Life I'm struggling more than I ever have

**IA_Chiefs_fan** · 07:59 PM

I'm not sure why this has affected me so deeply but it has. I can't post this on FB because it would cause pain for others. I don't really want to talk to people close to me about it.

Almost two months ago my son's on again off again girlfriend passed away in her early twenties. Thankfully they weren't going out at the time but they were talking. She's the only girl he ever loved enough to bring home to meet his parents. We don't know the cause of death. All we know is that it was sudden and unexpected.

My wife and I didn't know the girl super well but my wife was becoming closer to her via social media and text messages. We went to the girl's visitation and funeral where we meet her parents for the first time and something happened. I changed. I hurt. I know it hasn't been that long but feel like my outlook on life has permanently changed. I've dealt with the death of a teenager (cancer) who I was much closer to me and it didn't have this sort of impact on me. Maybe because it was sudden? Maybe because we don't know what happened? I know not knowing what happened is killing my son but perhaps knowing would be even worse.

I can't stop thinking about the pain the girl's parents are feeling. I'm broken hearted for my son as well but my mind keeps going to the parents. Probably because I see my son almost everyday so I can kind of keep an eye on him. The parents will occasionally message my wife and me on FB. Probably because we're good listeners and they also want to talk to someone they aren't close to. They mainly just discuss how bad they miss their daughter. These are wonderful people and I've got love for them.

I'm not really a religious person. I've just always kind of believed that if I live a good life and do good things for people, God will see that if he exists. I understand that most of you will think that's wrong or at least naive. The girl's family is very religious and they KNOW they'll see their daughter in heaven again. I'm sorry if jealous that I don't know that. Furthermore, I'm sad that I didn't instill this in my children because I can see how this helps people accept the loss slightly more easily.

I bought a new supercharged Roush pickup. I went to Las Vegas to watch UFC fights with my son, dad, and brother. I went with friends to watch MMA this past weekend. All things I normally thoroughly enjoy. I have to fake joy now. Everything seems wasteful and pointless. I'm sure time will make things better but I don't understand why this is affecting me like this. I'm typing this with tears occasionally running down my cheeks. I get a lump in my throat while thinking about it daily. **** me. Anybody been there? What helped?

WhawhaWhat · 07-24-2019, 07:51 PM

That's called depression buddy. Go talk to a therapist so they can help you get through it. It might save your life.

**IA_Chiefs_fan** · 07-24-2019, 07:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WhawhaWhat

That's called depression buddy. Go talk to a therapist so they can help you get through it. It might save your life.

I definitely don't feel dangerous to myself or anything, not even a little. I understand that I'm depressed. I'm just so confused about why it's hitting me like this.

rabblerouser · 07-24-2019, 07:54 PM

Yeah, I fight through it every single day. I made a thread, too. I feel for you, and am deeply sorry for your loss. I guess a lot of people have better advice than me, but I can tell you that you aren't alone...

**Rain Man** · 07-24-2019, 07:54 PM

I'm sorry to hear.

Empathy is powerful. It sounds like you're feeling the loss for yourself, but you're also feeling the loss for others. It's the burden you bear for being a good human being.

Deberg_1990 · 07-24-2019, 07:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IA_Chiefs_fan

I definitely don't feel dangerous to myself or anything, not even a little. I understand that I'm depressed. I'm just so confused about why it's hitting me like this.

It’s ok really be sad. Especially in a situation like this.

I’m curious though, if your fairly close to the girls parents, they never shared with you the cause of death?

BryanBusby · 07-24-2019, 07:56 PM

Sounds like you need to re-prioritize what's important in your life.

**IA_Chiefs_fan** · 07-24-2019, 08:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deberg_1990

It’s ok really be sad. Especially in a situation like this.

I’m curious though, if your fairly close to the girls parents, they never shared with you the cause of death?

I went back and edited the OP to clarify but we didn't know the parents at all until she passed away. I sure don't want to ask them.

**IA_Chiefs_fan** · 07-24-2019, 08:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BryanBusby

Sounds like you need to re-prioritize what's important in your life.

I did decide to become a more patient father at the funeral. I think I have my priorities pretty straight but maybe not??

**IA_Chiefs_fan** · 07-24-2019, 08:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rabblerouser

Yeah, I fight through it every single day. I made a thread, too. I feel for you, and am deeply sorry for your loss. I guess a lot of people have better advice than me, but I can tell you that you aren't alone...

I just found your thread and subscribed. If I figure out what helps me I'll let you know. Hang in there brother.

BryanBusby · 07-24-2019, 08:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IA_Chiefs_fan

I did decide to become a more patient father at the funeral. I think I have my priorities pretty straight but maybe not??

That line isn't to judge your parenting or your soul. Comes down to determining what really brings you peace.

jimidollar · 07-24-2019, 08:05 PM

Sorry to hear about the loss of this young woman and the effect it's had on you. I believe that time is the most important factor when it comes to healing these wounds.

As far as religion and your son, I wouldn't worry about that. I'm not religious at all. I don't pretend to know what happens when we die. However, that didn't stop me from dealing the deaths of loved ones. People handle death in their own way and you will find a way to move on. Peace.

