan!

I'm trying...every day, I get up and go to work and try to keep it together.

[rabblerouser]

Originally Posted by ClevelandBronco

Recovery is often a all-out war between what we know (forces of the mind) and what we feel (forces of the brain). Please know as absolute truth in your mind that what you feel—though sometimes seemingly overwhelming—is temporary. Brain healing is a long process, and the brain itself tries to sabotage the long-term healing as it seeks short-term relief. For most of us in early recovery, the spiritual, emotional and physical pain inflicted on us by this war is too much to bear. Our brains scream out for a short-term cease-fire (usually a return to self-medication) while our minds know that continuing the battle step by step, day by day, moment by moment is the only way to a lasting peace.

Given enough time, your mind will always win this war. Your brain is the weaker force. It will surrender.

You must do everything you can do to force your brain to surrender to a benevolent conqueror: your mind and its allies—the people who love you, the professionals who care for you, and above all the Power that can restore you to sanity. You must do this because we need you. When the peace that passes all understanding takes hold in your life and your wounds are healed, your scars will bear a witness of hope to those who are living through the seeming hopelessness of their own war.

Thank you. It's hard. I literally wake up shaking from anxiety every single day. I wish I could just die in my sleep.

[Sweet Daddy Hate]

Originally Posted by rabblerouser

You caught that?

Total CP recovery humor.



I don't know if they have anything that fixes "hey, you've ruined your entire life, broski."

No pill can fix this.

I get that but what I'm saying is, the medication should allow you to go about your daily life without being overwhelmed or crushed down by your past.

We can't really forget our past and we shouldn't, but we need to be able to perform effectively so that we can continue working on ourselves and putting our lives together.