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01-23-2013, 10:34 AM | |
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Today's Florida News...
Naked Florida Man Jumps Off Roof Onto Homeowner, Knocks Television Over, Empties Vacuum Cleaner, Masturbates
http://gawker.com/5978198 It's never a dull day in Florida, our country's most fantastic state. Let's set the scene: It's Monday, January 21, and an unnamed North Fort Myers resident is lying in bed relaxing after a hard day's work. Just after 7 p.m., he hears a noise coming from his roof — he thinks it sounds like thunder. He goes outside to investigate the disturbance, when he sees 21-year-old Gregory Matthew Bruni running on his house. Bruni leaps from the roof, tackling the man. Bruni is naked. From there, Bruni runs into the house, hellbent on destruction. He sees a "large television" minding its own business and knocks it off its stand. He then spies a vacuum cleaner. How do you terrorize a vacuum cleaner? You don't — you just empty its contents back onto the floor. That's what Bruni does. From there, things finally start to get weird: Bruni then headed toward the couple's son's bedroom, where several guns were stored, so the man's wife fired three warning shots from a .38 revolver. The arrest report says Bruni fell to the floor - but then began pleasuring himself. He got up off the floor, ran into the son's bedroom and began rubbing clothing on his face. Police are called, and they apprehend a flailing, babbling Bruni only after Tasering him. "Tase him, bro," a cop almost certainly says. Bruni is taken to a hospital, but doctors there say they can't identify what drug he is on. The answer is either all of them, or one you've never heard of. Or bath salts. Probably bath salts. Police charge Bruni with two counts of criminal mischief, battery, occupied burglary and resisting arrest without violence. Everyone else in Florida goes to sleep that night, awaiting their turn. |
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01-23-2013, 10:44 AM | #2 |
sorta mod-ish
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MEANWHILE, IN FLORIDA
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01-23-2013, 11:20 AM | #3 |
....
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Wow.
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01-23-2013, 11:26 AM | #4 |
GBM 8-12-15
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What a stroke of bad luck...
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01-23-2013, 11:29 AM | #5 |
Down with Nino Brown
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01-23-2013, 11:32 AM | #6 |
The Beast Inside Your Head
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He sure wasn't master of that domain.
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01-23-2013, 11:36 AM | #7 |
FINALLY! The wait is over.
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How did be bait those folks from coming outside? I wonder if he came inside.
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01-23-2013, 11:39 AM | #8 |
BAMF!
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I feel like if somebody made animated shorts of FLA headlines/news stories like these, they would find success.
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Main Entry: bowe·ner Pronunciation: \ˈbō-nər\ Function: noun Date: circa 2007 |
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01-23-2013, 11:59 AM | #9 |
WhatUneed2Hear
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I have a hard time believing this happened in the fine state of Florida.
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"Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour" Peter 5:8 "Surely your turning of things upside down shall be esteemed as the potter's clay" Isaiah 29:16 "Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me." Revelation 3:20 |
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01-23-2013, 12:01 PM | #10 |
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot OVER!
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That's the last straw dammit...........I am moving to Florida!
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01-23-2013, 12:05 PM | #11 |
GBM 8-12-15
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01-23-2013, 12:15 PM | #12 |
My name...is Horace!
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01-23-2013, 12:18 PM | #13 |
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01-23-2013, 01:20 PM | #14 |
Be Kind To Your Pets
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Good to know: In Florida, if you get caught red handed committing a crime, just a) drop trou, b) fall to the floor, c) beat it like it owes you money.
Instant psyche defense! |
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01-23-2013, 01:27 PM | #15 | ||
Mindful Taoist German
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