What's your biggest regret in life?

[Lonewolf Ed]

Given my current battle and situation, my regrets have shed from me. I remember the things that I have regretted, but they no longer sting, burn, or bother me. If things progress poorly for me in my battle with cancer, I would regret changing how I am in that I no longer cared about my friend's problems, or if my parents outlived me. My dad is 86 until the end of November and my mother turned 92 back in May. My brother is here with me during chemo weeks, but he is not my mother's son as we have the same father. It is the worst of all things to lose a child, and it would be worst for my mother since I am her only one. Initially, that was my main reason for undergoing chemo in hopes of outliving them both.

Now, however, since I have felt good after my third round and I don't need my anti-nausea meds here on day 4 since my stomach is grumbling at me to be fed, I bet that cancer is taking the beating with this chemo stuff and not me so much. On Wednesday, I saw the actual doctor and she said my blood counts are very good and that means my immune system is strong. That is my warrior, my inner Viking, and he has engaged my enemy, the foul unwelcome intruder. I ask for all the prayers I can get from here, from my family, and friends whom I have met and not met. If I can beat this by having God glorify Himself through me with physical healing, then the docs are going to be baffled and maybe have to rewrite the books a little. Then maybe the next person who comes in with the condition I had will not have to hear about how without treament, you will die in 10 weeks and with it, the best you can hope for is another 3 years. Maybe that will change.

And my biggest hope is that maybe someone without faith or with shaky faith will see how I faced this horror no matter if I live or die, and maybe that someone will turn to God with a new open heart and see what having faith can do.

[sd4chiefs]

That time at a party when I got really drunk and made a complete fool of myself.

[Simply Red]

Originally Posted by sd4chiefs

That time at a party when I got really drunk and made a complete fool of myself.

I've done that - I showed a neighbor my penis at a party at my house, once.

It was around 5 yrs ago - after my divorce.

[Lonewolf Ed]

Originally Posted by Simply Red

I've done that - I showed a neighbor my penis at a party at my house, once.

It was around 5 yrs ago - after my divorce.

Divorce? What was she thinking? She won't find a more lovable scoundrel than you. She will regret it.

[Simply Red]

Originally Posted by Lonewolf Ed

Divorce? What was she thinking? She won't find a more lovable scoundrel than you. She will regret it.

doesn't matter - I'm well over her and have been for quite some time

Ty though.

[Katipan]

Originally Posted by Simply Red

doesn't matter - I'm well over her and have been for quite some time

Ty though.

Lets start a club with matching jackets.

...

I mean, my marriage is an obvious answer. But my life is so twirly happy now, would I have ever gotten to this point without that trainwreck?

There was this one haircut... (shudder)

[Lonewolf Ed]

Originally Posted by Simply Red

doesn't matter - I'm well over her and have been for quite some time

Ty though.

Good for you. Was she hot, though?

[Kaepernick]

Originally Posted by Lonewolf Ed

Given my current battle and situation, my regrets have shed from me. I remember the things that I have regretted, but they no longer sting, burn, or bother me. If things progress poorly for me in my battle with cancer, I would regret changing how I am in that I no longer cared about my friend's problems, or if my parents outlived me. My dad is 86 until the end of November and my mother turned 92 back in May. My brother is here with me during chemo weeks, but he is not my mother's son as we have the same father. It is the worst of all things to lose a child, and it would be worst for my mother since I am her only one. Initially, that was my main reason for undergoing chemo in hopes of outliving them both.

Now, however, since I have felt good after my third round and I don't need my anti-nausea meds here on day 4 since my stomach is grumbling at me to be fed, I bet that cancer is taking the beating with this chemo stuff and not me so much. On Wednesday, I saw the actual doctor and she said my blood counts are very good and that means my immune system is strong. That is my warrior, my inner Viking, and he has engaged my enemy, the foul unwelcome intruder. I ask for all the prayers I can get from here, from my family, and friends whom I have met and not met. If I can beat this by having God glorify Himself through me with physical healing, then the docs are going to be baffled and maybe have to rewrite the books a little. Then maybe the next person who comes in with the condition I had will not have to hear about how without treament, you will die in 10 weeks and with it, the best you can hope for is another 3 years. Maybe that will change.

