Depression...

[munkey]

How do you deal with it?

[Rasputin]

I just have to get my thoughts together. It does help me get past some of it and move on. I do have a lot more to talk about.

[BigRedChief]

Originally Posted by Art Vader

I know depression is a chemical thing, and I know people who take pills for it

Also, society can pigeon-hole you if they know you're depressed or medicated for it, even if it doesn't affect them in any way.. people are very superstitious about their optimism.

I hope we move on as a society that we can view this as the sickness that it is. It's viewed with no negative feelings. Treated the same as someone battling diabetes, cancer etc.

They are not weak, wimpy or any other derogatory terms used in the past. They just can't just suck it up and move on.

They have chemical imbalances in their brains, they truly struggle with emotions and thoughts that maybe some don't. These people should be viewed as someone that is sick and needs help and our understanding as they make their way out of their own personal hell.

[boogblaster]

imbalance or not foget ya troubles life is too short go do sumpin ya never done before .. anything .. live on man .....

[Art Vader]

Originally Posted by BigRedChief

I hope we move on as a society that this is a sickness. They are not weak, wimpy or any other derogatory terms used in the past. They just can't just suck it up and move on.

They have chemical inbalances in their brains, they truly struggle with emotions and thoughts that maybe some don't. These people should be viewed as someone that is sick and needs help and our understanding as they make their way out of their own personal hell.

Yeah.. there's a huge variation in the level of sickness though, it's not all the same sickness, and you can't use cancer treatments if you just have a cold (symbolically), and vice-versa. The chaos really must be read on an individual basis, and there are many roadblocks for those people on the way to proper treatment... also a lot of resources to help them but some don't take advantage for one reason or another.

Hopefully the future brings some effective answers, because it's just going to get worse.

[Rausch]

Originally Posted by munkey

How do you deal with it?

Perspective...

[Rasputin]

A week or so at home after my overdose I became even more depressed filled with regret shame & feeling sorry for myself. I was not the man I was brought up to be as raised by my grandparents that addopted my brother and I. Am sure I was high but I know my mind was cloudy & for some reason I filled the bath tub of water then took a scalpel sharp knife to my rist. An angel stop my arm from going forward. It was my mother inlaw God Bless her. I had to ride in an ambulance with cuts on my arm but did not break a vein. I stayed a week in a behavior unit & I blamed it on my bad back that was just my excuse to get out. They told me if I tried anything like that again I would go to Larned St hospital. Um no ****ing thank you. I cleaned my act up.

My wife didn't want to deal with me so I made an attempt to stay sober for her & our daughter. We got back together and as my back was feeling better I went to work for Western Uniform with a baby on the way. I thought getting her pregnant again would bring us happyness. I was staying sober but also was drinking Oduals or Coors cutter & I twisted off on a drinking binge as non alcoholic beer is a lie to your brain. I don't suggest nonalcoholic beer to anyone trying to stay sober.

As the month approached my sons birth I was doing good with my job and things were going better at home also. The day my son was born I couldn't express my happyness enough & so as my wife stayed the night in the hospital all I had to do was watch our daughter & be Dad to her & be responsible. I had other plans as my joy for our sons birth took another turn I through a party at home and my brother inlaw came over with his friends and drugs. I drank and did drugs I have no idea what they were. I went beyond drunk that night but fortunatly my daughter went to a friends house. The next day I was in shambles but I had to face my wife at the hospital and got there she could tell I got missed up and wasn't happy with me. From the happiest to the most regret of a night I knew I had to make up for it to her. I stayed sober for three months then back to the weed. I thought things were better & she had forgave me. I was wrong. For some reason I couldn't excape going over to my brother inlaws to do dope or drink. I wanted to be home with my family I wanted to be dad to my kids and a husband to my wife.

I was doing good with my job, I gave the money up to my wife to pay bills and I would take what I needed for my drinking. Scotch became my best friend. I would put a shot of Scotch in my coffee in the morning then go drive my route truck snow and ice did not matter. We lived in Deerfield ks twenty miles from Garden City & after work I would drink a couple 32oz Old Milwaukee on the back road. Scotch was my best friend tho at home. I tryed to hide my drinking but that seemed pointless.

