Originally Posted by frazod
72. patteeu
Patteeu must be a retired lawyer. Nothing else makes sense. No one else could possibly have the time to argue about anything and everything, all the time, be so skilled at it, and get off on it so much. Some people lust for life. Patty lusts for strife. If strife was hot dogs, he'd be Takeru Kobayashi. If strife was blueberry pie vomit, he'd be Lard Ass Logan. Patty wants everybody fighting everybody else, constantly. He prefers political arguments, but any old fight will do. If you're an annoying troll, DaFace and/or Flopnuts may eventually be your personal savior, but patteeu is your champion. You complete him.
Patty's darkest day came in 2004, when he and the rest of the politards were cast down to the infernal reaches of the DC forum. And while our own little Lucifer has resigned himself to ruling in Hell (at least over the neocons), he still longs for a forum reunification, where football threads are buried beneath an avalanche of political crap, everybody is furious, and he is pleased enough to nearly remember what sexual arousal was like. In the meantime, he fans the flames of discontent in the main forum whenever an opportunity presents itself.
Pros: Despite championing anarchists on ChiefsPlanet, he is himself deeply conservative and a stalwart Republican, but really only in the stodgy, greedy big business sense. Not a big religion or NRA type of Republican. Although he did rush out to buy his first shotgun and tried his hand at hunting as soon as he heard about Dick Cheney shooting that guy in the face. Supports the troops, as long as that really doesn't entail him doing anything. Or giving them anything. Or talking to them. Or being around them. Eww. And there was a time when you'd have had to pay $400 an hour to listen to his crap, but now you get it for free!
Cons: Just because he goes to bat for you, doesn't mean he likes you. You are a vessel full of strife, and when the strife is exhausted, just as a junkie discards the empty baggie, you are of no further use to him. And his strife fix is sated via the internet, and not needed or requested in his rigidly-ordered real life. Just because he argued with Phobia for six months about the injustices of you getting banned doesn't mean you're friends, buster. Don't try to come to his gated community - he will call security.
Outlook: The world's going to hell in a handbasket, and patteeu's loving it! Expect more of the same. Over and over and over.
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