And my biggest hope is that maybe someone without faith or with shaky faith will see how I faced this horror no matter if I live or die, and maybe that someone will turn to God with a new open heart and see what having faith can do.

One of the hardest parts of watching my baby brother die at 39 from advanced liver cancer, was his Agnosticism. As a result, he felt really cheated in life to die so young, which on the face of it is true. But I have heard from others with deep Christian Faith, they accepted their fate and know they are going to a better place. For my brother, he thought he was just going back to the dirt, so he was pretty bitter about that.

I wish he had a strong Christian Faith to help him through. So unfortunate.

This reminds me of a genuine regret I have in life.

My baby brother came back to Sacramento to live for a couple of years before he found a new job in Seattle and went back. We spent 2 days in Banff and he had been dying to go back ever since, and I was dying to take him. But I was so busy with my job, I never found time in those 2 summers to take him back to Banff and Jasper for 2 weeks.

I really regret that I did not MAKE THE TIME, or tell my employer to go to hell and I was taking vacation. They would have let me go, I just had heavy workloads and I felt that I could not spare a 2 or 3 week vacation those years, so it was my call, and I really regret it now.

To be fair, I thought he would live to be 80 and we could go back in my retirement. He didn't drink, smoke, drink coffee and never touched drugs. 16 years older, I expected to go long before him. So this is all hindsight. Who could have expected he would die at 39?

Still, I really regret not taking him to Banff. He was depressed about being stuck in Sacramento again and it would have been a great relief for him and a great memory for me.

If we all knew when we are to die, we would all probably live our lives differently.

[Lonewolf Ed]

Originally Posted by Kaepernick

One of the hardest parts of watching my baby brother die at 39 from advanced liver cancer, was his Agnosticism. As a result, he felt really cheated in life to die so young, which on the face of it is true. But I have heard from others with deep Christian Faith, they accepted their fate and know they are going to a better place. For my brother, he thought he was just going back to the dirt, so he was pretty bitter about that.

I wish he had a strong Christian Faith to help him through. So unfortunate.

This reminds me of a genuine regret I have in life.

My baby brother came back to Sacramento to live for a couple of years before he found a new job in Seattle and went back. We spent 2 days in Banff and he had been dying to go back ever since, and I was dying to take him. But I was so busy with my job, I never found time in those 2 summers to take him back to Banff and Jasper for 2 weeks.

I really regret that I did not MAKE THE TIME, or tell my employer to go to hell and I was taking vacation. They would have let me go, I just had heavy workloads and I felt that I could not spare a 2 or 3 week vacation those years, so it was my call, and I really regret it now.

To be fair, I thought he would live to be 80 and we could go back in my retirement. He didn't drink, smoke, drink coffee and never touched drugs. 16 years older, I expected to go long before him. So this is all hindsight. Who could have expected he would die at 39?

Still, I really regret not taking him to Banff. He was depressed about being stuck in Sacramento again and it would have been a great relief for him and a great memory for me.

If we all knew when we are to die, we would all probably live our lives differently.

That has to be tough for you and I hope you can let the sting of it fade as time goes on. Don't hold on to it, just learn from it and go from there. God bless you.

[Kaepernick]

Originally Posted by Lonewolf Ed

That has to be tough for you and I hope you can let the sting of it fade as time goes on. Don't hold on to it, just learn from it and go from there. God bless you.

It hit my 2nd brother hard. He was 8 years older than the baby.

It didn't sting that bad for me. I knew it was coming and what can you do. I am a lot more mad than sad, and I think of him like DAILY. So many things remind me of him in the course of the day that I am always thinking of him. Really spoiled my plans with all the time I was hoping to spend with him after I retired and now that is just...

Gone. All gone.

At the end of the day, it is in God's hands and if he needed a jazz guitarist back that bad to fill out his Heavenly quartet, then what the hell am I going to say? I doth protest too much.

I will say this. When a person passes too young, it is really hell on the living they leave behind. So very much reminds you of them, and there is an empty need unfulfilled when you can't see them or talk to them or know you COULD see them if you wanted to. Quite a deep hole.

[Ming the Merciless]

Originally Posted by Kaepernick

One of the hardest parts of watching my baby brother die at 39 from advanced liver cancer, was his Agnosticism.

