***** Official NEW Dating Mega Thread *****

[TLO]

Let's do this.


Part 2: http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=293622

[Simply Red]

Originally Posted by Numbah One

OK. Well setting up a "time to meet" online is not something you do.

You don't schedule this shit.

You just send them a message based on their profile and wait for a response.

Please do what I say or you will hate yourself.

[Simply Red]

Originally Posted by Numbah One

Any chick who bags SR better count her blessings. He is over 40, has a full head of hair, visible abs, is the love child of Greg Kinnear and Ryan Seacrest, has great teeth, two cars, and is ballin.' Straight cash homey.

We're talking the total package here. Literally his worst trait is being a Chiefs fan and having slightly questionable taste in restaurants.

I've been trying to get him laid for MONTHS. Now that he sees the readily available poon just waiting to service him online I think he's finally getting the hint: HE IS THE PRIZE.

Respect the cock.

Maybe we could just date?????

[Pasta Little Brioni]

Originally Posted by Numbah One

You are doing it wrong, dude. You don't set times to talk with chicks online. You just message them, IN AN E-MAIL, and wait for a response.

Let me give you a sample of how an online conversation should go. If you are an attractive male with a full time job and a full head of hair, this should pull you a date 99 percent of the time:

1. Initial message. Introduce yourself, comment on one or two things on her profile, witty remark. Ask a question or two about her life, any details you wish to know that her profile does not reveal.

2. She replies. If no reply, move on.

3. In your reply, answer any questions she has. Now you want to move to set up a date. Find out if she is open to X food place or Y activity.

3. She replies. If she expresses interest in X or Y, we move on to step 4. If no reply, move on.

4. In your reply, nail down a day, place and time to meet her.

5. She replies, confirming date. Possibly with her #. If no reply, move on. SHE MAY WANT TO DO IT ON A DIFFERENT DAY/TIME. BE OPEN TO THIS.

6. You reply with your phone number and tell her you're looking forward to it.

CEASE ONLINE COMMUNICATION HERE AND MOVE TO TEXTING/PHONE CALLS.

This is the only way to do it. My guess is you completely blew it with this chick by wanting to set up an "online" date where you sit around smashing your keyboards.

No one ****ing does that. The only point of these sites is to establish mutual interest and VERY QUICKLY move to the real world.

Spot on. I pulled so many dates using a similar template. After that it's up to how you mesh in person. Sometimes there is a connection....sometimes none at all lol

[Pasta Little Brioni]

You can't judge shit till you meet in person anyway. Any contact online should be minimal. Just enough to establish a rapport and set up a date.

[COchief]

Originally Posted by Numbah One

A bunch of very useful info

3rding this method with a few bonus points:

- Mention you find them different or unique from "other girls".

- Work in something like "I read of lot of profiles, but rarely write".

- Make zero mention of any physical traits or complimenting her (she gets enough "pretty, hot, sexy, nice boobs etc").

- Have a strong jawline/chin.

[Hammock Parties]

Originally Posted by COchief

- Make zero mention of any physical traits or complimenting her (she gets enough "pretty, hot, sexy, nice boobs etc").

Yep. Every slack-jawed yokel in a 50 mile radius is saying those things.

[Katipan]

Originally Posted by keg in kc

I thought we were referring to them as Raisinettes.

I would be outraged but they're my favorite candy.
When spelled properly.


Greybeard.

[Simply Red]

Originally Posted by Katipan

I would be outraged but they're my favorite candy.
When spelled properly.


Greybeard.

that's hilarious - one of my top picks too. heh stoners rule

[keg in kc]

Graybeard sounds distinguished. Like a privateer. Yo ho ho.

[Katipan]

Originally Posted by Simply Red

that's hilarious - one of my top picks too. heh stoners rule

<3

Originally Posted by keg in kc

Graybeard sounds distinguished. Like a privateer. Yo ho ho.

I pictured dwarf with a battleaxe.

[keg in kc]

Originally Posted by Katipan

I pictured dwarf with a battleaxe.

That would work too. Dwarves are fierce. I'd be a berserker.

Of course I'm 6 feet tall, so it's not as reflective of reality as Raisinettes. Spelling of which you can thank my kindle. Or my fingers on my kindle. In either case it shall now be so unto eternity.

