I am moving to the suburbs. What do I need to know?

[Strongside]

So my wife and I are urban yuppies and have lived in some sort of urban core / downtown for over 10 years now. We have just purchased a very nice home in Lenexa, KS and are leaving our loft in the River Market for a bigger yard (or just a yard, period), more square footage, and more rare police sirens and gunshots. We are anticipating children in the next few years, which is the main reason for our move.

What do I need to know? How do I make my grass look good? What do I need to do to my wardrobe so that I fit in with all of the other dads? What is the best lawnmower? What's the best brand of pool table? What do I do when I've had too much to drink and can't drive home? What time do I need to stop being loud on my deck and go to bed? Where can I get a legit beard trim and haircut by a real barber? Where is the best place to get a latte? How do I handle my road rage during a long commute?

Thanks in advance, old white dudes.

[BlackOp]

Originally Posted by Strongside

Sat out on the deck yesterday for a while during inspections.

Listened to the leaves rustle, birds chirping, wind chimes rattling.

Not once did I hear a car horn, a couple yelling, my downstairs neighbor's dog barking, or a gun shot. Not once did a homeless guy approach me and ask for money because he lives in Liberty and his friend dropped him off and he needs bus fare to get home, but really just needs to score a pint of Wild Turkey or a spot of crack. Not once did someone puke on my sidewalk. My car was not stolen, vandalized or broken into, all of which have happened multiple times in my current apartment.

I'm gonna love this shit. **** you guys.

Ha..there is truth in what you are saying...being an urbanite wears you out. Everything you've mentioned has happened to me....plus getting jacked with two pistols pointed at my temples....trying to force me into their car. I'm lucky to be typing.....or unlucky...depending who you ask.

Been seriously considering packing my shit up and heading to Seattle...Chicago is a pretty dark place right now. Burbs are a nice juxtaposition..but then the restlessness sets in and the feeling of being trapped permeates. You'll wake up one morning and think "I've been tricked...neutered by my own doing".

[TribalElder]

http://www.kshb.com/news/region-kans...rhood-addition

Suburban problems

[Strongside]

Originally Posted by TribalElder

http://www.kshb.com/news/region-kans...rhood-addition

Suburban problems

I'd bet good money that old Nancy was the one who painted that fence. That woman needs her ass kicked.

[TribalElder]

Originally Posted by Strongside

I'd bet good money that old Nancy was the one who painted that fence. That woman needs her ass kicked.

LOL, she is definitely involved. Paid her kids greens fees and gave them a spray paint can

[TribalElder]

Golfers mad because they usually play it out of that yard

[Strongside]

Originally Posted by TribalElder

Golfers mad because they usually play it out of that yard

When my dad lived in Arizona his house was on a golf course. His pool was always so full of golf balls I never had to buy any. It was awesome.

[DanT]

Originally Posted by O.city

Everyone else is probably all mature or so you think.

This last halloween I was left on house duty while the wife and in laws took the boys out trick or treeting. My neighbor, who was in the same predicament came over and we teemed up with the 65 year old retired neighbor across the road to fill an old purse up with dog shit and lay on the sidewalk and watch people get all pumped only to pick it up

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by Strongside

When my dad lived in Arizona his house was on a golf course. His pool was always so full of golf balls I never had to buy any. It was awesome.

I almost had a research project once that involved sitting in someone's yard and mapping golf ball hits. Her house had been built on a dogleg of a golf course and it was getting pelted all the time. My work was part of a lawsuit against the developer or the golf course or whatever, but they settled the case before I could get the contract in place. That would've been a fun study.