My wife decided we needed to separate & that we would live in different appartments abanding our trailer house we were buying. I got sobered up then & started going to AA. It was my only chance to get back with her. I thought I was making progress, & we were talking. She didn't. She started keep the kids away from me even though I was sober this time. As I was working one day she took off with a guy to OHIO with the kids. She took off a week after the kids got out of school for the summer and my son was going have his first birthday in may of 2002. His birthday came May 31 and I was lost. I had been sober for 6 months how could this be like this? All I could do was get a cake with a candle and blow it out for him. I couldn't believe I missed my sons first birthday. Talk about being depressed. I knew I had to get my kids back so I got an attourny and the courts made her bring them back to me & I was awarded custidy of my kids. I became happy & took the responsibility to heart with the help of the grandparents on the mother side I did my best with them for a year and a half staying sober. Almost even got back together with the mom.

Instead of her moving back to Deerfield in the same town as us she moved to Russell ks wich made it hard on us for visitations. I transfered to Salina ks with my job at Western Uniform. We had both agreed on 6 months each for the kids to live with each other so that we both could have shared custidy. Well it was during her 6 months & my first month in Salina on my own I got drunk again at the bars. That's what I did after a month of not going to AA. I also remarried as it seemed she didn't mind me drinking. The problem was I didn't keep my end of the bargen for the six months and then unknowingly I got stuck with 6 months behind child support & my new wife had a resentment toward my first wife making our marrage more difficult.

I could drink on the weekends I didn't have my kids and I could drink on my overnight in hays on mondays. Scotch was my best friend.

I was married to her for four years and she had two duaghters of her own, one with down syndrome. We were happy & I was kicking ass as a route sales driver for Western Uniform & from winning a sales contest we got a trip to Cobo San Lucus Mexico. That was an alcoholics paradise It seemed to me that Mexico keeps the best tequila for themselves & ship crap tequila to the states Oh had much fun on that trip.

Another break.

[1ChiefsDan]

Originally Posted by munkey

I'm talking suicide depression...I could give a shit about the Matt Casshole or the chiefs...

I handle it with counseling and Lexapro. Going on almost 2 years without and incident.

[Rausch]

Originally Posted by KC Tattoo

A week or so at home after my overdose I became even more depressed filled with regret shame & feeling sorry for myself. I was not the man I was brought up to be as raised by my grandparents that addopted my brother and I. Am sure I was high but I know my mind was cloudy & for some reason I filled the bath tub of water then took a scalpel sharp knife to my rist. An angel stop my arm from going forward. It was my mother inlaw God Bless her. I had to ride in an ambulance with cuts on my arm but did not break a vein. I stayed a week in a behavior unit & I blamed it on my bad back that was just my excuse to get out. They told me if I tried anything like that again I would go to Larned St hospital. Um no ****ing thank you. I cleaned my act up.

My wife didn't want to deal with me so I made an attempt to stay sober for her & our daughter. We got back together and as my back was feeling better I went to work for Western Uniform with a baby on the way. I thought getting her pregnant again would bring us happyness. I was staying sober but also was drinking Oduals or Coors cutter & I twisted off on a drinking binge as non alcoholic beer is a lie to your brain. I don't suggest nonalcoholic beer to anyone trying to stay sober.

As the month approached my sons birth I was doing good with my job and things were going better at home also. The day my son was born I couldn't express my happyness enough & so as my wife stayed the night in the hospital all I had to do was watch our daughter & be Dad to her & be responsible. I had other plans as my joy for our sons birth took another turn I through a party at home and my brother inlaw came over with his friends and drugs. I drank and did drugs I have no idea what they were. I went beyond drunk that night but fortunatly my daughter went to a friends house. The next day I was in shambles but I had to face my wife at the hospital and got there she could tell I got missed up and wasn't happy with me. From the happiest to the most regret of a night I knew I had to make up for it to her. I stayed sober for three months then back to the weed. I thought things were better & she had forgave me. I was wrong. For some reason I couldn't excape going over to my brother inlaws to do dope or drink. I wanted to be home with my family I wanted to be dad to my kids and a husband to my wife.