[Katipan]

Originally Posted by keg in kc

That would work too. Dwarves are fierce. I'd be a berserker.

Of course I'm 6 feet tall, so it's not as reflective of reality as Raisinettes. Spelling of which you can thank my kindle. Or my fingers on my kindle. In either case it shall now be so unto eternity.

...Thibbledorf Pwent

[Hammock Parties]

Dear wife,

I don't know you, but I know that it's possible that your husband will cheat on you with a sex worker. I say that because I am one, and I am not short on clients.

But not your husband, you say, not him! Other husbands, sure, but your relationship, your sex life, is different. You had a threesome with your college roommate ten years ago. You get a sitter and head to Vegas every August. You have that special thing with Law and Order marathons. You have a great marriage!

Let me ask you: When was the last time you had sex three times in a week? When was the last time he complained about that? Don't you think that maybe it's possible that he's instead taken the problem out of your hands, which is to say into mine?

The good news is that if your husband is seeing me, it's because he wants to stay married. He is choosing to get some ersatz affection in the least messy way possible. Imagine if instead of me it was the babysitter, your neighbor, your best friend. I could go on, list, but you get the idea.

I'm a professional. I am discreet, but more than that I am discrete: My time, attention, and sexuality are measured in hours, beyond which he is yours. And importantly, I don't love your husband and never will. It's quite unlikely that I feel more than favorite-barista level affection for him.

I will never be a threat to your marriage because when I'm off the clock I don't want anything to do with either of you. I will never go out to dinner with him or call you in the middle of the night or bring up divorce. You won't find out from me. And if you find out from him, he's either stupid or angry with you.

Yes, some clients trip and fall in feelings, but it's a shallow puddle since they know that what we're doing is fake. You don't think your plumber adores toilets, do you?

Men know that my affection for them is conditional on their affection for giving me money. He's not visualizing having The Talk with you and the kids and then running away to my hotel room and lovingly moaning my made-up name. I am outside of life. I'm an employee. As much as he might sexually fixate on me, his emotions will not get deeply invested in what we do together.

If things threaten to get "complicated," as the kids say, on his end, there's a fail-safe: I cost money.

In my experience, men generally spend only what they can afford on sex. If your husband needs it every two weeks, and can sneak $1,000 out of the monthly household budget, he sees someone who charges what I do. Even if he wants more, he can't pull an extra grand out of thin air. The kind of roller coaster that ends in, "Baby, I have something to tell you," requires acceleration, which requires recklessness.

Whatever he thinks he feels, he'll forget in two weeks like any other craving. If he does liquidate his 401k to buy my time, I hope you soak him in the divorce, because he has no business handling money.

What about disease? Despite what you see in the movies, most sex workers these days are probably healthier and more safety-conscious than your average amorous secretary. Remember what I said about my extremely limited affection for him? That includes his epidemiological profile. And there are also no love-child concerns. The chance of me carrying a work-related baby is roughly 0 percent of Absolutely Not with a standard deviation of You Have Got to Be Kidding Me.

Maybe you still don't want him sleeping with me. I'll ask again: When was the last time you had sex three times in a week?

I'm not saying it's your job to keep him happy. I am saying maybe you don't want to sleep with him that often. You're busy, or stressed out, or he doesn't do it for you anymore. I get it; he almost certainly doesn't do it for me.

That's the point. I am the secret ingredient in a lot of healthy marriages, because when he's seeing me, both of you are getting the amount of sex you want. As long as you leave his cellphone alone, you might make it to your 50th anniversary. You're welcome.

[Simply Red]

I got the best haircut today - Ben is so darned good - he's about 5' asian gay man - dumpy - and hilarious - you never know what he's going to be dressed like. one day he had a mohawk - hi top con All-Stars, and a pant leg and the other leg was shorts - so like a jean side and a short side. Anyhow he always schedules me to arrive at their open for whatever reason. So today he walks in and has teased his hair like there was no tomorrow. He looked like an Asian male version of the Bride of Frankenstein, I thought it was hilarious for some reason. Dude is silly but the best hair stylist I've ever gone to. I take care of old Ben.

[Pasta Little Brioni]

Red take her for some Fred and Red's Chili Mac.