Funny Stuff The Onion Revisisted

Holladay · 10-19-2017, 03:28 PM

It has been awhile since I read "The Onion". So Googled "The Best of". # 3 top "News" story is about how surprised the 9/11 hijackers were to have landed in Hell.

This "quote" had me giggling...

"Indeed, I do not know what they were expecting, but they certainly didn't seem prepared to be skewered from eye socket to bunghole and then placed on a spit so that their flesh could be roasted by the searing gale of flatus which issues forth from the haunches of Asmoday."

It reminded me of some of our more colorful posters on CP.

Here was another gem:

""I was told that these Americans were enemies of the one true religion, and that Heaven would be my reward for my noble sacrifice," said Alomari, moments before his jaw was sheared away by faceless homunculi. "But now I am forced to suckle from the 16 poisoned leathern teats of Gophahmet, Whore of Betrayal, until I burst from an unwholesome engorgement of curdled bile. This must be some sort of terrible mistake."

I had to look up homuncul...lol

Here is the link to that story:

https://www.theonion.com/hijackers-s...ell-1819566162

Any other favorites?

10-19-2017, 03:28 PM	Topic Starter
Holladay Veteran Join Date: Sep 2000 Casino cash: $2219480	The Onion Revisisted It has been awhile since I read "The Onion". So Googled "The Best of". # 3 top "News" story is about how surprised the 9/11 hijackers were to have landed in Hell. This "quote" had me giggling... "Indeed, I do not know what they were expecting, but they certainly didn't seem prepared to be skewered from eye socket to bunghole and then placed on a spit so that their flesh could be roasted by the searing gale of flatus which issues forth from the haunches of Asmoday." It reminded me of some of our more colorful posters on CP. Here was another gem: ""I was told that these Americans were enemies of the one true religion, and that Heaven would be my reward for my noble sacrifice," said Alomari, moments before his jaw was sheared away by faceless homunculi. "But now I am forced to suckle from the 16 poisoned leathern teats of Gophahmet, Whore of Betrayal, until I burst from an unwholesome engorgement of curdled bile. This must be some sort of terrible mistake." I had to look up homuncul...lol Here is the link to that story: https://www.theonion.com/hijackers-s...ell-1819566162 Any other favorites?
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