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Old 09-14-2019, 11:02 PM  
carcosa carcosa is offline
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****OFFICIAL Kansas City Chiefs @ Oakland Raiders Gameday THREAD****
Wow. Can you believe it? This is going to be the last game the Kansas City Chiefs Football Team ever plays in Oakland... At least until like 2028 when the Raiders somehow move back to Oakland and are forced to play in a bowling alley. For now, though, it's goodbye... Or actually, due to the intense rivalry between the Oakland Raiders team and Chiefs team (my favorite in NFL), it's more like, if you ask me, 'SMELL YA LATER!!"

Apologies for the crass joke, but gosh, I just really dislike the Raiders football team, no matter which city they've wandered into! There are some VERY FOOLISH Raiders fans who seem to think that they have a chance due to having beaten Joe Flacco, but that is sort of like thinking you have a chance to marry singer/songwriter Kacey Musgraves because you once almost 69'd with Margaret Thatcher!!!! Ha ha ha ha anyway, they are VERY FOOLISH because the Kansas City Chiefs NFL football team is #1 best. They ARE going to go 19-0 (guaranteed!!!) and therefore the Raiders are destined to lose today. In fact, here are 19 reasons why:

1. Patrick Mahomes with one ankle is better at football than Derek Carr with three.
2. Derek Carr cries, which is perfectly fine, except he won't ADMIT IT!
3. The Raiders head coach is Jon Gruden, whose only qualification, at least as far as I can tell, is that he played a coach in a series of football-themed Hooters ads.
4. By contrast, Andy Reid has been immersed in the sport since he was a 7 foot tall, 350 pound quarterback on his pre-K flag football team.
5. The Raiders traded Khalil Mack to the Bears for one ticket to a White Sox-Orioles game!
6. The Raiders traded Amari Cooper to the Cowboys for the business card of Jerry Jones's neck wrinkle specialist!
7. The Raiders play football on a field intended for baseball. It's possible that they'll accidentally show up to the game in baseball uniforms and have to forfeit!
8. Why won't Derek Carr just admit he cries? It's a totally normal, healthy thing to do.
9. Sammy Watkins will have 10 catches for 250 yards and 4 touchdowns, and he will also manage to convince the entire Raiders defense that their helmets are beaming their innermost thoughts directly to an immortal space demon who lives on the rings around Saturn!
10. Speaking of helmets, remember when Antonio Brown faked a full-on mental breakdown just to get off of the Raiders??? Ha ha ha ha ha
11. Seriously, I'm worried that Derek Carr has some emotional issues that he needs to work through... They're probably affecting his play!
12. Dustin Colquitt no longer needs to punt and he has been using his free time to invent a frequency transmitter that will cause every Raiders player, coach, and fan to simultaneously shit and piss their pants!
13. He will only unleash the frequency in case of emergency (Raiders within 21 in the 4th quarter)
14. Can you imagine Derek Carr suddenly pissing and shitting himself? God he'd be so embarrassed and have no healthy way of dealing with it!
15. Travis Kelce will also have 10 catches for 250 yards and 4 touchdowns, but instead of planting insane theories in the Raiders' brains, he will simply make a dismissive Jack Off Motion at them, crushing their collective will to live.
16. DEREK. PLEASE. LET'S TALK. IT'S OKAY TO CRY!!!
17. Who else is even on the Raiders?
18. Who cares?????
19. PATRICK MAHOMES IS THE CHOSEN QUARTERBACK!!!!!

CHIEFS TEAM #1 FOOTBALL PALS OF NFL!!!!!

THEY SHALL WIN THE GAME TODAY!!!!!!!!

LET'S GET SOME POSITIVE THUMBS UPS GOING IN THE THREAD!!!!!!

YES!!!!!

thank you!
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Old 09-14-2019, 11:04 PM   #2
MMXcalibur MMXcalibur is offline
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Old 09-14-2019, 11:08 PM   #3
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Old 09-14-2019, 11:08 PM   #4
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Old 09-14-2019, 11:10 PM   #5
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Old 09-14-2019, 11:11 PM   #6
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Good thread. Well, done, Carcosa, you magnificent bastard!
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Old 09-14-2019, 11:14 PM   #7
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Old 09-14-2019, 11:19 PM   #8
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Old 09-14-2019, 11:22 PM   #9
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9. Sammy Watkins will have 10 catches for 250 yards and 4 touchdowns, and he will also manage to convince the entire Raiders defense that their helmets are beaming their innermost thoughts directly to an immortal space demon who lives on the rings around Saturn!!
And the name of that immortal space demon is...PATRICK MAHOMES!!!

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Old 09-14-2019, 11:29 PM   #10
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Well done Mr Carcosa.

Chiefs win.
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Old 09-14-2019, 11:29 PM   #11
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Chiefs (x + 30), Raiders (x)

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X= 17
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Old 09-14-2019, 11:32 PM   #12
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Old 09-14-2019, 11:44 PM   #13
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Carcosa with another 19 good reasons why the Chiefs will be VICTORIOUS!

Prepare for an influx of victory jizz reps around 7:30 EST Time tomorrow night!!!!!
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Old 09-14-2019, 11:44 PM   #14
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Old 09-14-2019, 11:47 PM   #15
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Carcosa with another 19 good reasons why the Chiefs will be VICTORIOUS!

Prepare for an influx of victory jizz reps around 7:30 EST Time tomorrow night!!!!!
Do it on my chest plz
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