Are you planning to help storm Area 51?

[Rain Man]

I'll grudgingly link cnn to support journalism even though they fill their page with ads and noise.

The short version is that over 300,000 people have signed up for an event on Facebook to storm Area 51 so they can see what's inside. I suspect that most will be killed, eaten, or cast off into alternate universes, but I'm hoping that a few will make it back out to share their findings.

https://www.cnn.com/2019/07/11/us/al...rnd/index.html

[mlyonsd]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

If the invaders have a force of 300,000, I'd guess their forces to be composted of the following types of troops.

100,000 overweight aimless young guys who don't go outside very often.
70,000 overweight young guys who don't go outside very often, but have extensive experience playing Call of Duty.
40,000 guys with extensive Dungeons and Dragons experience.
25,000 guys who wear tin foil hats and write rants on their blog that has fewer than ten readers
20,000 women who fall proportionately into the above categories.
15,000 people who have been to Burning Man.
12,000 people who just want to loot the place.
5,000 engineers who are legit curious.
5,000 ex-military people who have seen things.
3,000 people who just like being around killings.
2,000 people who just always say yes to stuff.
1,000 PETA people who are hoping to free the aliens.
1,000 idealist dreamers who program in linux and want to release alien technology to all of mankind.
500 people who are wanting to try out their new drones.
300 undocumented migrants who got lost crossing the border
200 South African mercenaries (recruited through gofundme)
100 imbedded journalists
20 ranchers looking for lost cattle
That one former astronaut who writes about alien stuff
That guy who's in the "I'm not saying it's aliens, but..." meme
Randy Quaid
1 hot chick

So how can we come up with a good strategy to best use their individual strengths?

I think we'd be better off assembling that team incognito without publicizing it and storm Fort Knox.

What would be the better goal? I don't really care about aliens. I can't change that.

[WhiteWhale]

Originally Posted by El Lobo Gordo

We're rigging the votes too. I forgot to mention that.

But I DO still get the sex robot right?

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by mlyonsd

I think we'd be better off assembling that team incognito without publicizing it and storm Fort Knox.

What would be the better goal? I don't really care about aliens. I can't change that.

If you do that, we'll have to kick out the imbedded journalists and Randy Quaid. Can we handle that loss of force?

[Naptown Chief]

Originally Posted by El Lobo Gordo

Our plans are not that violent. Violence is stupid. Were going to use birth control, lack of socialization, pornography, and sex robots to dramatically lower fertility rates. You're going extinct and you won't even know it or care.

Originally Posted by Rain Man

Care? Most people would vote for that.

Originally Posted by El Lobo Gordo

We're rigging the votes too. I forgot to mention that.

Originally Posted by WhiteWhale

But I DO still get the sex robot right?

Perhaps we should storm a sex robot manufacturer instead?

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by Naptown Chief

Perhaps we should storm a sex robot manufacturer instead?

Absolutely not. We want them to continue their work unhindered.

[mlyonsd]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

If you do that, we'll have to kick out the imbedded journalists and Randy Quaid. Can we handle that loss of force?

The journalists yes. Replace Quaid with one more hot chick.

[WhiteWhale]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

If the invaders have a force of 300,000, I'd guess their forces to be composted of the following types of troops.

100,000 overweight aimless young guys who don't go outside very often.
70,000 overweight young guys who don't go outside very often, but have extensive experience playing Call of Duty.
40,000 guys with extensive Dungeons and Dragons experience.
25,000 guys who wear tin foil hats and write rants on their blog that has fewer than ten readers
20,000 women who fall proportionately into the above categories.
15,000 people who have been to Burning Man.
12,000 people who just want to loot the place.
5,000 engineers who are legit curious.
5,000 ex-military people who have seen things.
3,000 people who just like being around killings.
2,000 people who just always say yes to stuff.
1,000 PETA people who are hoping to free the aliens.
1,000 idealist dreamers who program in linux and want to release alien technology to all of mankind.
500 people who are wanting to try out their new drones.
300 undocumented migrants who got lost crossing the border
200 South African mercenaries (recruited through gofundme)
100 imbedded journalists
20 ranchers looking for lost cattle
That one former astronaut who writes about alien stuff
That guy who's in the "I'm not saying it's aliens, but..." meme
Randy Quaid
1 hot chick

So how can we come up with a good strategy to best use their individual strengths?

Well you have 100K meat shields. Given their added girth, they should excell at absorbing bullets until the main forces can attack. Lard is flammable, so we must be aware of potential fire attacks from those government pigs.

70K guys who THINK they're capable. This is good. We can use them as sacrificial pawns in some kind of feint maneuver.

