Quote:
Originally Posted by Rain Man
If the invaders have a force of 300,000, I'd guess their forces to be composted of the following types of troops.
100,000 overweight aimless young guys who don't go outside very often.
70,000 overweight young guys who don't go outside very often, but have extensive experience playing Call of Duty.
40,000 guys with extensive Dungeons and Dragons experience.
25,000 guys who wear tin foil hats and write rants on their blog that has fewer than ten readers
20,000 women who fall proportionately into the above categories.
15,000 people who have been to Burning Man.
12,000 people who just want to loot the place.
5,000 engineers who are legit curious.
5,000 ex-military people who have seen things.
3,000 people who just like being around killings.
2,000 people who just always say yes to stuff.
1,000 PETA people who are hoping to free the aliens.
1,000 idealist dreamers who program in linux and want to release alien technology to all of mankind.
500 people who are wanting to try out their new drones.
300 undocumented migrants who got lost crossing the border
200 South African mercenaries (recruited through gofundme)
100 imbedded journalists
20 ranchers looking for lost cattle
That one former astronaut who writes about alien stuff
That guy who's in the "I'm not saying it's aliens, but..." meme
Randy Quaid
1 hot chick
So how can we come up with a good strategy to best use their individual strengths?
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Well you have 100K meat shields. Given their added girth, they should excell at absorbing bullets until the main forces can attack. Lard is flammable, so we must be aware of potential fire attacks from those government pigs.
70K guys who THINK they're capable. This is good. We can use them as sacrificial pawns in some kind of feint maneuver.
40K D&D players are tough. I think if we maximize their rolls they may be able to summon an abadon or some shit. Their individual combat skills are pretty bad, but as long as their 10 sided di are functioning, they can probably use light of hope to destroy any aliens possessing evil in their souls. (I know nothing about D&D... and only D&D people would notice that)
25K of those clowns is probably useless, but we can make use of their collective tin foil mass to create an amplifying mirror to reflect the Light of hope produced if our D and D players can just get some ****ing max rolls.
The 20K women can be positioned with their male counter parts. Except the D&D players. I think the presence of women will be too much of an unusual distraction. Female D and D players will be positioned with the tinfoil mirror.
Now the 15K hippies will be positioned with the initial meat-shield. Because **** them.
12K looters is an optimistic turnout, but that's fine. They'll occupy the rear ranks to make sure any alien technology is removed from the hands of our evil government.
5,000 engineers will not see combat. Ridiculous. They'll have to reverse engineer all of this awesome alien technology. Too valuable. Smart people aren't in abundance in our army, better try and preserve them. I feel like there's a lot of crossover here and the CoD guys. Only engineers with call of duty experience can fight. Yeah. That'll be fine.
Our 5K ex military PTSD crowd... yeah... honestly I'm just not going to do that one. XD
Now the crazy people who like to see people die will join the meat shield.
Your 2000 agreeable clowns will be given duties like suicide bombing the front gate.
The Peta people will be kept around just in case our army of morons gets lost in the desert and needs some livestock.
We gotta keep the programmers around just like the engineers. Someone has to reverse engineer all of the damn alien tech that's bound to be there!
I think the rest can just make up the officer class and just really give orders.
If I've organized my forces properly, they SHOULD all be killed down to the last man. As long as Randy Quaid is the the General. Not his character from Independence day. No way. The real Randy Quaid is MUCH crazier.