I was doing good with my job, I gave the money up to my wife to pay bills and I would take what I needed for my drinking. Scotch became my best friend. I would put a shot of Scotch in my coffee in the morning then go drive my route truck snow and ice did not matter. We lived in Deerfield ks twenty miles from Garden City & after work I would drink a couple 32oz Old Milwaukee on the back road. Scotch was my best friend tho at home. I tryed to hide my drinking but that seemed pointless.

My wife decided we needed to separate & that we would live in different appartments abanding our trailer house we were buying. I got sobered up then & started going to AA. It was my only chance to get back with her. I thought I was making progress, & we were talking. She didn't. She started keep the kids away from me even though I was sober this time. As I was working one day she took off with a guy to OHIO with the kids. She took off a week after the kids got out of school for the summer and my son was going have his first birthday in may of 2002. His birthday came May 31 and I was lost. I had been sober for 6 months how could this be like this? All I could do was get a cake with a candle and blow it out for him. I couldn't believe I missed my sons first birthday. Talk about being depressed. I knew I had to get my kids back so I got an attourny and the courts made her bring them back to me & I was awarded custidy of my kids. I became happy & took the responsibility to heart with the help of the grandparents on the mother side I did my best with them for a year and a half staying sober. Almost even got back together with the mom.

Instead of her moving back to Deerfield in the same town as us she moved to Russell ks wich made it hard on us for visitations. I transfered to Salina ks with my job at Western Uniform. We had both agreed on 6 months each for the kids to live with each other so that we both could have shared custidy. Well it was during her 6 months & my first month in Salina on my own I got drunk again at the bars. That's what I did after a month of not going to AA. I also remarried as it seemed she didn't mind me drinking. The problem was I didn't keep my end of the bargen for the six months and then unknowingly I got stuck with 6 months behind child support & my new wife had a resentment toward my first wife making our marrage more difficult.

I could drink on the weekends I didn't have my kids and I could drink on my overnight in hays on mondays. Scotch was my best friend.

I was married to her for four years and she had two duaghters of her own, one with down syndrome. We were happy & I was kicking ass as a route sales driver for Western Uniform & from winning a sales contest we got a trip to Cobo San Lucus Mexico. That was an alcoholics paradise It seemed to me that Mexico keeps the best tequila for themselves & ship crap tequila to the states Oh had much fun on that trip.

Another break.

Like I said, gain some perspective...

[Cephalic Trauma]

Originally Posted by Bump

don't take those pills the dr's want to give you, just get some weed man.

SSRI's have low side effects (virtually none) and have helped countless people. Shut up.

[Cephalic Trauma]

To the OP, I didn't read the whole thread, but I strongly strongly strongly suggest going to your family doctor. They will put you in touch with a lot of professionals who can help.

There are plenty of options man. Counseling, medication, counseling and medication(which works very well), etc etc. You have options here. I know it's rough,but I've had family go through this and I know it's beatable.

[threebag]

I get up dust myself off then I roll up my sleeves and go grab the shit by the horns.

[Rasputin]

Hope I'm not boring anyone. That seems to be a lot of text to read, not use to writing that much.


I was feeling good about myself & sporting a new tattoo on my arm I got in mexico. It was funny on the trip people came up to me and wanted to buy my Chiefs hat off my head. I sold my hat for fifty bucks and that is like 500 dollars in Mexico. I wanted to go back to Mexico & sell NFL hats.

Another year went by and in 2008 my back was just hurting so bad I decided I couldn't handle the pressure of route work and had to call it quits. With out telling my wife I switched jobs and worked nights with handicap person of need. My wife was not happy as we took a pay cut along with paying so much in child support. We both felt at the time it was best if I moved out and we get a divorce. It was another blow to the ego to have failed two marrages. We stayed friends tho over the years. Stress of it all was just getting me down. I moved into a shitty appartment but started work more hours and got a new GF.