40K D&D players are tough. I think if we maximize their rolls they may be able to summon an abadon or some shit. Their individual combat skills are pretty bad, but as long as their 10 sided di are functioning, they can probably use light of hope to destroy any aliens possessing evil in their souls. (I know nothing about D&D... and only D&D people would notice that)

25K of those clowns is probably useless, but we can make use of their collective tin foil mass to create an amplifying mirror to reflect the Light of hope produced if our D and D players can just get some ****ing max rolls.

The 20K women can be positioned with their male counter parts. Except the D&D players. I think the presence of women will be too much of an unusual distraction. Female D and D players will be positioned with the tinfoil mirror.

Now the 15K hippies will be positioned with the initial meat-shield. Because **** them.

12K looters is an optimistic turnout, but that's fine. They'll occupy the rear ranks to make sure any alien technology is removed from the hands of our evil government.

5,000 engineers will not see combat. Ridiculous. They'll have to reverse engineer all of this awesome alien technology. Too valuable. Smart people aren't in abundance in our army, better try and preserve them. I feel like there's a lot of crossover here and the CoD guys. Only engineers with call of duty experience can fight. Yeah. That'll be fine.

Our 5K ex military PTSD crowd... yeah... honestly I'm just not going to do that one. XD

Now the crazy people who like to see people die will join the meat shield.

Your 2000 agreeable clowns will be given duties like suicide bombing the front gate.

The Peta people will be kept around just in case our army of morons gets lost in the desert and needs some livestock.

We gotta keep the programmers around just like the engineers. Someone has to reverse engineer all of the damn alien tech that's bound to be there!

I think the rest can just make up the officer class and just really give orders.





If I've organized my forces properly, they SHOULD all be killed down to the last man. As long as Randy Quaid is the the General. Not his character from Independence day. No way. The real Randy Quaid is MUCH crazier.

[displacedinMN]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

The more I think about it, the more I think that Facebook should invade Denver International Airport. It's easier to reach and there's a Panda Express for supply purposes. And we know that's where the cool stuff is now.

After eating at Panda Express-would they have to invade again 30 minutes later?

[Naptown Chief]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

Absolutely not. We want them to continue their work unhindered.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by displacedinMN

After eating at Panda Express-would they have to invade again 30 minutes later?

I doubt that the battle would last 30 minutes, so we're good.

[El Lobo Gordo]

Originally Posted by WhiteWhale

But I DO still get the sex robot right?

For sure! Were even planing models with detachable vagina's that will fit in your carry-on bag! You know, just in case plan A fails and we need to haul y'all to concentration camps.

[Rain Man]

I like a lot of elements of white whale's plan, but I would offer a few revisions for consideration.

I think the 75,000 CoD experts are our main sacrificial force. They're going to be aggressive and noisy since they'll be yelling at each other a lot. The Area 51 defenders will concentrate on these guys as the point of the spear. The 100,000 low achievers will then slowly tighten a noose from 3 directions while the CoD guys take the brunt of the firepower from the fourth direction.

I think the psychos are our main fighting force. They're going to be motivated by their own self-validation and they're going to take this very seriously. You can combine them with the 3,000 people who enjoy killing, and they're a force to be reckoned with. As white whale said, you have them lead in the looters who will efficiently and effectively pack out anything in the facility. I think the PETA people could help with that as well.

You then have the South African mercenaries and ranchers manage the egress, because those people will survive anything. They can set up the Burning Man people in defensive formations to slow down any pursuit.

[WhiteWhale]

Originally Posted by El Lobo Gordo

For sure! Were even planing models with detachable vagina's that will fit in your carry-on bag! You know, just in case plan A fails and we need to haul y'all to concentration camps.

Do I get to at least keep the robot vagina in my concentration camp?

[WhiteWhale]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

I like a lot of elements of white whale's plan, but I would offer a few revisions for consideration.

I think the 75,000 CoD experts are our main sacrificial force. They're going to be aggressive and noisy since they'll be yelling at each other a lot. The Area 51 defenders will concentrate on these guys as the point of the spear. The 100,000 low achievers will then slowly tighten a noose from 3 directions while the CoD guys take the brunt of the firepower from the fourth direction.

I think the psychos are our main fighting force. They're going to be motivated by their own self-validation and they're going to take this very seriously. You can combine them with the 3,000 people who enjoy killing, and they're a force to be reckoned with. As white whale said, you have them lead in the looters who will efficiently and effectively pack out anything in the facility. I think the PETA people could help with that as well.

You then have the South African mercenaries and ranchers manage the egress, because those people will survive anything. They can set up the Burning Man people in defensive formations to slow down any pursuit.

I mean the real back breaker is if those D&D guys can get good rolls. The whole battle hinges on it.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by WhiteWhale

I mean the real back breaker is if those D&D guys can get good rolls. The whole battle hinges on it.

They are indeed the wild card. But I think they're the recon force since they'll be the best at mapping and quickly diagnosing the nature of the enemy.

We might also need to imbed some of them into other units since they'll have language spells and healing potions and stuff.