A very strong point in my life for me, was when my father died. He was agnostic and even anti religious as long as I remember...I don't remember him ever even really talking about anything remotely spiritual.....in a positive fashion

Needless to say it was surprising, when my father (a man of few words, a no bullshit farmer, man of action) was terminally ill and on the last day of his life, opened his eyes really wide and said "I see God!", happy, and then took his last breath.

[Kaepernick]

Originally Posted by Pawnmower

A very strong point in my life for me, was when my father died. He was agnostic and even anti religious as long as I remember...I don't remember him ever even really talking about anything remotely spiritual.....in a positive fashion

Needless to say it was surprising, when my father (a man of few words, a no bullshit farmer, man of action) was terminally ill and on the last day of his life, opened his eyes really wide and said "I see God!", happy, and then took his last breath.

Amazing, isn't it? As much as you are NEVER prepared for your parents to die, when something like that happens like did with your father, it really helps.

I'm not surprised. These little miracles happen all the time and either we can't see them or rationalize them scientifically. It amazes me how many people need to not believe in miracles when they are right in front of our faces all the time, if we just look.

[mdchiefsfan]

Originally Posted by Kaepernick

One of the hardest parts of watching my baby brother die at 39 from advanced liver cancer, was his Agnosticism. As a result, he felt really cheated in life to die so young, which on the face of it is true. But I have heard from others with deep Christian Faith, they accepted their fate and know they are going to a better place. For my brother, he thought he was just going back to the dirt, so he was pretty bitter about that.

I wish he had a strong Christian Faith to help him through. So unfortunate.

This reminds me of a genuine regret I have in life.

My baby brother came back to Sacramento to live for a couple of years before he found a new job in Seattle and went back. We spent 2 days in Banff and he had been dying to go back ever since, and I was dying to take him. But I was so busy with my job, I never found time in those 2 summers to take him back to Banff and Jasper for 2 weeks.

I really regret that I did not MAKE THE TIME, or tell my employer to go to hell and I was taking vacation. They would have let me go, I just had heavy workloads and I felt that I could not spare a 2 or 3 week vacation those years, so it was my call, and I really regret it now.

To be fair, I thought he would live to be 80 and we could go back in my retirement. He didn't drink, smoke, drink coffee and never touched drugs. 16 years older, I expected to go long before him. So this is all hindsight. Who could have expected he would die at 39?

Still, I really regret not taking him to Banff. He was depressed about being stuck in Sacramento again and it would have been a great relief for him and a great memory for me.

If we all knew when we are to die, we would all probably live our lives differently.

That's brutal, man. Sorry to hear that.

[Kaepernick]

Originally Posted by mdchiefsfan

That's brutal, man. Sorry to hear that.

Thank you. I actually feel lucky that we had some months of warning. I can't imagine people who lose a loved one young to a drunk driver or in combat or murdered in a crime. That kind of sudden loss -- you have the regrets of not being able to have the time to close up, and say and do things you want to before the person dies.

The biggest horror of cancer is the Uncertainty. You pray for remission and a life extension but it is not guaranteed. When the chemo doesn't work, it is kind of a kick in the nuts.

I'm used to Disney and happy endings so I want to hear the Doctor say the cancer is in remission and you may have several years before it consumes you. Nope. The chemo failed and my brother got hospice care and it is just over so soon and you have absolutely no idea when the person will die.

I was in Sacramento while my entire family was in Seattle caring for my brother, giving him hospice care. I begged them to call me when he was looking grim, so I could comfort him at the end.

They called me on Saturday morning and he died that night while I was probably driving through Portland.

Thing is,6 days before, he went on a dinner/movie date with his ex girlfriend. His liver must have been jelly inside and I have no clue his level of pain because he never complained about it. A week later he is passing blood and breathing his last.

For my family helping him, it was brutal. There is a cast over everybody in the process -- the cancer victim, the family helping, the nurses, the Doctor. It is thickness in the air you can cut with a knife. You try to take a break from it but you can't -- it is always on your mind. How to help the cancer victim and how soon he is going to die, good and bad. Bad because you will miss him terribly, good because he is suffering a lot of discomfort.

Welcome to life. Nobody gets out alive.