My new girl friend at the time let me move in with her and again Scotch was my best friend. Typically I would find girls that didn't seem to have a problem with me drinking. My kids didn't seem to care for her & my depression came back so I wanted to live on my own for a while. I got my own place but I wanted to still see my girl friend. I was working mad hours to keep a roof over my head & stress was overwhelming me. Worse than depression is stress I think for me. I just don't handle the stress of paying all the bills & child support and working 120 to 140 hours a week. That stress got to me the day after I drank before my work. My GF came by my place to see how I was doing and she saw I wasn't doing good and wanted to take me to the hospital. This is a night in November of 08. On the way to the hospital I wanted to jump out of the car. She pulled me in & yelled at me. She checked me into the behavior unit in Salina. My head was spinning and agian everything cloudy. I looked for any opportunity to end myself. In the bathroom I wrapped a cord around my neck. My GF was outside the door so I waited for another opportunity.

They put me in a room to myself, gave me some paper and a pencel to write with for me to write what was bothering me. In the morning I had tryed to use that pencel to push a hole in my wrist. I was making a cross but pushed as hard as I could to puncture the skin when staff walked in. Again with the angels I guess?

This was 8 years after my first attempts at it.

Break.

[Rausch]

Originally Posted by KC Tattoo

They put me in a room to myself, gave me some paper and a pencel to write with for me to write what was bothering me. In the morning I had tryed to use that pencel to push a hole in my wrist. I was making a cross but pushed as hard as I could to puncture the skin when staff walked in. Again with the angels I guess?

This was 8 years after my first attempts at it.

Break.

Thank Christ!

Long story short you're not as good or bad as you think you are.

Life sucks, hard, you outlast it.

If you're ever in doubt ask Gene...

[New World Order]

Find enjoyment in the little things in life. My cousin was paralyzed a couple of years ago from a boating accident and wishes he could go on walks again, swim, jog etc..
Eat good food and enjoy it. Hit the weights and set some fitness goals for yourself, it's nice to see progress.

[Rasputin]

I'm just trying to get to the hope part as that is what is important in my life, having hope.

I spent at least five days there as they ballanced out the meds they put me on and set me up with therapy. Also a Dr. for my depression pills. I think he used me as a guinny pig. He put me on Geodon shit. The dosage he put me on made my muscles contract or have an affect on the body much like having parkinsons for a day. That freaked me out. If I took another dose of it I really could have been ****ed up or dead. The Dr. backed off the prescription of it but I worked at getting off of them. I did continue to take trazadone to help sleep and with the back pain.

I continued to be depressed & stressed for another year and since I lost the amount of hours I was working only could work 40 hours I ended up homeless. Even though I was working I could not afford a place on my own. I lived out of my mini van and also at the homeless shelter. That sucked. I dealt with it all the time thinking suicide. I apparently suck at succeeding so I got by just doing what I could do to survive. I continued to drink and go to AA for spells to get a couple months sober and drink again. I had a good sponcer but didn't call him much.

A couple miracals had to happen for me to wake up. I got a new job with another handicap agency september of 09. My dad was passing away and I spent the night with him in his room & in the morning I got to see the love he had for me in his eyes & it was something I hadn't fealt in a long time. I fealt a spiritual connection that would stay with me. I knew then I had to change my thinking somehow. I didn't want those creapy thoughts in my head. Upon his passing I did go out that weekend with my brother and cousin to remanence the old good times growing up. The bar closed early and I ended up taking a handful of trazadone because I didn't want to quit drinking. That was a horible mix as it made me throw up blood. THat was the last time I drank October 4 2009.

All this time I just wanted to be there for my kids I just wanted to be DAD. I fealt much of that was taken away but for the most part it was my own doing. Now three months sober I had to make a choice. I was determined to put my past behind and made a decision not to be depressed & Much of that had to do with having the opportunity to be DAD to my daughter again after she was taken out of her moms do to shit with her step dad. Instead of killing him like I wanted too, I turned my selfesh ass around and from help got my own place so she could live with me. It took another 6 months but I was happy the day we got to go home together and I have done my damndest to be the best father I can be to her and also my son. I am happy about that and hold no regret. Not easy at all dealing with a teen full of anger either. I don't blame her she has every right to be for what she went through. Also it wasn't about me any more. I am at my best to help others and especially being here for my kids.

I just don't want to go through the hell to get to this point again. We are a happy family now with our struggles. I am determined not to let those struggles get me down. This is why I tell my story.