I have created a new insect religion for mankind's benefit.

[Rain Man]

On my way to work today, I noticed a small movement on the sidewalk. As I approached, I realized that it was a bug that had somehow gotten turned upside down. It was wiggling its little arms and legs (or maybe they're all legs) helplessly, but it had no chance of righting itself.

After a moment of thought, I moved my shoe to a strategic location, and flipped the bug. While there was some skidding involved that was probably less than pleasant, the bug eventually got turned upright.

The implications of this are profound from the bug's perspective. Think about it - due to some bad Darwinian design, you're doomed. You're upside down, your thorax is exposed, and your carapace is too heavy to right yourself. Spiders and ants and wasps are inevitably bearing down on you. Your life, all two weeks of it, are flashing before your compound eye stalks.

And then suddenly out of the blue, a giant being appears, so large that you can't even see the top of it. A massive, mountain-sized foot moves toward you. But instead of crushing you, it benevolently flips you back to safety and then disappears swiftly over the horizon.

People, this is how religions are born.

If you're that bug, you now believe that there's a giant being out there looking out for you. You love the giant being. The giant being is your friend.
You're going to preach that gospel to other bugs, and you're going to tell them not to buzz the giant beings. Don't fly into their noses, don't drown yourself in their drinks. You're going to convert other bugs with your story, and peace will come in our time. People and bugs will live together in harmony.

You're welcome.

[Mennonite]

Originally Posted by Tonka83

they are smart but in fact you are the dominant species and if you don't show it or act on it, you will never score.

Yeah, but what if I don't want to **** a bug?

[ClevelandBronco]

Originally Posted by Mennonite

Yeah, but what if I don't want to **** a bug?

****ing a bug might be your only chance in life to have a penis that's not too small, dude.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by Mennonite

Yeah, but what if I don't want to **** a bug?

I got turned down once at closing time by a praying mantis. That was a close call.

[Kiimo]

This religion was already invented by John Steinback in chapter 3 of Grapes of Wrath.

[displacedinMN]

Ah. The mind of Rain Man. Never ending fun.

[Mennonite]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

I got turned down once at closing time by a praying mantis. That was a close call.

When that happens to me I just tell myself that they're probably only in to ladybugs.

[Fish]

My bug religion is the one true bug religion. I'll have words with any man who disagrees...

[loochy]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

On my way to work today, I noticed a small movement on the sidewalk. As I approached, I realized that it was a bug that had somehow gotten turned upside down. It was wiggling its little arms and legs (or maybe they're all legs) helplessly, but it had no chance of righting itself.

After a moment of thought, I moved my shoe to a strategic location, and flipped the bug. While there was some skidding involved that was probably less than pleasant, the bug eventually got turned upright.

The implications of this are profound from the bug's perspective. Think about it - due to some bad Darwinian design, you're doomed. You're upside down, your thorax is exposed, and your carapace is too heavy to right yourself. Spiders and ants and wasps are inevitably bearing down on you. Your life, all two weeks of it, are flashing before your compound eye stalks.

And then suddenly out of the blue, a giant being appears, so large that you can't even see the top of it. A massive, mountain-sized foot moves toward you. But instead of crushing you, it benevolently flips you back to safety and then disappears swiftly over the horizon.

People, this is how religions are born.

If you're that bug, you now believe that there's a giant being out there looking out for you. You love the giant being. The giant being is your friend.
You're going to preach that gospel to other bugs, and you're going to tell them not to buzz the giant beings. Don't fly into their noses, don't drown yourself in their drinks. You're going to convert other bugs with your story, and peace will come in our time. People and bugs will live together in harmony.

You're welcome.

So you're the bug's God.

What did you tell it about dinosaurs? Evolution? The Big Bang Theory?

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by Fish

My bug religion is the one true bug religion. I'll have words with any man who disagrees...

My bugs will kill any other bugs who disagree. The religion of Giant Nike Shoe is the one true religion. All bugs bow before GiNiSh.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by loochy

So you're the bug's God.

What did you tell it about dinosaurs? Evolution? The Big Bang Theory?

I prefer to let them conjecture, but I have placed exciting hints amongst them.

[Graystoke]

Go to the ant, O sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise.

[Mennonite]

Originally Posted by Fish

My bug religion is the one true bug religion. I'll have words with any man who disagrees...

My Queen, my Queen, why hast thou forsaken me?

[Mennonite]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

I prefer to let them conjecture, but I have placed exciting hints amongst them.

I can picture a bright ant archeologist rocking the insect world by reconstructing a chicken out of a bucket of KFC you discarded.

[Graystoke]

I may start writing some scriptures/proverbs if that's alright with you Rainman.
This is pretty exciting. Any idea on what insect language I should use?

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by Graystoke

I may start writing some scriptures/proverbs if that's alright with you Rainman.
This is pretty exciting. Any idea on what insect language I should use?

I'll let you have one of the chapters of my holy book. I think beetle is probably the best language to use since it's most widely spoken. If you speak beetle, you can go anywhere in the insect world and be understood.