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Old 07-18-2019, 10:19 AM  
Rain Man Rain Man is offline
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I have created a new insect religion for mankind's benefit.

On my way to work today, I noticed a small movement on the sidewalk. As I approached, I realized that it was a bug that had somehow gotten turned upside down. It was wiggling its little arms and legs (or maybe they're all legs) helplessly, but it had no chance of righting itself.

After a moment of thought, I moved my shoe to a strategic location, and flipped the bug. While there was some skidding involved that was probably less than pleasant, the bug eventually got turned upright.

The implications of this are profound from the bug's perspective. Think about it - due to some bad Darwinian design, you're doomed. You're upside down, your thorax is exposed, and your carapace is too heavy to right yourself. Spiders and ants and wasps are inevitably bearing down on you. Your life, all two weeks of it, are flashing before your compound eye stalks.

And then suddenly out of the blue, a giant being appears, so large that you can't even see the top of it. A massive, mountain-sized foot moves toward you. But instead of crushing you, it benevolently flips you back to safety and then disappears swiftly over the horizon.

People, this is how religions are born.

If you're that bug, you now believe that there's a giant being out there looking out for you. You love the giant being. The giant being is your friend.
You're going to preach that gospel to other bugs, and you're going to tell them not to buzz the giant beings. Don't fly into their noses, don't drown yourself in their drinks. You're going to convert other bugs with your story, and peace will come in our time. People and bugs will live together in harmony.

You're welcome.
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Old 07-18-2019, 02:51 PM   #46
mlyonsd mlyonsd is online now
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How long will this bug transformation to nice bug take?

The gnats are bad as **** right now and I may start murdering them with spray. Not sure how that will sit with the new reformed bug movement.
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Old 07-18-2019, 03:58 PM   #47
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Originally Posted by DJJasonp View Post
Is your religion one where the bugs can depict you in drawings?
I welcome it. It helps spread the word and will keep me from getting mosquito bites.
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Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 07-18-2019, 03:59 PM   #48
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Originally Posted by mlyonsd View Post
How long will this bug transformation to nice bug take?

The gnats are bad as **** right now and I may start murdering them with spray. Not sure how that will sit with the new reformed bug movement.
Now that they have religion, you do not want to become their devil. I would advise you to wait for word to spread. It may take a few thousand years.
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Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 07-18-2019, 06:51 PM   #49
GloryDayz GloryDayz is offline
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They do the mutilation thing, right?

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Old 07-18-2019, 08:38 PM   #50
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Originally Posted by GloryDayz View Post
They do the mutilation thing, right?
They were lost and directionless until I brought order to their world. Now they know their way.
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Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 07-18-2019, 08:49 PM   #51
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I never even managed to become anything: neither wicked nor good, neither a hero nor an insect. And now I am living out my life in my corner, taunting myself with the spiteful and utterly futile consolation that it is even impossible for an intelligent man seriously to become anything, and only fools become something.* I wanted many times to become an insect, but was not deemed worthy even of that!
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Old 07-18-2019, 08:59 PM   #52
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I never even managed to become anything: neither wicked nor good, neither a hero nor an insect. And now I am living out my life in my corner, taunting myself with the spiteful and utterly futile consolation that it is even impossible for an intelligent man seriously to become anything, and only fools become something.* I wanted many times to become an insect, but was not deemed worthy even of that!
My new religion has spawned its first philosopher. This is a big step.
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Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 07-18-2019, 09:05 PM   #53
KS Smitty KS Smitty is offline
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Oh ye of little faith. I saved the bug, and the bugs shall save me.
I'm sure they have already sung the benevolent praises of the Rainman to their brethren the cockroach, silverfish, termite and housefly. They shall search for the House of Rainman and enter the holy site to worship and exalt in his presence.
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Old 07-18-2019, 09:56 PM   #54
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Originally Posted by KS Smitty View Post
I'm sure they have already sung the benevolent praises of the Rainman to their brethren the cockroach, silverfish, termite and housefly. They shall search for the House of Rainman and enter the holy site to worship and exalt in his presence.
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Old 07-18-2019, 10:30 PM   #55
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Old 07-19-2019, 12:14 AM   #56
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Originally Posted by KS Smitty View Post
I'm sure they have already sung the benevolent praises of the Rainman to their brethren the cockroach, silverfish, termite and housefly. They shall search for the House of Rainman and enter the holy site to worship and exalt in his presence.
I was just thinking with Rainman inviting all the bugs into his home the arachnids are going to breech his border walls. brown recluse, black widow and funnel spiders love bugs its like their prime rib.
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Old 07-19-2019, 12:17 AM   #57
Rain Man Rain Man is offline
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Originally Posted by KS Smitty View Post
I'm sure they have already sung the benevolent praises of the Rainman to their brethren the cockroach, silverfish, termite and housefly. They shall search for the House of Rainman and enter the holy site to worship and exalt in his presence.
It's a big tent. As long as they worship and respect the Giant Nike Shoe, they will do no harm.
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Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.Rain Man is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 07-19-2019, 05:05 AM   #58
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You’re good from here on out. If something bad happens to bug (or other bugs), they deserved it for sinning. If something good happens, Rainman be praised!

Will be interested to see how you handle bugs thanking you for bug-related sporting event wins.
100% chance this bug goes on to be the Hitler of its kind. Thanks Rainman!
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Old 07-19-2019, 06:46 AM   #59
mlyonsd mlyonsd is online now
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Now that they have religion, you do not want to become their devil. I would advise you to wait for word to spread. It may take a few thousand years.
Too late. God help us all.
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Old 07-19-2019, 06:58 AM   #60
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Last week I was gassing my car and a wasp was crawling on the ground by my foot. I considered crushing it, but ultimately decided not to since it wasn’t a yellow jacket or a hornet. Two minutes later I’m making a turn onto a busy road where I have to move fast and time things so I can get over 3 lanes in a hurry, when I feel something crawling on my neck. While turning the wheel and accelerating I went to brush it away and my hand recognized it as a wasp just as it stung me on my sunburnt neck. Somehow I managed to not wreck my car. Also couldn’t find the wasp while driving until I had stopped and gotten out, at which time I ended the life of that ungrateful mother****er. This felt like the right place to tell this story.
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