Life STORYTIME w/yer crazy cousin rabblerouser - Page 11

rabblerouser · 12-19-2017, 11:54 AM

It's not really a story, just me venting.

Last August, I took a job in Healthcare admin, good benefits, and got my own place out in the country, just me and the dog...

Around the same time, I started seeing a good friend of mine, she's been my friend for years...we started sleeping together. I mean, she's pretty smoking, perfect ass and perky titties. Awesome sexual chemistry. Before long I had a key to her place, we were planning meals and weekends together, I was picking her kids up from school and taking them to karate on Tues/Thurs...

And then things go haywire :

She starts nitpicking me to death.
Then about 2 weeks ago, I find the ubiquitous "hey you wanna do me on your lunch hour text" on her phone (by accident - not a snoop), to which she tried to explain away and told me also that we hadn't actually sat down and defined anything yet, but that if I wanted her to not talk with (or ****) other guys, and be exclusive, then she would be into that...

Well we broke up last night, for the best but man I'm ****ing depressed. She ****ing physically attacked me, neighbors called the cops, it was stupid. I'm embarrassed. Maybe someday, I'll meet a nice girl who won't cheat on me or get drunk and try to beat me up...but I doubt it. I mean, I'm a good dude, don't cheat or hit the wimmin folk, good job, live on my own...I deserve to be treated with respect. So...I'm probably going to isolate myself for awhile. She was one of my best friends for a long time. It makes me sad.

So, I don't need any "chin up" or "you're better off" or "well, what'd you expect!?"

I just need to know if there are ANY women between the ages of, say, 23 and 42 that actually cook, clean, do laundry, don't drink excessively, don't go batshit off the rails when they DO have a couple, and won't **** the neighbor or suck off the pizza guy everytime your back is turned?? Someone I can CONVERSE with, and have a real connection with? Someone who respects themselves and others, and are comfortable enough inside themselves to show that respect ALWAYS?

Do they even make those anymore?

**Rain Man** · 12-20-2017, 05:56 PM

Okay, take notes, people. I'm going to give you a very simple formula for identifying and filtering potential mates. You use the following formula.

Her IQ
+ Her annual earned income/3000
+ her net worth divided by 25000
+ the net worth of her parents/(50000 x number of her siblings)
- the number of times she's been arrested in the past 5 years x 80
- the number of times her immediate family members have been arrested over the past 5 years x 15
+ ((her bust measurement - her hip measurement)^3)*400
+ (cube root(number of times she's ever made out with another woman)*100)* (number of men she's made out with/number of women she's made out with)
- number of men she's ever made out with *60
- number of times that she's used illegal drugs in the past 12 months * 1000
- number of cigarettes/joints she's smoked in the past 30 days*750
+ 34*(total number of times she laughs when watching one episode each of
your ten favorite sitcoms of all time and your 5 favorite movies)
- the average cost of her shoes currently on hand x 12

Take the sum of that and multiply it by the following:

[(1-her highest Blood Alcohol Content in the past year)^2]

/(the carat size of the engagement ring that she feels is appropriate)^3

* (% of her interactions with service workers in the past 60 days where she grew angry or insulting)^2

* (the ratio of the younger age of you two over the older age)

* (your weight/her weight)

The higher the number, the better potential mate. You can thank me later.

stumppy · 12-20-2017, 06:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rain Man

Okay, take notes, people. I'm going to give you a very simple formula for identifying and filtering potential mates. You use the following formula.

Her IQ
+ Her annual earned income/3000
+ her net worth divided by 25000
+ the net worth of her parents/(50000 x number of her siblings)
- the number of times she's been arrested in the past 5 years x 80
- the number of times her immediate family members have been arrested over the past 5 years x 15
+ ((her bust measurement - her hip measurement)^3)*400
+ (cube root(number of times she's ever made out with another woman)*100)* (number of men she's made out with/number of women she's made out with)
- number of men she's ever made out with *60
- number of times that she's used illegal drugs in the past 12 months * 1000
- number of cigarettes/joints she's smoked in the past 30 days*750
+ 34*(total number of times she laughs when watching one episode each of
your ten favorite sitcoms of all time and your 5 favorite movies)
- the average cost of her shoes currently on hand x 12

Take the sum of that and multiply it by the following:

[(1-her highest Blood Alcohol Content in the past year)^2]

/(the carat size of the engagement ring that she feels is appropriate)^3

* (% of her interactions with service workers in the past 60 days where she grew angry or insulting)^2

* (the ratio of the younger age of you two over the older age)

* (your weight/her weight)

The higher the number, the better potential mate. You can thank me later.