**IA_Chiefs_fan** · 07-24-2019, 08:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BryanBusby

That line isn't to judge your parenting or your soul. Comes down to determining what really brings you peace.

Thanks for the clarification, friend. I've been trying to figure that out for 41 years. I've never really been happy. But I haven't been sad like this as an adult.

**IA_Chiefs_fan** · 07-24-2019, 08:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rain Man

I'm sorry to hear.

Empathy is powerful. It sounds like you're feeling the loss for yourself, but you're also feeling the loss for others. It's the burden you bear for being a good human being.

Thank you. Guess I'm just confused because I think I've always been a good human being and nothing's ever hit me like this before.

**Iowanian** · 07-24-2019, 08:12 PM

Check your pm.

07-24-2019, 07:47 PM
IA_Chiefs_fan Supporter Join Date: Jun 2002 Casino cash: $2439714	I'm struggling more than I ever have I'm not sure why this has affected me so deeply but it has. I can't post this on FB because it would cause pain for others. I don't really want to talk to people close to me about it. Almost two months ago my son's on again off again girlfriend passed away in her early twenties. Thankfully they weren't going out at the time but they were talking. She's the only girl he ever loved enough to bring home to meet his parents. We don't know the cause of death. All we know is that it was sudden and unexpected. My wife and I didn't know the girl super well but my wife was becoming closer to her via social media and text messages. We went to the girl's visitation and funeral where we meet her parents for the first time and something happened. I changed. I hurt. I know it hasn't been that long but feel like my outlook on life has permanently changed. I've dealt with the death of a teenager (cancer) who I was much closer to me and it didn't have this sort of impact on me. Maybe because it was sudden? Maybe because we don't know what happened? I know not knowing what happened is killing my son but perhaps knowing would be even worse. I can't stop thinking about the pain the girl's parents are feeling. I'm broken hearted for my son as well but my mind keeps going to the parents. Probably because I see my son almost everyday so I can kind of keep an eye on him. The parents will occasionally message my wife and me on FB. Probably because we're good listeners and they also want to talk to someone they aren't close to. They mainly just discuss how bad they miss their daughter. These are wonderful people and I've got love for them. I'm not really a religious person. I've just always kind of believed that if I live a good life and do good things for people, God will see that if he exists. I understand that most of you will think that's wrong or at least naive. The girl's family is very religious and they KNOW they'll see their daughter in heaven again. I'm sorry if jealous that I don't know that. Furthermore, I'm sad that I didn't instill this in my children because I can see how this helps people accept the loss slightly more easily. I bought a new supercharged Roush pickup. I went to Las Vegas to watch UFC fights with my son, dad, and brother. I went with friends to watch MMA this past weekend. All things I normally thoroughly enjoy. I have to fake joy now. Everything seems wasteful and pointless. I'm sure time will make things better but I don't understand why this is affecting me like this. I'm typing this with tears occasionally running down my cheeks. I get a lump in my throat while thinking about it daily. **** me. Anybody been there? What helped? Last edited by IA_Chiefs_fan; 07-24-2019 at 07:59 PM..
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07-24-2019, 07:51 PM	#2
WhawhaWhat MVP Join Date: Feb 2013 Casino cash: $1621116	That's called depression buddy. Go talk to a therapist so they can help you get through it. It might save your life.
Posts: 17,192	5 0

07-24-2019, 07:54 PM	#4
rabblerouser left blank intentionally Join Date: Oct 2012 Location: Belize Nuts Casino cash: $4704897	Yeah, I fight through it every single day. I made a thread, too. I feel for you, and am deeply sorry for your loss. I guess a lot of people have better advice than me, but I can tell you that you aren't alone... __________________ MY ADOPT-A-CHIEF : Jody Fortson Jr.
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07-24-2019, 07:54 PM	#5
Rain Man NFL's #1 Ermines Fan Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: My house Casino cash: $3358491 VARSITY	I'm sorry to hear. Empathy is powerful. It sounds like you're feeling the loss for yourself, but you're also feeling the loss for others. It's the burden you bear for being a good human being. __________________ I'm putting random letters here as a celebration of free speech: xigrakgrah misorojeq rkemeseit.
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07-24-2019, 07:56 PM	#7
BryanBusby In Search of a Life Join Date: Mar 2006 Casino cash: $3809900 VARSITY	Sounds like you need to re-prioritize what's important in your life.
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07-24-2019, 08:05 PM	#12
jimidollar MVP Join Date: Jul 2014 Location: Texas Casino cash: $10021632	Sorry to hear about the loss of this young woman and the effect it's had on you. I believe that time is the most important factor when it comes to healing these wounds. As far as religion and your son, I wouldn't worry about that. I'm not religious at all. I don't pretend to know what happens when we die. However, that didn't stop me from dealing the deaths of loved ones. People handle death in their own way and you will find a way to move on. Peace. __________________ -------------------- "I will have my glory day in the hot sun."- Nacho
Posts: 5,705	1 0

07-24-2019, 08:12 PM	#15
Iowanian Supporter Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Utopia Casino cash: $4788454	Check your pm.
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