Inaugural Press Conference
GM Kellerfox: “greetings fellow football aficionados of Chiefs Planet. Today, I am pleased to introduce to you the Tacoma Trash Pandas.”
(Curtain drops on the stage behind Kellerfox revealing a massive Racoon logo)
“The new expansion franchise is backed by a core investment group led by MacKenzie Scott (wanting to one-up her ex-husband Jeff Bezos by owning an NFL franchise first), Bill Gates, Tony Parker, and the estate of late rapper DMX.”
Building on Scott’s and Gates’s philanthropic backgrounds, the team has decided to locate in Tacoma, WA in an effort to spurn economic development and opportunity in Washington’s “forgotten” big city. Tacoma is largely comprised of hard working blue collar individuals, and our bargain-bin market analysis suggests that some of them may be football fans. Give the amount of “f**k you” money our two leads have, they elect to build the new stadium 100% through private funding. Although neither one does it for the press or publicity, their marketing teams quietly ensure the club gets full credit and recognition for their “generous donation” into the community.