Or......will she let you PIIHB.

seclark · 12-20-2017, 07:29 PM

cum kisses sound ****in nasty.
not in.
sec

rabblerouser · 12-21-2017, 08:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rain Man

Okay, take notes, people. I'm going to give you a very simple formula for identifying and filtering potential mates. You use the following formula.

Her IQ
+ Her annual earned income/3000
+ her net worth divided by 25000
+ the net worth of her parents/(50000 x number of her siblings)
- the number of times she's been arrested in the past 5 years x 80
- the number of times her immediate family members have been arrested over the past 5 years x 15
+ ((her bust measurement - her hip measurement)^3)*400
+ (cube root(number of times she's ever made out with another woman)*100)* (number of men she's made out with/number of women she's made out with)
- number of men she's ever made out with *60
- number of times that she's used illegal drugs in the past 12 months * 1000
- number of cigarettes/joints she's smoked in the past 30 days*750
+ 34*(total number of times she laughs when watching one episode each of
your ten favorite sitcoms of all time and your 5 favorite movies)
- the average cost of her shoes currently on hand x 12

Take the sum of that and multiply it by the following:

[(1-her highest Blood Alcohol Content in the past year)^2]

/(the carat size of the engagement ring that she feels is appropriate)^3

* (% of her interactions with service workers in the past 60 days where she grew angry or insulting)^2

* (the ratio of the younger age of you two over the older age)

* (your weight/her weight)

The higher the number, the better potential mate. You can thank me later.

https://youtu.be/vwbKYcBdVyk

rabblerouser · 12-21-2017, 08:42 AM

I know these equations. I just forgot?

Pusay induced amnesia.

cooper barrett · 12-21-2017, 09:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by raybec 4

Whole family at the state fair

WRONG:

St Louis Verizon Amphitheater !st annual Cru-Fest 2008

rabblerouser · 12-21-2017, 09:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cooper barrett

WRONG:

St Louis Verizon Amphitheater !st annual Cru-Fest 2008

Ha.

Take a ride...

On the WILD SIDE!!??

Scary bidness.

cooper barrett · 12-21-2017, 09:34 AM

I had one like that, body made for sin. We went to Michael Bublé and she bitched about the seats, my having to stop on the way, yada yada. I bet a guy playing pool after the show at the Red Velvet, that if I lost, I'd leave her with him. Hard as I tried to lose... She threw up in the baby sitters driveway and asked me if I'd help clean it up the next morning.
Never saw her again.

It's best that you ran, not walked away from that one.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rabblerouser

Poor, poor Bill.

I want to take this opportunity to thank Chiefs Planet, every poster here (except SAUTO), for this sobering, unfiltered glimpse of what my future held with Alcoholic Babymamma Drama and the 2 shitlins.

I've got my own kid, a decent job, trucks to work on, flooring to fix, a record to mix...

What the CUCK was I even doing hanging out with that crazy bitch?? The pussy was damn good, great even.

But I've had great pussies before her, I shall have some great ones after, as well...

Because NO pussy is worth that shit.
Better off beating off.

rabblerouser · 12-21-2017, 09:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cooper barrett

I had one like that, body made for sin. We went to Michael Bublé and she bitched about the seats, my having to stop on the way, yada yada. I bet a guy playing pool after the show at the Red Velvet, that if I lost, I'd leave her with him. Hard as I tried to lose... She threw up in the baby sitters driveway and asked me if I'd help clean it up the next morning.
Never saw her again.

It's best that you ran, not walked away from that one.

Yup. I forgot the matrix.

She was 'friend zoned' for years, reappeared in the 'fun zone...but the crazy/hot matrix doesn't account for those that appear to be "fun zone" but are actually truly always firmly in the "danger zone". Redhead, too. ****ing CRAZY hot.

She should have Kenny 'Danger Zone' Loggins following her around, singing her theme song...

cooper barrett · 12-21-2017, 11:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rabblerouser

Yup. I forgot the matrix.

She was 'friend zoned' for years, reappeared in the 'fun zone...but the crazy/hot matrix doesn't account for those that appear to be "fun zone" but are actually truly always firmly in the "danger zone". Redhead, too. ****ing CRAZY hot.

She should have Kenny 'Danger Zone' Loggins following her around, singing her theme song...

I picked one up, grabbed her purse, carried her outside my house and went back inside, just like Fred Flintstone putting the cat out for the night. She tried everything to get back in. She finally got the hint and got in her car and left. I have a couple more stories about that one I could share but not here...

Believe me I've met crazy. The one I have now is just crazy enough for me not to get bored with, and smart enough to know a good thing when she sees it. Plus, I like it when people I know mistake her as my daughter

There are a few good points in RainMan's post that if I am ever single again, I will reference. Hang in there, just when you're about to give up hope one will come your way.

My advice, Never date someone who is Dependant on you or has more problems than you...for obvious reasons.

I am a sucker for a hot redhead, share pictures?

cooper barrett · 12-21-2017, 11:21 AM

Could you show us a completed worksheet? Maybe some baseline numbers? For a friend...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rain Man

Okay, take notes, people. I'm going to give you a very simple formula for identifying and filtering potential mates. You use the following formula.

Her IQ
+ Her annual earned income/3000
+ her net worth divided by 25000
+ the net worth of her parents/(50000 x number of her siblings)
- the number of times she's been arrested in the past 5 years x 80
- the number of times her immediate family members have been arrested over the past 5 years x 15
+ ((her bust measurement - her hip measurement)^3)*400
+ (cube root(number of times she's ever made out with another woman)*100)* (number of men she's made out with/number of women she's made out with)
- number of men she's ever made out with *60
- number of times that she's used illegal drugs in the past 12 months * 1000
- number of cigarettes/joints she's smoked in the past 30 days*750
+ 34*(total number of times she laughs when watching one episode each of
your ten favorite sitcoms of all time and your 5 favorite movies)
- the average cost of her shoes currently on hand x 12

Take the sum of that and multiply it by the following:

[(1-her highest Blood Alcohol Content in the past year)^2]

/(the carat size of the engagement ring that she feels is appropriate)^3

* (% of her interactions with service workers in the past 60 days where she grew angry or insulting)^2

* (the ratio of the younger age of you two over the older age)

* (your weight/her weight)

The higher the number, the better potential mate. You can thank me later.

redfan · 12-21-2017, 11:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rabblerouser

Redhead, too. ****ing CRAZY hot.

...

Firecrotch, hmmm? "Ya spins the wheel, ya takes ya chances!"
I've never met one that wasn't batshit insane.

In58men · 12-21-2017, 11:59 AM

Stopped reading after "perfect ass and perky tits" to see if there were any pictures.

Thread fail. I'm moving on too.

rabblerouser · 12-21-2017, 12:02 PM

I don't think I have any pics, honestly. She's not on fb, and pics aren't really my thing 'cause I'm a dude...

rabblerouser · 12-21-2017, 12:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by redhed

Firecrotch, hmmm? "Ya spins the wheel, ya takes ya chances!"
I've never met one that wasn't batshit insane.

That shit IS addicting.

The Firecrotch. Not the batshit part.

Unfortunately, one always seems to follow the other.

12-19-2017, 11:54 AM
rabblerouser left blank intentionally Join Date: Oct 2012 Location: Belize Nuts Casino cash: $4284897	STORYTIME w/yer crazy cousin rabblerouser It's not really a story, just me venting. Last August, I took a job in Healthcare admin, good benefits, and got my own place out in the country, just me and the dog... Around the same time, I started seeing a good friend of mine, she's been my friend for years...we started sleeping together. I mean, she's pretty smoking, perfect ass and perky titties. Awesome sexual chemistry. Before long I had a key to her place, we were planning meals and weekends together, I was picking her kids up from school and taking them to karate on Tues/Thurs... And then things go haywire : She starts nitpicking me to death. Then about 2 weeks ago, I find the ubiquitous "hey you wanna do me on your lunch hour text" on her phone (by accident - not a snoop), to which she tried to explain away and told me also that we hadn't actually sat down and defined anything yet, but that if I wanted her to not talk with (or **) other guys, and be exclusive, then she would be into that... Well we broke up last night, for the best but man I'm ing depressed. She ing physically attacked me, neighbors called the cops, it was stupid. I'm embarrassed. Maybe someday, I'll meet a nice girl who won't cheat on me or get drunk and try to beat me up...but I doubt it. I mean, I'm a good dude, don't cheat or hit the wimmin folk, good job, live on my own...I deserve to be treated with respect. So...I'm probably going to isolate myself for awhile. She was one of my best friends for a long time. It makes me sad. So, I don't need any "chin up" or "you're better off" or "well, what'd you expect!?" I just need to know if there are ANY women between the ages of, say, 23 and 42 that actually cook, clean, do laundry, don't drink excessively, don't go batshit off the rails when they DO have a couple, and won't ** the neighbor or suck off the pizza guy everytime your back is turned?? Someone I can CONVERSE with, and have a real connection with? Someone who respects themselves and others, and are comfortable enough inside themselves to show that respect ALWAYS? Do they even make those anymore?
Posts: 32,193

12-20-2017, 05:56 PM	#151
Rain Man NFL's #1 Ermines Fan Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: My house Casino cash: $1838491 VARSITY	Okay, take notes, people. I'm going to give you a very simple formula for identifying and filtering potential mates. You use the following formula. Her IQ + Her annual earned income/3000 + her net worth divided by 25000 + the net worth of her parents/(50000 x number of her siblings) - the number of times she's been arrested in the past 5 years x 80 - the number of times her immediate family members have been arrested over the past 5 years x 15 + ((her bust measurement - her hip measurement)^3)400 + (cube root(number of times she's ever made out with another woman)100)* (number of men she's made out with/number of women she's made out with) - number of men she's ever made out with 60 - number of times that she's used illegal drugs in the past 12 months 1000 - number of cigarettes/joints she's smoked in the past 30 days750 + 34(total number of times she laughs when watching one episode each of your ten favorite sitcoms of all time and your 5 favorite movies) - the average cost of her shoes currently on hand x 12 Take the sum of that and multiply it by the following: [(1-her highest Blood Alcohol Content in the past year)^2] /(the carat size of the engagement ring that she feels is appropriate)^3 * (% of her interactions with service workers in the past 60 days where she grew angry or insulting)^2 * (the ratio of the younger age of you two over the older age) * (your weight/her weight) The higher the number, the better potential mate. You can thank me later. __________________ Active fan of the greatest team in NFL history.
Posts: 142,643	1 0

12-20-2017, 07:29 PM	#153
seclark MVP Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: nemo Casino cash: $229900	cum kisses sound ****in nasty. not in. sec __________________ "Mr. seclark. Wrong for gravy, wrong for jelly, wrong for biscuits." -rj "If every Planeteer who was disliked by another Planeteer stopped being a Planeteer we wouldn't have any Planeteers." -rj
Posts: 13,433	1 0

12-21-2017, 08:42 AM	#155
rabblerouser left blank intentionally Join Date: Oct 2012 Location: Belize Nuts Casino cash: $4284897	I know these equations. I just forgot? Pusay induced amnesia. __________________ MY ADOPT-A-CHIEF : Jody Fortson Jr.
Posts: 32,193

12-21-2017, 11:59 AM	#163
In58men **** you, you cretin. Join Date: Jan 2012 Casino cash: $818026	Stopped reading after "perfect ass and perky tits" to see if there were any pictures. Thread fail. I'm moving on too. __________________ Attendance Chief record 9-9
Posts: 29,876

12-21-2017, 12:02 PM	#164
rabblerouser left blank intentionally Join Date: Oct 2012 Location: Belize Nuts Casino cash: $4284897	I don't think I have any pics, honestly. She's not on fb, and pics aren't really my thing 'cause I'm a dude... __________________ MY ADOPT-A-CHIEF : Jody Fortson Jr.
Posts: 32,193